My husband is a cybersex CHEAT

That trust is a wonderful thing and I don't know how you get over losing it or how you can mend it. When you have years invested in a life and you have it torn apart, I can't begin to imagine how you must feel. I certainly don't qualify as any sort of professional to help people with problems. What I can do is tell about my experiences that may be similar or may help.



I don't know how we got here without screwing it up. Life certainly had plenty of rough spots but after riding over so many of them for so long, I guess you kind of get used to them and they don't seem so bad.



Those life experiences are also wonderful ---- now. I didn't realize all the things I'd done until about two years ago when I was visiting my old racing partner and we got talking, reminiscing if you will, about the things we did together. We are on the short side of life you know, and we do things like that. Then I thought about the things I did that he wasn't part of and I can't believe I did all of that. As I was living it, it didn't seem like much. Some of it seemed downright disappointing if it didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted at the time. I'm only 69 but I imagine when any of you get to this age you will be able to look back and marvel at all the things you've done. They just sort of pile up as you go. I don't think I'm any different than anyone else who actually participates in life as opposed to watching it go by. There are plenty of people who've done a lot more than I have. I wasn't trying to do a lot, but after all these years it looks like a lot now and that surprises me.

I think that all three of you are wonderful people and anyone who has you in their lives is blessed. You have all helped me in what little way is possible, but that means so much to me :-)

I am at the point where I feel like I need to atleast try everything possible to save my marriage. I don't want to jump the gun (divorce), without feeling like I tried to save it. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT taking the blame for this...it still lies with my husband, and he knows it.

Last night he came home from his bowling league...our daughter was sleeping, so it was the perfect opp to talk, BUT I didn't know what to say to him that I hadn't said before. To my surprise he initiated the conversation (which never happens), and said "I really want to work this out" with tears in his eyes. We talked from there and both let out some emotions we have been holding in. He agreed to counseling and told me that he would do everything/anything I needed him to do to save our marriage. He admitted being selfish and even feeling stupid for complaining that he didn't get enough affection because it is usually the other way around. He's right....the affection in our marriage is lacking, however, I didn't think to the point of going somewhere else to find it. He admitted it was dumb, careless, and selfish to do what he did. I told him that this is his last chance. If we stay together, after counseling, and this or any other "indescretion" happens down the road, I am gone, and there is no turning back at that point. I think the fact that I told him that I was ready to divorce him scared the living s%&t out of him. I had never said it the first two times.

So, we are going to start counseling after xmas (basically cause we just can't afford it before then), but I have some books that I ordered after the first time he "cheated", which we never read, we are going to start reading them together. They are like emotional fitness for marriages and stuff like that. I think that will atleast help us to start out with and maybe prepare us for opening up in counseling. After our talk, I realized some emotions I have been holding in weren't healthy either.

I guess I can only hope this makes us stronger, but strong or not, if he EVER does this again, I'm gone, and he knows that I am not playing around with him.

Thank you all for all of your advice and stories. It really did help me realize how I need to move forward with this ;-)

You're welcome honey! The ONLY way of getting through this IS communication and LISTENING!!! So it's HARD sometimes believe me!

When I would ask my husband EVERY little question, and he was truthful, believe me it was HARD!!! But I believe in self diagnosis! I self evaluate ALL the time! As I evaluate others too! We are NOT perfect, well I am!!!! ;-) XD , but the rest of you have your foibles!!! ;-) XD

It isn't easy being married, it's work! and like I said it's ALL about Respect! So Good luck honey and lots of hugs! If we don't talk before Christmas I wish you and yours the VERY best! And Healing and Health in the New Year! HUGS!

That sounds good, so far.
I hope you can work it out.

Honoring your vows, you know the "till death do we part" thing, takes a lot of work, and i must admit this past year has made me see that before i die a a heart attack or a stroke or something, i want out. This is just me and i can honestly say that i tried to make this fiasco work, but it didn't. I hate to see a young marraige hit the bricks, actually any marraige for that matter, and i commend you for wanting to fix and maintain your union. You obviously love your man enough to fight, i do not have the emotional strength to fight for mine or with mine anymore. Is it to bad for me or to bad for him, at this point in time, i am okay.

Do the counseling and always keep your eyes and ears open and leave no room for screw ups again. He really sounds like he wants his wife and his marraige, i am happy for you. You will find that you will still doubt things he may tell you but eventually this will pass as the trust gets stronger and soon enough you will feel like you did the first year of marraige.

Keep us updated and i wish you two the best of luck.

Thank you all of you. I now atleast feel like I can enjoy the holidays with hope for a better year in 2010, starting with a stronger, more loving marriage. Nothing has yet been swept under the rug, but hopefully with time and counseling our marriage will be a healthy one. I do love him, with all of my heart...and I know he loves me. We just have to get back to that place we were two years ago.

The least I can hope for is a nice "sorry" gift for xmas...I'm thinking something sparkly XD

HUGS to all of you and I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and New Years ;-)

PS I will definitely keep you updated. I am sure I will have more to talk about after we start counseling %-)

I sure hope he does honey! I will tell you a "funny" story what mine did!

About 3 Christmas's ago, Christmas morning arrived, I usually wait till the kids are done and my husband, So there I am waiting with anticipation!!!!!!!! That should be a HUGE indicator of what is coming!!!!!

So I open the "smaller" gift 1st - barely enough paper to cover! - I opened it, it was a Cher DVD from 1989!!!!! (Supposedly I had mentioned how much I had enjoyed her concert in 1990!!!!!) So feigning surprise I went for the 2nd present HOPING and PRAYING for at least a Joan Rivers DVD!!!! XD It was a CAR SEAT COVER - NOT FUR, NOT LEATHER, BUT - wait for it!!!!!!! - BURBER!!!!!That's right potato sac!!!!!! The roughest fabric in the world!!!!!!!

So I "ASKED" why would you choose this for me?! His reply - "It's not what you want it's what you need!!!!" :-S 8-| And here now follows the BEST follow up line in the world - for free!!!!!!

"WELL NEXT YEAR as****e, YOU'RE GETTING A BACK WAX AND A EAR HAIR CLIPPER, MERRY F....... CHRISTMAS!!!!" ;-) XD XD XD

That's my Christmas gift to all of you!!!!!!! All the best for ALL of us!!!! ;-)

The first Christmas after our reconcillation i got a gas powered weed wacker, hmmmph, go figure. I suppose you can all pretty much figure out what i told him to do with it, and i never wacked a single weed with it, he must have thought i was freakin King Kong as i just could not manuver that damn thing at all, jerk >:(
I would have rather used a pair if scissors to trim the yard.

Alright I'll try this again.

I don't know how my reply ended up in the middle of your quote.



Geez the poor guy buys you a nice seat cover to keep your ass warm and you go off on him?



Do you think us guys are supposed to know burbur isn't cool?

Ahah!!! I'm beginning to see what the problem is for youse two.



I bought my wife a new lawnmower.

She was thrilled.

She insisted I take a picture of her using it.

I titled it: My old lawnmower and my new lawn mower.

I just read this one again, Bambi.



I assume this was for me?



"Oh honey don't give him permission to tell you the rest!!!! You have NO idea what he is capable of saying!!!!!"



Keep pickin, keep pickin :!: :!:



BTW, that hot wax thing just came in yesterday . I wrapped it and it's under the tree already.

Just to reiterate to bb and baby - the hot wax is a LOVELY paraffin hand warmer that nyon has bought - LOVINGLY for his wife! NOW that's a gift!!!!!!

BB!!!!!? That's hilarious!!!!!!!! You and I are SO similar it's scary!!!!! That is SO funny!

Baby! After this WHATEVER he gets you will be SO much better then what we have offered for ideas!!!!!! IF it's similar I will be turning on the TV on Christmas day to see if there has been any domestic abuse over Christmas presents!!!! XD ;-)

My fondest memory of my growing up in a DYSfunctional family! Was when my dad bought my mom a MASSIVE pair of bloomers - underwear that comes down to your knees, and a HUGE PLASTIC handbag!!!!!!!! I still have not regained hearing in the ear that was closest to my mom!!!!!! XD ;-)

Always wonderful memories of Christmas's gone by with WHACKED out people in your family!! Thank GOD I'm normal!!! ;-) XD

Also one more for the road! My husbands and I first Christmas, we had a Charlie Brown tree! So I thought we would have a nice romantic evening, decorating the tree, hot chocolate WITH liqour of course, Christmas music etc. I DIDN'T know that my husband has OCD! So after him SCREAMING for the 2nd time that I had put a ball on wrong! I poured the hot chocolate over his head, knocked down the treee (lets face facts there was NO tree, it was a twig!!!) and left!!! This will be our 23rd Christmas together and we have NEVER done a tree! He does it, when I'm out!!!

Now he has OCD, AND OGHOHB! Over Grown Hair On His Back!!!!! I don't know what aggravates me more!!!! ;-) XD

I always say this "When I met my husband he hair ALL the way down his back, NOW he has hair ALL over it!!!!!" >:( "When my husband met me, I had hair down to my hips, now my breasts are!!!!!" ;-) XD

Go on BB! Better me on this!!!!! LOL

You two are too damn much...cracking me up XD XD

I guess I should consider myself lucky to have a husband that doesn't think treating me to yard tools is a good thing...he would rather me stay away from "his" yard....he knows what is capable of happening if I do any mowing or trimming...we would probably be living on a pile of dirt and sticks! He wouldn't dare get me any DVDs....I take up the TV enough...I don't think he would want to add to his reality tv torture I put him through weekly XD

He actually has done very well on the gifts for the past 6 years....this would be the year to top it off...except, well, he proposed on xmas...so I guess he can't really top that one. Well, and I gues We did, together, top it in 2005 when our daughter was born on Dec. 22nd...the best gift I will ever receive in my life. :-D We got to bring her home on xmas eve!

Njoy...the parafin wax hand thingy sounds amazing...that is a woman's gift! I am sure she will love it.

I used to mow the lawn. Then I bought the new mower. She wanted to try it and she hasn't let me mow the lawn since.

The guy who got me into the railcar hobby has the same problem. His wife does the yard. She won't let him near it. Theirs is about 10 or 20 times the size of mine.

Aww Bambi, whadja do that for? I wanted Beeb to ruminate on the hot wax thing for a while. She likes hot wax, you know :-P
And I bet she'd love a snow blower for an early Christmas present, this weekend. XD

When I was first married my racing partner got a hot tip on a place to get Christmas trees cheap. We drove over there and got ours. Three days after we decorated it, the needles started falling off. By Christmas it looked just like Charlie Brown's tree. Back then all Christmas lights were hot and we didn't dare use the lights. Eventually I perfected the art of keeping a tree alive for months. Most of our trees start growing new green on the ends of the branches. She used to keep it up until February. Now the environmentalists have destroyed that pleasure for her. With all the dumps closed and the enviro laws being what they are we have to get it out for the town collection the first week in January.

Did any of you ever know someone who DIDN'T grow up in a dysfunctional family?
How boring would that be? 8-|

You guys are killin me here XD XD As far as the hot wax c**p, i have had my share of that s**t. I would love a soothing hot wax treatment on my hands, hmmm, but when you have it dripped on your boobs during sex, that freakin hurts. There ya go njoy, i knew that's where you were headed, or close to it. But of course i always spin around on the ceiling fan making sure i wear my spurs and pink cowboy hat :-S I can do without the blistered mammals tho. That stuff is a b***h to pick off the comforter the next day >:(

Bambi you crack me up, two great minds always think alike :-S Ya know, my husband (from here on in i will refer to him as "dork")
bought me a tractor for this past mothers day, i hate the damn thing. It's brand spanking new with every attachment under the sun. "Dork" claimed it was for me but used it for his work purposes. It cost him 25,000 big ones. So now here is my plan. What the hell am i gonna do with a freakin tractor? If it's mine, i guess it's mine right, a gift is a gift. I told Dork that i wanted my tractor back. I don't reallywant the damn thing and when i told him i did just for "sh**s and giggles", he blew a gasket XD XD XD What the hell do you want that thing for, i use it on the job and i need it to plow he screamed. I gently replied, but it's mine, it's my gift. Now i live in an apartment complex, where the hell am i gonna park a freakin big blue tractor? I just want it, to want, that's all. I'll turn it back in to the dealership, he'll loose all the money he's payed on it so far, and i'll laugh, damn fool, i want my tractor XD XD XD XD