Thoughts please. I have been seeing my man for 6 and a half years. I am a widow. After two years of losing my beautiful husband I found him. Unfortunately he was only 3 months down the track when he found me. He started looking at two months as he was so desperately sad and lonely. In that first year in particular I would often just hold him as he grieved....and enjoyed the moments when he was fairly happy.I fell in love with him after about 3 -4 months, but very unsure whether he would ever come to love me in a way he did with his late wife. I hung in there, even though I felt I was giving more than perhaps ever receiving in say a normal relationship. Anyway, In hindsight, everything that could have possibly been done wrong.....probably WAS done wrong. There were no manuals how to walk this journey!!
He told his kids (47,41 and 32 present ages) about me way too early. Like so many others, he thought they would be happy for him.Then he got me to meet them within the first year against my better judgement. Disaster. Then, took me to their first family Christmas without their mum...which was absolute disaster...naturally. I think I lasted half an hour. He had lied and said I would be welcome. We fought alot over that as I was deeply upset being put in that situation. Sadly, my late husband and I could never have children together but my late husband's children never accept me as it was a divorce...even though they were adults. I could handle 'one' marriage (just) of never knowing the joy of family and family get-to-gethers and that sense of belonging, etc, but Ho hum, here we go again. So it's doubly raw and after 6 and a half years nothing has changed. To make matters even worse, I have no family at all.
I broached the marriage thing again recently...we have twice put it off....for the kids sake, hoping in time they would come around. On the occasions we've fought it's always been about them. He used to say it my imagination the way they treated me and this and that...that was hurtful too.....especially when they admitted they didn't want me in their fathers life. We broke up for 2 months...(they were thrilled)..he realised how lonely he was, then promised he wouldn't let his kids dictate....have agreed to get married soon but STILL haven't told his kids! I'm getting doubts. Because I have been to he'll and back re 'family' in general, I insisted on one thing. (rightly or wrongly). That none of his kids visit OUR home if they are bringing resentment, attitude, and rudeness toward me. Better they meet their dad at a park or something as my health (at 60) can't take anyone rejection, sadness or rudeness that's not necessary. All I have ever done since I've known them is to love and accept them and adored his little grandchildren which they won't let me.
My man says, "well, if they turn up...just see...." (and then put up with?? as I have done for nearly 7 years.....They were mad at their father for finding me so early but I'M the one who cops all their hatred! I've always been known for being sweet, compassionate and sensitive, but, maybe it's age, but I'm starting to think quite selfishly now of "why should I have to put up with this....still". I don't have confidence my man will back me up.