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What should I do. I feel like a little kid
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Just like everyone else, I am so happy to have found this blog. Here are the posts I've been making on another blog for the past 15 weeks. Sorry it's so long. I'll start posting here regularly too.
A few years ago a friend of mine gave me a Camel Snus to try. I had tried dip before (once or twice) which gave me such a buzz I puked so I was nervous but he told me that they weren't nearly as strong. I tried one and it gave me a slight buzz that wasn't over the top.
A few months later I was working on a construction site and all of the workers were dipping and I was just standing around as an inspector so I decided to try the Snus again just for something to do. I did the Snus for about 3 months and quit without any problems whatsoever.
A couple years later (about a year ago) I decided to use it again because I was getting busy at work and, again, just something to do while I worked (I am a design engineer (desk job)). I did the Snus for about 8 months and got to the point where I was practically chaining them back to back, all day long (especially at work) (about 15-20 pouches a day or a little over a can a day).
Over the past July 4th weekend (9 weeks ago) I drank fairly heavily and wasn't feeling great so I decided to stop using the Snus. I had quit no problem before and all I knew about nicotine withdrawal was that you could get a bad headache for a few days or whatever. Plus the Snus gave me such a little buzz I figured there wasn't much nicotine in them. Boy was I wrong.
After a couple days of not being able to sleep at all, a tingly feeling over my entire body, anxiety (including a panic attack that laster all night one night), and very bad lightheaded feeling, I went to the ER. At this point I thought I had a major hangover or something. They gave me some fluids and I felt a little better but I knew that wasn't the problem because I had been hydrating a lot. After another sleepless night and symptoms increasing I looked up symptoms of nicotine withdrawal after thinking that it was possibly from quitting the Snus. I had every symptom there was. I had already missed three days or work so I decided to try some gum and a patch, although, I was reluctant because I didn't want to backtrack from any withdrawal I had already gone through (really wish I knew what I know now). I started using 8 mg of gum per day (4 2 mg pieces) and a 7 mg patch. I was able to go to work one day that week and slept a total of 5 hours for the entire week. The first week was absolutely insane.
I actually felt fairly good for a couple days after a couple days of using the gum (I quit the patch after two days because I felt it was giving me anxiety at night). But the relief was short and week 2 consisted of very bad lightheadedness/vertigo with some anxiety here and there. Week 2 I was on vacation so at least I wasn't having to deal with work. During week 2 I took motion sickness medicine so I could eat while being so dizzy. Sleeping wasn't as bad this week but I would wake up after about 4 hours needing gum.
Week 3 I had to return to work and this is when the anxiety really started to kick in. The dizzyness was also still really bad and I faked work all week. I would hide in a conference room twice a day for about an hour and call my mom just for some distraction. Mid-week I got an appointment with a doctor and he gave me some Klonopin (.5 mg) for the anxiety. I tried it a few times but was reluctant due to the horror stories I had researched regarding withdrawing from it. Still sleeping only 4 or 5 hours a night.
Week 4 had similar symptoms to week 3. Finally during week 4 I got in touch with a nicotine withdrawal councilor. That’s when I found out the amount of nicotine I was getting from the Snus was comparable to 4 packs of cigarettes per day. I had no idea. He told me that the Snus has a very delayed absorption into your body because it is a dry oral tobacco which is why it doesn’t give you a strong buzz but more of a drawn out, constant one. He told me that if I would have come to him before quitting, he would have had me starting with two 21 mg patches plus gum. At this point I am terrified because I had no idea that I was doing that much and that nicotine withdrawal could be this bad. I was traumatized.
During Week 4 I started to notice symptoms significantly increasing in the afternoon which the councilor said was understandable since when I was on the Snus, the afternoon was when my body had the most nicotine. In the afternoons my whole body seems to speed up which increases all of the symptoms (it’s my body craving the nicotine). It’s like an extreme version of the shakes. Dizzyness increases, anxiety increases, vision gets blurry, and concentration goes to c**p. Still sleeping only 4 or 5 hours a night during week 4.
At the start of Week 5 I was having such bad anxiety that I went to the ER again. They gave me some Vistaril and Ativan to try which I did I decided I was going to take a Vistaril (25 mg) in the morning, 1mg of Ativan in the afternoon, and 1 mg of Ativan at night before bed. Although still dizzy, I felt pretty good that week (obviously with the meds). I could actually handle work and was starting to eat normal (I hadn’t been eating much cause anxiety makes me feel sick). I also started to sleep my normal 8 hours. Sometimes I am up and down for the last couple. The doctor also gave me wellbutrin to try but I took it for two days over that next weekend and the amphetamine boost it gave me increased the anxiety so I stopped taking it.
Week 6 my body started to get used to the Ativan because I started to not feel great in the mornings when I had no Ativan in me. So, I cut out the Vistaril and started taking 0.5 mg of Ativan at night and in the morning and 1 mg in the afternoon. That week the afternoon rush and dizzyness was minimal most days. The whole process has had a lot of ups and downs. I have really good days sometimes and really bad days sometimes.
Week 7 I’m getting worried about getting hooked to the Ativan so I decide to start tapering off. I took all three doses to 0.5 mg. Had full blown anxiety attacks on the 2nd and 3rd day ( in the morning after waking up) after dropping the Ativan. The dizziness also increased.
Week 8 I dropped the Ativan another 0.5 mg. 0.5 mg in the morning and 0.5 mg in the early afternoon. I had one bad afternoon rush the day after dropping the Ativan. I went three days like this but was extremely dizzy every morning and decided that it was probably because I was doing a whole mg by noon every day and then having nothing till I woke up. Needed something to keep a little in me more consistently, so I added back in 0.25 mg at night. This did the trick. At this point, I also decided to slow down the taper to 0.25 mg per week.
Week 9 (currently) I have maintained the same Ativan schedule because I feel like I’ve been messing with it too much. I will drop 0.25 mg this coming weekend. Although it’s slow as heck, my symptoms due seem to be getting better. Dizzyness definitely seems to be getting better. I get fairly dizzy if I go for a long walk and when I first wake up, but, during the day it is minimal and sometimes I don’t even notice it. The afternoon rush has seemed to weaken since I can withstand it more. Although, sometimes I have a bad day. Currently, the afternoon rush consists of a tense, agitated feeling and some blurred vision.
The whole process has been absolute heck. I had no idea how much nicotine I was doing and I had no idea nicotine withdrawal can be this crazy. These blogs are helpful to know that others have had these issues because most people I talk to just don’t understand. I’ve never had an issue with anxiety at all. In fact, I slept the entire night before defending my Master’s Thesis. But nicotine withdrawal sucks. Anxiety just pops out of nowhere, makes your heart pound, and freaks you out which adds to it. Dizzyness is terrifying cause it’s your brain. The ups and downs with the whole process never gives you a feeling of any consistency. The only consistent thing is that I always feel better at night. I want so bad to be back to my normal self. I haven’t had a drink with caffeine or alcohol since this all started. I haven’t been able to go out normally with my friends, although, the last few weeks I’ve at least been able to go see movies and do more relaxing things. Looks like I am in it for the long haul though and it could be a couple more months before I am feeling normal. I’m sure it will be many months before I can do any physical activity without getting dizzy.
Just thought I would share my story. Sorry it was so long. Any words of wisdom or advice to help get me through the next couple months, especially as I drop the Ativan would be much appreciated. I now have a much better understanding/respect for the nicotine addiction and I now sympathize with people going through withdrawal or who have anxiety issues.
For those starting the withdrawal process (who have it really bad like me) you’re going to feel hopeless at points but it will get better. It’s biology, it has to.
Week 10 has definitely been an improvement but I am still longing to feel normal again. The afternoon rush (increased heart rate, tingles in legs, blurred vision, agitation) has become more tolerable and the dizzyness has noticeably gotten better. Not much dizzyness at all typically. Still get pretty dizzy when I go on my walks though. Not going to start drinking alcohol till I feel really comfortable with the dizzyness being gone which can cause depression because it has been 10 weeks and I really just want to go out with my friends and be my normal self. Dropped the Ativan again and had some bad anxiety the 2nd and 3rd night after dropping. That seems to be fairly consistent so I'm getting used to dealing with that. Had a stressful situation pop up last night which lead to pretty bad anxiety last night and this morning which sucked cause I was feeling pretty good about things yesterday. Anxiety hasn't been horrible but any slightly anxious situations are definitely amplified and last much longer than normal. Hopefully as I start to feel better and better the withdrawal will start to get better faster. Preparing for another month or two though until I'm back to myself. I'm sure it will be a fairly long time before I can do intense physical activity without getting dizzy, but that is fine. I really just want my everyday life back. I daydream about how good I will feel once I'm better. This daydreaming is happening more and more too which must be a good sign. Good luck to everyone else. It can be tough but life will be much better once your through.
Week 11 was a huge setback but I can't give in now. In my previous post (Week 10) I went through a stressful situation at the end of the week which ended up bring back a lot of dizziness which took the entire week 11 to fade. Still don't think I am quite back to where I was, but, luckily it has significantly faded. Did some research and found out you can develop motion sickness after stressful/anxious periods (your serotonin is all screwed up because you body is preparing for another flight or fight situation). Dropped the Ativan again on Tuesday which only led to one morning of anxiety but ever since then I have had heart palpitations (strong heart beat) at night which makes it hard to fall asleep. Really tough now because I never know where different symptoms are coming from, Ativan withdrawal or nicotine withdrawal. On a good note, the afternoon rush I described has become practically non-existent. I'm hoping by the time I get off this Ativan in a month or so, I will be in pretty good shape. Found a couple blogs specifically related to withdrawing from Snus. Seems like the stuff is very east to become addicted to since you can do it without anyone knowing and the delayed nicotine absorption makes it seems "not strong" so its easy to do a lot more during the day. Lots of other people having big problems getting off the stuff. Maybe shouldn't be reading too much though because some people have posted about months and months of withdrawal up to even a year. God, I hope that isn't the case for me. Sorry if I'm scaring anyone with my posts! Trust me, I am a rare case. I was doing an equivalent of 4 to 5 packs of cigs per day which is insane. No wonder my body went through so much c**p and is taking so long to recover. Wish I had any idea what I was doing to my body before. Well, not much I can do now but keep riding this out. Good luck to everyone and stay strong. One day, we will all be happy non-smokers and I am sure it will feel great.
Week 12 has been fairly consistent. Thank god I am not as dizzy as I was last week. Still got a slight dizzyness going all the time which increases a lot when I am moving around. Little depressed because from what I have read on another blog site (link below) it may be still quite awhile until the dizzyness goes away. I was only doing the Snus for 8 months and it may take longer to withdrawal from it! Some positives though. I haven't been having much anxiety at all except for at night I get a strong heart beat (sometimes which an agitated feeling) which makes it hard to fall asleep but I have been using the Vistaril and it knocks me right out. And I know this is a problem for most but it has been, I think, a good sign for me: I've been crazy hungry the last week and can't stop eating, which for me, is better than the first 6 weeks where I lost 20 pounds because I had so much anxiety I felt sick all the time. A lot more of my friends have found out what is going on lately (because I have started to go out more but am still not drinking) which has been tough because they just don't understand and want to try and tell me what it could be. I have to explain to everyone how many doctors I've seen, ER trips, therapy sessions, and research. It's pretty clear what is going on, it's just effecting me big time. My fiance's co-worker even suggested that maybe I am stressed out because we got engaged! Obviously not the case at all. I don't know what I would do without her. She has been a huge support through all this and it's been tough on her and that is all she needs is someone telling her that. Very frustrating. Well all I can do is keep on keeping on. Hope things are getting better for everyone else and for those of you taking the plunge, good luck.
Other blog I found with people going through what I am going through:
https://www.steadyhealth.com/topics/4-months-quit-smoking-but-still-not-recovered-from-withdrawal?p=1556096#1556096
Week 13, like Week 12, has been fairly consistent again. Pretty much just dealing with the dizziness (typically only when I start moving around) and strong heart beat (only at night or at least that is when I notice it). Decided not to drop the Ativan again this week because I don't feel ready. Seems like this nicotine withdrawal is going to take awhile so I don't want to rush off the Ativan and relapse. Plus, I've already tapered down to 0.75 mg a day which is less than one standard does so I'm hoping what I am doing won't lead to serious withdrawal problems even if I stay on it a while longer. My grandma died this week. Even though it was mostly a relief because she has been living with Alzheimer's for the last seven years, I still had to deal with a lot of family I haven't seen in awhile and I didn't have much anxiety at all. AKA the anxiety seems to be a lot better, although, I still get anxious with how long this dizziness is taking to go away. I need that to go away to feel "normal" again. Some other people on here have mentioned using magnesium oil for anxiety. I did some research and discovered that long periods of stress can cause a magnesium deficiency and it is not easy to fix that through just food. The number one symptom of magnesium deficiency is a strong heart beat. I read it you're deficient when you put the oil on you will feel itchy cause your veins will open up with an urgency to absorb the magnesium. Well, I tried the oil a few hours ago and was a little itchy but could definitely feel my blood start to rush. So, maybe this was an issue and hopefully the oil will help with some of my symptoms. If I wake up tomorrow feeling a lot better, a smile won't leave my face for days (it would be a miracle). After 3 months of this c**p, an upgrade in how I am feeling would put me on cloud 9. I'll let everyone know the results next week. Keep up the good work everyone and try and stay calm.
The last few weeks have been too consistent for my liking, although, I still have some feeling of improvement (I have to be improving). Still dealing with a slight dizzyness, although, one thing that has been improving, is that I've always gotten more dizzy when I go on my walks but now that increase is definitely decreasing and sometimes I feel like it's not happening at all. Still have a strong heart beat (heart palpitations) at night too. Not every night though. My doctor prescribed me a beta blocker for the heart palpitations which I tried one, but, it didn't seem to help. May give it another shot at some point. Been having some anxiety which I haven't dealt with in awhile, but, the anxiety comes and leaves quickly. My afternoon rush also isn't as consistent as it used to be. It seems to be more sporadic now instead of all afternoon. Ok, I guess I am still improving!
Still on the 14 mg patch during the day with a few pieces of gum. My counselor says I can stay on those till I feel good then taper off. Tapering off that should be a breeze compared to the 200 mg/day of nicotine I was getting from the Snus. Still on 0.75 mg Ativan per day. Haven't felt ready to drop again. Also taking 25 mg Vistaril to sleep. For anyone just starting their quit, Vistaril is great for sleeping. Knocks me out for at least 8 hours every night. Without it, it takes me a good hour to fall asleep and then I only sleep for 5 hours or so. Vistaril is also not habit forming.
Still longing to feel normal again. I feel like I am loosing friends because I haven't been going out nearly as often (and especially because I haven't been drinking). My friends just booked a cabin for the weekend in late January. Hope I am good to go by then.
Stay strong everyone! Thanks to all the recent posters who have been tobacco free for years. It's nice to be reassured that our lives will be returned to us and will be better than ever.
Week 15:
Everything seems to be more sporadic now. Not much consistency. I think this is a good thing. Good days and bad days. The afternoon rush has totally gone away except for random hours or so where I get slight symptoms. Going on my walks is no longer increasing the dizzyness and I have only been dizzy about half the days this week. Definitely better than being dizzy all the time but I wake up never knowing how the day is going to go. Anxiety attacks are gone. I still have a general anxiety but I have gotten pretty used to that. I did have some bad anxiety Sunday night but I hadn't eaten in over 5 hours. I've seen others post about this and I have definitely found it to be true. If I eat small meals every three hours or so I am good to go but if I wait too long symptoms start to spike. Hope everyone is doing well. We will all get through this and be happier than ever.
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Getting better but it's just taking so dang long. Haven't gone out drinking with my friends in over 4 months, but, don't want to start until the dizzyness goes away fully. I'll go hours without any dizzyness but, like everything else, it's ups and downs day after day. Some days I get an agitated feeling in the afternoon, but, some days I won't. Some nights I'll have heart palpitations, but, some nights I won't. Tough not knowing what to expect, although, it's better than having the symptoms constantly like before. The severity continues to get better too, but, like I said, it's just so slow. I see improvements from month to month instead of week to week or even day to day like others.
Started to drop the Ativan again. Some withdrawal effects from that, but, it only lasts for a day or so. Going to also drop the path from 14 mg (just during the day) to 7 mg next week. I was getting 200 mg a day on the Snus, so, I don't think I will even notice the change. I read a post about Inositol and decided to give it a try. Taking 1/4 teaspoon twice a day and it seems to be helping some.
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I will appreciate if you can provide an update. I am into my 10th month but still have chest pains, and anxiety which comes and goes but it is not as severs as it used to be. I have on asthma medications although I have never been formally diagnosed with asthma. I am slowly weaning off asthma medications and have so far resisted any medications for anxiety. Still coughing up phlegm with black speckles, i.e., accumulated layer of nicotine, chemicals and smoke. Sometime have soar gums as well. Any updates will help.
Thnaks
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