Girlfriend who is insulted by porn/masturbation

maybe he is addicted to porn and he is a shame of that.

I can semi answer this is I have had this problem.



Women. Realise this.

There is alot of pressure (atleast for me) with sex. For how long I should last to is she enjoying it and quite honestly for a while I considered having sex with my gf work. thats right work. Porn on the otherhand (wow pun) instant gratification without me wondering if I did well, lasted long enough etc.



It didnt help that my gf only really wants to do missionary all the effin time, (still does), and totally just dead fishes the whole experience. Also both of us have faked orgasms. Mine worked because pfft now why would girls think guys fake it, her because and hers didnt because I am majoring in medicine and know that the female body involuntarily flushes blood to the skin during orgasm at certain areas of the body and called called BS.



My greatest wish my ggf would do. Sit down with me naked and give me a hands on tutorial on what makes her orgasm with my body, seriously. I dont automatically know what to do. I know to nibble on her neck ears tummy all which usually involve her telling me to stop and laughing. (WTF???) Dont eat your goirl out if you are going to want your face anywhere close to hers, ( unless you want a look of disgust.) * that totally makes me want to screw you. I digress







As a guy possted above me. My gf used to say whenever i wanted it to wake her up and to never masturbate and we would do it.

I called that bluff.



Thjough you may want to say it in more gentle words. Maybe Babe you cant be around everytime i want to bust a nut. be glad i can control myself and do ms. palm.



I find this problem comes up more with the late teeny early 20 women more than the others.

What most, if not all, of the posters above don't seem to realise is that everyone sees things differently and just because you see it strongly in a certain way doesn't mean you're right and you need to convince the other guy (or gal) that he's wrong. Let me answer your question from the long term perspective. If the two of you get to know one another intimately over the next few decades you'll learn that there are lots of things that aren't the same between you but it has always been simple love that has kept you together year after year. It was ever thus. People are attracted to one another as much by their differences as their similarities. How the two of you can balance off the differences as a couple is really up to you as a couple. I'm a hard headed old man, but that only means I've been around the block a few times and have made lots and lots of mistakes along the way. Answer these questions honestly and you'll have what you were seeking when you posted the question.

1. Do you love this girl so much you'd like to spend the rest of your life with her and does she feel the same about you?
2. Does everything have to be either your way or hers, or is there a possibility of a compromise?
3. If this is a breakup issue for her, is it the same for you?

All you've got to do is decide, man.

If we were all raised by the same parents, we would all have the same hangups.You hangout at someones house because their parents are cool. Yours aren't? America has more hangups about sex than UK & most european countries. They all have religion, so what is our problem?One would think things get better over time. I was a teen in the seventies, in 2010 it seems there are more contradictions than ever. Puberty and Sex starts at a much earlier age, there are more teen and single mothers, but if you masturbate your a bad person? If it doesn't take time from something else, drop the ego's, and let it slide.A woman who thinks she is a Goddess and her presence in your life should alter all things,needs a reality check.You may love her, but think hard how her inflexibility is going to effect your life in the future. The statisticts on marraige and divorce speak for themselves. The odds are against you. Make sure you don't have children till you have lived together for a year. If it falls apart,you have 18 years of commitment.And if she can't wait,think about it even harder!The legal system usually leans towards the woman, fair or not.My Dad made housepayments and child-support,then had to support himself as well.He got his car and a pop-up camper. They got married because Mom was pregnant!The last 6 years of the marriage was not good!Love is blind,but shouldn't be retarded.

sex is good
so is maturbation
2x the plesure

I have a similar problem. I masturbate maybe 3-4 times a week. My gf of 4 years and I have sex maybe 1-2 times a week. Everything is fine, no tension or anything. Here's my problem. When we first moved in together, maybe a week or two, she was asleep and I was having urges. I didn't want to wake her up because she likes her sleep, learned that a few days earlier. So I got on my laptop and started surfing for porn. I was still in the bedroom at the desk because I didn't want to wake her up shaking the bed while doing my business. Well, she eventually woke up for whatever reason and asked what I was doing. I told her the truth because I figured she would want to join me, we're pretty sexual. She didn't like it very much, she said "what am I not good enough for you?" and she walked out of the room. I don't feel that way at all. I love my gf and she does satisfy me. I explained to her that I just didn't want to wake her up to have sex, because she doesn't like to be woken up for anything, seriously. She knows that, she agreed with me that it's true. That's where it ended. We never really talked about if she would mind if it happened again. We haven't talked about it since.

We have a healthy sex life in my opinion. Masturbating for me is something personal. Like someone said above, all I have to do is pleasure myself and its just a quick release. Sex is a process for us and sometimes we don't have the time to get all in the mood and everything. Sometimes when she's busy I'll sneak of for 10-15 minutes and relieve myself, yeah that's all the time it takes because I know what I like;), I take my time when we have sex. But I still hide it from her. I don't want her to get upset.

I've woken up a couple of times and she wouldn't be in the room. The first time, I searched the house for her and found her in the other bedroom masturbating. She said she was sorry and she feels bad, but I told her I didn't care because I don't. If anything I was worried because I woke up and she was gone, I'm searching for my gf in the middle of the night thinking something bad happened to her and she's just playing with herself in the other room, it was actually pretty relieving.

She has insecurities about her image, but she is beautiful and I love her. I still feel like if she caught me, she would be upset.

I don't know what to do. Sometimes you just need to bust a nut.

lol you think you lot had it bad a good few years back now, I was dating this girl we were both chilling in my room watching a movie called ghost ship I thought it didnt have a any porn in it at all thought it was a safe bet to watch, halfway through the film a ghostly woman seduces this black dude by flipping out her boobies.

you know what my girlfriend did she got up off the Sofa and and hid behind it and started crying.

I was like mental issue's, when ever anything like that happen in a film or if I was grazing a shelf full of magazines I had to ressure her that I was not looking at other women.

If you want to keep yout sanity dump the nervouse reck and find someone more sane with the times, girls porn is here to stay and its not going anywhere soon.

Its everywhere and girls are everywhere weather it be a nightclub or at work, your guy is probably fantasysizing about them. f*****g them doing it hardcore, must remember its all fantasy and he chooses you, if you care about your sanity and his, f*****g take a chill pill. relax and try and enjoy it yourself.

why fight it when you can join it.

i totally feel your pain dude. my girl had the same reaction when she found out that i watch porn. I was honest with her and told her she meant the world to me, porn was just something to please the flesh. in no way, shape, or form, is it more important than her. it's like smoking a cigarette, or having a beer. there bad for you but so hard to resist!! we are all human, and the flesh is weak! as long as we're not physically cheating on our woman, i don't see the problem with a little porn activity. Now for the female who posted above me, sweety you can't compare dancing with someone to watching something on television. because when you dance with someone his hands are on you and your hands are on him. your physically interacting with another human. but porn on the other hand is just a fantasy. the moral of the story is our woman come first, if their not comfortable with us watch it, then we shouldn't. fantasy is great and all but there's nothing like the real thing. peace and love to all

Guys, as a girl, I have to say that most of us really don't want to know about the porn. If it's a more or less serious committed relationship, you jerking off to chicks with fake boobs and fake moans just makes us feel self-conscious and insecure. Why? Because for us sex is an emotional thing. And if you're getting aroused by watching other naked ladies, that means (from our female point of view) that you're developing some kind of emotional attachment to them, which is pretty much close to cheating.

So my advice would be to just keep it to yourself. Watch it when the lady isn't there and make sure she doesn't find out.
All in all, treat it like those crazy woman questions like "Am I prettier than X?", "Do you look at other girls on the street?", "Do you think Y is attractive?", "Am I fat?" etc. Deep inside we know that we're not the most beautiful woman on this planet, and that you're aware of that as well and that you pay attention to women with bigger breasts/more slender waists/whatever. But as long as you're willing to give us the comfort of the illusion that we are all you want, it will be a happy relationship.

Porn is wrong and everyone really knows it deep down. Why would it be something you feel that you would need to hide or lie about to your significant other? (If it's completely mutual than good for you I guess...) Sex is a sacred thing and it's a gift you give each other. Looking at porn and pleasing yourself is like tossing that gift away rather than giving it to your partner. It's a completely selfish act, it's the ultimate of pleasing to the self and giving in to temptation. Of course it's a temptation but that doesn't mean it's right!! Of course it's personal... Porn addiction eventually leads to guys not being able to get or stay aroused by their partner, and when girls say they are completely cool with it, that is just them "trying to be that cool girlfriend". Porn is ruining SOOO many marriages, it's sad. Way too many girls out there are just settling with it since "so many guys do it". Well, I married a porn addict, and it's been the only conflict in our marriage, without it - our marriage would be even more amazing than it already is. My husband knew it was wrong all along (growing up), and he has built up so much guilt and shame throughout the years but just kept doing it anyway since it's more of the norm and guys feel like it makes them more manly or something, then he met me and learned how I felt about it, and he immediately "tried" to stop - I feel very strongly about it, and he thought he'd lose me if I knew how much he did it - but then by trying to stop he found that he was addicted and literally couldn't for awhile. Now we've been together for a few years and gradually he's gotten away from it. He bought Safe Eyes for our computers and allows me to set parental controls on the tv. He's honest with me when he "slips up" as far as I know. He doesn't buy porn and never did, since there was so much of it available for free. He's come so far and I've noticed a HUGE difference in our sex life. We are so much more passionate & connected and we make LOVE now. Real amazing incredible sex that is awesome. I never knew sex would be this GOOD. He still struggles with urges and he still masturbates, which was why I started reading these posts to begin with to see what people were saying about their husbands masturbating. We still have a lifetime of temptation and set backs, but that is just the way it is since guys are wired visually. After reading some of this stuff I am actually feeling a lot better because I would never be able to date some of you out there with your attitude towards it...I think having an attitude where you actually care about what bothers your significant other is important no matter what the issue is. Everyone has conflicts and marriage is all about compromise...

Then what yoU do is do porn with for 10 days straight and she will be addicted

Alright folks. I have been living with my boyfriend for about six months and we have a very happy, (sexually) active relationship. To start, I do want to say that since we have started dating I (honestly) have not masturbated a single time and have had no desire to. I get a different kind of satisfaction from him. On his computer once, (I seriously was not snooping, just using it) I came upon his porn history. He apparently does not delete his browsing history, (lol). That was about three months in. Since saw that I have not been able to not look at his history every now and then...He watches porn about 6/7 days a week. I work days and he works nights so I understand that he doesn't have much to do during the day, other than online classes and whatnot. I have never brought it up, and I don't know how to. Being a decently conservative person, I find porn I have seen either degrading or fake. I don't want to be in control of every aspect of my boyfriends life, and I realize that this is separate from his feelings about me and our relationship, but it disgusts me. I hate the thought of him staring at other naked women. I am comfortable with my body and I'm confident as well, so this doesn't come down to an insecurity issue or a control issue. I just find it...degrading. Masturbation isn't the issue, I don't expect him not to. It's viewing other women for pleasure. I do find other men attractive, of course. However I think it's entirely different. I also think that the little theory on here of "watching porn is necessary" is ridiculous. Anyways, I have given myself time to think about it and I've even tried to accept it and let it go but it does seriously bother me. Anyone with a similar view have any suggestions on how to bring it up and what to say?

A lot of blog posts here say that "girls need to understand that guys......." Why is it never "guys need to understand that girls......" ?? Because I think guys need to understand that when girls view a relationship as equal for both of you, and if she can be happy with blinkers for only you then you should be happy with blinkers for only her. If you can't then there's something wrong.

Many guys try to defend porn by saying the girlfriend is trying to 'control your behaviour'... why would she do that? obviously she's upset, and she's your girlfriend, she's the one you agreed to be exclusive with, she's upset because she thinks you're not being exclusive and are rubbing more beautiful women in her face. You're not 'actively' doing this, but understand how she feels. Many girls view it as cheating because there is another woman involved. It doesn't matter how you view that woman, if you think they are stupid pieces of meat, it doesn't matter if they're really smart either, the fact is, she's "another woman". Relationships are give and take. You can't have the best of both worlds in every relationship, if you really care about her you will listen to your needs. Don't go around calling your girlfriend selfish, we're not getting anything out of this. If you think your girlfriend is selfish maybe you shouldn't be with her.

Something I would compare watching porn to (when you're in a relationship, I'm not saying it's wrong for single people), is going to a strip club. There doesn't have to be contact, you're watching another naked woman. Food for thought? Also many guys say they wouldn't mind they're girlfriends watching porn, but that's not an equivelant unless she gets the same thing out of it as you. Most girls don't get anything out of watching porn, so perhaps the equivelant is her going naked on cam for some other guys? What's wrong with that? Is it that other guys jerk off to her? What's wrong with guys jerking off to a naked girl on a screen? Now you're asking questions about yourself. I'm not saying this is an unforgivable sin, please keep an open mind. If she's miserable about this, she shouldn't have to put up with that, there are guys out there who DO think it's wrong to watch porn while in a relationship, and that if their girlfriends ask them to stop, they will. Don't say these guys are lying, they are close personal friends of mine and I think I would know better than you if they were lying or not. You may think they're lying because you're a guy and they're guys and you understand guys better than I do... However, personal choices are not based on your gender.

I don't think it's wrong to masturbate, that's learning about yourself, nothing wrong there, but I think that watching porn is different. Try to put yourself in your girlfriend's shoes. She knows that you're not only seeing these beautiful naked women who aren't her on your screen, you're also interacting with them by masturbating to them. If you're in a realistic relationship with her, and you both only like each other, maybe you can talk to her and discuss how things really are between the two of you, but telling her that you care about her and then watching porn when you know she doesn't like it is just not on. If she doesn't mind you watching porn, great! but if she does, and you've told her that you care about her, she's gonna think that you're lying when you say that, because if you really care about her you will do anything to, well lets not say "make her happy", but to at least keep her from being upset and losing all self confidence. You can try and convince her that porn is natural if you want, and if that works maybe you won't have to stop! If it doesn't work you should give it up out of consideration for her.

I know this is a difficult issue between couples and what's 'natural' and what isn't. I think if you have to 'convince' yourself that there's nothing wrong, then there obviously is (activists, please know that this can refer to either the guy or the girl). Some girls don't like feeling like sh*t because their guys watch porn. She's not trying to 'control' you, I don't see why guys have major issues with that anyway, she's trying to restore what little dignity and self confidence she thinks she has left. If you care about her, you'll listen and actually take what she says on board. My advice is to sit down and talk to her. Know that she views you as her boyfriend, not as 1 guy of many, so DON'T use the excuse that every guy you know does it too. You have free will, and you have to decide how you're going to use it. To willingly continue if it upsets her? Or to willingly make her happy by stopping.

Scientifically proven that watching porn makes your girlfriend seem less attractive. If you stop watching, you'll probably have a better sex life with her. Relationships are about honesty too, remember that you're supposed to actually like the person you're in a relationship with.

I will always masturbate, always have always will. I love my Fiancée very much. Wanking helps me stay faithful. I have fantasies I need to explore secret things that she would be offended by. Masturbation helps me live out these fantasies but still stay faithful. I masturbate about 10-15 times every week and we have sex about 5 times. The sex we have is a million times better but when she is not there I need to get it out if it builds up i think about it too much and look at other girls more. I have bought her toys books ect and i know she masturbates when i go away. I like this no i LOVE it. WE HAVE MIND BLOWING SEX AND IF SHE CAN SORT HERSELF OUT WHEN I AM AWAY THEN SHE WILL NEVER STRAY.