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I wonder if there are any people here who recognize what I am going through? I used to pay an awful lot of attention to the way I looked. I had a great job and could afford wonderful clothes. In fact, I never used to leave the house without make up, even to go to the bakery to pick up a loaf of break. Fast forward to now. I became a mom four years ago, and have let things slide since then. I often wear cheap casual clothes because they get dirty so quickly, between a four year old craft loving girl and a year old teething toddler, I can't put my good clothes on anymore. Not to mention I have put on weight anyway. And make up?? Remind me what that is again, pretty please? I have lost my self consciousness. Sort of. Not enough so to be oblivious to the fact that it is going on, but it was only when I got together with a childless friend that I had not seen in years last week that I realized what had really happened to me. She was so stunning. Made up, nicely dressed and spit free. I felt so plain looking and tired next to her. Not that my kids are not worth it but... Perhaps it is time to snap out of this? I truly feel that I need to appear on one of those make over programs they have on TV. I want ME back!!! Can anyone help?

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Hi There! I can sympathize with how you feel, as I understand that when people have a child or childen, then it can be difficult to find time for yourself. As a single 32 year old, I don't have children, but have alot of family who do have children. When I babysitt I find that alot of my time is devoted to looking after the child or children whom I am babysitting.

For a change of character, the novelty of knowing that I am not paying so much attention to my needs gives me a new kind of pride.

As I am getting older, I have started to realise that the clothes that I wear may have lesser value to me regarding the way I'm seen by others. I'm starting to feel that it is my smile, my inner confidence, showing outwardly, which could be more attractive than what it is I am wearing, or how much make-up I have on.

I do dress up sometimes, though I kind of go for the bohemiam look abit more these days, my style is in my head, and this comes out when I buy the odd top, jeans etc.

One thing I do pay abit more attention to these days, is my hair. I read in a magazine, an article concerning how women use their hair styles in different fashions, I think it basically meant, how we can change our image from day to day based on how we wear our hair.

Having grown mine, I do random styles, plait it, put it in a pony tail, sideways, there's always, wear it down, usually when I don't have the time to mess with it. Just another option of basic choices of what to do with it, if you don't have alot of money to keep getting styled or don't want to feel the need to pop to the hairdressers every month, (I haven't been in a long time).

I can sympathize that when you compare yourself with other people, friends, it can feel like you care less about clothes/make-up etc when in fact deep down I guess you must, or maybe you feel abit out of place when someone makes alot more effort with their appearance.

I would just be happy being myself, but then when I feel I'd like to fit in more, I try not to take the drastic approaches, hence, If I want to meet a man, sometimes I worry that if I don't look 'fine' as in my best clothes and make-up/shoes etc I won't meet anymore, but then at the same time, I don't want to over do it, as it wouldn't be the real me, what would happen if he found out I wasn't as attractively pristine as I appeared whilst I was out?

For me I take the softly, softly approach, more often now, I feel I'd like to be accepted for my confidence, my smile, my conversation and intelligence, and of course also for my looks, though I don't want to over do my looks since, I am who I am!.

All the best wishes :-)
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Now what I have to say PLEASE DO NOT TAKE OFFENSIVE, there is nothing wrong with you, you have a mind set of what you use to be before you gave birth to the miracles you have in your life, it may be easier said than done, I know how some people have to check every little detail about them self before they leave the house, but I grew up being the kind of person, it didnt matter how I looked in the morning, I'd go out with bed head, tattered clothes, I never wore name brand stuff, why because I thought it was over rated. I get the feeling you want to be the center of attention, wearing the nicest clothes, having the nicest items. Its a mind set you need to over come. I get the feeling you care what people think or say about you, the problem is, YOU ARE YOU! Don't let any one else tell you other wise. I saw this all over the place when I was in school, it may be important to you on what you wear and how you look, but your true friends wont care what you wear or how you look from day to day. I was one of those people that alway thought that people who do everything to make sure they look there best, have no self confidence for the fact they are always trying to please everyone around them, when its what you do to please your self that matters. Try to keep in mind, your children come first in most situations than you, but some situations YOU DO need to put your self first. Only reason I say such things, I lived at the bottom of the barrel through out all my schooling career, I've seen how people operate, I suffer from several disorders that allow me to see how things do operate. Its a matter of over coming the smaller problems before you can take on the bigger problems.
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Well, you know, all this about being confident because you are a nice person, devoted mother and you don’t care what people say about you is ok in theory and of course it’s all true, but we are humans and we simply feel good when we look nice. That is no sin – Vinnie is not going to neglect her kids and rest of her life just so she could go shopping and brag about it to her friends. She just wants to make changes in the way she lives so she would feel better. That can only be a good thing. Make-over shows are just too drastic to me, maybe you can start with making yourself wear one fancy thing a day?
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