I am in a mess. anxiety or not?

Bambi- i am in a panic...sweating worried about what I need to find out about being a single mum and what and when and where to go for help and whether I should work part-time as I might be better off on benefits..but I like my work and the colleagues there.

My stomach is in turmoil . finished ironing the gilrs clothes put the randomnly away and ten made the sunday tea, ( saying as its fathers day) huh Im too nice ( hate that word1) Anyway, Making roast chicken , roast potatos and did a salad...and guess what I put in it.... XD XD XD XD XD avocado Hahhahahahha!!!1

Then pulled out tatties, just checking and burnt my finger , felt no pain wied aye.....do these hting work like amtriptyline? My mum was on that stuff for a while and she noted it reduced any pain.

Im off on Tuesday so shall head to that place that I was told to go to about a month ago but didnt make it because of my new boyfriend ( lampost!)...oh and the building fences cars and roads. Still i had earache earlier so i dont know.

GO to the appointment, no more excuses OK? What is this paper called that he wants you too sign? Is there one on the internet, I could take a look at it if you want?

The paper...its full of clauses......16 pages and you can access on the net......Its called;"PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITIES AND PARENTAL RIGHTS AGREEMENT...Under section 4(1) of the childrens (scotland) Act 1995.

Ill go to the jobseekes place on tuesday and the welfare rights office on Tuesday..Im off that day.

Honestly, so much for eating a meal...zoom, straigh tout the other end....Grrrr!

The solicitor didnt seem to concerned if I signed that paper..so Ill need to speak to him too. Now going to watch that really sick programme "casualty 1909" its yuckie, blood guts and the doctors are yuck in it...but I find it really funny. they are superiors and the nurses well there treated like @@@@@@ and I find it really funny as its more like real life in my eyes.Have you ever watched it? Its a bit rubbish to but theres nothing on...football or more football. I could do more ironing , but nahe...bored myself with that.I find housework really boring, but Im missing my hoover

I dont know. I managed the school run and a friend helped me back across the road, then I managed it to the bus tstop . Definately getting much beeter , but not ready to tttake the rrisk to walk to work


Got to work , and chatted for a bit about situation and did little work...then someone spoke to me in a "kat ycan you do this and Katy can you do that"fashion...I know it had absolutely nothing to do with them, but I started to blink back the teras....yes then I felt as though everyone was starugn at me so try aharder to blink back the tears and then lump in throat ran of to the lou.locked myself in there for a while.......cried. Feel drained...just dopont really know what to do...just want to sleep, I want to shut down I guess ..I dont want to fdeal with this and this and how my children feeel about this for the rest of their lives.

Goingt otalk to sonmene about al the benfits I am enetitled to and when to apply. Then going to ring solicitor and see what he makes of me signing the forsm.

Period came a week early, and odd pain above hip, couldnt stop sweating when it came on .It was really odd...then cramps and

Went to shop and someone comented on my dress, instead of making good of it..you dont want to know what I thought...Im not like that!!!

I wish i had black eyes, broken ribs, bruises everywhere so that people could see how bad I feel. Right, might try some coffee/

Hi: Well I read the document, I would say sign it and have the lawyer/court make a residence order for you and the kids. So on paper the kids will be living with you.

The rest is just basically that you set up dates and times for him too see the kids, AND the payment that he will have too give you for each child.

I can't see - legally, and I HAVE looked - how any lawyer or court can say that the only way this order will be signed as long as he moves out. That is blackmail if you think about it. But I think your leaway here IS the Residency Order. This makes it official that you are both split, and he gets too see the kids on day 1, 5 etc. eg. But you are living with the children.

Truth be known Katy, doesn't look like anything sinister here. And I am pretty sure he would HAVE too leave after this. So ask your lawyer about the time line he has too move. And then sign the papers. That's one thing you wont have too worry about anymore. And IF he is the pig that you say, he wont care after awhile about seeing the kids. He's just trying to get your goat.

This is the problem...while you say its blackmail -to get him out.....I see it blckmail that hes so insecure that he has to make me sign this document and that he could turn the cards one me ( if you get me) But, in effect, none of it really is important-regarding me signing this paper.his name is on the birth certificates, and I would not wish to cut my children off from their dad. I know he loves them , and that they love him , so why would i be so evil?

The reason I say this, is as he was brought up by his father, and it maybe in his head, that that is how this situation should end-does that make anysense?

As for the residency order, I will have to discuss that with my solicitor too-im not sure there is enough listed info for one to be placed..so i could sign these documents nad he hangs around then I get sicker-thats why its arghhh!!! But then by not signing them, im rectly playing him at his game.....ok, but then the law surely would be and see justice, ( i hope!)Ok, so more than likely will sign these documents-like you say there doesnt look anything sinister in the info, then I might as well take a chance on it! Also, maybe hes insecure about me letting him see the children...like Ive said.."when the cats away the mice will play"theory ( if you get me) sorry, i can barely make sense when Im on my womanly things. Okay, Im better on these pills..so maybe get the action going. thank you for reading those papers..that was really good of you..pls keep in touch, Katy

When I read it, and other countries I actually was quite impressed with the Scottish Law. It is more about the children and less about parents. It is what is in the best interest of the kids, which is what I think ALL countries should adopt. As you know "adults" can be more childish then children. So this 1995 law takes out the parent and looks just at the kids. The Residency provision, is for the childs benefit - where they live and with whom etc. It ALSO covers what the children have coming - such as any monies from settlements, and education etc. So I think it is an excellent document actually.

From what I understand from the document, it will show that it is YOU that will be living with the kids. And it will be YOU who is the primary care giver and have soul custody. And you both have too work out when he will get too see the kids. And if you don't the courts will. ALSO know that you can go back too court too have that changed at ANYTIME. Which is also a great thing - in some cases. So if anything changes or goes down hill. The paper will be changed accordingly. I think the Residency order will hold. And this will enable you to get down where yourself and the children will be living - NOT mentioning him!! Which is a great thing right?

So when you see the lawyer or talk too him, get him to add that too the papers. Because it seems too me he has only read the one part about having access.

You sound clearer! Hope this continues! Nice and steady Katy with EVERYTHING OK?

So much for that then Bambi! Right now I ama furious, sobbing and just knew hed do this. Letter received from his solicitor........."our client is not in a position to consider moving out of the propert.........HE HAS TAKEN ADVISE FROM HIS DOCTOR who advised him that it is not in the childrens best interests for him to leave the family home given your clients mental health and alcohol problems,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it appears that your clients mental health problems are exacerbated by her alcohol abuse rather than our clients behaviour

My lawyer has responded with me not signing the agreement and if he wants parental rights hed had to do it through court. That wuold cost him ...and inmy view would be a waist as ...had he not stated that I was a mad cow with an alcohol problem , perhaps I would have gone ahead and sign. And just what docotor exactly disclosed my private infor on me o.O When that docotr know nothing about his behaviour.....argh!!!! so much fo r anything .

No wonder these people are in the jobs their in.....I dont know i question everyonees intelligence and its a no wonder I never repoted sh*t before because these people have done me ABSOLUTELY NO FAVOURS. I ring my soliciotr regarding the letterI received today......its really what I expepecterd, but his only advice for me......if I dont want to feel trapped anymore is move and take the girls...I rang my housing officer she argued my case well , more what I wanted to here, that Matrimonial rights should allow the children to saty in the "home" and she wasnt happy about him being left with this well its a bigger flat than Id ever be able to get.... Then I ring womans aid...shes agrees ...the whole thing is unjustified and offers me to go into refuge acco for a break. I think nope..this is totally not on...sop Im just going to wait till he hits me one agin a nd rings the polce...time will pass etc etc and I reckon he will think this will all be forgotten...but b****r that...ican barely afford new shoes nevermind everything else I would need to start again. and then thereris all this pants documented about how I am an unfit mother, incapable and alcohol has exacerbated my mental health/ he denies having harmed me in anayway.....The system is TOTALLY UNFAIAR...and I feel like bringing all of this to not just the medical organisation that deals with complaints...as so called for having 'THE CHILDRENS BEST INTEREST AT HEART" The reason I am in this state is due to yrs of torturing..the fact that he is nearly 10 yrs older and has absolutely no self respect for himself, nevermind his children , nevermind me....is just revealing to me what kind of a man he is...and seconldy he is an alcoholic too...with huge anger issues.....so where is the protection and the support available???? Oh move out...hey I and the children could end up in f**k know swhat kind of a place, nevermind the fact that he was such a provider -NOT!!!!! that he got us this pplace. I wrote a letter of appeal to the housing association yrears ago trying to get a decent place due to coming from so many dysfunctional families etc...and it worked but now my bridges are burnt and I have no energy left .....and Im going to complain my arese of to the Medical health board about a doctor who revealed CONFIDENTAIL infromation on me...Im going to complain to the legal practoices for a family acreddited soliciotr just telling me that basically THIS is all I can do and Im tyaking this battle the whole way-what kind of professional /support system is this? Its Scotland 20009 sand I am left the looney with the mental and alcohol issues, relentless of everything , evry good Ive ever done........this state is sh*t!!!!!! I am so annoyed and upset and painfully drained......What kind of doctor would advise a person to saty with another...when he knew that I had been admitted to hospital with a suspected broken skull...and likee you say , no vcat could have done that.....also nevermind the rest,, but I guess I wanted to protect my children form knowing any of this,...I still want to protect my children form any more upheaval...can no one see that????????? I think of my children first and the 1 thing they are most scared of is having to move and change schools, and living in a rrefuge with my children is out the question....you get 1 room with a lock and you share it with the children and then you share the rest of the house for approx 6 months . From what I can gather that could just about be anywhaere and with anyone so No -I aint going to do that either...God!!!

It states in his letter from his solicitor that "He has no provision considering a move out of this property" Soryry, Babmi-I am so so so angry. Surely his brother -who live 5 minutes around the corner could put him up.Or he could go live his father who lives 15 minutes up the road...Its a lot of nonsense!!!!

But you know if my ex wants a criminal record-then I think now that he damn well deserves one, for everything, and its not just hurting me, but the rest of my family. I have to apologise for my rantings, but I had let it out somhow!!!

I was worried about that! Remember when I said about you getting better 1st, because he could bring all this up? So now you have too do what is best for you and get better. Your doctor didn't release anything - pretty sure of that. He is stating this about what he has seen. He is sneaky at this, and because of what has been going on with you, he probably has been documenting everything. And THAT is why he has been so nice lately. What I AM worried about is that you might have a fight on your hands even if you leave him. He COULD and I'll underline COULD go to court to get custody of the kids "regarding your mental state and alcoholism" THEN the court will ask for your health files. THEY are the only ones that can ask for it. Not just his lawyer - there HAS to be a case!

I take it he's not working right? So I would advise you to get another apartment and do NOT sign the parental rights paper. I cannot see how they will allow him too stay in a council flat that is to be used for a family. So let him and them figure that out. Who gives a you know what about the flat being smaller. It's just size. BUT right now Katy you NEED too get some help, and I think you finally realize just how serious this now is!!!! IF it gets to the courts stage, you can then show that you are getting help and you haven't drank etc. DO not wait till he hits you, he wont!

Your doctor hasn't released anything Katy - I promise you that. HE has been keeping records and watching everything you are doing. So when he takes the kids out, because you are having a bad day or feeling dizzy he can say "see what I have too do?!" That's what he is doing.

The thing about keeping the truth away from the authorities, is that you can't go back and say "Well I was just lying and he did this and this" It's Peter crying wolf. So let it die down for a bit. In the mean time, this HAS to be about you Katy! YOU HAVE to HAVE to HAVE to get some help. You cannot do this in the mental state you are in. And you need to do this right away. You have too show them that you are working on it and do NOT drink one more drop of anything. Get rid of EVERY bit of alcohol in the house ASAP. You have too put on the best act that you have EVER done Katy - in the mean time getting the help that you need to do that act!

The kids would have told him that you are wobbily and need help etc. So now you have to get it so you WONT be wobbily or scared to go out. I want you to get the help, AND act like you never have before. Just as he has done with being nice recently. He's a sneaky b****r I'll give him that. BUT you now have to let your mother instinct out, and if you want your kids too be with you! IT has too be you that gets them!!! So forget lawyers for right now, and get down to that doctors and tell him everything. I promise you Katy he has NOT released any information - it is against the law, until the law demands it!!! You need him and as many people on your side as possible. ALL the while him thinking he is winning for now. DOCUMENT everything he is doing, because he WILL slip up. But for now, it's about YOU!! If you don't listen to me Katy - and I don't want too frighten you - but like I said before to you, you could loose your kids too him!!!!!! And neither of us want that! So lets get you better and get acting and ready to fight the battle. Ignore him, live seperate lives, don't engage, and whatever you do - DO NOT let the kids know what is going on. Little kids don't have a clue about law and what they are releasing could be detrimental to the family. There are just being kids.

You need to get better, get witness's to see that you are trying and succeeding and make a plan. That's exactly what he has done. What's done is done, yes I know you wish you had told the truth, but thats gone. You have to put that down to another life lesson. So NO MORE hiding OK, no more not taking your meds, and NO MORE not getting help. This is a future changing time Katy. And YOU are the only one that can change the future!!!! Don't worry about lawyers right now OK? Doctors 1st! And tell him what has been going on, and what you have hidden, and what he is doing. He might just surprise you! - you are HIS patient!

Hi Bambi, shalking now that he is home. I really think, and call me an old feminist , that a decent man wouldnt put thier children through this, nevermind, theri ex, Then again, I wanted him to go -so thats not really fair , I guess.

I think youre right, from what I can gather i will have to get another apartment, and Ive had friends that have offered to help me move.if I apply now, perhaps in 2 weeks i could settle the childrne in somewhere, or they could live with my mum for a couple of weeks while I get organised. Im reallly scared of doing this though, Really scared. like Ive said , we could end up anywhere!

My partner did state that the doctor he had seen had said, ( im sure ive said this allready) "That he was to stay, as they were a pinch from phoning social services due to my behaviour" Or something to that effect. To be honest , like youve stated hes been filling my every move and like i ve stated i havent got any real backbone, well not like him anyway. I hate thinking about hurting others and I thought this was going to be amicable....well, its true to say , ive never witnessed one split that has....Actually thats not true , my stepdad went to the same lawyer as his wife as he wanted the children to be housed with the mother, and wanted it to be as fair as possible.He must be one of the good few men that exist!

Right ow I havent got the energy to even applying for somewhere else to live. Right now I am stuggling to cover a basic job that requires me in 12 hrs awee.

When you mention about him taking me to court to fight for the children....i doubt he would...well thats unless of course ( which could be likely) that he has savings and he could use these for his battle, but usually he is so so mean that would surprise me, anyway, I dont care about him anymore.Like you have stated , I need to get my stupidooo head sorted and take it from there.

At the moment I wouldnt describe me as a bad unfit mum, I still tend to their needs and try and do the school run and its me tat makes sure their fed and watered and usually me that makes sure they are clean Right now , the fact we have no hoover sends fear into me, as if social services were to visit id worry/panic.Though ill be requesting to borrow my mums come Friday.

You say that I shoudl go back and see my docotr, for the life of me, I cant see what or how he could possibly help me.ive spent most today sobbing or sleeping, and then gave the children teas after picking them up from a friends....then cuddled up and watched a dvd...Its so horrible how a human being , that you trusted and let into your life can be so evil!!Then again, ive not exactly been an angel, but at least I admitit! Anyway, really tired...thanks for your kind words....Also earlier, thats just my anger taking over....had we been married though, it probably would have been easier to have finished it and got rid of him than how it is right now. this is a nightmare thats never going to end!!!

Your doctor WILL help you I promise. I wish you would just put your faith in him and me OK? You need to tell him EVERYTHING, and ASK for help to manage all this c**p that has been piled on you. It's not about youbeing an unfit mom Katy! It's about how your mental state affects the kids! Social Services wont come in, till someone phones them. And he would be CRAZY to do that, because the spotlight is on him too. Don't worry about him!

He knew that if you were strong enough at the time that you would have told someone every nasty thing about what he has done. So he was PROactive and counterstriked anything that would come out of your mouth. So NOW anything you would say, they will think that you are mentally ill and an alcoholic. So he was VERY sneaky or had an EXCELLENT lawyer. Family law is a nasty part of the legal system. People are brought too their lowest denominator!!! It's sickening really. I have had friends that I cannot believe that what has happened too them for them too get SO nasty and forget the kids. That's why I like the Scottish law.

Anyways. ENOUGH about him and back too you. STOP thinking that your doctor can't help you. The reason why he hasn't really been that helpful before is that you haven't been TRUTHFUL with him and open too him for him too get the big picture. You HAVE too open up, write down everything and take this latest letter and emails and show him what your up against. If he is worth his salt, you will HAVE to have him in your corner.

There is 2 sides too every story right, but all I am going on is your side. And I really wish you would realize that this is the time for EVERYTHING to come out. It has gone from you announcing on here that you have told him it's over to you MIGHT loosing the kids. He wont go to court, but he IS making sure you wont either! So you can go through this round again when your better and stronger, THEN he wont have a leg too stand on.

After someone has had an accident, a lawyer usually tells you too keep a diary of ALL the problems you have had since the accident, all your feelings and dreams and reactions etc. So do that, consider him your accident and you need to write down all the c**p he has put you through, and everything he does now and in the future. Keep it light at home, try to get out as much as possible, and avoid him like the plague. Take the kids out as much as possible. And he WILL start getting nervous. It's time for you to be a single mom! And show him that you can. AND that you do not need him and you are fine.

Someone told me once this statment "If you stick your head in the sand, someone will come along and kick you in the ***!!!!!!" so think of that everytime you want to go back too bed, or not go out. I know this probably panics you, that is why you need help so you CAN do these things. STOP thinking of yourself as nothing going on mentally, there IS! If you ignore it there will be consequences. So no more OK!

When I got the letter from his solicitors..or whoever it was I received it from, there was abloodstain finger mark on it, I found that disturbing and it put me in an immediated black mood. It could have been the post boys for all I know , it just doesnt help matters.

Ive been up for hours. My youngest snored beside me all night and i couldnt get to sleep for more thinking...sh*t...THIS is how it is, and Even things slipped up last night...like "My mental health issues have been exacerbated by alcohol"...His reply, "Well, its true isnt it?"...My reply....if I had mental issues in the first place, I wouldnt see how your behaviour is so horrid"..he sat on the couch my mum had bought us...(after her illness0 and sipped polish beer, without a conscience in teh world.

I tried to watch some tv, kids came through,,,all childlike and in their own we wordls..I couldnt be bothered ...I cant d o anything I couldnt stop crying and curled up and retching,..I calmed and then alex caught me.."are you all right mummy?"...."yeah , babe " Knowing that I have to mve them and upload them somwehre else , god knows where, and with god knows what money ...and how difficult is /will he make my life then ....and he works shifts , not a 9=5 or fixed rate hour family orientatied job, shifts that he never tells me when or where and so on..I am exhausted and I dont even have a clue how I am going to get through the next 4 hours. Struggling to brethe, so isolated...I dont even want to go to my mum right now.