Hi! My name is Jessica, I am 27 and gave birth to my first precious baby boy on May 14, 2008 and he was only 6lb 8oz yet I had massive tearing and feces leaking through the vagina. I had one repair then two weeks later could hardly walk because I was in so much pain, went to the doctor and he admited me strait to the med center because I had an infection and another operation to clean it all up. The original wound looked good but the infection caused another tear. The first operation was in Aug 08.
In October I went into the hospital for a check-up..either I would be healing or if not I would wake up with a colostomy...I woke up with a colostomy...ugh..I hate it but have learned to deal with it but still not very comfortable with doing active things much less swimming..tried that..didn't work too well.
In Jan 09 I had another repair operation and all went well and had an outpatient proceedure in April 08 and my surgeon went in with a scope just to see the progress..all was looking good but I still had a hole, literally the size of the tip of a ball point pen. So we gave it more time and planned my last operation for this past June 25 which would also be the reversal of my colostomy just to wake up to find out that the ity bity pen hole wasn't healed.
The doc said that I was the first person in 15 years that he hasn't been able to "fix". He had deep sorrow in his face and said sorry at least ten times. He said what needs to happen now is...take muscle from my butt or thigh and fix the hole that way because if the scar tissue hasn't taken by now it isn't going to but he has never had this issue before much less done it so he is talking to other doctors and trying to find the "right" doctor for me.
At this point it has been over a year, I have missed most of my son's first year by being in the hospital, loopy on meds and/or not being able to even pick him up again besides the fact that I lost my job and it has just been overall the hardest year of my life with my health, mentally and the stress that the financial status and everything has taken on my marriage has all just been soooo hard. I have just wanted to give up. I sit here and just cry and cry very often but I always try to pick myself back up and keep going. I just want to be "normal" and have strength and just be me again.
At this point is there any hope that I will be "repaired"?
Please share your stories or any words of encouragement!
Advice??
Thank you,
Jessica
In October I went into the hospital for a check-up..either I would be healing or if not I would wake up with a colostomy...I woke up with a colostomy...ugh..I hate it but have learned to deal with it but still not very comfortable with doing active things much less swimming..tried that..didn't work too well.
In Jan 09 I had another repair operation and all went well and had an outpatient proceedure in April 08 and my surgeon went in with a scope just to see the progress..all was looking good but I still had a hole, literally the size of the tip of a ball point pen. So we gave it more time and planned my last operation for this past June 25 which would also be the reversal of my colostomy just to wake up to find out that the ity bity pen hole wasn't healed.
The doc said that I was the first person in 15 years that he hasn't been able to "fix". He had deep sorrow in his face and said sorry at least ten times. He said what needs to happen now is...take muscle from my butt or thigh and fix the hole that way because if the scar tissue hasn't taken by now it isn't going to but he has never had this issue before much less done it so he is talking to other doctors and trying to find the "right" doctor for me.
At this point it has been over a year, I have missed most of my son's first year by being in the hospital, loopy on meds and/or not being able to even pick him up again besides the fact that I lost my job and it has just been overall the hardest year of my life with my health, mentally and the stress that the financial status and everything has taken on my marriage has all just been soooo hard. I have just wanted to give up. I sit here and just cry and cry very often but I always try to pick myself back up and keep going. I just want to be "normal" and have strength and just be me again.
At this point is there any hope that I will be "repaired"?
Please share your stories or any words of encouragement!
Advice??
Thank you,
Jessica
Hi Jessica: I TOTALLY feel for you honey. I too had a grade 3 tear and basically delivered my son through my anus. It took over a year for everything to be fine, but I still suffer from time to time with a prolapsed pelvic floor and a dip in my rectum.
What I find encouraging is that your doctor doesn't have the GOD syndrome! He is looking out for your best interest and health and is looking for someone to help you further. You wont be the only one with this honey! Your just the only one HE's seen! So have faith in him that he WILL find you some help. ALSO you can research on line, just be careful about getting on sites where there are hypochondriacts talking about OVER the TOP things that will make you so upset!! I don't get those people at all!!!
Your body has been through a LOT!!! And it needs to be able to recitfy itself again, but you feel powerless in not being able to help it along. IF you think about it Jessica, what would be the worst area on your body for you to get a cut or a tear?!!! And an infection, so this is SO hard to keep clean - to stop the infection of course - and dry to be able to operate - it's a Catch 22. Many people who have had colon, vaginal, anal surgery have a hard time recovering BECAUSE of the area itself! So don't be hard on yourself OK? I know it's hard, embarrassing, upsetting, UNSETTLING etc. But it's just something that many people will have to go through. I am NOT saying you don't deserve to be absolutely fed up and upset by the whol thing, you are MORE than entitled! I just want you to know that you aren't the only one! When you feel isolated and feel that this can only be happening to you, I know it can be it easier for you if you know that others have and are going through it. Do you understand my point?
Before your doctor finds a specialist for you, I want you to write down the questions you want to ask and want answered! It is best for you to have them written down, so you don't forget and then kick yourself after! This way it is ALL covered. Are you able to do pelvic and anal exercises or is it too sensitive? I just know that this helps greatly with muscle recovery YET there's no point in looking like this o.O the entire time ;-) I just know that when I was healing I would have rather had pins shoved in my eyes then do THOSE exercises, but each time It got a little easier. 14 years after I'm still not 100% but compared to where I was I'm a 1000%!!! You can't go through what you, myself and millions have gone through and ever be the same right? You just have to accept a new normal! So now I'm "normal" normal for the new me! And you WILL be there too honey I promise. I wish you nothing but LOVE, HEALTH and RECOVERY!!!!! If you ever need to vent just vent away, you can call me any name you want, let it all out on here, better out than in honey! I am talking to another lady virtually in the exact same situation as you right now, who is having an operation today. So I will pray for both of you! It will be a bad memory soon enough!
What I find encouraging is that your doctor doesn't have the GOD syndrome! He is looking out for your best interest and health and is looking for someone to help you further. You wont be the only one with this honey! Your just the only one HE's seen! So have faith in him that he WILL find you some help. ALSO you can research on line, just be careful about getting on sites where there are hypochondriacts talking about OVER the TOP things that will make you so upset!! I don't get those people at all!!!
Your body has been through a LOT!!! And it needs to be able to recitfy itself again, but you feel powerless in not being able to help it along. IF you think about it Jessica, what would be the worst area on your body for you to get a cut or a tear?!!! And an infection, so this is SO hard to keep clean - to stop the infection of course - and dry to be able to operate - it's a Catch 22. Many people who have had colon, vaginal, anal surgery have a hard time recovering BECAUSE of the area itself! So don't be hard on yourself OK? I know it's hard, embarrassing, upsetting, UNSETTLING etc. But it's just something that many people will have to go through. I am NOT saying you don't deserve to be absolutely fed up and upset by the whol thing, you are MORE than entitled! I just want you to know that you aren't the only one! When you feel isolated and feel that this can only be happening to you, I know it can be it easier for you if you know that others have and are going through it. Do you understand my point?
Before your doctor finds a specialist for you, I want you to write down the questions you want to ask and want answered! It is best for you to have them written down, so you don't forget and then kick yourself after! This way it is ALL covered. Are you able to do pelvic and anal exercises or is it too sensitive? I just know that this helps greatly with muscle recovery YET there's no point in looking like this o.O the entire time ;-) I just know that when I was healing I would have rather had pins shoved in my eyes then do THOSE exercises, but each time It got a little easier. 14 years after I'm still not 100% but compared to where I was I'm a 1000%!!! You can't go through what you, myself and millions have gone through and ever be the same right? You just have to accept a new normal! So now I'm "normal" normal for the new me! And you WILL be there too honey I promise. I wish you nothing but LOVE, HEALTH and RECOVERY!!!!! If you ever need to vent just vent away, you can call me any name you want, let it all out on here, better out than in honey! I am talking to another lady virtually in the exact same situation as you right now, who is having an operation today. So I will pray for both of you! It will be a bad memory soon enough!
Hey Bambi! Thank you so much for your kind words. It sure does make you feel better when you don't feel so alone is feeling the way you do when you go through something like this. Things are just tough to say the least but you understand this. I finally got in touch with my doc and it looks like they found someone about two hours away for this next proceedure but we have got to talk more and get my questions answered and so on. I am not looking forward to trips to the doc that far away in pain and with a one year old but if that is what it takes to get me well that is what I will do.
I am really feeling really bad today...one of my worse days so I'm going to go for now and will write more when I feel a bit better.
I am really feeling really bad today...one of my worse days so I'm going to go for now and will write more when I feel a bit better.
Hi Jess: I know what you mean TOTALLY The good thing is that there IS someone. So when you feel a bit better, get EVERYTHING written down and then go over it again. And let both doctors know that these "liitle meetings" will only be able to happen once!!!! Because of your situation I am SURE they will understand. You like myself, will also have a hard time recovering because of lifting your little angel of pain LOL ;-) It just adds more strain to the area! IF you can get someone to watch her then that would be FAR better! Just be empowered - if that makes sense - take control and say that you can ONLY do the one trip so make it a good one!!! And that you have a newborn and need all the help you can get. They don't offer any until you ask. I don't know which country you are in, but just ask away if there is help - even the colitis and chrons society! Ask away! Also if there is anyone you know with a van so you can lay down in the back, ALL the better for you! Also see if there is a patient transfer ambulance OR handibus that could transfer you, instead of you driving. If you get a doctor to help you out finding things that can help you then all the better. BEFORE the procedure, find out EVERYTHING you will need - Pads, Sitz Bath, Squirt Bottle, Freezable Sanitary Pads, Epsom Salts, Hydrogen Peroxide, Donut - if you can stand it, SOFT pillow I didn't like the donuts becuse they had gravity on my bum!!!! o.O So I brought around a REALLY pretty SOFT THICK FEATHERED pillow!!! That was like sitting on air!! So get one of those - best to send out someone with a list. IF someone can go with you, bring them AND the list of questions. Because when you are in pain your brain doesn't absorb information very well. IF you are still breastfeeding you will need to know what Pain medication you can take that will be ok through the breast milk. IF you have everything you need before the surgery you wont be in a panic after! Let me know how you are doing and what the next step is OK? REmember ASK and you shall hopefully receive! And DON'T take NO for an answer. Phone The local CC organization, if you want just tell me where you live and I will find everything for you. So you can just phone 1 or 2 places or email instead of getting the runaround OK? Feel bettter honey!
It is great to meet someone with so much knowlege and such wonderful advise...things I have never thought of before. I am in Macon, Ga and will be traveling to Atlanta, Ga; I think anyway..
I promise I will write more later...I am in tons of pain right now but reading is making me feel mentally better whish it could help this physical pain too, ugh!
Thanks Bambi; you are great! XD
I promise I will write more later...I am in tons of pain right now but reading is making me feel mentally better whish it could help this physical pain too, ugh!
Thanks Bambi; you are great! XD
Hi hon: I found a couple of places in Macon and Atlanta for you, the best would be to contact the Health South in Macon they offer home care and transportation for the disabled! Your condition is classified as a disability under the Americans With Disabilities Act!
here are the links and phone numbers
http://www.healthsouth.com/
Healthsouth's phone number is 478-471-3500, they are at 3351 Northside Drive in Macon
In Atlanta there is a support group for Crohn's and Colitis Foundation their number is 404-982-3859
Here is a list of ALL the Gastroenterologists in Atlanta
http://www.atlantagastro.com/physicians/
Another for vaginal reconstruction and EVERYTHING that goes with that
http://www.emoryhealthcare.org/departments/ob/general_gyn.html
One of the 1st things I think you should do is get a disability claim going, so you can get a sticker etc. Here in Canada they give you temporaroy ones for upto 6 months and a blue one for 5 years at a time!
So I KNOW you are overwhelmed and in pain right now :cry: I thought whenever you get a moment you can phone these guys and get to see about some help! OK? Have a better night honey!
here are the links and phone numbers
http://www.healthsouth.com/
Healthsouth's phone number is 478-471-3500, they are at 3351 Northside Drive in Macon
In Atlanta there is a support group for Crohn's and Colitis Foundation their number is 404-982-3859
Here is a list of ALL the Gastroenterologists in Atlanta
http://www.atlantagastro.com/physicians/
Another for vaginal reconstruction and EVERYTHING that goes with that
http://www.emoryhealthcare.org/departments/ob/general_gyn.html
One of the 1st things I think you should do is get a disability claim going, so you can get a sticker etc. Here in Canada they give you temporaroy ones for upto 6 months and a blue one for 5 years at a time!
So I KNOW you are overwhelmed and in pain right now :cry: I thought whenever you get a moment you can phone these guys and get to see about some help! OK? Have a better night honey!
How are you doing Jessica?
Hi Jessica: Sorry to bother you! Just keep thinking about you and how you are doing? Hope you feel better honey! Dawn