hello, I am eight months pregnant me and my husband are constantly at each others throat because i have no sex drive period! I am absolutly miserable when we are intimate and i need some help and advice I have never in my life had a orgasm,I am ashamed to ask my doctor why i cant achieve sexual arousal,It is not my husband but he feels like it is him he has even accused me of cheating because i dont want to have sex,and thats not the case at all!even before i got pregnant my sex drive was low.I am not insecure i am a very attractive woman i am 24 years old i should have a great sex life but for as long as i can remember my sex drive has been not existent! does any one know why or does any one know of something over the counter that could help me and our marriage before he starts to step out he feels unwanted and i really understand i am going crazy i have tried everything i dont know what to do!! help someone please?
Dear Savannah: Were you sexually active BEFORE you met with your husband? Loss of Libido in Women has always been scorned upon - usually by men - with the words, Frigid, "she has a headache" etc. It is so demeaning for women isn't it? We ARE by nature sexual beings, so when we have low libido or NO libido we feel less like a woman.
From another point of view you are 8 MONTHS PREGNANT!!! Hardly a time to be doing the sexual olympics! When I had my 1st child I had severe vaginal trauma. It was physically impossible for my husband and I to become intimate. And due to the pain that I was in, I looked at my husband as the enemy. And everytime he had "THAT LOOK!" I was thinking to myself "NEVER in a million years buddy!" I resented him for not being sympathetic and he resented me for "punishing him!" He just thought that I was mad and was holding back, I have NEVER used sex as a weapon, but try and tell that to a man, right?
Your husband does sound insecure about the whole thing and for him to suggest that you are cheating is a low blow! IF you have always had the same problem it will be hormonal. But IF it has hit an all time low with your husband then you need to REALLY take a look at your sexual relationship. Men and women are completely different - duh!!! - men do not need tenderness or compassion to have sex, we do! And IF it's not given, we do NOT feel like giving them what they want. It's not a game, but it is kind of - does that make sense? How are we supposed to be intimate (when we REALLY don't feel like even being touched) if they can't even show a little tenderness and understanding! It's a catch 22, they will ONLY give you something if you give them something! No matter how many times you tell them what you need, they will think it's on purpose!
Due to you being confident in yourself and how your present yourself, your husband will feel even more insecure. BUT there is NOTHING you can do about that, that is his problem to work out, NOT to upset you but just watch out for the accusations OK? Sometimes when a partner is about to or has strayed they turn it on the other person. I am NOT saying this is your husband, but just be careful! My husband strayed on me but this was after a year and half of not having sex - no excuse - but he finally confessed that he was SO angry with me and needed something! It was and is devestating to me, and like I said to him "well that's the ULTIMATE payback isn't it?" When your partner knows that you are DOWN and feeling like an IT! They attack more, which makes you even less likely to even lay there and go through it! My ex gynecologist actually froze my entire vagina once and told me to go home and just "lay there......" o.O >:( I was SO humiliated and felt like NOTHING!!
I have had more injections than I care to mention, both vaginally and for hormones. There IS a patch that has a lot of testerone in it - which is our primary sexual hormone.
As someone that has suffered for years there is something I must mention to you. Men think with their penis's and we think with our heart! IF you feel at all unloved or respected or even thought of, your heart/mind WILL shut off to the person that is hurting you! You don't mean to - WELL most of the time ;-) - but that is just how we are built! And your husband WILL shut off what you need to punish you! What they don't understand is this - WHEN you play the game of love like that, you WILL loose!
Our brain is the biggest sex organ! It's NOT the penis, it's not the vagina or the clitoris or the questionable G-Spot! It's how the mind works and what it wants. That is why we are stimulated with a beautiful looking person, or a funny warm person. We are soothed with words and actions. So before seeing a doctor about hormones - which you cant get till after you've finshed breastfeeding - really take a look at how you truly feel - sexually - about him!
Also take stock of how YOU feel about sex! hangups, experiences etc. Also you have to be comfortable with youself and your own body for you to be able to be comfortable with anyone else> I had to go to a special vaginal physiotherapist and she told me to go to a sex toy store for this kind of vibrator!!!! o.O If I had a mask I would have worn one, but the young girl that was there said that about 60% of her customers were females with libido problems!! so we are not alone!Billions of dollars are used for male sexual problems but nada for women. Because people still think we are frigid. We have stresses, hormone imbalances etc but that doesn`t count.
if you write down how your husband is making you feel and give it to him to read, just so he knows he IS hurting you! And believe me you wont be embarresed anymore after the birth of your baby!!!! ;-) XD If you don`t ask you cannot get help rightÉ Sorry for going on and on. But I just wanted to cover the bases! so evaluate and if you need to talk or vent I`m usually on here OK! good luck and health to you and your baby
From another point of view you are 8 MONTHS PREGNANT!!! Hardly a time to be doing the sexual olympics! When I had my 1st child I had severe vaginal trauma. It was physically impossible for my husband and I to become intimate. And due to the pain that I was in, I looked at my husband as the enemy. And everytime he had "THAT LOOK!" I was thinking to myself "NEVER in a million years buddy!" I resented him for not being sympathetic and he resented me for "punishing him!" He just thought that I was mad and was holding back, I have NEVER used sex as a weapon, but try and tell that to a man, right?
Your husband does sound insecure about the whole thing and for him to suggest that you are cheating is a low blow! IF you have always had the same problem it will be hormonal. But IF it has hit an all time low with your husband then you need to REALLY take a look at your sexual relationship. Men and women are completely different - duh!!! - men do not need tenderness or compassion to have sex, we do! And IF it's not given, we do NOT feel like giving them what they want. It's not a game, but it is kind of - does that make sense? How are we supposed to be intimate (when we REALLY don't feel like even being touched) if they can't even show a little tenderness and understanding! It's a catch 22, they will ONLY give you something if you give them something! No matter how many times you tell them what you need, they will think it's on purpose!
Due to you being confident in yourself and how your present yourself, your husband will feel even more insecure. BUT there is NOTHING you can do about that, that is his problem to work out, NOT to upset you but just watch out for the accusations OK? Sometimes when a partner is about to or has strayed they turn it on the other person. I am NOT saying this is your husband, but just be careful! My husband strayed on me but this was after a year and half of not having sex - no excuse - but he finally confessed that he was SO angry with me and needed something! It was and is devestating to me, and like I said to him "well that's the ULTIMATE payback isn't it?" When your partner knows that you are DOWN and feeling like an IT! They attack more, which makes you even less likely to even lay there and go through it! My ex gynecologist actually froze my entire vagina once and told me to go home and just "lay there......" o.O >:( I was SO humiliated and felt like NOTHING!!
I have had more injections than I care to mention, both vaginally and for hormones. There IS a patch that has a lot of testerone in it - which is our primary sexual hormone.
As someone that has suffered for years there is something I must mention to you. Men think with their penis's and we think with our heart! IF you feel at all unloved or respected or even thought of, your heart/mind WILL shut off to the person that is hurting you! You don't mean to - WELL most of the time ;-) - but that is just how we are built! And your husband WILL shut off what you need to punish you! What they don't understand is this - WHEN you play the game of love like that, you WILL loose!
Our brain is the biggest sex organ! It's NOT the penis, it's not the vagina or the clitoris or the questionable G-Spot! It's how the mind works and what it wants. That is why we are stimulated with a beautiful looking person, or a funny warm person. We are soothed with words and actions. So before seeing a doctor about hormones - which you cant get till after you've finshed breastfeeding - really take a look at how you truly feel - sexually - about him!
Also take stock of how YOU feel about sex! hangups, experiences etc. Also you have to be comfortable with youself and your own body for you to be able to be comfortable with anyone else> I had to go to a special vaginal physiotherapist and she told me to go to a sex toy store for this kind of vibrator!!!! o.O If I had a mask I would have worn one, but the young girl that was there said that about 60% of her customers were females with libido problems!! so we are not alone!Billions of dollars are used for male sexual problems but nada for women. Because people still think we are frigid. We have stresses, hormone imbalances etc but that doesn`t count.
if you write down how your husband is making you feel and give it to him to read, just so he knows he IS hurting you! And believe me you wont be embarresed anymore after the birth of your baby!!!! ;-) XD If you don`t ask you cannot get help rightÉ Sorry for going on and on. But I just wanted to cover the bases! so evaluate and if you need to talk or vent I`m usually on here OK! good luck and health to you and your baby
Hi Savannah, I just came across this thread and I noticed that you haven't replied in awhile. Were you able to take Bambi's advice and use it? How are you doing? Have you been having sex or are you still not feeling very sexual right now? Let me know. Thanks!