ever since the start of puberty i have been introduced to societies modern culture which includes pornography and a lot of people i see with boyfriends and girlfriends and where i live a lot of guys my age find it very difficult to get a girlfriend because we suffer from acne, a very common skin condition and usually personality issues, My hormones go crazy sometimes and ever since i got introduced to pornography from my friend i have been watching it in my spare time, either when my dad or mum isn't around and i put on some porn videos to casually pleasure myself as a way of relieving stress, i do it roughly once a week but only when my parents are out, the big problem is my dad cannot accept the fact that i go on what he refers to as ''dodgy sites'', he clealy knows i do it because im a growing lad and i guess body languge or something indicates it. Recently my dad found out about the sites and has told me off however i am 19 now, go to college and live my own life and i also care for him (recieving income support and carers allowence), the days im not at college i spend on my computer or clean up for my dad. My biggest problem is i don't want this situation i am in getting out of hand and i understand my dad is right about porn sites being dodgy but i just can't help myself, i would call it a normal teenage thing to do but he just cannot accept the fact i do it, how can i go about this? stop him from worrying? i would appreciate if anyone could give me any advice, i can't get a girlfriend because i have personal issues. These include: a smell, like musky smell from my pubic region but would probably be a turn off, i shaved a year ago on my balls which caused small to large bean size white lumps on my testicles, ever since i have been addicted to shaving my balls, above the penis i trim but a lot down to the skin, my personality issues are far worse as i have no direction in life, i am in college doing a 2 year carpentry course and hope when i leave i can get something out of it, in the meantime i have this awkward situation with me and my dad, i love him he's a good father, my dad and mum split up years ago though. please could someone help me in this situation? i hope that this new site will give me some answers and make my life happier, the community on here seems much better and helpful than yahoo answers.
Hi Mike
I don't think you dad can't accept the fact that you started pleasuring yourself. What he is concerned about is the damage porn is doing to you. Porn sites are not just "dodgy sites"; they are dangerous sites! Porn is addictive as you have noticed ("i just can't help myself") That is why they are age-restricted. You say "i have been watching it ... when my dad or mum isn't around" and then "my dad and mum split up years ago" so I assume you were watching this well before you were 18, when it was illegal. You state "i would call it a normal teenage thing to do" It may be common, but porn is not normal. Masturbation might be normal, but porn-watching isn't. In porn, actors perform for the camera giving a false view of sex. It also affects your personality. That may be your biggest problem in getting a girlfriend, not so much your acne.
Read the article on this site to see some of the results of watching porn:
- https://www.steadyhealth.com/articles/Do_You_Suffer_From_Porn_Induced_Sexual_Dysfunction__a2245.html
Regarding acne, read about it on the NHS site:
- http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/skin/Pages/Acne.aspx
It says there:
Treatments for acne
Acne will usually go away on its own, but it can take many years. There are treatments that can help clear acne more quickly. Over-the-counter treatments can help with mild acne. Ask a pharmacist for advice on which treatment could help and how long you will have to use it. You may not see results for several weeks.
If over-the-counter treatments don't help, treatments are available on prescription. Your GP can assess how bad your acne is and discuss the options with you. Don't be afraid to tell your GP how your acne affects your life and how it makes you feel.
Go and see your GP about the "musky smell from my pubic region" and also the "small to large bean size white lumps on my testicles". Mention also the fact that "ever since i have been addicted to shaving my balls" and your "personality issues". Help is available. You do not say what part of the UK you live, but in some places prescriptions are free and you may well qualify for free prescriptions anyway.
I hope this helps
Hello i appreciate your concern and advice but i don't think that i will simply 'stop' watching porn, it is the only way to overcome my jealousy in life in getting a girlfriend, my acne has gotten better over the years but took at least 4 years from severe acne to mild, i do appreciate your concern and im sure a lot of people who may feel that pornography indicates objectifying women and a lot of older generations grew up without it and are now introduced to things like viruses and know about the sites, i do have anti-virus scans and watch porn to please myself, to be quite honest i was meant to just put how my dad could overcome this situation im in and the porn thing i stated was a ''filler'' but explains my life, so maybe there is some socializing tips, however i still don't see how watching porn could critically harm my health, it is a way of relaxing my body and receiving daily stress, i also see a psychologist. and once a week masturbating to it isn't bad, i understand how a lot of actresses are pressured into more severe terms of porn therefore i don't agree with things like strangling but mild terms such as anal, intercourse is a fun way of enjoying myself, it makes me feel better afterwards. my life itself is pretty messed up, the divorce didn't affect me as im glad that my mum has found someone she truly loves now, my dads situation is in a difficult place, he has high blood pressure and quite depressed and never seeks help or doctors or anything as he refers them to ''a bunch of quacks'', what i do ask is how on earth can i tell my dad not to worry, i understand your opinion on porn and i happily positively disagree with it as i don't want to sound blunt. But what i do ask is for my dad to be happy the way i am, oneday i will have to move on in life, with a girlfriend and hopefully lose my virginity and hope to not live in this lonely hell anymore, anyway i would appreciate if you could give me some tips how to overcome this situation im in, as for my personal health issues i have researched some things and it says the cysts may go in time, if not i will have to live with them. i shave because it's cleaner and stops bad smells. Please help :) but i do appreciate your concern but refrain from explaining why porn is bad because in my opinion it isn't bad.
i was meant to say ''relieving'' daily stress sorry
You want "some socializing tips", but you won't listen to what is being said. You can't divorce socialising from the rest of your life. Socialising is communicating and interacting with one another, both verbally and non-verbally, and is done through gestures, body language and personal appearance. You need to Identify well with individual people, which will lead to more relationships and, occasionally, friendships. You need to develop your social skills and people will become more interested in you because you are seen to be more interested in them. You cannot advance far in life without interpersonal relationships. If you focus on relationships it will help you make new friends and give you a better outlook on life. It will also help you get a job, Having more relationships can also help to reduce your stress levels.
So, why do you think "watching porn ... the only way to overcome my jealousy in life in getting a girlfriend"? How does it "overcome my jealousy"? It can only be a substitute, and in doing so makes the prospect of a real girlfriend less likely. The reason that "i don't think that i will simply 'stop' watching porn" is that you are addicted, and so cannot easily do so, even if you wanted to. You are not strong enough. A girlfriend will never be a substitute for the porn you are addicted to, A real girlfriend will not be like a porn performer. You are deluding yourself. Watching porn as you do, and for the reasons you do, indicates you only want a girlfriend for sex.
An important regarding socialising is how you see women. You said "im sure a lot of people who may feel that pornography indicates objectifying women" - so what do you feel? How do you see women?
Socialising implies relationships. It is true that "a lot of older generations grew up without it" (porn); of course, they did, and many who have avoided it are in stable and satisfying relationships. However pornography has been available in different forms for hundreds of years. But many avoid it today too.
"a lot of older generations ... are now introduced to things like viruses". I am glad you have made the association between pornography and viruses. Both contaminate! While no doubt it is true "i do have anti-virus scans", that is not the main concern of your father. You may have anti-virus for your digital computer, but you don't have it for you body computer - your brain. That is your father's chief concern. "how my dad could overcome this situation im in" is by getting out of it! It's not like he doesn't approve your taste of music or your style of clothing. This is deep-seated, and he knows the effect it is having on you, even though you can't, or don't want, to see it.
Another socialising aspect: to "watch porn to please myself" sounds selfish. If your object is "to please myself", then you will not advance in socialising for long. If you want a girlfriend "to please myself", then you will have failure after failure. For socialising you have to think about pleasing others.
Socialising means making time and space for others. But your life if full of the anti-social - porn You stated "the porn thing i stated was a ''filler'' but explains my life". You cannot fill anything that is already filled without emptying it first. Usually the container has to be not only emptied but also decontaminated and cleaned.
Socialising demands contact on more than a physical level. While "i still don't see how watching porn could critically harm my health", it will impact on your emotional and psycological health - essential for good social skills.
If "watching porn ... is a way of relaxing my body and [relieving] daily stress", why do you masturbate? However, if masturbating "is a way of relaxing my body and [relieving] daily stress", then what is your reason for watching porn? It sounds like excuses for your slavery to porn.
Social skills and when "i also see a psychologist" need to be brought together. What does your psychologist say about your addiction to porn? What does your psychologist say about social skills development? Your psychologist should be well placed to give you personal and targeted tips.
It is good that "i understand how a lot of actresses are pressured into more severe terms of porn therefore i don't agree with things like strangling", but they are also pressured into other things including what you call "i mild terms such as anal, intercourse".
Socially, if you consider "anal, intercourse is a fun way of enjoying myself", then you are likely to demand that of a girlfriend who may well not like that. It may be "a fun way of enjoying myself", but what about her?
Again on the social side, you say "it makes me feel better afterwards". Is that socially or just physically? How long do you "feel better"?
You say "my life itself is pretty messed up", and from what you have stated, it is clear that a lot of it is porn related.
"how on earth can i tell my dad not to worry" You can only do that by avoiding what it is that worries him. If I tell you you not to worry about your lack of a girlfriend, what would you say? How can I tell you not to worry?
From what you have said it is perfectly clear it is not true that "i understand your opinion on porn".
Socially you have to move on before you "move on in life, with a girlfriend". Porn mitigates against proper socialising. So you have the choice (but probably not the strength)
You social agenda is porn infected as you say "i will have to move on in life, with a girlfriend and hopefully lose my virginity". Your focus is to "lose my virginity", not have a friend. It is sexual, not social.
I am glad that you realise that you "live in this lonely hell". That is what porn does. Hell raises the spiritual aspect of your spititual life of which you have made no direct reference.
Socially, your health is important, for you previously stated it was a barrier to having girlfriends. So why do you say "as for my personal health issues i have researched some things and it says the cysts may go in time, if not i will have to live with them". No you won't. You have free access to the NHS, and you GP can prescribe treatment. So the big tip is: visit your doctor!
you've pretty much gone from being really helpful to a right a**e, don't tell me how to live my life.
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You did ask for socialising tips. I've spent a long time on your post, and I've given positive tips aimed at trying to help you, and you don't like them.