I really need some advice.
I had a bad past- I loved a boy when I was 15 and a few years later we had sex and I lost my virginity to him. We broke up a year after that because he was a short-minded kind of person, not very educated, aggressive and very very insecure about me being more educated than him and going to university while he can never think of doing this. So after I broke up with him, and some months later, I met this guy who fits in every dream I have always had since little about my Prince Charming. We have the same education level, good families, very very compatible and do social works together. Now I don't know how when we had sex I bleeded (I am a girl). And he thought that I was still a virgin. I mean he knew that I had a bad past but I had not gone into such details explaining about my previous action with that bad guy. Some days later when we were talking about how wonderful it was when we were together, the issue of my virginity came up and I lied to him saying that I lost my virginity to him, that he was the first one. I was VERY afraid to hurt him, he is very sensitive and I did not want to lose him.
We are together since 2 years and he plans to marry me soon. But that bad guy (shortminded one) is still lurking around ( he is revengeful and jealous), I am afraid he might go and tell my Prince Charming the truth one day. I have still not confessed to him that he was not the first one, I know he will crumble down. We are from orthodox families and have been brought up strictly about issues like purity and morality.
SHould I risk my relationship and tell him the truth? It is important to me since my conscience has been tormenting me since the last 2 years..I can't handle it now. And he is very serious about our relationship...Will he leave me if I tell him I said a BIG lie...? Please help me? How do I tell a man such a thing? Won't he be devastated?
Honestly...it was best to be stright forward with him in the first place that way it would of been much better...but...if i was in ur situation...i would of told him he was my first.....FIRST IN A LONG TIME. So yah. Will he wouldnt crumble down hon...its not like you got pregnant. It was jux SEX. and at that moment u thought he was the right one for you. but wat can we girl say. Our love always seem to be the last but it never is....right...:D so sit that great man of urs down and tell him all about it.
P.S...... jux my advice to you young lovers or newly lovers...
if u made a mistake....tell him or her....and pass this on to ur friends and family...
if u kiss someone or if someone like you or watever the case may be...tell him/her...because if you dnt tell that mistake ... ur making something that didnt mean a thing...mean something. So if it didnt mean anything to you let it out, tell....if it meant something than dnt tell...
OR....
WHAT THEY DNT KNOW WONT HURT THEM!!! :D
I am planning to tell him this in a way so that he does not get hurt... You know, he left his girlfriend for me, when he first got to know me. He fell head over heels in love. I don't want him to regret leaving his girlfriend for someone who has already been having sex with someone else...and LIED...Oh God, I know I sound pathetic.
Thanks anyhow. You helped me a great deal.
Dear Anguished ,
having Sex never makes a person so low if it was done out of love.
M sure ur guy wasnt vigrin too before he met u - even if he was doesn matter - u making love in ur past never makes u a corrupt in my eye ! I myself is a very conservative lady in some cases but even i chose to lose my virginity in my age of 30 for the 1st time ! and m not guilty cuz i loved him ! m never gonna feel small to mention it to my husband !
We do often have to lie in course of time to avoid trouble esp when the matter u knw is trivial but whn it comes to confessing a big issue likes Virginity , Love or anything which played a significant part in ur life - i prefer tht u come up wth the TRUTH !
Now, i don knw wht m gonna share with u is gonna scare the hell out of u or not !
This is from my real life - couple of years back when i was about to get married to my 1st bf and i confesssed one very open truth (not a virginity related issue, cuz i was virgin then), i knew tht it ud hurt him yet i chose to speak the TRUTH nothing but TRUTH !
Guess wht ? :-) He broke wth me ! This is how i was rewarded !
Yet , i think i remained wht i was - I am still ready to confess BIG TRUTHs -Marriage is a Holy thing and it shudn b founded on big falsities !
i do often lie on trivial issues to avoid further hassle but m not gonna lie about the basic facts about my life - my MAN will definitely knw about my past BFs and tht i am not VIRGIN anymore !
I mean he was angry that despite being with him for almost 2 years I lied about it and hid it all from him..Now all is fine.
Thank you.
God bless u two :-)
As a guy myslf who has been in a very similar situation on the receiving end of the lie ill give you to bits of advice. 1. Avoid talking about that ex in a nice manner
2. If he ever asks, tell him that your ex pales in comparison in bed in every to him. Feel free to exaggerate, this part of his ego is vital to your sex life.
Thank you Guest, Its been such a long time since I was in this dilemma, but now all is Ok. He and I are very much into spiritual practices now and sex is not on our priority list at all, yes..however weird that might sound! (hihi) Thank you all the same, I will keep your advices in mind.
You are a lucky girl, Anguished,! I am glad you told your boyfriend the truth and he forgave you. Now concentrate on the future Have sex with him often and be enthusiastic! Ask him for sex oral and intercourse. But equally important, be ALWAYS TRUE to him!