I feel like i'm battling myself. IDK whether its a bad thing or not. but it feels really wrong. i can't think clearly, can't concentrate properly, losing touch with people and reality. my memory has gone bad and sometimes i forget what i did just seconds ago. i know i'm living a lie, i imagine things being perfect and that my life is exactly as i want it, i act as if though nothing is wrong. sometimes reality hits me with such a force that i feel like i just wanna quit everything unless someone enters my life and bring me back to reality again. it was ok before, but now people around me are starting to notice it. i'm scared of going to school in case i will do something stupid out of my mind. i don't want people to think i'm a freak. but the thing is that IDK what it is i'm hiding from people, i've become nothing, there isn't anything left of me. What is happening to me, i'm seventeen and in high school. i should worry about grades, guys and whatever girls care about. but i don't even remember how or why i got to school when i am finally there. people talk to me and try to cheer me up by joking, but i don't even understand the jokes. its like i can't hear even though they stand like 5 inches away from me. i just wanna be able to keep pretending, but it is getting harder for every time i try and no one understands. there is no one i can talk to. Please help me. please.
Hey, Im having these issues too. I have always been very "indecisive" for as long as I can remember... Battling my own choices. At this time in my life (I'm 24 now), I can almost feel two beings living inside me. I can be, and usually am, equally on both sides of the fence for any decision. It is a real pain in the ass.
On top of it, I also relate to the feeling of disconnection. You need to look up the disorder "Depersonalization Disorder". I JUST googled it 10 mins ago and frightening enough I share almost every symptom listed. It can be caused by stress of heavy tramautic experiences (abuse/war/loss). Try to help yourself through others' advice, or if you have to, seek help from a professional. Don't let it eat away at you for years to come. Don't be like me.
Good luck