I am in a mess. anxiety or not?

HONEY!!! GO TO THE DOCTORS!!! PLEASE!!! You are going to be in a right state,
if you don't get some help. Don't think for one more second about moving right now.
It is TOO much for you to comprehend. You NEED to get the doctor in your corner and
for him too help you. And then you need to get your doctor - when your feeling better
and more able too cope. The way I see it Katy, your doctor could actually counter attack and
say that "due to his patient being a victim of physical, mental and emotional abuse, it is in her
best interest for her spouse to leave, also he continues to drink in the home etc." or something
like him. So that's why you need him. Also start documenting how many times HE drinks and what.

What can I do to make you go to the doctors Katy?!! I am at a loss for words! Get to the doctors Katy!
Say it is an EMERGENCY and tell him EVERYTHING!! Take the letter, take the email, take whatever you can get
your hands on and ask him for HELP!!!! Right now he is the ONLY one that can help you, phone those numbers
and ask them for help too. Phone the battered womens line and tell them too. You need to open the ENTIRE can
of worms. Don't shrivel up Katy, don't go to bed, and don't lay down for him to walk on you! I KNOW this is
overwhelming for you - but that is right now. This WILL get better each day, if you start getting people involved.
Your mom can't help you right now, you have to rely on the medical and legal professionals. PLEASE Katy!

It took me ages to find the reply button. I cant rmeber what my doctor knows or what he doesnt know, but this is really exhausting. Just remaining polite and managing to maintain communication with each other to organise school trips-its dreary thoug. I feel like Ive been here before.."No home for the children"then,,mum waltzes in and starts bleathering about her great holiday. I found that exhausting and then some. I dont know whats happening with her these days, she seems incredibly lonely-but annoys me to bits...its like she cant hear what I am saying. Like you said , i think she tinks its "peter crying wolf too" but I really need her on my side too. i will see my doctor soon as I will need more pills too, but not in any desperate hurry as I think I am managin gto get better. despite that letter yesterday, i was fine walking in the streets today. i find if i just look down and dont look up too high , Im fine..If I turn side to side , I get a bit paniced..but think I am much better that way

You are very correct in me having to get more active with the children, im not going to tolerate his activitiea naymore, If he says ...we are just going to blah blah blah ...see ya" Ill say "You cant we have plans" and will do my damnest to make some plans.

I cant help feel gutted by the legal system. I do think it unjustifed and I do think its unjust how a matrimanial law cannot be placed.if we were getting divorced 9 which technically we are) then, he would legally be required to leave the family home. if he had even provided for m children , in any way or manner, I would feel less annoyed about the whole situation. Looks like its my only option, but I think Im going to have to take a few eeks before applying for elsewhere. the thought scares me and the children have no idea!

Your message just came through as I was typing. Do you really think they can help-im justnot convinced!!..I just see it as part of my personality and Ive always struggled when things go pear shaped. Oh _ and Ive been to see my gp so much lately and had plenty of help, that I should not be in this silly state. I guess its guilt..or self blame....or just hoping strength would pop in and say "hello Katy, Im back!"

Actually even if you were married, he could still say the same thing. You acting and doing everything you can for the kids, will make him uncomfortable. He likes being in control, and thus ALL of this since you told him it's over. IF you feel like the pills are helping that\s great, but it doesn't matter what the doctor knows and doesn't know. He needs too know EVERYTHING and all the truth. If he's heard it before then he can put that aside.

You are mad at your mom, for being one of the players that have "made" you this way! It IS Peter Crying Wolf. And it is the inability to be responsible for some of your problems. For her too come forward and fully support you NOW, shows that she was weak before, and she doesn't have the skills to help you out of this situation. So it doesn't matter about her, your dad, your sister, your sister inlaw, or HIM! All that matter's is you and your kids. Be out with the kids before he gets home, so he is rattled, show him he is NOT needed or required. When he's home he will do the same! It will be a battle, but try to just be "normal" and not exasperate it - as in getting him to the point of being physical. He has won this round, doesn't mean you let him win the game!!

Ok, I suppose its true-i just cant believe its over a month-and he thinks, he actually thinks , after receiving that letter, that I should still sign these papers. Like youve said thers nothing sinister about them, and I can take him to court if he goes against my wishes-though , I am truly terrified that he will take my most precious loved ones, the only people that take it most of it away. When I am around the girls, thats when I simmer down ( if you know what I mean!) The eldest is concerned ( I Know ) and she knows I know-and thats a problem n itself! The eldest has stated she wants to be with me, she wants to stay here-why would a father put their children through that, even my own dad didnt do that-he just threatened to b****r of to Austrailia(when my mum and dad finished). I begged my dad not to go and so did my sister. he held it against us for years-but he still left my mum with the home-though we moved out 1 month later as mum had met someone else-I just would /could not do that to my children.They caome first and that why I get so angry . Even womans aid stated"if its the children your worried about, they are more resilient than you think" Im sorry , but I beg to differ, How the hell can anyone make that judgement on anyone individual, and why should my children be more upset than needs be???

I think the situation incredible! The last few words my lawyer said were;"Phone me with your new address, the next time I hear form you" By that time I was in tears and thinking god why dont you just go join the men mafia? he obviously has been overwhelmed by my exs lawyer and obviously doesnt seem to believe a word I say from my mouth, but look I know I could move out I know that when Im good and ready and when I know its a SFAE place to go, I damn well will, but not until I have more financila aid.My sister stated that I should go get a better, maybe female lawyer that would fight my case my thoroughly/ I dont think my lawyer was being fair in the slightest by his coment...he stated "You have mental issues and you will be a homeless single mum-so you will be an emergengency case" I thought, Look Laurel and hardy , just cause you live in cloud cuckoo land with your fat pennies, youve done me no favours.

I was thinking about going back to him, stating Ill sign the papers only on the grounding that he ( my ex) gives me a date as to when he will leave) but due to his temperment, I dont even think hed give this a consideration..Then again hes dealt with cases such as mine before , and this case is probably a bit boring for him. he thought I was being thumped black and blue and therefor he had far more interest. he doesnt get that the emotional torment, the finacila starvation, the starvation the threatening to take the children awaaway, the "you go, leave me with the kids" is threatening behaviour. Apparently thats not enough to make anyone move out..as as he ( my lawyer put it) "He has rights to you know" well excuseme...did he ever consider my rights and my childrens rights ???Is that it? is that the efort I get ? Bloody annoying-and it adds to my list of men are all bastards,,apart from my dad (hmmm-love hm, but know what hes capable of) Do you think Ive lost the plot completely-believe me I know there are nice ( hate that word) men out there, decent and supportive, and maybe loving, but the majority of them ( well it seems to me ) are just ego statit, sadonistic bastards!!!!

...and then becca my 6 yr old walks in after her bath and hair clen , having spread a huge pot of vaseline into her hair, argh!!!!

The last couple of messages you have left here, are DEFINITELY clearer and coherant. I'm glad to read these, that said Where
is the other person I've been talking to too? Not saying you have a split personality XD ;-) It's just that there have been MANY times during our conversations that I have been VERY concerned about your mental state. So I am a little worried that this new you is just in fighting mode, and you could easily go back into the distressed mode. Do you feel at ALL different lately with the pills? Are you taking them etc?

Also something else just came too mind. Has your doctor EVER stated that you are mentally ill? If not, there are 2 ways at looking at this! I HAVE thought you were suffering a nervous breakdown and were in FULL panic attack mode. And you didn't get help for that, so it isn't documented anywhere. BUT if this is the new you, and you think this is going to stay - without you having another panic attack - then this could work out in the way that you can say too his lawyer "Prove It!" basically calling his bluff! I do think that's a bit of chance though, just incase you become in a bad way again. The other way I am starting to think is for you to go to the doctors, not for your mental state help. But to do a "cleanse" so to speak!!! Get all the dirty secrets out - which will be documented - and THEN say "Him treating me like he has with the physical and emotional abuse, is what has brought me to this state, I have stopped drinking all together and feel balanced, but I am having a hard time mentally due to his constant abusive treatment of me... what can I do? I really need some help on how too deal with him and this terrible situation for the children too!"

You see he has been sneaky with going to his doctor and having everything documented. BUT that said, your secrecy might have actually been helpful! If you tell the doctor WHY you have kept everything secret - and keeping it ALL about him, not your family or anything else - then your side will be documented. You can also say he is drinking in the house, which he is etc etc.

I hope you have gotten rid of ALL the booze in the house!!! And IF you feel strong enough, this is the time to step it up. That means YOU get everything documented by a professional! YOU call in Social Services so they can see the children are well taken care of at tell them what he has done to you! There is NO WAY that the cat did that too you Katy, you are just blocking it out. And he needs too be brought to the mat about that.

It doesn't matter how many times you have been to the docs. You can say that "Everytime I intended to tell you what was REALLY going on, with what he did I panicked and was so scared of what would happen after - ie. him taking the kids, or hurting me again!" Which is the total truth, you were panicking because of "What might happen to you after letting the cat out of the bag!" Which I believe and I'm sure the specialists will totally know the signs of domestic abuse and PTD.

It's just what you think right now, IF you feel that THIS right now is going to be you! OR that this is just a blip and you need some extra help too feel like you do - right now - all the time. He has set the ball rolling and opened up Pandoras box, what you need to do now is tell the truth and set the record straight! Either way you need the doctors help in all of this, and like I said Katy Do NOT bring up ANYTHING that doesn't pertain to him being abusive. Don't mention him not doing the dishes or ALL the things he hasn't done etc. ONLY the terrible things he has done. Because - due to you being so angry - if you start talking about what he has done, you WILL get off track and then they will not take you seriously OK?!

Hi bambi-I dont even know why you think my last few messages are clearer? See, this IS me! I understand about the DISHES thing, heck, never thought of it like that before. I just think, if you both work , and if both people share, then the household duties should be shared , otherwise its realy unfair..I only work part -time, but as i usually take the girls to school and collect them. My entire day is consumed....then I try and tidy...Youd have a good laugh at that last remark if you could see this place!!! It just nneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeds hoooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvered!!!!!!!

Tried washing the vaseline out of beccas hair , over and over-i couldnt get it out

I maybe feel a bit better as yesterday I realised my cpn had written to my solicitor, and in a way its evidence to satet that I am not really a head case. It just states I have anxiety, which if you ask me is a good tool for any mum to have as long as its focused on the childrens needsTruth be told, I feel fobbed off by my solicitor...I get the impression he thinks this( oh well, its only legal aid, I think he thinks , shes not being knocked aout so shes allright really, i think he thinks he has other priorities, and I think he thinks this is less o a case and that hidden torment is too difficult to prove, especially if reportings that she is a nut job.

I am even considering going to my exs solicitor and asking her advice 8-| XD

Anyway, even though I slept in today, id better go and get my crazy butt to work, not that Im very good therer either, but acht, I get out the house, EVENTUALLY ADN TOO THE bus stop, but no lampost cuddling on the way, no non no, theyll be no more intimacy in the street thank you very mcuh..think im getting to grounds with that .....if I have a freaky episode, ill be straight on the phone to my gps as there is absolutely no grounding for one right now, god...bambi , I better go, hope to hear form you soon, Katy

Hi Bambi...well I dont know if he has opened up Pandoras box or if I have hung myself literally.

The good news is I managed to walk to work today!!!!!! I didnt have any real proper panic attack-the thought was still there, but I was in thinking mode, ( dont you dare)so managed to get there. On the downside I feel sick today, someof me is too tired to carry this throw right now. and like today, i wass sitting thinking about the good times weve had, and even the fact that we could still laugh about becca having put a entire tub of vaseline in her hair.

The there is my worry, that he might just take the kids. Then thought somemore, and Im just not ready-but I thought I was, I know its the right thing to do, and then there is this really niggling annoyance at my solicitor "Phone me with your new address!"Ive been getting the funnies in my tummies that makes mummies run out of the jungle ( so to speak , haha ha! and so tired, so going to sleep for a bit.

Ive made an appointment with my doctor, though its not till the middle of july-I might not even live that long ( the way I feel today) I felt guilty/feel guilty for putting 2 lovely children into a world thats scorched and worn by the vicious brutalities of man!!!Anyway, hope to speak soon, take care, Katy

Thats so worrying. My eldest Alex wanted to know what was up...I told her a little...she said///If uyou had any kind of problem ....dad would never help you nor me....he never would mum, thats the type of man he is...then followed by "Mum he will never leave!"I Im truly stuck between a rock and a hard place...and they are starting to squash me....well feels like that on my nose and that bone acrooss your foot.....oh dear!!!!

Hi hon: Let me tell you your conversations now and last week and month are like day and night. And the proof is in the pudding by you going to work and not being intimate with the tall dark silent type!!! :-D ;-) Like I said before hon, EVERYDAY - even from his side - cannot be all doom and gloom it would drive him around the bend! So take the light for what it is, actually the way I think Katy, if he is being nice I think it's a perfect time to get your cards on the table. As in "Listen I really like being like this with you, but I can't trust it because of what you have said and done with your solicitor..." See what he says! If you get it on better terms it just might work out better for both of you. The reasone why you feel sick is that all this anger and upset takes it's tole on you! We aren't built for emotional anslaught EVERYDAY. We can take anyone to the mat if they deserve it but we are the nuturers and can't keep at that everyday and night.

IF you get it nicer, he might just leave. And Alex has EVERY right to speak her mind even to her dad! When my husband and I were at our WORST, my boys told us to "grow up!" and "get a divorce why don't you, you are getting on our nerves"!!!! o.O o.O We were gobsmacked ! And it was a wake up call to us. So Alex can say whatever she wants too to her dad. And tell her to do so! Out of the mouth of babes right?

Also I found some ideas for you to get the Vaseline out of Becka's hair!!! XD ;-)

•Facial Tissues: Use soft tissues to blot the hair to remove as much of the Vaseline as possible.
•Cornstarch or baby powder: Apply a little cornstarch or baby powder to the hair and pat it in to absorb the petroleum jelly. Then shampoo once or twice with a clarifying shampoo. Be sure to use warm water in the shampoo, since cold water congeals the Vaseline.
•Baking soda: Mix one teaspoon of baking soda with a regular baby shampoo, then wash and rinse out. Repeat if necessary.
•Baby oil: Saturate the hair in baby oil, rub it through the hair completely and squeeze out as much as you can. Then wash the hair three times with liquid dish soap and warm water, each time leaving the dish soap on for a few minutes to allow it to work.
•Liquid dish soap with degreaser: Shampoo hair up to several times with dishwashing liquid with a degreasing agent, such as Dawn.
•Liquid laundry detergent: Shampoo hair up to several times with a liquid laundry detergent, such as Wisk.

WHOOOPSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!I read earlier that baking soda works...........erm i didnt read that you were supposed to use just a spoonful mixed in with shampoo..................typical scot,,,,,,,,,,I sprinkled it over her hair ......OMG...better get her in!!!

The thing is..I know you say this about him being good and well at present, but I resent him so much for the way he has been that when he is good, it windes me up , no end....and I start "Please dont talk to me like im your friend!!" Then it seeem that I am the baddy and so forth,,Er better go wash Becks head!

Oh I forgot to mention what he told me last night."Its you that wants this family to seperate, so its you that has to move out!" I said that , in that case, i still take the children ..he said"....take them from their home?!" He said exactly what i expect from him...he will saty here forever, and i guess my slolicitor i is right....so after a little thought , I recognised, like you had said...that thats just foolish, if I go and take the children ( which IS what I would do)...he would still have to move outof here, as this property is built for a family and not a single man....I certainly would complain to the Housing department , if he were allowed to stay put here...The reason I argue that is beacuse, the kids would visit daddy and see it as "Coming home"so they would know this place as home and daddy still wins if you understand that point. I stil think its totally unjustified that all this is happening. I still think there are too many loop holes in the legal system....I cant believethat my lawyer believes hi over me, I dont get the impression he could be BOTHERED fighting my corner as my ex took so long to "pay up" his solicitor to write that last letter. I think it peeved my lawyer off, despite me trying to communicate with him...see these men...are more mmanipulative than i could ever imagine!!! If I am an evil nasty b***h..I admit to it...If ive done something i should not have I have to OWN up, its a bit like when youve been a anaughty child and you wait to be found out...all the thing syou could say go throw your head..all the possible excuses....in the end you know your parents know you and can se throwew you,,,they jknow if your lying or if its made up....the row was never wotrth it, and st least if you owned up to it, you dget an at least ...you are being honest 8-|

Hi bambi-well, i guess Ive made my decision-that is to reapply for housing. its the only way...he told me "that I was to move..and leave the children here", well heck, thats a man who will always be lazy. he will have to move regardless.so hes just being a illy ld fool!

I was talking to my mum and I quote"this man has never shown you any kind of commitment-youve always been the one , in the end to get the house , the home ok, the furniture , the anything..obviously we have helped you, ..." In the long run it makes his meaness if theres such a word) more hidden-but even though I feel weak with exhaustion and terrified of what will be, Im thinking really , even though we have a great flat that we were lucky to get, really its the end of the line here, and now, its just not very healthy for me to have to do this ,,, as I will be blaming him all the way until ive finished carpeting redecorating and more importantly settling my children into wherever we have to go. Even if I were to go back to my soliciotr and ask to sign those papers, I reckon he would find something else to stick his heals in ,,,and so the torture progresses onwards. Its going to be really hard FOR me to do this, but its my only option.I feel weak and exhausted by all of it, and wonder what on earth my crazy head will do next to me. Today I was looking back on my behaviour and ok I laughed about it, but at the same time when I was in that place, it was an awful place to be. I can cross a road now and well it feels like Ive passed a few important tests, In a wya, I dont want to forget how I felt , so that I can understand others in time of desperation, but if I dont forget then willl i be close to cracking point again?

Actually Katy I want to tell you how TOTALLY proud of you I am!!!!! I don't think you are "weak" right now. You are showing more balls than most! I really mean that Katy, I KNOW that it is hard to get over what he has done. But think of it this way, he will be left ALONE and will have to think about what got him there. Men are VERY different to us - DUH!!!! ;-) XD They don't think the same way, act, communicate etc etc etc. And of course us being women we don't GET them. I have 3 and my dad!!!!! no wonder I keep coloring my hair!!!!!!! LOL You know I had to laugh at you the other day, but I didn't want to say it then. I just imagined you looking the same way I do - with the tiger hair and then the vacuum exploding all over you. It would be one of those episodes on Laurel and Hardy!! It's one of those where you just stand there and start laughing - a REALLY weird laugh - and everyone around you starts moving back because they are scared!!!!!! o.O :-D XD ;-) Have you ever seen that movie Money Pit? It's hilarious and there's this part where Tom Hanks starts laughing hysterically because he has HAD it!!!!

Anyways good for you to start the ball rolling, you do whats best for you and the kids. ALSO if your parents bought you anything like a couch or a kitchen table etc. You can take that! In Scotland do they consider you living together as equal to being married? Because here, it has to be 50/50 regardless if you are married or not. Also HOME is where the heart is right? Not where the 4 walls are, let me tell you - and I'm sure you can relate to this too - when kids are caught up in a terrible home life (listening to fights, seeing and hearing things you don't think they can hear) they are relieved to leave that! It is a bad memory, granted it's where they were brought up and have memories, but now there will be new memories. Get as much help as possible, we have an organization here called Women In Need. I'm sure you guys will have something like that. Reach out to them and any other social assistance place. the good thing about The Scottish Law is that they are ALL about taking care of the children 1st, so I'm sure there is more available for the kids than there is in other countries. So get a social worker and get her on it!

I know you are nervous, but look at it like this - It's a NEW start for you and your kids. The walls have no history, you can get a new vacuum!!!!!! ;-) And CLEAN and PURGE your old life! You will still have to deal with him, but when you let all that he has done out. The social worker will be the one who will organize visits with the kids etc. What you are going through and WILL go through is TOTALLY normal hon! You feel sad, angry, resentful, regret, etc. etc. The key into getting over this is to NOT let it get a hold of you! You are 33 years old, still young enough to move on with your life. Just imagine the poor women who are in their 60's and their husbands announce they are leaving them for a younger woman and they are left with nothing!!!! Now that's starting over!!!!! You are still young enough to continue with your job, and in the future find a GOOD BALANCED man! Who will commit to you and the kids and be there for you and not send you to the edge of insanity. But for now, take care of yourself and LOOK FORWARD to your future. Because it WILL be BRIGHTER including your CARPET!!!!!!! ;-) XD ;-)