Alrighty, so after reading a TON of other forums and posts, I finally decided to write my own. And I'm not even going to say "Don't post negativity" because it's the internet and I totally expect it. To each their own. :)
Be forewarned, this is LONG, but it felt so good to get it out in the open and not just bounce around details to people here and there.
So to start off with I have smoked for quite a while. Started in high school and kept smoking for a while after until I found out I was pregnant. I quit for the pregnancy, obviously, and didn't begin again right away. A couple months later I decided that it was my little escape and started again. This was about a year and a half ago. I told myself I was going to quit when my daughter turned 1. And I didn't because, like all people who are addicted to something, don't think they need to. So now here we are 6 months later and I made a personal choice to quit. Don't want it in my house anymore, don't want it around my daughter and jsut don't want to rely on something to relieve day to day stress.
So three weeks from today was the day i decided to quit. March 1st, 2013. I thought I was in for what happened when i quit with the pregnancy, NOTHING. Yeah, right. Day 1-7 were great, felt clear headed, cleaner and happy with the choice I made, besides the obvious want to smoke, something that you do mulitple times a day then stop your obviously going to want to do it and think about it.
Then came day or should i say night 7. I couldn't fall asleep and felt upset to stomach. I thought maybe I had eaten something bad and just wasn't able to sleep. Let me remind you, I literally had no IDEA you could have withdrawals from something thats "not addicting." psshhhh.
Well that night I kept worrying about work the next day and how i couldn't get to sleep and how it was going to suck so early and blah blah blah. My mind was RACING, I felt like I was losing control of my thoughts. I freaked myself out so bad that I made myself so nauseous and threw up all night. I went into what I assumed to be a panic attack since I never had one before I could only assume. I was up all night with racing thoughts and what felt like an electric pulse going through my body. I just thought to myself, this is absolutely crazy I MUST be losing my mind. I kept thinking, OMG something has snapped in my head and I am becoming a crazy person. Couldn't go into work the next day because i was up ALL night and still felt terrible the next day. Constantly sweating and racing thoughts, and i mean thoughts that I couldn't think up on my own, but I was. yeah, what the eff right. So I thought ok, everyone has a nervous breakdown, what with going to college, raising a daughter at 21, being a full time manager while maintaining a house and relationship as well.
Well this feeling didn't go away like I thought it would. I got drastic, went to the ER, a therapist and then my family doctor. I kept thinking, I'm never going to think normal again, my life is ruined, I'm going to lose everyone in my life because i'm effing CRAZY now.
Well i did a little (ok, a lot) of reading, and found that, low and behold, people experience the EXACT same things when quitting marijuana, because *GASP* just like ANYTHING you put into your body for a LONG time then suddenly take away without warning, your body is going to react. and probably wonder what the eff is going on. And your brain is going to react by freaking out, just like i did for a week. Even though it felt like a year.
I guess I'm writing this for one, it feels good to write it all out. and two, i'd like advice/support through this all.
Back to my life story haha, the next night i couldn't calm down again and coudnt figure out what was wrong with me so i bought some more weed and smoked and it would SORT of take the edge off but i still didn't feel right, so i smoked for about 4 days trying to cope while just sitting on my couch. Felt like I had lost complete control of my own head.
I finally got an appt with my family dr and told him everything that i was going through, this was 9 days ago today. He told me to not smoke at all anymore and have me fluoxetine, which it like prozac to help with the anxiety and clonodine at night to help me get some sleep since i hadn't slept or ate in a couple days.
Well the meds made me worse felt like i had been run over by a truck and the thoughts in my head turned dark, not suicidal, but like i hated the way my life had turned overnight and that i wouldn't be normal again. It made my jaw clench up badly too and this may be somethign i'm doing subconsiously from tension of worry and stress of quitting and the jaw pain isn't as bad but its' still there, anyone else experience this?
So i stopped taking anything besides a sleep aid you can by at the store. So now i'm at day 9 of not smoking weed, total of 3 weeks besides the 4 days i smoked. I feel a hell of alot better than i did 2 weeks ago when i felt like i was losing my mind. the anxiety isnt often and when it is it's very mild, i can eat again and am happy. BUT i still get mood swings sometimes, and it's not like anger or anything hostile. It's sadness, Like I'm pregnant again and can't control my emotions anymore. (I took a test, I'm not prego) lol
But i'm just kind of looking for advice too, I've read this is totally normal and all, and i'm trying to cut myself some slack and realize im not going to be 100% overnight considering weed was a HUGE part of my life. I loved it and I'm trying to make myself hate it because I cant go back to that. I like that I don't smoke.
I just want to know, Is my brain just trying to get rid of the toxins and chemicals and balance itself back out from so much abuse of marijuana?? I think i alraady know the answer to this but as everyone who quits and becomes sober from anything, support and reassures can do WONDERS.
I guess I'm just looking for a familiar "face" someone whose gone through this and can testify that there truly is a great thing on the other side. I'm not as bad as i was so i KNOW that I'm already healing and getting there, but just to know that this isn't something i'm going to experience forever would be so comforting to me.
Thank you to those who read this, I hope to have entertained as well as enlightened with my story. I'm here to support people quitting just like I would like support in return! I know sober life is going to be great, but sometimes the sadness makes me wonder if i'll be Truly HAPPY again and worry free like i was not so long ago.
Cheers all!!
:))
Jessica
Great decisions you made. :-|
You already know what is going to happen. You will feel better and the anxiety will subside. I think it was a wise choice to use as little medicine as possible. Go through the emotions, it sucks once and a while, but it makes your mind and body more healthy in the end :)
Here are some examples of mantra's you could do 5min before going to sleep and whenever you feel like doing them. It can help to overcome anxiety or sadness. Make up your own if you like, try to use positive words (i am not scared => i am confident etc.).
1) I am calm, relaxed, patient and confident.
2) I am in control of myself.
3) I am strong, balanced and happy.
You go girl!!
What you are feeling is normal withdrawal after years of smoking pot. Anxiety, mood swings, insomnia, I know all about it. Shame on your doctor for prescribing pharmaceutical psychotropics. That is not he answer. I suffer from mild ADHD. After pot and my stupid impulsiveness cost me my first marriage, I sought out a psychologist for help. He prescribed me Adderall. After two days I flushed the meds down the toilet and went back to smoking. The key to quitting is your own desire to quit. If you want it bad enough you will succeed. Just remember nothing worth having is easy. It takes hard work and dedication. Those are the secrets to success in all things we do.
I started smoking pot my first year of college when I was 18. I'm now 47 and still struggle with temptation. It's a constant battle for some of us. Not really sure why I tried it that first time but I wish I never had. My younger brother started smoking marijuana when he was 13 and continued throughout high school. Unlike me, he finally gave it up. His real problem is alcohol. I was a year older and during high school never touched the stuff. It wasn't until college that I finally tried it and it's been a lifelong love affair ever since. I was a recreational user in college. I became a daily smoker much later in my mid-20s. I quit for a time in my early 30s but regrettably started again when I moved to London for work.
I was a functioning addict for a long time. I hid it from my ex-wife and many of my friends. It was something I did in secret after I finished school. I had a few friends that smoked, for the most part, I did it in solitude. That's probably what I regret most, it turned me into a loner. My best advice is stick with it and take it one day at a time. Once an addict always an addict. It's important not to forget that fact. Temptation will always exist. What works for me may not work for everyone. Exercise and keeping busy is a key for me. I run 15 miles a week and lift weights regularly. If you don't exercise much I recommend it more than anything else for people struggling with marijuana addiction. It really does help. My weakest moments come when I'm bored and alone. Good luck!
This came up for me under related content so even though this is an old topic, I just wanted to say congrats to anyone who has decided to quit pot!