I was 19 and moved into my own apartment! I finally had a good job and was able to afford it! I don't have a clue how young people can do it now, because of the rents etc!
Do you think you could ever talk honestly with your dad when he isn't PMS'ing?
You knot what I wished I had done? Is tell them just how devestating it was to me how they treated me! I was told that to honor thy parents, and not to talk back. So I kept it all in and it did terrible damage! I wish I had said something like this "You know when you told me you wished you had an abortion, and prayed that I died? Well I went out and drank a mickey of Lemon Gin, and was groped by a freak! That is just HOW BAD you make me feel!" I used to just think that when they would sit there and yap on!
You are internally hurting so much, due the actions of others and your parents, it would be great to set them straight! But i am aware that this would be impossible for you! Just that it would be more treatable in the future! And possibly not as damaging as keeping it in! It's a hard call!
IF it ever gets really too much honey, you leave, and go to a friends or family member you can trust! Do NOT go on the streets, been there done that - VERY scary stuff! Also there are places through Kids help phone and Ontario Family services that can put you up in dangerous situations! They - your parents - need to know that this is damaging you!
Do you think you could ever talk honestly with your dad when he isn't PMS'ing?
You knot what I wished I had done? Is tell them just how devestating it was to me how they treated me! I was told that to honor thy parents, and not to talk back. So I kept it all in and it did terrible damage! I wish I had said something like this "You know when you told me you wished you had an abortion, and prayed that I died? Well I went out and drank a mickey of Lemon Gin, and was groped by a freak! That is just HOW BAD you make me feel!" I used to just think that when they would sit there and yap on!
You are internally hurting so much, due the actions of others and your parents, it would be great to set them straight! But i am aware that this would be impossible for you! Just that it would be more treatable in the future! And possibly not as damaging as keeping it in! It's a hard call!
IF it ever gets really too much honey, you leave, and go to a friends or family member you can trust! Do NOT go on the streets, been there done that - VERY scary stuff! Also there are places through Kids help phone and Ontario Family services that can put you up in dangerous situations! They - your parents - need to know that this is damaging you!
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Do you know how many times I've tried talking to them? I almost gave up until you got me to do it one more time! And some change was made out of it, but I also didn't come home to make a statement.
Sometimes I'm honestly literally exhausted from everything. Like I just want everything to stop! I want the fighting to stop, the hurt to stop, my thinking to stop, my dreams to stop, the silence to stop!!
One more day and then hopefully everything is good. But your right! No one ever talks about it. No apology is ever said, and everyone just moves on.
I know you have regrets, and wished you did things differently, and maybe things would have turned out differently. And I know you don't want me to go through what you went through, but its hard. And I'm not as strong or courageous as you are. Ya talking back to my parents is a no no, I have done it, and sometimes still do, but its scary.
I don't really want to leave, they do have their good points at times, and family does mean everything to me, just wish everything was better but I know it won't really be. And its like how long do I have to wait it out. I don't want to go in a group home! But you know me, still haven't called anyone... Last night, my dad had to like kind of kick my dog, but not really, as if he was in his way when he wasn't, so I stepped in front and said something (ya stupid me) and he grab my arm and stuff which was nothing. But then I locked myself in the bathroom and cried and did stuff and then went to "bed" but really I went out my window, and thankfully it wasn't a far drop down, but I just needed to breath. And then I was out all day today because my parents were arguing again. And my dad has to be difficult for no reason!
Sometimes I'm honestly literally exhausted from everything. Like I just want everything to stop! I want the fighting to stop, the hurt to stop, my thinking to stop, my dreams to stop, the silence to stop!!
One more day and then hopefully everything is good. But your right! No one ever talks about it. No apology is ever said, and everyone just moves on.
I know you have regrets, and wished you did things differently, and maybe things would have turned out differently. And I know you don't want me to go through what you went through, but its hard. And I'm not as strong or courageous as you are. Ya talking back to my parents is a no no, I have done it, and sometimes still do, but its scary.
I don't really want to leave, they do have their good points at times, and family does mean everything to me, just wish everything was better but I know it won't really be. And its like how long do I have to wait it out. I don't want to go in a group home! But you know me, still haven't called anyone... Last night, my dad had to like kind of kick my dog, but not really, as if he was in his way when he wasn't, so I stepped in front and said something (ya stupid me) and he grab my arm and stuff which was nothing. But then I locked myself in the bathroom and cried and did stuff and then went to "bed" but really I went out my window, and thankfully it wasn't a far drop down, but I just needed to breath. And then I was out all day today because my parents were arguing again. And my dad has to be difficult for no reason!
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Remember Claire I am talking to you now as a 46 year old woman! I would not have said the same thing to you 30 years ago! I actually might have told you that you SHOULD do it, but I never took my own medicine! I was a mother bear for my friends, but a child infront of my parents/mother! I would lock myself in the bathroom and look in the mirror and wish my mother dead, we TRULY hated each other! It wasn't till I was a mother and said EVERYTHING too her and MADE her almost collapse and most importantly apologize to me! That I was able to move on! I just want you to be at that place sooner than later!
I am NOT talking about you back talking them, I am talking about being honest with them! Part of me wants you to do the following - as a parent this would do it for me - is sit them down, just the 3 of you! Have it written down and memorize the most important points, and show them your scars and tell them that what they do, say or don't say is hurting you, and you want to leave, because each time they do this, you want to hurt yourself more! I want them to be SHOCKED into empathy and for them to start acting like an adult and less like a selfish child! They NEED to see your pain and know that they are part of it!
It's a VERY hard thing to stand up to the people that hurt you, and you need to be able to do that when you are ready, not because someone like me has pushed you to it!
I am NOT talking about you back talking them, I am talking about being honest with them! Part of me wants you to do the following - as a parent this would do it for me - is sit them down, just the 3 of you! Have it written down and memorize the most important points, and show them your scars and tell them that what they do, say or don't say is hurting you, and you want to leave, because each time they do this, you want to hurt yourself more! I want them to be SHOCKED into empathy and for them to start acting like an adult and less like a selfish child! They NEED to see your pain and know that they are part of it!
It's a VERY hard thing to stand up to the people that hurt you, and you need to be able to do that when you are ready, not because someone like me has pushed you to it!
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I know you weren't telling me to talk back to them, but I did sit them down, just the three of us and told them that some of the things they do or say hurt me. And my mom didn't talk to me after for awhile. And my dad was sorry and agreed with me. And some changes were made. Okay, I never talked about the drugs, or them fighting or what happened to me or show them my scars, but I did tell them how bad everything hurt me and what I needed and wanted from them.
You never pushed me to do anything, you gave me options and support, and I either took it or I didn't because I wanted to or not, because I was ready or not.
You never pushed me to do anything, you gave me options and support, and I either took it or I didn't because I wanted to or not, because I was ready or not.
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Okay...so I just finished dinner and it was awkward. It was quiet and my mom looked like she was going to cry the whole time. I was trying to talk, just in general, but my mom kept getting mad so then I stopped, guess because shes upset and angry and talking would make her cry. Well then my dad starts to be nice, and asks if she wants a drink and stuff. And I was thinking seriously, like now you decide to be nice and not saying anything about anything and expect everyone to move on. But I just sat there and said nothing, but then my mom didn't look like she was going to cry anymore. So then my dad went out for a smoke after, so I talked to my mom about how ridiculous that is, and that he can't just expect everything to be okay now, that life doesn't work that way and its not right. She kind of got mad, but she knows its true. But then she made excuses for him, which I hate! So now everything is suppose to be okay again, that hes allowed to take his stress and frustration out on us, and were suppose to take it and move on, with nothing said and no apology. (Ya, I'm a hypocrite I know, I did the same thing to you :-( ) So, I guess everything will be "good" until next month. Life is crazy, and makes no sense!
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I think your mom is terrified of your dad! And when you say ANYTHING - even if she is just asking for quiet - she can't handle it! How does a mother explain to her daughter - that she knows is catching on - about the behaviour of her husband?
IF you ever feel able to say the same to your dad then do so, ONLY if it is safe! It's a process Claire! Some families have dirty secrets or skeletons in their closets for generations1 And this leaves scars that last life times, and sometimes other generations!
My grandad, had 2 brothers, I did not know this till 6 years ago, when we went over to Britain! I knew about my 1 great uncle but NEVER even heard of the other brother! They had a fight when I was a baby, and my great uncle was in an old folks home in my home town! I was in shock! I REALLY wanted to see him, and very few in my family even remembered what made the split! BUT for family loyalty, I didn't go and see him! I was so upset, thinking "I wonder if he looked like my grandad, and he was the last of my grand dads side!" Familys are strange units! We can detest each other and protect each other to the death! So what is the answer? I think that comes in the form of the truth been spoken! So whenever you have had enough you say it when you have calmed down! This means more then when things are hysterical! So just pick your time - when you want to!
IF you ever feel able to say the same to your dad then do so, ONLY if it is safe! It's a process Claire! Some families have dirty secrets or skeletons in their closets for generations1 And this leaves scars that last life times, and sometimes other generations!
My grandad, had 2 brothers, I did not know this till 6 years ago, when we went over to Britain! I knew about my 1 great uncle but NEVER even heard of the other brother! They had a fight when I was a baby, and my great uncle was in an old folks home in my home town! I was in shock! I REALLY wanted to see him, and very few in my family even remembered what made the split! BUT for family loyalty, I didn't go and see him! I was so upset, thinking "I wonder if he looked like my grandad, and he was the last of my grand dads side!" Familys are strange units! We can detest each other and protect each other to the death! So what is the answer? I think that comes in the form of the truth been spoken! So whenever you have had enough you say it when you have calmed down! This means more then when things are hysterical! So just pick your time - when you want to!
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I think so too :-( And sometimes, although it's heartbreaking to say because no one really ever wants this, but I wonder if a divorce would be the answer. And I have said that to my mom before, not really in those words, but basically the same meaning. But that would devastate them both, and I don't think my dad could handle living on his own, and I know financially, they would never be able to go alone. And who knows if that would even solve anything.
My Grandad cut a lot of people out of his life too! He only talks to a few of his siblings, some have passed away, but others he does not talk to or about. And I haven't met a lot of them, maybe like 2 out of 11 I believe, but they also live all over the world. And he won't talk to my Nana's sister anymore. And he doesn't like some family members or friends of theirs. It's pretty bad. My dad, like I said before, moved out of his home during his youth too, and I'm not totally sure why, but maybe he felt like I do. He even cut my dads brother out of his life, but that one was actually for good reasons. And my Nana can't take my Grandad anymore, shes tired of him too. And I think how my dad is like him, a better version, but he is like his dad.
Ya, he does need to hear it, and no one else will do it. Guess its gotta be me 8-| but not today...lol...gotta let everything settle and stay settled. Maybe I should mark his pms on a calendar and show him XD and tell him its okay to experience burst of range during it, but let him know there's treatments for it ROFL
I'm sure your watching Big Brother lol are you surprised at who got voted out?
My Grandad cut a lot of people out of his life too! He only talks to a few of his siblings, some have passed away, but others he does not talk to or about. And I haven't met a lot of them, maybe like 2 out of 11 I believe, but they also live all over the world. And he won't talk to my Nana's sister anymore. And he doesn't like some family members or friends of theirs. It's pretty bad. My dad, like I said before, moved out of his home during his youth too, and I'm not totally sure why, but maybe he felt like I do. He even cut my dads brother out of his life, but that one was actually for good reasons. And my Nana can't take my Grandad anymore, shes tired of him too. And I think how my dad is like him, a better version, but he is like his dad.
Ya, he does need to hear it, and no one else will do it. Guess its gotta be me 8-| but not today...lol...gotta let everything settle and stay settled. Maybe I should mark his pms on a calendar and show him XD and tell him its okay to experience burst of range during it, but let him know there's treatments for it ROFL
I'm sure your watching Big Brother lol are you surprised at who got voted out?
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No I didn't like her! Remember when the saboteur said there was 2 people on the show that are good friends in real life? I have a theory! The gay guy and the guy that put himself on the block - with the tats - are brothers! Look at them together, they are VERY similar! And also The red head boobie girl and the blonde annoying one, OR the blonde annoying one and the police woman! They too look VERY similar! They rarely show the blonde who is having another showmance and the cop so that is weird! I cheat, I go on the spoilers on CBS.com! I'm terrible, but I can't wait!
I was out voted last night with teenmom! so hopefully it will be on this weekend! Do you ever watch housewives of Orange County? Well I'm friends with one of them on Facebook - she has had similar problems with her son as have I! so we talk from time to time to help each other! And also I'm friends with a little boys parents - Maddox Flyns - he is the little boy with a face deformity that the Alberta government wouldn't fund for his operation in New York! They are wonderful people! And I have publicly battled the Alberta HEalth board for YEARS, so I can offer them help etc. I HATE politicians!
IF you see your parents as people who do NOT want to get a divorce, this would be a perfect opener for either of them! As in "Dad it looks like you and mom are heading for a divorce, is that's whats happening?"! Something like that! So you aren't pointing fingers, you are opening the door and possibly pointing out to him just how close he is! Becuase he WILL ask you why you think that! And this would be a perfect time for you to bring up about his monthly outbursts and his anger, and even say - quietly - that you want to leave too! A man /father/husband, just wants to provide for his family and have everyone together, If he feels that his actions are threatening this then he might just start self analysis!
My mom ALWAYS threatened to leave and never did - even though I prayed for it! And my dad KNEW she wouldn't so lost TOTAL respect for her! So she knew too that she wouldn't leave! BUT if you dad hears it from his own child and just whom he is affecting then this will be a shocker for him!
I was out voted last night with teenmom! so hopefully it will be on this weekend! Do you ever watch housewives of Orange County? Well I'm friends with one of them on Facebook - she has had similar problems with her son as have I! so we talk from time to time to help each other! And also I'm friends with a little boys parents - Maddox Flyns - he is the little boy with a face deformity that the Alberta government wouldn't fund for his operation in New York! They are wonderful people! And I have publicly battled the Alberta HEalth board for YEARS, so I can offer them help etc. I HATE politicians!
IF you see your parents as people who do NOT want to get a divorce, this would be a perfect opener for either of them! As in "Dad it looks like you and mom are heading for a divorce, is that's whats happening?"! Something like that! So you aren't pointing fingers, you are opening the door and possibly pointing out to him just how close he is! Becuase he WILL ask you why you think that! And this would be a perfect time for you to bring up about his monthly outbursts and his anger, and even say - quietly - that you want to leave too! A man /father/husband, just wants to provide for his family and have everyone together, If he feels that his actions are threatening this then he might just start self analysis!
My mom ALWAYS threatened to leave and never did - even though I prayed for it! And my dad KNEW she wouldn't so lost TOTAL respect for her! So she knew too that she wouldn't leave! BUT if you dad hears it from his own child and just whom he is affecting then this will be a shocker for him!
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LOL well they never did say they were siblings, but I guess siblings could be friends. I wonder when we find out!! Teen Mom was a sad one though!! Not what was expected at all, and the previews don't look good. Ya I have seen that show before, what one has problems with her son? %-) and what kind of problems? And I've seen that baby in the news paper and on the news. Thats so dumb that Canada wouldn't help out a baby boy! I'm surprised Sick Kids can't help him, thats an amazing hospital! You know whats a good show? Boston Med...it was on at 10:00...great medical show, real life too. And you know what I did that I shouldn't have done? Start to read the book precious, sooo sooo sooo sooo sad! not a good book for me...
Ya, in a few days maybe I'll try that and see what happens, they went to the movies tonight to see grown-ups, it looks like a really funny movie.
Ya, in a few days maybe I'll try that and see what happens, they went to the movies tonight to see grown-ups, it looks like a really funny movie.
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I can't to wait to see the one with Steve Carrell - where they are at a dinner for idiots!!! I just want a REALLY good laugh! Like side splitting, etc. Precious - the movie - is ROUGH! But at the end, it makes you feel SO good! And Monique DEFINITELY deserved an oscar! I think the girl that played Precious deserved it over Sandra Bullock! We ALL watched it - even my boys! It was kind of funny actually, I'm a crier and a laugher, so every scene that was tough, they all looked at me to see what I would do! It's a BRILLIANT movie!
One of my fav's is The Notebook! I LOVE that movie!
One of my fav's is The Notebook! I LOVE that movie!
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My parents went to Niagara Falls for the day/evening thank God! I get a break from them! :-D My dad loves that place, Niagara on the lake is pretty.
I haven's seen a preview for that one...but he is pretty funny! And I never saw the movie Precious, but I read the first chapter and had to stop, its pretty detailed and I couldn't handle it. Maybe the movie is better though. The blind side was a good movie though. We all look at my mom too LOL I just hide it in, if i'm by myself then i'll cry or with my friends, but not my family. The Notebook was really really good!! Well written and acted! Noah...good man he is lol I want a wrap around porch too when i'm older! lol A really funny movie is the Hangover! And the movies with Michael Cera - the guy from Juno- are funny too. He lived like 30 minutes from where I live and went to my cousins school.
I haven's seen a preview for that one...but he is pretty funny! And I never saw the movie Precious, but I read the first chapter and had to stop, its pretty detailed and I couldn't handle it. Maybe the movie is better though. The blind side was a good movie though. We all look at my mom too LOL I just hide it in, if i'm by myself then i'll cry or with my friends, but not my family. The Notebook was really really good!! Well written and acted! Noah...good man he is lol I want a wrap around porch too when i'm older! lol A really funny movie is the Hangover! And the movies with Michael Cera - the guy from Juno- are funny too. He lived like 30 minutes from where I live and went to my cousins school.
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Today was my little cousins birthday party, and for once everyone was there. My cousin seems to only go when he has a girlfriend %-) which is weird to me but whatever. And my uncle always has to talk to me and ask me how I'm doing and stuff. And then I always think I'm over reacting, and that maybe he just generally wants to be nice or something, I don't really know but it's confusing. Like today we were all outside and he pulls up a chair beside me and talks to me, but he only does it to me, I never see him ask my other cousins how their doing, the odd time he'll ask my brother. But I always feel awkward and just want him to leave me alone, it wouldn't be so weird if it was only me, but I give him like short answers. And I hate that because I don't want to come across rude, but I don't know what else to do. Do you think I'm just paranoid? or am I right for thinking the way I do? I get really confused... :-( Because my other uncle, he's awesome! And he will ask how everything is too and talk and stuff, but he does it with everyone. And he doesn't pull up a chair to just ask, if I walk past him or am just near him then he will. But ya, now I'm dealing with on tan arm and the other one white 8-| lol I should have switched spots to even it out.
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OK! My cyber daughter! XD ;-) i will tell you what I tell my "other" children, "ALWAYS go with your spidey senses! ALWAYS" IF it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, walks like a duck - It's a duck!!!! So every fibre of your being is telling you that this "uncle" is giving you the heeby jeebies, so he IS! And think of it this way too - which is a weird scarey thought - EVERY pedophile and child molester out there is someones, son/daughter, uncle/aunt, brother/sister, grandad/grandma, cousin, wife/husband, father/mother! There has to be some sort of connection with someone else - family! There is an expression "A stranger among us!" As I stated before, I am SURE your family is fully aware that your freak of a cousin is "strange"! And I truly believe that the only time he shows up - with a girlfriend - is to try and prove to his family that he is NOT weird enough to have a girlfriend!
You know when you walk in a rooom, and someone has been fighting and then they stop, but you can sense it still? It is the same for a creepy person! They are FULLY aware that they are perceived as "creepy" so they need to put on a face of normalcy - such as bringing a girlfriend! I will bet you dollars to donuts that he is NOT physical with this girl! Or IF he is then this will be a VERY strange experience! A pedophile is a pedophile is a pedophile, no amount of husbands/wives, girlfriends/boyfriends, can wipe that dirt from their hands or their souls! They are poisioned as much as the child they have hurt! Do you remember the movie Ghost!? Well remember when the black figures took the bad guys? this is the same for Rapists, Molestors, Pedophiles, have this dark figure CONSTANTLY with them, it basically is their soul/conscience! And they will do whatever it takes for others not to notice that black soul/shadow!
So take solice in the fact that these - expletives - will ALWAYS have a black shadow tapping on their shoulder and whispering in their ear and entering their dreams! THAT is what helps me feel "better" - for the lack of a better word - about the TRULY evil people that can come in and out of our lives! That one day the blackness will take them to where they belong - OR that the light is finally shone on them and they can no longer continue!
You know when you walk in a rooom, and someone has been fighting and then they stop, but you can sense it still? It is the same for a creepy person! They are FULLY aware that they are perceived as "creepy" so they need to put on a face of normalcy - such as bringing a girlfriend! I will bet you dollars to donuts that he is NOT physical with this girl! Or IF he is then this will be a VERY strange experience! A pedophile is a pedophile is a pedophile, no amount of husbands/wives, girlfriends/boyfriends, can wipe that dirt from their hands or their souls! They are poisioned as much as the child they have hurt! Do you remember the movie Ghost!? Well remember when the black figures took the bad guys? this is the same for Rapists, Molestors, Pedophiles, have this dark figure CONSTANTLY with them, it basically is their soul/conscience! And they will do whatever it takes for others not to notice that black soul/shadow!
So take solice in the fact that these - expletives - will ALWAYS have a black shadow tapping on their shoulder and whispering in their ear and entering their dreams! THAT is what helps me feel "better" - for the lack of a better word - about the TRULY evil people that can come in and out of our lives! That one day the blackness will take them to where they belong - OR that the light is finally shone on them and they can no longer continue!
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Ya, you've told me that before 8-|
My cousin, hes really controlling in relationships. His sister told me that he wouldn't let his ex girlfriend go on their computer or even drive her own car!
I know we've talked a bit about this before too, but the whole time my uncle was near me I kept wondering "why me?" not that I want it to be anyone else, but I kept looking around at my other cousins and thought why not them. And the only difference I can see is that I am quiet :-( and how I don't have confidence like everyone else does...and I don't know how to make it not me and keep my uncle away from me. He has three awesome kids, and an awesome wife! And I don't want to say anything that will hurt them or make everything awkward and everyone wondering whats wrong with me. My mom thinks he just trying to be nice, and I'll get yelled at if I were to be rude to him or ignore him, and again people will wonder whats wrong with me.
But that does sorta help somewhat, knowing that hopefully their conscience is eating them alive. I hope it does.
Two animals are fighting outside and I'm going to cry hearing them :'( why do cats have to be so territorial? I think its cats anyways... I wanna break it up :-(
My cousin, hes really controlling in relationships. His sister told me that he wouldn't let his ex girlfriend go on their computer or even drive her own car!
I know we've talked a bit about this before too, but the whole time my uncle was near me I kept wondering "why me?" not that I want it to be anyone else, but I kept looking around at my other cousins and thought why not them. And the only difference I can see is that I am quiet :-( and how I don't have confidence like everyone else does...and I don't know how to make it not me and keep my uncle away from me. He has three awesome kids, and an awesome wife! And I don't want to say anything that will hurt them or make everything awkward and everyone wondering whats wrong with me. My mom thinks he just trying to be nice, and I'll get yelled at if I were to be rude to him or ignore him, and again people will wonder whats wrong with me.
But that does sorta help somewhat, knowing that hopefully their conscience is eating them alive. I hope it does.
Two animals are fighting outside and I'm going to cry hearing them :'( why do cats have to be so territorial? I think its cats anyways... I wanna break it up :-(
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It's mating season! They are ALL talk not much action! Just SSHHH them and they will run off!
It's true that sickos go after the quiet ones - the ones they think they can get away with it! So don't think it's something you did! They just know! IF he says something again - that is uncomfortable, just say "Uncle ***** that made me feel REALLY uncomfortable, so please don't say things like that again OK?" I will PROMISe you Claire that he will NOT tell others about it! Because IF you feel it's inappropriate, it IS, and others will agree! You have to have a voice, to stop him - it doesn't have to be a rude one or a loud one, it is a voice of maturity and knowledge - knowledge that he knows that you know!
It's true that sickos go after the quiet ones - the ones they think they can get away with it! So don't think it's something you did! They just know! IF he says something again - that is uncomfortable, just say "Uncle ***** that made me feel REALLY uncomfortable, so please don't say things like that again OK?" I will PROMISe you Claire that he will NOT tell others about it! Because IF you feel it's inappropriate, it IS, and others will agree! You have to have a voice, to stop him - it doesn't have to be a rude one or a loud one, it is a voice of maturity and knowledge - knowledge that he knows that you know!
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