This week, I've now had 4 good days in a row where I don't doubt my love for my boyfriend. I know I love him and I don't even remotely question it. That's the longest streak I've had since quitting birth control. However, I still don't feel great. Even though the thoughts aren't there, my body still has that down/sad/moody feeling. I'm really getting sick of it.
I know what you mean about learning to associate anxiety with your husband during this. I've done the same with my boyfriend. Disassociating and unlearning these habits is going to take time. But I think that'll be easier when our bodies physically heal and we consistently have good days. Our minds act of memories. I noticed this earlier today: When I was painting my nails, I was on the phone complaining to my boyfriend about a friend of mine. It wasn't a big deal and I didn't think about it again after that. Later on during the day, I noticed a chip in my nail and fixed it. As I was polishing my nails again, my friend's name randomly popped into my head. I had completely forgotten about what she did but my mind remembered that I was thinking about it last time I did my nails and associated the two things together. I think that's what has happened to all of us with our relationship anxiety and why it's been so hard to recovery. We're physically hindered from our hormones being out of whack and in the process, we've formed some mental bad habits. But the more good days we have and the more happy thoughts we have, the easier it will be to disassociate with the negative. Maybe we should all write positive stuff about how much we love our boyfriends/husbands and add some positivity to the forum. It can't hurt and could really help on the bad days.
First, I would like to thank all the women that have posted there experiences on here. I think I am going through the same thing with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend of over a year. I would like to tell my story because idk if I am just in denial over how she is acting or if it really is hormonal imbalance caused from coming off bc. Most of my relationship with my gf has been without bc, so I really got to know her as the person who she really is. Around April of 2012, she started Lo Lo Estrin. Everything seemed good at first, but around late May to early June she got very depressive. She didn't want to do anything, she just wanted to sleep. She would say things like "why are you with me" or "I wouldn't be with me if I was a guy", sad things like that. She was like this for about a month until late June, she finally said "I miss you". She was finally out of her "funk" stage and we started working on us again. Now for the months of July, August and part of September, she had no sex-drive at all and her mood swings were up and down but nothing like the depression she had in June. At first it was frustrating, but I did research and found out it was from the bc. We both decided for her to come off bc and by around mid September 2012 she took her last pill. She was supposed to move in with me 9/29. We had everything planned out, until the afternoon came and then she out of nowhere said she was not ready. Little did I know that everything was going downhill after that. That hurt that she did not move in but I understood that you can't force someone to move in if they are not ready. The first week of October was very hard for me. She told me that she "wants to do her" which means she wants to hang out with her bff, things like that. She also said that she loves me and wants to be with me but needs time. Also that she doesn't know if she is in-love with me. That is when I found this great forum of strong ladies that found what they were feeling is not normal. Of-course at first I was behind her like a loss puppy. Calling her crying, texting her. everything. But I noticed that either she is pushing me away or does not want me to see her hurting also. Anything that has to do with relationship talk, she does not want to talk about. During October she has made drastic changes to her hair, she went from long hair down the middle of her back to a short "bob" style cut. She also has disregarded her job, she is always late and is not making her full time hours. I care for her and always tell her to be careful not to lose her job, she has a daughter to also look out for. It is not just her. What I have done recently is to ignore her and she does look for me. When I see her now all it is a quick hug and that is it. It is extremely hard for me to ignore her, but I love it when she looks for me even though she is not giving me big hugs and kisses that she would usually give. I did tell her numerous times that she could be like this from coming off bc, but she is a very stubborn person and does not believe me. I am sorry for the long post, I would appreciate all the replies. I just needed to put my story out from a guy's point of view. I am paranoid every day, like what if there is another guy or what if she really did fall out of love with me out of nowhere.
Thank you for sharing all your experiences. I, too, had a similar experience with Ocella. I am a 22yrs old and last year is when I faced various troubles using birth control. I had begun taking Ocella in the month of March. I had been warned that it would take about 3months to adjust to the pill, but I never knew that the pill would effect me so horribly. The first couple of weeks were fine, but around the 5th week of taking it I began to feel depressed. I would cry at odd times during the day with no explanation and was worried about these new feelings. Once, I figured out it was the birth control pill causing all these problems, I stopped taking the pill and felt better. When I explained to my doctor what had happened, she explained that I am a part of that small percentage of people where birth control effects them very horribly. My question now is, was it Ocella that perpetuated these mood swings or will any birth control that I take provide me with the same effects? Does this mean that birth control is not a recommended form of prevention against pregnancy for me?
ag-- I can somewhat understand your feelings, though I bet my husband could sympathize much more than me. My husband and I have OFTEN talked about the "what ifs" of our situation. We've wondered what would've happened if we hadn't fallen in love before the BCP. I wonder, if it'd been during the early dating stage, if we'd have stayed together. Though, I firmly believe that the "what ifs" don't matter as much as the "what it is now". Now that I'm healed, and we're happily married, we are very concerned about the couples out there who don't make the connection to BCP. It's tough, because the couples who don't discover the truth, are under the finicky control of the BCP nightmare. In fact, if my husband hadn't made the connection for me, I'm not sure I ever would have on my own.
Hang in there. I know it's hard to hear, but what is meant to be will be. That just might mean later rather than sooner. And, if it makes you feel any better, it took my husband and I ten years of friendship before realizing we were meant for each other. I know it's cliche, but the best things truly are worth waiting for.
kiffyaiai08 wrote:
Thank you for sharing all your experiences. I, too, had a similar experience with Ocella. I am a 22yrs old and last year is when I faced various troubles using birth control. I had begun taking Ocella in the month of March. I had been warned that it would take about 3months to adjust to the pill, but I never knew that the pill would effect me so horribly. The first couple of weeks were fine, but around the 5th week of taking it I began to feel depressed. I would cry at odd times during the day with no explanation and was worried about these new feelings. Once, I figured out it was the birth control pill causing all these problems, I stopped taking the pill and felt better. When I explained to my doctor what had happened, she explained that I am a part of that small percentage of people where birth control effects them very horribly. My question now is, was it Ocella that perpetuated these mood swings or will any birth control that I take provide me with the same effects? Does this mean that birth control is not a recommended form of prevention against pregnancy for me?
Hello! I definitely would not recommend trying any form of hormonal birth control since you've had a reaction to Ocella. I've seen a lot of girls on this forum, and others talk about how they tried multiple different brands and all of them did the same thing. I had a really bad reaction from switching from Yaz to Ocella and I'm still dealing with the bad side-effects of quitting altogether. In my opinion, stay far away from hormonal contraceptives!!!
Thank you for your speedy reply! I was wondering if changing brands would do anything, but I guess not. I had figured that I would probably react similarly to other BCPs, but your reply solidified my assumption and for that I thank you, or else I probably would have had to deal with the debilitating symptoms all over again.
It's been a while since I wrote on this. Things have been goin good but lately my negative thoughts back again about my relationship and to be honest it's scaring me bcos my boyfriend means so much to me and I adore him I hate having these thoughts. I would appreciate anyone's advice
I've been posting more on Aphrodite's Women Health forum under the "contraception" section. It's much more active than this page.
Hang in there!
JammyDodgers--
I completely sympathize with IBelieveInUs's answer on this one. I'm completely healed, but I still battle a depressed mood during PMS and sometimes during ovulation as well. It's not exactly that all the feelings come back, just that the memories become more vivid and in the forefront of my mind. I'll go 3 straight weeks without even thinking about it, and sometimes forgetting to check these boards, but when PMS hits, I find myself needing some support. Believe it or not, I had even agreed with my husband that I shouldn't get on these boards during down times, because now that I'm healed, it can make me worse rather than better. It was opposite when I wasn't healed yet.
Anyway, make sure to get in some physical activity every day. Even if that just means walking around your house and doing a little light cleaning, or as I like to do, cranking up the music and dancing. In every single thing I've read about mood, it says that physical exercise has been proven to boost mood. Plus, it's natural, and that's the best thing about it :)
I hope this helps!
As for me, I'm good and bad. It really depends on the week honestly. Ovulation was hard. Then I had a 4 day stretch where I felt wonderful and completely normal. Now I have my period and I feel pretty lousy again. It's such a rollercoaster. I've been posting on the Aphrodite women's health forum because it's more active. So many girls are going through this. It's so helpful to know we're not alone!
I've been "lurking" around this forumn for several weeks now and decided to pop in and tell you my story. I was on birth control for about 10 years. This summer I started having breakthrough bleeding and irregularity with my cycle so I decided to discontinue the birth control rather then switching to a different one. After all, its been 10 years and I figured it out was time to give my body a break. That was in August. In October, I started getting severe anxiety and panic attacks. I must say this is not new to me, I experienced it in college, so when it started up again in October, it brought me back to a bad place. So much of what you all have written sounds so familiar to me. I think the one of the scariest was the depersonalization that someone wrote about a few posts back. I simply didn't recognize myself any more. I didnt even like looking into a mirror ( I know thats strange). This whole time, I never missed a day of work (at my extremely stressful job, where I am the manager)- I was still able to function but was plagued by my obssession with feeling like this. I am attributing it to the hormones. I think what makes it even more difficult is that I still have not gotten my period. It's been 4 months. I envy you ladies that say you have already gotten your period... I wish it would just come! I feel like I am stuck in a constant state of PMS and have no idea what is going on with my body. I restarted my antidepressant that I was on during college. I also started a whole slew of vitamins. I guess it's been getting better but I am devastated that this is my second bout with anxiety in my short 27 year old life.
I just wanted to tell you all that much of what you all say is very familiar. We still make up just a small percentage of women on birth control, and most women do not have this problem at all so its hard to relate to some of my friends who have gone off and on birth control countless times with no problems.
I also wanted to tell you all not to be turned off from medication (SSRI's) so quickly. I too, refused to be on medication while in college. Finally I gave it a shot and it helped tremendously. The good days were more frequent until after a year or two I completely forgot what it felt like to be anxious. I'm not trying to push medication on any of you, I just wanted to tell you that if you are suffering, it is there as a crutch and helps take the edge off so that you are able to sort out your thoughts and make sense of everything.
I sound a lot like your girlfriend and you sound a whole lot like my boyfriend. Thank you for sharing your story. To start off, my boyfriend I have been together for almost three years. 4 months ago (August 2012) I started the pill, so he also got to know the real me before any of this bc c**p happened. Two months into the pill I felt depressed angry, like everything he would do would annoy me. Like never before, because he used to annoy me a little but since I started the pill, everything that he did, annoyed me and I had no patience. I couldn't control my anger, and it was affecting me just as bad as it was affecting him. I even said the same thing your gf said, plenty of times "why are you with me". I felt I was going crazy, and me being stubborn I guess I thought I knew the answers to everything, so I decided to get off bc (beginning of October). Unfortunately, everything got worse, I was still angry and even felt myself going crazier. I got so emotionally messed up that one day after a heated argument I took off running, and im not even a runner! I hate running, but it was just as instinctive as blinking to me that day. A month has passed ever since I took off running and I still feel (emotionally) crazy today, but after reading this page I just honestly HOPE that it gets better. As for your gf acting like that, I have acted the same way. I have told my bf that I needed a break multiple times, and that I need to do me. He is just like you in the way that he keeps texting and calling. In my opinion it kind of makes it worse, because I just want to find myself, and focus on me and my future, not have someone continue to be on my butt, trying to force himself to be with me. I LOVE my bf, we will be back together like we used to be, and HOPEfully stronger. There is no other man, in my situation. I just simply need time to find myself, and worry about me and my future, not worrying about having to clean up my bfs room, wake him up, cook for him etc. I just want you to know that she needs time, because from what I have read she sounds exactly like me. I know you have been patient, but continue being patient, because if she loves you like I love my bf, SHE WILL be back with you. And you guys will both be happy. =)
We're all grateful we're not alone in this-- words like vulnerable, battered, foggy, and depressed describe exactly what I've been feeling, and it's so nice to have a little hope that it will get better to go with these long, bitter days. And I add a plea: please please please make it better for all of us...