I have 24 years old daughter that has recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features and she is now hospitalized. As I was explained she would be on some antidepressants and mood stabilizations therapy that takes about few weeks to start reacting and than if it is all ok, she would get back home. But I still don't get anything she just seemed all fine until this happened and now this thing with bipolar disorder with psychotic features –I wonder if this could be only an episode or it will still keep going this way?
My daughter has the same diagnose –bipolar disorder with psychotic features and she was hospitalized 3 times already in almost 10 years after being diagnosed and she is now 34. Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychotic features almost always demands patient's hospitalization under the antipsychotic drugs though much of them could be having some serious side effects such as hypertension –it was the case with my daughter. She is still on antidepressants and mood stabilizations for it is not like she could go on without taking them even after being out of the hospital. And also you may count on periodic bipolar disorder relapses for it is very frequent, in my daughter the bipolar disorder with psychotic features returns regularly on each third year and always in October.
With Bipolar Disorder, it’s important that you have supportive friends and family. A lot of the time, when you go into mania, your mind goes far away from reality and you don’t realize it. For me, when someone told me I was acting strange or needed to take my medicine, I felt like they were foolish or against me . They were trying to ruin the plan/mission that was running through my head. It was like I was right, and didn’t trust anyone who questioned it. Luckily, I would usually take my medicine because I thought it was helping me, secretly, to survive. I didn’t realize it was slowly reversing my psychosis and bringing me back to myself. I would often think that I knew what people were thinking just by the way they looked at me, or what they would say. I would start to trust them and think they were on my side. A lot of the time, I would be convinced they were my enemy, just because that’s what my mind was set on. People were either on my side or against me. I would become paranoid a lot. Some nights, I would lye in bed knowing my heart would soon stop and I would be dead. I would mentally prepare myself because I just knew I was going to be killed, even beheaded. Every close person in my life, at some point, was pure evil and the devil themself. It's a rollercoaster. So with me, mania wasn’t always just grandiose feelings of, excitement and being on top of the world. It would often turn into symptoms that are a lot like schizophrenia, "psychotic symptoms".
The things that are important to me in my normal life become the things that I obsess over when manic. My belief in Christianity, and the bible, and in music would turn into its own world in my mind. At times I would believe that I was special or chosen, even god himself. Then, because I thought I was God, I would believe I was the devil. This is often a common occurrence. Also, people on T.V. and songs on the radio would be messages to me or all about ME. Most of the time, I would think that I was meant to be famous, a singer that would change the world. I thought all the famous artists now were somehow my friends and were somehow helping me. Or there would be a certain celebrity that was my best friend and everyone else was against me. They would often change in my head. Thankfully, my family was there as I fought a battle in my head that didn’t exist. Now that I’m better, I can look back and remember a lot of what I was feeling and know it wasn’t real. I ask family if they could tell I wasn’t right and they could. They wouldn’t be able to get me to understand it at the time though.
Once the mania began to wear off, my mood would soon turn to disappointment, hopelessness, loneliness, unmotivated, and worthless. I would realize that I wasn’t meant to be famous or people weren’t really on my side and reality wasn’t centered around me. I would become distant as I took in the fact that I had been living in a false reality and lying to myself over and over. I would then realize that people close to me were right. As the depression replaced the mania, the world became lifeless, unexciting, and there was know wild, action packed, top secret mission, or me becoming a savior to the world, in my future. It’s then I would turn to God for help. I would pray, and cry, and ask him over and over to deliver me from the pain and sorrow. I would take my medicine with hopes that it WOULD HELP. It becomes tireless. The Doctor would put me on one medicine, and weeks later I would feel the same. We would then try another combination. Through this whole transition from moods, I would be in and out of the hospital. 5 – 8 days I would stay, at a time. Once I was stable enough, and staying active in group therapy/recreation, I would get the okay to go home. Unfortunately, my Mom tells me that during this time, I am very good at convincing the doctors I am well. I would tell them everything they wanted to here and make myself appear to be in perfect shape with the hopes that I could get out. I would think they had captured me at times, and I would think they were protecting me at other times. It’s a long process. Some of the Doctors were foolish to me or against me, yet some of the nurses were on my side, helping me. I would get to go home but would soon return. Slowly, the medicine would begin working, as the mania drifted away and I was left in depression. This is much harder to handle, in my opinion. I become extremely fragile, life becomes harder than ever, and it is SO IMPORTANT at this time to have supportive friends and family. The last time I was in the hospital, I agreed to go because I didn’t trust myself. I was so low that I didn’t know if I would take my own life. Now I’m here to tell you that after going through hundred of dollars of medicines, and back and forth to doctors appointments, I’m finally stabalized. I’m not in a deep depression and I can distinguish my reality from when I was manic, to now. Although, I still lack some ambition, and the medicine makes me groggy. They say the depression can last for weeks, or months, even years. And I still feel it somewhat, but not nearly as bad. Nowadays, I just keep up with my psychiatrist and therapist appointments. I mend bruised relationships from friends and families. I take responsibility for any reckless behavior or bad decisions. As a result of my last episode over the spring/summer of 2009, I have quite a bit to make up for. I walked out on my great job at Wal-Mart and still can’t find work. I wasted over $500 I had saved on a trip (secret, "God's Witness" mission) to California that was both dangerous and pointless. I now have to gain back the trust of my Dad and his side of the family, after they backed out of my life and ignored me most of the summer, due somewhat to my behavior. I believe my illness WAS an excuse for my behavior. I can remember most of what I was thinking, and it was far from reality.Luckily, my Mom and her side of the family were there, supporting me all the way and are now trying to help me get back on my feet. I missed my last final at College. This dropped my GPA but I’m still in good standings, thankfully. I didn’t feel well enough to return this fall but hope to by January or next fall. I also had to deal with vandalizing a church and having a misdemeanor on my record. I also made the front page of the paper and the nightly news for it. People that know me knew I was sick, and that’s all that matters. The church didn’t press charges but the insurance company, who cleaned it up, did. I’m on a year of probation until September 2010.
So, as you can see, this disease doesn’t only affect one person and their mind, but also much more. The person's job, schooling, money, friends, family, future, and even there life, is at risk. I’ve realized that there is hope in medicine and the support of friends and family. I had to pick myself back up in high school , after dropping out due to the illness, and I hope I can do it again. Most of all, I’m extremely grateful for a God who has pulled me though everything and answered so many prayers! I hope this can help you understand Bipolar Disorder, first hand, and maybe help someone else. There IS HOPE in medication. Don't give up on your loved one because it means EVERYTHING for you to be there for them. I would have given up on myself with out all of the encouragement. Find a good psychiatrists who watches your moods carefully and changes medication/doses as needed. Bipolar people are often uncomfortable sharing what has went through their mind. Find a therapist that will listen and encourage. These are just a few things I know have helped me. Hope this helps - thanks for reading! God Bless
The things that are important to me in my normal life become the things that I obsess over when manic. My belief in Christianity, and the bible, and in music would turn into its own world in my mind. At times I would believe that I was special or chosen, even god himself. Then, because I thought I was God, I would believe I was the devil. This is often a common occurrence. Also, people on T.V. and songs on the radio would be messages to me or all about ME. Most of the time, I would think that I was meant to be famous, a singer that would change the world. I thought all the famous artists now were somehow my friends and were somehow helping me. Or there would be a certain celebrity that was my best friend and everyone else was against me. They would often change in my head. Thankfully, my family was there as I fought a battle in my head that didn’t exist. Now that I’m better, I can look back and remember a lot of what I was feeling and know it wasn’t real. I ask family if they could tell I wasn’t right and they could. They wouldn’t be able to get me to understand it at the time though.
Once the mania began to wear off, my mood would soon turn to disappointment, hopelessness, loneliness, unmotivated, and worthless. I would realize that I wasn’t meant to be famous or people weren’t really on my side and reality wasn’t centered around me. I would become distant as I took in the fact that I had been living in a false reality and lying to myself over and over. I would then realize that people close to me were right. As the depression replaced the mania, the world became lifeless, unexciting, and there was know wild, action packed, top secret mission, or me becoming a savior to the world, in my future. It’s then I would turn to God for help. I would pray, and cry, and ask him over and over to deliver me from the pain and sorrow. I would take my medicine with hopes that it WOULD HELP. It becomes tireless. The Doctor would put me on one medicine, and weeks later I would feel the same. We would then try another combination. Through this whole transition from moods, I would be in and out of the hospital. 5 – 8 days I would stay, at a time. Once I was stable enough, and staying active in group therapy/recreation, I would get the okay to go home. Unfortunately, my Mom tells me that during this time, I am very good at convincing the doctors I am well. I would tell them everything they wanted to here and make myself appear to be in perfect shape with the hopes that I could get out. I would think they had captured me at times, and I would think they were protecting me at other times. It’s a long process. Some of the Doctors were foolish to me or against me, yet some of the nurses were on my side, helping me. I would get to go home but would soon return. Slowly, the medicine would begin working, as the mania drifted away and I was left in depression. This is much harder to handle, in my opinion. I become extremely fragile, life becomes harder than ever, and it is SO IMPORTANT at this time to have supportive friends and family. The last time I was in the hospital, I agreed to go because I didn’t trust myself. I was so low that I didn’t know if I would take my own life. Now I’m here to tell you that after going through hundred of dollars of medicines, and back and forth to doctors appointments, I’m finally stabalized. I’m not in a deep depression and I can distinguish my reality from when I was manic, to now. Although, I still lack some ambition, and the medicine makes me groggy. They say the depression can last for weeks, or months, even years. And I still feel it somewhat, but not nearly as bad. Nowadays, I just keep up with my psychiatrist and therapist appointments. I mend bruised relationships from friends and families. I take responsibility for any reckless behavior or bad decisions. As a result of my last episode over the spring/summer of 2009, I have quite a bit to make up for. I walked out on my great job at Wal-Mart and still can’t find work. I wasted over $500 I had saved on a trip (secret, "God's Witness" mission) to California that was both dangerous and pointless. I now have to gain back the trust of my Dad and his side of the family, after they backed out of my life and ignored me most of the summer, due somewhat to my behavior. I believe my illness WAS an excuse for my behavior. I can remember most of what I was thinking, and it was far from reality.Luckily, my Mom and her side of the family were there, supporting me all the way and are now trying to help me get back on my feet. I missed my last final at College. This dropped my GPA but I’m still in good standings, thankfully. I didn’t feel well enough to return this fall but hope to by January or next fall. I also had to deal with vandalizing a church and having a misdemeanor on my record. I also made the front page of the paper and the nightly news for it. People that know me knew I was sick, and that’s all that matters. The church didn’t press charges but the insurance company, who cleaned it up, did. I’m on a year of probation until September 2010.
So, as you can see, this disease doesn’t only affect one person and their mind, but also much more. The person's job, schooling, money, friends, family, future, and even there life, is at risk. I’ve realized that there is hope in medicine and the support of friends and family. I had to pick myself back up in high school , after dropping out due to the illness, and I hope I can do it again. Most of all, I’m extremely grateful for a God who has pulled me though everything and answered so many prayers! I hope this can help you understand Bipolar Disorder, first hand, and maybe help someone else. There IS HOPE in medication. Don't give up on your loved one because it means EVERYTHING for you to be there for them. I would have given up on myself with out all of the encouragement. Find a good psychiatrists who watches your moods carefully and changes medication/doses as needed. Bipolar people are often uncomfortable sharing what has went through their mind. Find a therapist that will listen and encourage. These are just a few things I know have helped me. Hope this helps - thanks for reading! God Bless
I'm new to steadyhealth.com. I read your post and want to thank you so much for posting it. It has helped me a great deal. It has helped me to understand. My husband was just (3/4/10) diagnosed with Bipolar NOS with psychotic features. My head has been spinning ever since. I am determined to support him in anyway that I can; I know it will be difficult, sometimes it may even seem impossible, but I think we can get through this. I hope you are doing well! It sounds like you are very aware of your illness and symptoms. Keep your head up! Good luck with your education!
i am 21 yrs old and i was recently diagnosed with bipolar NOS with psychotic features. my family doesnt quite understand that when im in a manic period i suffer from dissassociation and that i have no idea that the things i am doing are not "reality" i suffer from black outs and memory loss when i get extremely manic. as of right now i just started a new combo of meds and i dont know how well they are working because i just slipped into my depression phase and im scared they will not work and ill end up being hospitalized again...i have been in and out of the hospital 7 times in the past 2 yrs...i write in my journal every night just so that when i do come back down out of mania i can read what i was doing or thinking....my family thinks that im crazy but my doctors tell me im not..i sometimes think i am crazy because a sane person would not do or think of the things i do...
You are not cRaZy! I hope you do not think that you are. Please do not use the term "crazy" and "sane". You have a mental illness and it's called BiPolar.
People tend to be afraid of what they do not know. Your family needs to be educated about your illness, accept it and support you in any way that they can. It is hard for everyone. Everyone copes with things differently.
I am truly sorry that you are going through all of this. Your condition is serious and needs to be dealt with seriously. Keep in mind you might need to try a lot of different medications before you find the one(s) that are best for you. Do not give up and make sure you communicate with your doctor. I like the idea of the daily journal. I think writing is a good form of therapy. Besides, I'm sure it is very helpful for you since you experience "black outs" and "memory loss".
Some other things you need to take seriously . . . getting enough sleep, eating, staying active, no drugs and/or alcohol (I know you're 21 and might want to have fun but you need to put your health first). Alcohol and/or drugs is not good for someone with bipolar. Besides, no one should be mixing drugs/alcohol with their medications. I am not saying that you do these things . . . just giving you a few helpful tips.
I hope this helps you at least a little bit. I hope things get a little easier for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
People tend to be afraid of what they do not know. Your family needs to be educated about your illness, accept it and support you in any way that they can. It is hard for everyone. Everyone copes with things differently.
I am truly sorry that you are going through all of this. Your condition is serious and needs to be dealt with seriously. Keep in mind you might need to try a lot of different medications before you find the one(s) that are best for you. Do not give up and make sure you communicate with your doctor. I like the idea of the daily journal. I think writing is a good form of therapy. Besides, I'm sure it is very helpful for you since you experience "black outs" and "memory loss".
Some other things you need to take seriously . . . getting enough sleep, eating, staying active, no drugs and/or alcohol (I know you're 21 and might want to have fun but you need to put your health first). Alcohol and/or drugs is not good for someone with bipolar. Besides, no one should be mixing drugs/alcohol with their medications. I am not saying that you do these things . . . just giving you a few helpful tips.
I hope this helps you at least a little bit. I hope things get a little easier for you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
a lot of the thongs you describe sound like my son who is 17 years old , his disorder stared about 9 months ago . hears voices everyday , sometimes delusional other times seems to be ok but yet you can still see something is off and not sure if the off part is from the medications and we have tried many so far , he is sensitive to side effects so it makes it hard to get the right meds or the right dose and we have found nothing that works great yet , he is on zyprexa the has the least amount of side effects but we can not get rid of the auditory hallucinations , could i ask you what meds you have tried and found to work better for you , i am hoping there is something out there maybe we have not tried , or a combinations we could maybe try .
Hi Autumn Rain- I just happened upon your post. Have your Dr.s tried L.atuda? Someone very close to me has been struggling for several months and was hospitalized for severe paranoia and he was cycliing throught the depression and mania. The Drs tried Zyprexa first and he did not do well, and then they switched him to Latuda. He is doing rather extaordinary on the Latuda (which by the research I have done seems to be well tolerated by many). I hope this helps. Sending warm thoughts and prayers..my heart goes out to you.
Judith,
My daughter has had the same 3 year cycle. Is their anyway of getting in touch with you?
Thank you for sharing your incredible and so often painful journey. I wish you all the best, and keep looking forward yourself. Even the smallest accomplishments have meaning.....what really counts in life is to be kind and helpful when you can..."success" is so subjective!
My son is 23 years old and is hospitalized for the 2nd suicide attempt due to bipolar physchotic episode! Im hurting for him and reading your post help me understand more! I will never give up on him i love him deeply; but i dont know what to do to help him open up on therapy and taking his meds! My heart and prayers are with you; my first born son and others suffering with this disease.
this was very helpful to me, this is how i feel alot, i have been struggling for years, went through alot of gref. just got final got diagonosed after 2 years, this post gives me hope. and i hope the one who wrote this can get in contact with.
this was very helpful i finaly got diagnosed 12/18/12 after years of tormoil, and grif, i would like this person to get in contact with me if they see this, this looks like same thing i go through and thimgs i have went trought
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I definitely gave me a different perspective on this disease. I am a social worker who is trying to understand my clients and this really help me to understand what they might be going through.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was definitely helpful and gave me a different perspective on the issues surrounding this illness. I am a social worker who is trying to understand clients and this definitely helps. I wish you the best and commend you on your progress thus far.