is there anyone who can guide me abt living a happy life after being cheated,distorted nd left in pain :(. i loved a guy alot we had a relationship of 4.5 yrs nd finally he left me for a very stupid reason and was doublecrossing me as well. but the sad part is that i loved him unconditionally nd gave everything to him and so as i feel very disheartened plz help me how can i live my married life happily without letting my husband know abt my broken hymen....... am 21 now. plz help me......... guide me.......... i dont want any problems in my married life help me plz
You have to be honest with your husband/boyfriend when you meet him. I assume you're living in America and nearly all Americans lose their virginity before marriage. Sex is a big deal, but it's not that big of a deal. I'm guessing you're religious, which is why you feel bad about this, but trust me, it's nothing to feel bad about. Very few people are virgins when they get married. I would venture to say almost no men are. I doubt your husband will be a virgin so don't worry. If he is, that's fine as long as you're honest with him and he knows you're not. If he's the kind of guy who won't marry someone who's not a virgin, then he's a sexist loser and you're better off without him. Your virginity or lack thereof is not a reason for a man to love you or not love you. Any man who judges you on your lack of virginity is a loser, and frankly, the minority. So be honest, don't try to hide it, and a good man won't care at all.
Hi think something happened in dream and leave it.
and lead a very good life with your husband. dnt feel guilt about that b****r and suffer.
This is such an insensitive answer!
"You have to be honest with your husband/boyfriend when you meet him" To talk about such issues when you first meet is very difficult, especially where moral standards are expected.
"nearly all Americans lose their virginity before marriage." Many do not. Many value their virginity. This probably is an comment on those with whom you associate.
"Sex is a big deal, but it's not that big of a deal." Sexual intercourse is a very big deal. It is not just intimacy, but a bonding action. Do not assume everyone shares your low esteem of sex.
"I'm guessing you're religious, which is why you feel bad about this" That is so bigoted! Religious people are not the only people who feel bad about being cheated, distorted and left in pain. They are not the only ones with moral standards and value virginity.
"trust me, it's nothing to feel bad about." Why would she trust you? She has every right to feel bad about what happened.
"Very few people are virgins when they get married." That is untrue. Although a lot of people are not virgins when they marry, many are, and even more marry the person to whom they lost their virginity. Not everyone is promiscuous.
"I would venture to say almost no men are." Another sweeping statement with no justification. Many men are indeed virgins when they marry.
"If he's the kind of guy who won't marry someone who's not a virgin, then he's a sexist loser ... Any man who judges you on your lack of virginity is a loser". No, not necessarily so. It might be his moral conviction. Would you say the same about the many women who would not marry a man who is not a virgin? Those who are promiscuous would be considered by many as losers.
"a good man won't care at all." A good man will care, though he might well also understand certain circumstances. Her is someone who is hurting. She needs someone who will care!
I am sorry to hear of your distress, and I understand some of your concerns, but I need some more background.
"how can i live my married life happily without letting my husband know abt my broken hymen""my married life ... my husband"Are you married?Where do you live?"without letting my husband know abt my broken hymen"It will be difficult to prevent him from discovering your broken hymen. You may be able to have sex with him without him realising your hymen is broken, but he might find out about your relationship later. The guy with whom you had a relationship might tell. There are hymen reconstruction procedures available in some countries, and there is a way to show blood from intercourse, but the secret might be difficult to bear, and would probably lead to marital problems.What are the cultural or religious circumstances?"how can i live my married life happily"What do you mean by "happily"?What are the circumstances of your previous relationship? You don't say much about it. You are concerned about a having a happy marriage, yet it seems you gave your virginity to this guy outside of marriage. So you could never enter marriage as a virgin. Or did he rape you? Or was it broken some way other than by sexual intercourse?
There may well be some men from your culture who are prepared to accept a girl who is not a virgin, but would need to establish the current state of your moral perspective. But you will have to face up to exactly what happened in your previous sex life.
- Why did you have sex before marriage if virginity is important for marriage
- How are you going to ensure that the person you meet does not have sex with you without marriage, and then leave you?
- What are your real morals and values concerning sex?
These are just a few questions I would ask before being able to offer robust advice.
You may be better registering and then you will be able to talk in private if necessary.
I hope this helps as a start