I saw a similar post on here and got some answers but I wanted to post my own experience and get some input. I just started dating my boyfriend officially about a month ago. When we try to have sex either he can't get hard at all, or he will get hard during foreplay but the minute we go to have sex he'll get soft while inside me. Obviously it's frustrating for me but even harder for him. (no pun intended) He get's really embarrassed and frustrated and says he doesn't know what the problem is. From reading other posts I know it's not me, I don't think he'd bother dating me if he wasn't into it. I think it has something to with ex, which is who he lost his virginity to. They dated for three years and have been broken up for one year. I know he isn't still interested in dating her but I also know those feelings don't just vanish. I think this has something to do with our problems during sex.
Any input? I try to be supportive, and I like him a lot. I'm just not sure what to do anymore.
Hi, i'm a guy and i know how he feels i went through the EXACTLY same thing couple years ago. I actually don't know what it was happening but i am glad it is gone. Here is my tip on what you should do to solve your problem.
Next time you guys are about to have sex , just tell him that you are willing to give as many tries as necessary with him. Trust me with this one. I had problems with my girlfriend, and i was so anxious about it and we were in the bed and i got hard and everything and just before i needed to penetrate her i went limb. And it is really frustrating, and i told her i am sorry and all and she looked me in the eyes and said : "I don't mind, we will keep doing this until we make it work". And in that moment i just felt like massive burden fell of me and i was so happy.
Then we were just laying and cuddling and after half an hour i decided to go again and it was great. And from that moment on i never had similar problems. Trust me it's all in his head. Give him comfort . He is just to anxious now and it's like a vicious circle. The more anxious he is , the chance of failure is greater and the more time he fails he gets more anxious.
So believe me, if you love him do what i said and he will be so thankful to you , like i am to my girlfriend.
Hope this helps.
This helps so much, thanks for your honesty. I mean, I have told him that we will make it work. But it's happened 4 or 5 times so it's like sometimes I do get visually frustrated and I try not to, but its obvious to him. Which I know doesn't help and he's even mentioned that he thinks now it's just all in his head and he's so worried about it not working. But I care about him so much and in all honesty, don't care how many tries it takes and I think I just need to communicate that to him. Thanks again, this does help it's awesome to know I'm not alone!