Now that I have your attention. My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years now. she is a divorcee with two wonderful little boy I absolutely love. The problem is in her marriage her ex only wanted to spend to spend time with her when he wanted sex and it seems it has caused a Pavlovian effect on her. I am a lot more intimate and physical nonsexually than her ex was. i like to just walk up behind her and kiss her neck, tell her i think she is beautiful and then carry on with what i was doing, or to just let her snuggle with me on the couch. Simple small thing. I work construction and most nights I just want her to be with me. Well i noticed that anytime she snuggles or cuddles when the boys aren't around or asleep it always leads to sex. I don't mind. she is a wonderful lover. the problem became clear two nights ago when the boys were at her brothers house spending the night with cousins. i asked her to come lay on the couch with me and watch a movie. She told me she didn't feel up to sex. Okay. I told her I wasn't after sex I just wanted her to relax with me and watch a movie. she gave me the most incredulous and disbelieving look. but she relented and started the movie with me after a nice quiet dinner. I am a pretty big guy at just shy of six four so I take up the entire couch. That was no big deal she sat on my lap and eventually lay down on my chest. Like I said before I like to just touch her and feel her skin. I don;t know why it is just my fetich I guess. But I was stroking her back through the movie thinking nothing about it beyond enjoy the time with her. As the credits began roll she made this groaning exasperated sound and rolled onto her stomach on top of me and reached into short. I jumped and asked her what she was doing. she told me she knew I was really after sex. Any mood that might have been forming that killed it. I sat up spilling her on the couch. I told her I really just wanted her to watch the movie with me if my stroking her back gave her the wrong impression i was sorry. She just stared at me with this angry look as I talked. Then she burst into tears and locked herself in the bathroom. she finally came out and went to bed. I wanted an hour or so to join her to give her a little space. I have tried to talk to her about it since then but she refuses to talk about it and changes the subject. I am afraid to ask her to do anything like snuggling or watching a movie with me until I know what I should do. Any helpful advice?
Hi, from a woman's point of view I can say that she is little messed up emotionally. She seems to think that sex is what you need to be happy which a lot of men are like that. She is just so use to giving in for that reason she thinks anytime you do something nice you are expected to be rewarded with sex. My best friends husband is like that, if her back is hurting her and he rubs it, he is owed a bj in his mind and will b***h and b***h till she sucks him off for 20 minutes over a 5 minute back rub. You don't have to bring up the situation from that night. Just say "Julie, (or whatever her name is), a lot of times I just like holding you or having you near me. I enjoy just lying next to you. when I come home I'm too tired to even have sex most of the time, but I still just want you sitting next to me. Just because I show you attention I don't want you to feel obligated to have sex with me. I'm not that way, never have been. Please don't think you owe me something because you don't." She may not want to hear it but you need to say it. She can be a grown up about it and listen to what you have say. It's not a lot to ask. If she refuses to listen, tell her she's acting like a 15 year old, you need her to listen.