Bf just doesnt seem to want sex, but he will masterbate

Hi everyone,

Jumping on this site I have seen that many other women are plagued with the same problem I have. Many much worse than mine, but I would like to pose the question once again, because I am at the end of my tether.

To begin, we are both 23,we have been together almost 3 years and I love him dearly. I am fit and very willing to please in the bedroom, he is lazy and quite large now. We met when I had become homeless, he picked me up and brought me back to life. the sex was incredible for the first few months. His work is mentally draining though and after 4 months the sex very quickly became lazy, I had to initiate and do all of the work, we went from having sex 8 times a week to 4 then to once a week, soon it was once a fortnight and in the end once a month. he stayed out drinking with mates most nights and very soon there was no room left for me in the relationship. we didnt have sex for two months at the end of a year togehter, I was litterally laying myself out half naked begging for it most nights of the week and still "not tonight hun"

afetr begging an pleading him to get help for drinking and emotional issues, I couldnt watch him destroy himself anylonger, I hated and still hate myself for leaving him soon after the one year mark.

He begged me to come back to him, I stayed strong for the first month, but he is manipulative by nature and managed to take advantage of my long stint without sex by offering it. I fell for it hook and sinker. The relationship was fine for a few months while i wasnt living with him, but the sex was still lazy, im always on top and no matter how sensitively I asked (and even though he told me he enjoyed it) he would never reciprocate oral.

In an awful moment I was made homeless again and he and his housemate mercifully took me in. since then we have been back to once a fortnight or once a week, the sex is always quiet, even when the housemate is out of the house, he never gives oral, and flatly refuses to let me give it to him anymore, he wont watch porn in front of me even if I encourage it (I made a point to him early in the relationship that I was offended by the demeaning nature of it and to his credit he stopped watching it infront of me)

He refuses to take suppliments to help, and all the fancy nickers and comeons in the world just leave me feeling empty and rejected at the end of the day when he flat out tells me "not tonight".

Its coming up to 3 years in a few months and I have never been unfaithful to anyone, but the lack of intimacy coupled with the incredible weight of sexual insecurity being with this man has caused me extreame guilt for wanting a more sexually available partner and I have resented him for wasting my best years.

Talking is not helping, when I do it makes it weeks between sex instead of days, and I constantly find tissues soaked with fresh jizz so I know hes not impudent.

I just dont know what to do. They say you can judge a relationship by the sex, and well theres not alot left in it. Im bored,guilty, depressed, unsatisfied, feeling unattractive and just downright miserable because I owe this man my life, and I cant even get him up.