I had an abortion of my twins?

I am a 32 year old woman and I had a termination of a twin pregnancy late last year.  At the time I thought it was the best decision at the time.  The relationship I was in was not the most stable. We had amazing times together but it was also emotionally abusive and eventually got physical. It only now that I am out of it, I realize how toxic it was.  For months he told me how much he loved me and on a daily basis he would tell me he wants to have a child with me.  I eventually got pregnant by chance!  It wasn't planned.  Then we found out it was twins.  he was 5 years younger then an.  We were both shocked by this. We were not married and come from a conservative community.  If I had his full support I would have not gone ahead with the termination of pregnancy.  He convinced me that the timing wasn't right and that he loved me And we will have our time.  I just wanted to block this pregnancy out, it was easier for me to deal with.  a large part of me didn't want to go ahead with it, but a large part of me couldn't deal with society, couldn't deal with the fact that I could be ruining his life if I went ahead with it.  And then I thought, will he even be there as a father.....what about him being abusive....I was experiencing so many different emotions.   Now almost a year later, I'm still coming to terms with it.  2 moths after the termination, our relationship fell apart, i found out he was cheating on me throughout the relationship.  It ended badly. he tried to get me back when I found out about the cheating, even to,d me he will make me pregnant again!  He knew what to say to get to me emotionally.   He eventually started sending me hate mail.  I have stopped All communication with him.  I sometimes think to myself, maybe the termination was a blessing in disguise.  The last thing I would have wanted was a dysfunctional family set up.  It's almost a year now, I'm still grieving on the loss of what could have been my family.  I think to myself, could I have coped alone...raising them on my own without him, then I try to justify this whole thing in my mind...the financial costs, would he have taken them away from me, would he have just ruined "our" lives.  I'm still battling to get over this.  Does it get easier?  Is ivf a way to get my twins back? I keep on researching the Internet to find out how I can "make this right".  I feel an incredible loss....I'm still grieving......

I am a 32 year old woman and I had a termination of a twin pregnancy late last year. At the time I thought it was the best decision at the time. The relationship I was in was not the most stable. We had amazing times together but it was also emotionally abusive and eventually got physical. It only now that I am out of it, I realize how toxic it was. For months he told me how much he loved me and on a daily basis he would tell me he wants to have a child with me. I eventually got pregnant by chance! It wasn't planned. Then we found out it was twins. he was 5 years younger then an. We were both shocked by this. We were not married and come from a conservative community. If I had his full support I would have not gone ahead with the termination of pregnancy. He convinced me that the timing wasn't right and that he loved me And we will have our time. I just wanted to block this pregnancy out, it was easier for me to deal with. a large part of me didn't want to go ahead with it, but a large part of me couldn't deal with society, couldn't deal with the fact that I could be ruining his life if I went ahead with it. And then I thought, will he even be there as a father.....what about him being abusive....I was experiencing so many different emotions. Now almost a year later, I'm still coming to terms with it. 2 moths after the termination, our relationship fell apart, i found out he was cheating on me throughout the relationship. It ended badly. he tried to get me back when I found out about the cheating, even to,d me he will make me pregnant again! He knew what to say to get to me emotionally. He eventually started sending me hate mail. I have stopped All communication with him. I sometimes think to myself, maybe the termination was a blessing in disguise. The last thing I would have wanted was a dysfunctional family set up. It's almost a year now, I'm still grieving on the loss of what could have been my family. I think to myself, could I have coped alone...raising them on my own without him, then I try to justify this whole thing in my mind...the financial costs, would he have taken them away from me, would he have just ruined "our" lives. I'm still battling to get over this. Does it get easier? Is ivf a way to get my twins back? I keep on researching the Internet to find out how I can "make this right". I feel an incredible loss....I'm still grieving......

Very high!! I have 5yr old fraternal twins and after them i got pregnant with twins and had abortion and after abortion about 2 yrs. later again twins and another abortion that i truly regret now and now again prego with twins and gonna keep them :) my dr says I'm a fertile myrtle lol

I just aborted twins , i hate myself and want to die despite the fact im very high risk, i loved those babies and im a good mommy to my three teenage sons...i knew the father wasnt goin to b with me and i was btiefly seperated from my husband who is very abusive, at conception.i too wanted to fall out of the bed when the doc saud u know its twins! I didnt know i was in a predicament with one! However, having these precious babies go through what i knew or anticipated they would endure because of me was a tiebreaker.. i regret not having them but in my heart it was no good for them. Women know if they can or cannott deal so i hope god forgives me someday but no more babies!!

I am currently 12 wks with twins and really excited abt them considering the fact that I lost a daughter 3 yrs ago and a son back in December of last yr.i currently have a six yr old. My partner doesn't want to have anything to do with this pregnancy. I'm not sure it's because we have lost 2 babies already or he really just doesn't want any more children either way his actions are causing me great hurt and I really don't wavy to go through this alone. The thought of abortion had crossed my mind more often now than ever and I some how talk myself out of it. Just been crying none stop because I want so much for my twins to live that its killing me

About 6 years ago when I was in early 20s, I found out I was preg. I was just beginning a Uni degree in new country, my partner was new & I simultaneously found out I was preg AND that he had left his 8month preg ex-partner for me. I was horrified & confident about the decision to abort, & even had to travel abroad for it as it was surgical. Was shocked to find out I had twins. Monozygotic they told me, but too early to know gender. I felt immediately that they must be boys. Boys are more common in our family & monozygotic twins are just the same egg split. It was the most difficult decision I ever made, and knew it was the right thing as I could not provide a healthy stable life for a child at that time. (Went hungry most nights, no electricity, and partner was unstable & tho he loved me, was damaged & volatile. We ended shortly afterwards.). Despite knowing it was right decision, learning from it & moving on, 3 years later I began to feel grief & loss. It creeps up quietly & sometimes catches me by surprise with irrational triggers. I picture them, silently remember how old they would be, & always cry. Sometimes for hours. It is my greatest sorrow, & one which may never leave me, but I am not striving to have children right away to relieve my sense of loss or guilt. I know when I do have children this experience will drive me to strive to be the best parent possible. Having grief is not the same as having regret. It's important to differentiate this so you do not do more harm to your psyche. Warm hugs to all who came here out of grief. Be well.

Dear Grieving, it's very common for those experiencing grief of this kind to try to have a baby very shortly afterwards. Even if they knew they made the right decision at that time. It's a way of dealing with the guilt, loss, & pain. My doctor and counsellor both told me this before I went thru with the abortion, so I was prepared. Having grief does not equal having regrets. Though I know that does not make the pain less, it helps me feel like in order to respect my own agonising decision, I must not make rash decisions based on grief. I will prob never have twins again (mine were monozygotic & so pure chance) but I will have a child, & when that time comes, my educated and healthy choices (to leave unhealthy relationship, finish my degree, & establish a stable home) will stand as platform upon which to stand & raise him her to the best of my abilities. Be well.

 Tomorrow I am going to go take the pill to abort my twins. I am only five weeks. This is the hardest thing I have ever done. I am filled with sadness and grief. I am brimming with self doubt and indecision. I was on birth control when I got pregnant, and unfortunately the father and I have ended our relationship. I found out I was with children afterwards. The hardest part is I have such a strong connection to these little ones. I had premonitions about having twins before I even became pregnant. Sometimes I even feel like I can feel them moving around, but I know that isn't so.

 But where my life is at, the stress I experience, being young and not put together, and already having a toddler, I know it is not yet time for these two to live this life. And it just tears me up. I know it will take me a long time to forgive myself, and to get over terminating this pregnancy. I want them so badly, but I want to give them a good life. I owe that to them, and I just can't provide that. I hope someday when I am on my feet, god will bless me with twins again. I would really like that.

I felt really alone, and really sad. But then I came here, and saw that there are women who have to go through the same thing. It made me feel a lot better, and brought me a lot of comfort that there are sisters who have experienced my burden, and made it out okay. I think I will be okay too.

Thank you all because I too had to abort twins. I knew I couldn't handle 3 kids on my own and I am terribly regretful. I often cry alone carrying this burden. Just hope God can forgive and yes give another chance under the right circumstances.

I just went through what you went through. I didn't know I was having twins. I didn't think it was possible. I was laying there getting drugged and I see twins on the monitor. No one in my family have ever had twins so that was the last thing I thought I was pregnant with. Now I'm very regretful and wish I didn't do it, now I have done such a horrible thing and regretful

I had an abortion with twins when I was 16..broke my heart till this day. I'm now 24 with a son... I guess my twins wasn't ready to come back....I hope they do some day

Hi I was just reading your replies and honest to god people have an abortion for many reasons and it's not that the pregnancy was unwanted. I was also pregnant with identical twins and I regret it so much and I also buried them. At first I would always go to the grave but now I'm scared to go for some reasons I still can't establish. I want my twins back bur I know they won't come back and I pray to i get that blessing again.many People who have abortions are not mean or cruel something is going on in there life where they can not bring life's into this world because of circumstances and yes you can say use contraception however it was written in life that this was going to happen. I feel sorry for every women who had to have an abortion due to life situations and there are a lot of women who can relate to this. I wish you women the best and do not torture your self's because I did and it left me scarred. After the termination I blamed my self. I asked people if I was selfish and if I was cruel and at that time I thought I was but I'm not. Only I know y I did what I did and only you know why you did what you did. Good luck girls and I hope we all are blessed with twins again.

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Very well said, & I am on the same boat. Thank you for your words of wisdom. I also feel my situation has changed my life & changed me to be a better person & mother to my 4yr old beautiful boy. It has changed me wanting more kids. I will never go against my beliefs & make any rational decision again. Due to the circumstances, what happened is behind me, I forgive myself and I will be ready when the time is right.

That was beautifully said. I thank you for your words. Really made my day better and gave me hope as well....thank you.

I agree well said