I am currently married for 2 years, and have been dating my present husband for almost 8 prior, and am only 26, he is 29. This past year has been incredibly tough, and we are starting a business together after graduation from business school, and we have been living with his parents for a year now. Our sexual life is OK- not what i would think it would be if we were alone, but OK considering where we are living and how much stress we are under. My husband is pretty conservative, traditional, honest and very straightforward. He told me once before we got married that he looked and got pleasure from internet porn, and he was worried and told me.. he wanted to make sure that was OK- and was open about it. I was upset, but now that I am married, i suppose i just thought if he needed to look at porn he would just come to me instead for his sexual needs. I will confess myself, that i did instigate a time when we both looked at the porn together, during sex, around the summer a few months ago ... and had some fun with it, but then we thought it was weird and went back to normal ways. I deleted all the downloads from our computers, and didnt ask him if it was OK..
Then, early this morning i was woken suddenly from a horrible nightmare. I dreampt my husband was cheating on me w/ my uncles girlfriend (who is a grandmother..LOL) but in the dream i was sooo mad at DH. But it might have been nothing much but a weird string of dreams b/c prior i was dreaming that my sister was cheating on her boyfriend of 7 years..lol.. BUT- none the lesss, I turned over, and felt my bed for my DH (around 5:30am) and he wasnt in the bed... (many many nights he gets up and sleeps in the living room b/c he is physiclaly very sore and lately has also been sick and coughing which he doesnt want to wake me up).. but sometimes im paranoid b/c he has his computer set up in his parents basement. So- i took this dream maybe a little too seriously, and went to the LR where he wasnt sleeping.. so then i tip toed downstairs and saw alittle blue light on, and snuck up behind him and as always see him looking at cars and has earphones on listeneing to music. (hes such a kid sometimes).. but i am forever paranoid (maybe its my very overactive imagination) that he is online w/ porn.
So, i confront him, and say i want to go upstairs and talk. So, i tell him about my dream, and that i woke up really upset.. and I said- honestly do you EVER go online w/ porn.. I said that he could tell me and it was important for me to know... and that even i am guilty of occasionally peeking at it, but only very very rarely (few x's/year)... so he says "yes- i do.. but its very very rare.. " so i say- how many times? and he says "about 1-2x's per month. normally if i have my period, or if we dont have sex for awhile"... So that got me upset and i wanted to ask more but i didnt want to push the issue too much, for fear i might make him think Im paranoid, which honestly- im not really, and i do trust him, but i think i just get jealous if hes online looking at porn. I asked him if he just looks at it for fun, or for actual pleasure (physically speaking) and he said "physically".. so that upset me- and i told him that sometimes i feel like i want sex and i dont say anything.. and he was liek "well we cant judge anything right now b/c were living w/ my parents, were under allot of stress etc.. and things will change and get better.. and asked me not to judge him right now"...
So- long story short- is it normal for this to happen? Should i ask him not to do it? I already said that I guess if he only does it a few x's year its OK b/c hes a guy- and thats normal- but is it? I am afriad b/c i hear horror stories that normal couples in love have kids, then the husband gets addicted to porn, and they split up... that seems to be the society we live in, and DH thinks im always crazy and overreacting - but maybe its just a touch of jealously, and even more strange, it makes me desire him even more. Am i sick or something? Overall i would say all things considered (and we are in a very stressful life right now) that we do have good, healthy relationship- but I just like to get some feedback, am i paranoid? is it normal? should i police him more? less? not bring it up? Wait to see if it persists?
Anyhow- thanks for reading this long, but very important post to me..
ps- i just wanted to add that i just checked my DH's computer, and went into Limewire (where we had the porn) and went into the Library where i deleted the downloads (most were my downloads..lol) and there were none ... so unless hes deleting it - which i dont think he would do- he has been honest in saying he hasnt done it in awhile and mainly was doing it a bit during the summer when we were experimenting w/ it. so- maybe i am just over reacting?
Then, early this morning i was woken suddenly from a horrible nightmare. I dreampt my husband was cheating on me w/ my uncles girlfriend (who is a grandmother..LOL) but in the dream i was sooo mad at DH. But it might have been nothing much but a weird string of dreams b/c prior i was dreaming that my sister was cheating on her boyfriend of 7 years..lol.. BUT- none the lesss, I turned over, and felt my bed for my DH (around 5:30am) and he wasnt in the bed... (many many nights he gets up and sleeps in the living room b/c he is physiclaly very sore and lately has also been sick and coughing which he doesnt want to wake me up).. but sometimes im paranoid b/c he has his computer set up in his parents basement. So- i took this dream maybe a little too seriously, and went to the LR where he wasnt sleeping.. so then i tip toed downstairs and saw alittle blue light on, and snuck up behind him and as always see him looking at cars and has earphones on listeneing to music. (hes such a kid sometimes).. but i am forever paranoid (maybe its my very overactive imagination) that he is online w/ porn.
So, i confront him, and say i want to go upstairs and talk. So, i tell him about my dream, and that i woke up really upset.. and I said- honestly do you EVER go online w/ porn.. I said that he could tell me and it was important for me to know... and that even i am guilty of occasionally peeking at it, but only very very rarely (few x's/year)... so he says "yes- i do.. but its very very rare.. " so i say- how many times? and he says "about 1-2x's per month. normally if i have my period, or if we dont have sex for awhile"... So that got me upset and i wanted to ask more but i didnt want to push the issue too much, for fear i might make him think Im paranoid, which honestly- im not really, and i do trust him, but i think i just get jealous if hes online looking at porn. I asked him if he just looks at it for fun, or for actual pleasure (physically speaking) and he said "physically".. so that upset me- and i told him that sometimes i feel like i want sex and i dont say anything.. and he was liek "well we cant judge anything right now b/c were living w/ my parents, were under allot of stress etc.. and things will change and get better.. and asked me not to judge him right now"...
So- long story short- is it normal for this to happen? Should i ask him not to do it? I already said that I guess if he only does it a few x's year its OK b/c hes a guy- and thats normal- but is it? I am afriad b/c i hear horror stories that normal couples in love have kids, then the husband gets addicted to porn, and they split up... that seems to be the society we live in, and DH thinks im always crazy and overreacting - but maybe its just a touch of jealously, and even more strange, it makes me desire him even more. Am i sick or something? Overall i would say all things considered (and we are in a very stressful life right now) that we do have good, healthy relationship- but I just like to get some feedback, am i paranoid? is it normal? should i police him more? less? not bring it up? Wait to see if it persists?
Anyhow- thanks for reading this long, but very important post to me..
ps- i just wanted to add that i just checked my DH's computer, and went into Limewire (where we had the porn) and went into the Library where i deleted the downloads (most were my downloads..lol) and there were none ... so unless hes deleting it - which i dont think he would do- he has been honest in saying he hasnt done it in awhile and mainly was doing it a bit during the summer when we were experimenting w/ it. so- maybe i am just over reacting?
Hi! Your feelings are perfectly normal, every woman feels the same. Some can cope with that while others don't.....and it's good that he admitted it.
To be honest, every healthy, normal guy does it, mine too. I can't say I don't mind sometimes but it is just the way they are and we all have to vent some way, this is their way and it is for fun and it is physical and they do enjoy it and we should be ok with it...........because we masturbate too, right?
You shouldn't be upset especially if you have a healthy relationship like you say you do. Ok, things are a bit hard right now but it will be better.
Don't worry about him, it's normal and he won't love or want you any less if he masturbates.
To be honest, every healthy, normal guy does it, mine too. I can't say I don't mind sometimes but it is just the way they are and we all have to vent some way, this is their way and it is for fun and it is physical and they do enjoy it and we should be ok with it...........because we masturbate too, right?
You shouldn't be upset especially if you have a healthy relationship like you say you do. Ok, things are a bit hard right now but it will be better.
Don't worry about him, it's normal and he won't love or want you any less if he masturbates.
Agree with Jane23 100%
Women need to losen up and let their husbands look at porn. Who cares?! You should get into to. Start seeing all the ideas and things you like in sex. Maybe things will change. Porn is just that, its just people having sex.
Women are naturally jealous and cant handle it. But the truth is that its healther for him to live his fantasies thruogh porn than cheat on you.
Good luck! :)
Women are naturally jealous and cant handle it. But the truth is that its healther for him to live his fantasies thruogh porn than cheat on you.
Good luck! :)
Give him all the sex he wants and see if he has the energy for porn
I have a huge sex drive and I am kinky and dirty in the bedroom and my boyfriend still watches porn. It's a shame that men have become lazy and selfish from porn. I would f*#k him silly everyday, but he would rather jerk off some days. I love him but I don't always want love, I just want f*%$ed .Trust me, even men that have "porn queens" for girlfriends still look at porn.
Masturbation has nothing to do with not love your wife enough. I know. Sometimes it's just an urge. And, most all of the time, I'd prefer to be jacked by my wife!
And, I'd love to have a wife that actually seeks to initiate anything. Do whatever you can for him, mix it up, jack him off in the shower, give him head when he gets home from work, sometimes a little attention helps a lot, and adds desire to the husband.
And, I'd love to have a wife that actually seeks to initiate anything. Do whatever you can for him, mix it up, jack him off in the shower, give him head when he gets home from work, sometimes a little attention helps a lot, and adds desire to the husband.
I have been with my wife for over 25 years and I have always masturbated to porn when my needs exceed hers, which is more and more often now. My wife is aware and wants to know when I have done it as she tells me the thought turns her on a litle. She has always preferrred me to finish myself off by hand and ejaculate over her and at least once a week she will masturbate me to orgasm during the night (which I love). If I wake during the night with an erection and am feeling aroused I will masturbate myself in bed while she sleeps. Should she wake she will finish me off.
The point is, couples need to be open with each other and accept each will have different sex drives and need relief at diferent times. Should the other partner not be around or not be in the mood, encourage self satisfaction and don't pretend it isn't happening. All men masturbate or have masturbated. My wife has never brought herself to orgasm and has a very low sex drive now - but she still wants me to make the most of my own pleasure and she still likes to watch.
I agree with hammymac - just let your man have his fun looking at porn so long as you both still enjoy a good sex life together.
Men usually have much higher sex drives than women and need the extra sexual release from msturbation whether its looking at porn on the net or whatever - so long as its not with another woman dont get hung up about it and encourage him to enjoy his sexuality to the full.
i wish someone could tell all this to my wife. I say even if you dont feel like having sex, show some interest in my need, jerk me off, give me oral, do something!!! Dont just ignore my sexual existence and need just because you dont feel like. I resort to masturbation regularly for this reason, lack of enough sex.
@willy24
What about when that isn't the case?
What if the woman wants it more often and is up for it anytime but her man still looks at it?
What does that mean ?
What about when that isn't the case?
What if the woman wants it more often and is up for it anytime but her man still looks at it?
What does that mean ?
It seems as though every relationship has one that wants it and one that doesn't. It's sad that men seem to lose desire though cause I know a lot of kind, sexy, lovable and kinky ladies that are just dying to have sex with their SO but their guys have lost their drives. These gals have kept their figures, dress sexy, get hit on by other men, but the one person in the world that they'd love to get attention from isn't the least bit interested....I'm not sure if I can play any harder to get...geeez, I think I masturbate more than a 14 yr old boy these days cause my SO only has desire for me about 2 or 3 times a month.
We grow up being told that men have this huge drive, but someone forgot to tell us that was only when they are single or in a VERY new relationship ):
We grow up being told that men have this huge drive, but someone forgot to tell us that was only when they are single or in a VERY new relationship ):
You guys keep referencing this as "masturbation". This isn't just masturbation. This is watching porn. There are plenty of online articles discussing porn in marriages, and I have yet to find one that says it's okay.
Porn is often just an aid to masturbation. Most guys need something visual to get to orgasm, while many women can reach it purely phisicaly. And you say that no internet articles say its ok? how about you develop your own opinion for once. Don't base your views on something just becuase someone said it on the internet.
Honestly, this website gives my opinion, word for word, and is the best advice I could give.
***this post is edited by moderator *** *** web addresses not allowed***Please read our Terms of Use