motivation quitting marijuana

I am so happy to have found this site! What a great forum! First of all, I would like to thank everyone who is posting and being so candid about their struggles to quit. It's not easy. I am writing in from a different perspective though. I am not a smoker but I am living with one. I would love to see him quit and I am looking for some guidance as to how to support him. I know he won't do it for me or for anyone else so I've stopped badgering him about it. It's odd that we ended up together in the first place since I am as square as you can get...never tried the stuff or ever been drunk --weird I know. I now work in healthcare specifically working with people with respiratory issues so, I have always tried to push the health ramifications but I now know that it doesn't make a difference. He's tried to stop smoking in the past--last week for example, but I know that he's gone back after only 2 days...the crappy part is that he's trying to hide it from me...taking it to school with him (he's completing some post-secondary education which I am so proud of him for but I'm scared that he will get caught smoking and lose everything he's worked so hard for)...I thought that by him living with me and not being around his smoking buddies it would be a little easier for him to quit. Only 1 of his friends seems to have a bit of a future going for him...none of them are in serious relationships...I understand the postings about letting life pass you by and being holed up in your home in front of the computer or on the couch...that's exactly what his friends are doing...and I don't want that for my boyfriend...I don't want that for me either because I'd like to make a life with him...including children but I don't want to go there while he's smoking everyday...he's an amazing man...caring, loving and incredibly intelligent...he would make a great partner...I think I will just keep my mouth shut until he finishes school (which will be in a year's time)...I will support him through that and then I will have to make some hard decisions.

Thanks again for all the posts...it's great reading for me...very enlightening...I don't have any other outlets to talk about this topic so it is very helpful...

Wow, cassanovaRRT!
Thanks for the post. I didnt think i would have contributed anything to this forum but I can really relate to you. My girlfriend (will be married in 3 weeks) sounds a lot like you; and i sound kind of like your boyfriend. I have been smoking for 10 years now(i'm 32), and 5 of them has been with my girlfriend. I too used to hide it from her when i started to understand the impact it had on her. I did it to avoid the confrontations i had with her because i knew she couldnt understand that side of me. Obviously, this was not a solution. It created a gap between us. What really made the difference was her shift in not trying to logically understand me, but rather support, accept and even CHOOSE me; just the way i am, and the way i'm not. We all have expectations of ourselves, and in turn we think that our partners should be a direct reflection of it. For instance: You are sitting on your couch watching the movie 'Pretty Women'. Towards the end, you see Richard Gear climbing up the stairs of Julia Robert's apartment with a rose in his mouth, even though he's afraid of heights. At this stage you completely forget she's a prostitute, and you just think, 'wow, thats real love'. Then you look to your left where your boyfriend is sitting, stoned, staring into nothing, and think, "where did i go wrong!"
I think love is acceptance. When there is acceptance, there is always room for growth, partnership and most of all TEAMWORK. When i felt safe with my girlfriend, it broke a lot of boundries i didnt think was possible. I didnt need to hide it from her. I didnt feel like she was dissapointed. And in turn, i didnt feel embarrised of my habit anddidnt feel like i needed to hide it anymore. It obviously invited new problems, like "you're smoking another joint???" or "why now? cant you wait till later?" But as long as you commit to communication and acceptance (even when YOU dont feel accepted) the growth and love will prevail and your journey will continue, rather than stay in one place.
Today has been 2 weeks since i stopped smoking weed and i wont say its easy. My own personal growth i contribute to a women that has stood by me, not for the sake of what i can be, but rather who i am and what i stand for. I want the wedding to be really special for her, and i want to be a motivated and healthy daddy real soon. These are my new problems, and i think they are better than the old ones. My advise to you is to simply be there for him and growth in your couple will just show up. Sounds easy, huh...

I completely understand both your situation.
Also admire you both. Ive been a smoker for many years now. started in high schools as do most , my friends and I would just smoke on occasion ...then came university. Living on my own with friends.. we all fed off each other, smoking multiple times a day, everyday.

I met my girlfriend in high school, she knew i smoked then. I had a bad trip once when i was with her, and swore i would quit. I continued however to smoke despite my promise. i kept smoking in university, and lied about quitting. She I got caught smoking red handed by her, again I promised i would quit.

I did for a while, but fell back into old habits with friends. She still thinks and that I dont smoke. I am embarrassed and ashamed that I cant quit. Im so afraid that I will lose her. Because ive failed to quit and lied...so many times i honestly believe that I am out chances.

Im not really a bad guy, ive always been faithful and lie about nothing else to her.. I know that quitting for her is not enough and i need to do it for myself. I have no confidence in quitting anymore, i have tried so many times, sometimes I do very well for a while ... ill go days... weeks...
then I fall back into the trap.

I am on day one, reading what you guys say has helped to motivate me.
I feel good about not smoking today.
My anxiety was getting to a point that it was overwhelming, but reading what you guys say and how you accept your partners the way they are gives me confidence that I can quit, and when i am ready and CLEAN, I can even come clean, and fess up to my lies.

thanks ...

Hey ilan2b4! Thank you so much for responding and for the great advice...hope the wedding was everything you wanted it to be but more importantly, that your marriage is everything that it should be...stable, happy, committed and secure. Good luck!!
I am trying my best to support my boyfriend and accept him AS HE IS as you said...but I have to be honest, it's really hard sometimes ... we become disconnected. Of course we go through our ups and downs like any other couple and I've really tried to stop fighting about his smoking. It's not productive. I've always told him that I don't think his smoking on weekends or occasionally with his buddies is a problem but I really couldn't deal with the 4-6 times a day habit...I think that's a problem. He'll always counter with "that's just who I am" and my response is always "no, it's what you do" since he is so much more than his habit. I think it's a cop-out. He's doing well in school and I can see that he is enjoying it...his personality has also changed a bit while in school which he and his friends have noticed. I think he's starting some serious personal growth. I think he's also worried about losing his buddies since none of them are going anywhere...all they do is smoke and play videogames. I hope that he makes a natural break from them and surrounds himself with more positive influences...but they are his childhood friends and I know how hard it is going to be for him to reinvent himself.
I loved your analogy of the "Pretty Woman" moment...and honestly, he's totally my Richard Gere...he's a big rough around the edges but he has the biggest heart and loves me unconditionally...I hear "I love you" at least 6 times a day and I wouldn't trade that for anything. I'm not looking for perfection...God knows I'm not so I can't expect it from him. But I still worry about the future if he doesn't cut back...can we have a healthy life together? what does that mean for me and financial stresses? Am I going to have to shoulder them myself? should I have kids with him? what if my family finds out about his habit? (they adore him by the way, and he's never had that kind of response from his previous girlfriends' families)...I don't mean to be so melodramatic but I am being honest about how I feel and about my expectations...I don't think it's unhealthy to have them.
I'm glad you stopped hiding your habit from your wife...that's not healthy...and I'm glad that you understood that it really does have an effect on her...it's difficult for us to understand that part of your life since we have never experienced it. It doesn't mean we can't love or accept you. I hope I make my boyfriend feel secure and loved. He definitely deserves it. We are a work in progress and I'd like to think that we are mature enough to handle our differences and love each other in spite of them. Thanks again for writing.

And to the guest who posted last, congratulations for even entertaining the thought of quitting...that's a huge step...it doesn't matter how many times you've fallen off course...the important thing is that you try. And one day it will stick. You have to do it for the right reasons...and although I would love to say that doing it for your partner is reason enough (since I am a partner :-) ) it's only you that matters. If the relationship with your girlfriend is healthy and strong, it should be able to withstand "coming clean" to her...then you can work on things together and become even stronger. Good luck!!

I am 27 and Ive been a heavy smoker for about 15 years. I have a chronic nausea issue that pot really helps me with, but it's gotten out of control. My fiancee and I quit 2 days ago and I can't sleep...

I quit for 9 months when I was 24-25 cause I was dating a nurse at that time and she kept bugging me about it...after 9 months we broke up and I went right back to Mary Jane. I felt AWFUL the 1st 2-3 times I smoked after all those months clean. I was too high, felt realy paranoid & nauseous. Total bad trips. But for some reason I kept smoking, I was all like "its just cause I havent smoked in so long, it'll feel better after a couple days back on it" Crazy eh? I was off it for so long...and even though it didnt feel good when I got back on it, I still smoked-hoping the old GOOD feelings would come back. Anyways, that time I didnt quit for the right reasons.

I smoked heavily for a couple years again until I met my wonderful fiancee. She had smoked weed on occasion, but once we started living together she started smoking on the joints too, understandably. But in the end she got just as hooked as I am. I feel terrible about it. So, now we've been off it for 2 days and I'm in the worst part of quitting...but honestly reading all these posts helps a lot...knowing I'm not the only HEAVY user out there helps...cause I really felt like I must be the only one smoking 1/4 to 1/2 oz a week...and it's also REALLY helpful to see that other major heavy users are quitting too...my very best friend of 11 years is still a heavy user and its tough... It's comforting to read all the reasons it's GOOD that I quit, instead of someone listing off all the reasons pot is a good & harmless pleasure. I think many of us have rationalized our addictions for too long, made tons of excuses...like it's all natural! it's not LIKE other drugs...which is true to a degree, but nobody can argue that even if you CAN function on pot, it does kill your ambition. It does cost us too much money, especially us young adults trying to maybe buy a house, have kids, maybe save for a wedding or even just getting something you've always wanted. I want to buy a motorcycle so bad and havent been able to afford it....If I hadn't been a pot smoker Im 100% sure I would HAVE a motorcycle right now.

Anyways, this forum HELPS. For those of you going through the "withdrawl" right now like I am, this WILL PASS. A week from now you're going to feel a lot better. It's affecting my appetite, my sleep, my patience....but I know this will pass & I wont go back to it. No excuses.

If I can offer some advice to anyone who wants to listen, it would be this. QUIT NOW. Find a support group and get involved. Actively seek people who have quit in favor of a better lifestyle. The more you are around achievers, the more likely you are to achieve.
I speak from a great number of years of experience. 26 years to be exact. When I say that, it sickens me, because during that time I have quit at least 12 times. These "quitting" periods ranged from six months to 4 years. I dont count breaks of less than 6 months as quitting.
Suffice it to say it gets harder and harder, not easier. I would never again smoke marijuana if I could do it all over. I hope and pray for anyone on this site who is going through this.
I presently smoke at least a gram a day, even on work days. Days off are a range of a gram to as much as a quarter a day.Even still, I am able to carry on a fairly normal life in my own distorted view. I continue to try to quit and continue to break down and use, justifying it each time by saying it helps me relax and forget about the stresses of life. However, all the stresses are a result of the problem. Get rid of the problem. Get rid of the stress.
Someone wrote that they could have bought a motorcycle with all the money they have spent. Imagine what I have spent or would have had if all that money were put into an investment account. Im sure I would have been a millionaire. Instead, I still live paycheck to paycheck.
In conclusion, all I can say is, good luck. Do not think of what could have been. Tomorrow is a new day.

Hi, I have smoked weed ever since I was 14. During the middleschool and highschool years I smoked it only once a month. But once I got into college, I had been smoking it everday for 4 years. I have had social problems in the past, my parents divorced when I was 11, and they didnt talk to me much after that. My dad was a workaholic, and my mom just up and left me, and didnt talk to me much at all. So with nobody to guide me in life but my own perception of a friend in God, and my actual friends, I set out on a journey to become a good man and live the best life. In my experiencs with weed, it was so extremely fun to use when I was younger. Whenever I smoked weed when I was young it was a guaranteed best time of your life, so unique, and whatever you were doing, was so much fun, and so incredibly beautiful. One thing that was strange about weed was, the drug would cause me and my friends to laugh at things that werent even funny at all. Things like, my friend doing a pushup, and making a mechanical noise while he raised himself up. My buddies and I were laughing our heads off for about an hour straight over this... There are many other times where hilarity insued over absoluetly nothing. Things that we wouldnt have laughed at, we did laugh at high. One thing did screw my enjoyment of weed occasionally was, I had heard christians believed that smoking weed was a sin against God. I have a rediculously strong faith in God and the bible, when I was a little boy, I was telling a friend about Jesus Christ on a sleepover. To make a long story short after my friend accepted Jesus into his heart, Jesus Christ appeared before us both standing on a stairway to heaven, with two angels worshiping him, and at that moment I almost died from frieght, but after the visitiation was over, my faith in God, and his son Jesus Christ was forever secure. So amidst some good highs while smoking weed, I experienced some highs that were terrible, because once I started putting my attention onto what people had said to me, about losing my salvation, losing my promised place in Gods kingdom because of smoking weed, my heart began to beat like crazy, and my fears escalated more than I had ever experienced if I was not high. Today many pastors, and christians lay the same burden on others, that smoking weed is so incredibly horrible, and its a sin, but pastors are called by God to preach from what is said in the bible, so they are wrong to preach that using weed is a sin. For many people today, Marijuana use is a necesity for there own mental health, and is a medicine. So later on I was able to enjoy smoking pot without the fear of going to hell looming over me. When I started going to college, other problems that I had began attacking my high and making it suck. I suffered a shyness growing up, and sure enough when i get stoned, my shyness escalates. So I decided to quit smoking pot a month ago, and I want you all to know it has been really beneficial, in helping me overcome my shyness, and fears. Marijuana I have read has an effect on shorterm memory as well, so its really nice to have the extra short term memory on my day job, I am a pro painter, exterior and interior. I have been having some extremely intense dreams ever since I have quit, and all of these are normal I have read, for those of you who decide to quit. Last week I was able to lay back on my bed, and look into my past, and see myself in every single year of school. From kindergarden right up to grade 12. After all my years of maturing I have such an understanding of all of the problems I endured, and the types of people I faced. But when i was smoking weed regularly, I honestly dont think I could have accomplished such a thought process so clearly, and easily. I find overcoming fears, and shaping my character, is done best without a regular dose of weed. I also know that life when I was a child didnt need weed to be extremely fun, beautiful and interesting. This is exactly the kind of life that I am coming back to, after smoking weed for all those years, I am coming back to a life where it is up to me to make the exeperience of life grand, not a cloud of THC.

Hi all. Very glad to have stumbled here as well. Im 27 and have been a regular since about 14. Im now realizing that I really need to stop. My friends are the same way as others described .. lots of vids and basement TV while growing up .. though we did get out a lot and play sports too, we got high before to get in a "zone" I used to be a really good distance runner in my youth and 2 years ago I had enough of being short of breath so i got a vape .. as it promised a healthier way of using (any excuse to stay on it). Well, I ended up "vaping" even more and to anyone whos tried it you know its gives an extreme high. I still smoked joints and blunts and pipes and all with my friends who are pretty much all pot heads. I did stop several times for a couple of weeks or even a month but I always came back to it. Now, I have stopped again .. though I'm only on day 4 I think I really want to make it stick. Not saying that I'll never have a puff again but not more than a couple of times a month and certainly not by myself. I made it through highschool and university allright and I don't have regrets.. just time I moved on. I know my relationships have suffered. Been in 2 long term ones and both my gfs smoked too..we used to sit at home too much and toke or go even if we'd out, we'd do it wherever we ended up.. we argued too much cuz of the stuff I know it. I found someone again but I don't wanna go though the same spiel.

I have been doing good with the cigs and booze .. still have 1 or 2 a week but only when I'm out with the boys -- they both used to be very bad habits. So, I do think weed has to be next. Yes, mary's been with me through good and bad but I am tired, dizzy and lost a little too often these days. Plus I work a technical job it really doesn't help.

Thank you all for sharing and I do wish you all the best of luck. Just so you know, my symptoms so far have been really vivid dreams and trouble sleeping, cold sweats, a crazy appetite (especially in the middle of the night) and of course irritability.

Signing off .. much love to everyone.

I am also happy that I found this site. I am only 21 and have been smoking pot everyday for the past 6 years. The longest I've gone in this 6 year span not smoking weed has been 3 weeks about 3 years ago. I am currently in my 3rd year of University. I never though pot effected me in any negative ways and always used my high grades as an example of being able to smoke pot every day and still succeed. Not so much lately though...for the past 2 weeks I haven't done ANY school work and my anxiety, depression, and feelings of low self-worth are increasing by the day...I pretty much sit in bed all day and wallow. I used to be an amateur bodybuilder but I no longer work out. I need motivation in my life again...I need to be comfortable with myself and with my body. I need to regain the spirit I used to have. I need to quit pot!

I'm glad I found this site as well. I really have no one else that can make me understand what is going on with my bf. I'm at a crossroads in my life where I need to figure if I should stay or if I should go. I met my bf smoking and it didn't bother me at first. I just met him and he rarely did it. Now that we've been together a while and the question of whether a future can truly be developed between us, this is one of the pressing matters where I can see it blocking that possibility. I'm like the cassanovarrt poster in that, what if he gets arrested when picking up weed? what if he gets random drug tested and loses his job? I would hate to have that happen if it's at a point where our lives depended upon our combined salaries. Maybe it's all premature, but definitely something we should thing about since the true purpose of dating is marriage or whatever your idea of a long-term relationship is.

I broke up with him in the past b/c it got to the point where it became a deal breaker (increasing smoking to almost everyday) and he swore he would quit if it meant to keep me and to provide a better future for us. I told him, to not make promises and that if he truly wants to quit, he has to do it for him and not me b/c he would only be letting me down if he did 'relapse'. well guess what, he did relapse. I knew it was pretty silly to even think he could quit like that, but just the fact we had that conversation and he put it out there him knowing how important it was to me and our future, and then to just do it again made me lose all trust in him. I wish it would not have happened b/c we have an amazing relationship but now I dont know if i can trust him. and what else is a relationship built on but trust? any advice to help me understand at this point would help. I really hate the fact that we are breaking up b/c of this, but I feel it's best to move on for my own sanity and maybe it will help him to realize he can only stop when he is ready and not for anyone else.

Hello, I have been reading these posts today and just wanna put my two cents in as this is all very relevent to me at this time. I have been smoking weed pretty much daily since I was about 17 (Im now 28) today is my 8th day of not smoking anything, before I smoke an average of 3 or 4 joints in the evening after work and maybe 6 or 7 on my day off.. There were a couple of times in the past that I tried to give up and went about a week before slipping back into it. I found that if I went on holiday for two weeks or did something different from the usual daily routine I could go without but as long as I had something else to occupy my mind but I was always glad to get home and have that joint. This time around for quitting I am trying to keep myself and mind occupied in the evenings, this really helps for me I have started painting (art) and exercise and watching movies, it's not that I want to give up weed completely I just dont want to depend on it, after all there is a time and place where having a nice joint is appropriate, just like a glass of wine or Mcdonalds. every now and then. My sister and her husband seem to be able to do this just fine, keep weed in the house and when the time feels right, have a joint again just like a brandy or something, this is how I want it to be for myself. So far quitting hasn't really been that much of a problem, like I said it's important to keep your mind active on other things and try and keep busy, the vivid dreams are really doing my head it though, last night I was pretty restless with very vivid wierd dreams, not scary just very clear and strange, in the past when I have tried to quit Ive never gotten past this stage, does anyone know how long it lasts? but I think if I can get past this stage I will be almost there. I am looking forward to not being dependant/addicted to weed as I think all aspects of my life will improve, but it's hard and I feel for all you guys out there doing the same.. stay strong, don't give in to it and you will succeed as I hope I will... Thanks

This reply goes out to guest1415...I completely understand where you are coming from--your worries for the future if your boyfriend doesn't change his habit. Clearly, it is a really big issue for you as it was for me. Unfortunately, I had to end it with my boyfriend...it just wasn't something that I could live with if we got married or decided to have children. I would be worried all the time...and that's no way to live...I wanted a partner who would meet me 50/50 in our endeavour to create a life together. I was working like a dog and all he did was weed and play computer games. He knew how I felt; I gave him adequate opportunity to decide what was imortant to him. He's now living in his pot-buddy's basement so I guess I got my answer. I have no clue how he eats or whether he went to school or not...I worry about him so much but I keep reminding myself that it's not my problem anymore. Until he wants to change, I can't do anything for him. You have to think of yourself first. It's sooooo hard; I feel like c**p but I know it will get better. Be true to yourself--trust what your gut is telling you--it's always right.

hi guys jezz dont know what is happening to me, i feel like running away . i stoped smoking weed 8 days ago after smoking for 11years . every one tells me i have a problem and they can see am not the same, all are trying to help. calling me every hr to know how am doing. its like some one is after me or some thing. i hope and pray i get over with this thing in my head but am very sure i wont be smoking that again

take it from me bro.

I burned for 6 years, almost daily.

I quit cold turkey 18 days ago. My motivation? I hated being a zombie, and it pretty much ruined all of my non-drug friendships and relationships with my girlfriends.

Plus, spending 200 a month on chronic is such a waste of money. You may always make the money back, BUT YOU WILL NEVER GET THE TIME BACK.

Go outside, meet some non-stoner friends. I've gotten rid of my stoner friends and have met a few non-druggies and the relationship is already better. Put it this way, it's all good when you have the weed....but when you run out...so do your "friends"

I just wanted to add my own personal experience to this thread. Firstly, all the responses have been quite helpful to me in understanding that to a degree, we share many problems brought on by weed.
I was introduced to weed by a woman who could not deal with simple problems brought on in daily living. She was engaged to a family friend and threw it all away in a drug induced state. At the time I felt it was her personality but later on I came to understand it was going to happen sooner or later.
After taking my first puff i felt somewhat liberated. I was on my way to a new job and I only had the butt of a joint but it got me so relaxed...I thought I had found a tool to end all my problems. For me marijuana has been a tough drug to quit. I am very adept at making excuses for my problems and toking up to get away from it all. Initially marijuana gave me an edge that lead me to honour-type numbers while playing basketball. I would get sufficiently high before games and end up claiming easy double-doubles in university games. I loved hearing the "ooohhs" and "aaahh" as I routinely and effortlessly penetrated team defenses and played beyond my usual capacity. I also excelled in other things such as cricket, badminton, hockey, cross country, rock climbing and shooting. I come from a sporting family and smoking buds instantly put me in zone where I would dominate and tear up my opponents. Sexually, the drug charged me up to pornstar status (at lest in my own head) and my girlfriends were quick to point out the change. While I was not playing sports or getting laid, weed also made everything else seem worthwhile, like polishing my shoes or cleaning my apartment. I smoked a gram a day for two years.

I quit marijuana 3 months ago because this garbage had left me empty.
Soon after my first puff, I was always looking to score. I gave up many things to buy marijuana over time: good food, education, family commitments, work, partying, and eventually I could not keep up with sports either. Six months ago it all stared to go bad. Even when I took down 1-2 joints before games, I was a dud. I tried playing without smoking beforehand and the results were catastrophic. To my ego, and for my team.
Two years ago, before my first puff, I used to be complimented on my skin, my looks, my hair, my performance, my intelligence, my energy and my demenor.
Now I can honestly say I have none of those things going for me anymore. I have blurred vision now, dark circles around my eyes, I feel fragile, cold and weak. Constantly tired and irritated. Socially I am a hoax. Confident on the outside but paranoid and stiff on the inside. However, I can deal with these problems, they are manageable compared to what really hurts me now.
After two years of living in a numb state of mind where I thought I achieved a great deal, all I am blank with no memories of anything significant. I felt I played, danced and fu*ked well but its almost like it wasn't me. And I paid a heavy price for this habit. I gained an edge from marijuana that went as quickly as it came, but my health, wealth and self respect kept dipping lower and lower. I was defeated and traped by the same drug that has reduced countless men and women before me. Luckily i am only 23 and I have learnt my lesson after two years of marijuana abuse. Because of my physio background, I was also aware of my physical demise. At this point, I refuse to touch marijuna and will protect myself from it. I am attempting to understand the teaching of the buddha to replace the spiritual element I feel I lost after quitting weed. Luckily buddhist belief "life is suffering" has made this transition easier. :-)

I have quit marijuna because I respect myself and my family. And because I quit marijuna I respect myself. The cycle takes time to work but I choose to pay for my mistake and got through the first three months. It can only get better. You cannot hope to quit if you are not willing to go without marijuna for the rest of your life. Period. There are no cut-downs and non smoking periods....thats why we do it all day, everyday....
I am looking forward to the rest of my life. Drug free.
I wish positive outcomes for everyone.


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