Well, thank you all for taking your time to reply.
@Levar, regarding masturbation, I would like to know if doing it could "kill" my sex drive. That's why avoid masturbation since February this year, because of my fear of getting porn induced erectile dysfunction.
@Blackcanvas002, I appreciate anyway your will to help, and the mere fact of having read my post.
@Medic-Dan, I answered your question about pills, erection and masturbation. I guess that, as long as I get erections alone without help of any meds, I don't have nothing physiologically wrong with me, am I right?
Thank you again!
Martin,
In my opinion, masturbation is/was not the problem. I do think "porn" can be unhealthy, it presents a distorted view of woman and sexuality.
I do not think you ever truly needed the sildenafil. You were able to maintain a strong erection while masturbating, that rules out physical problems.
Anxiety issues most likely played a significant role in your performance issues. They are very common, especially when first becoming sexually active and it can be self-fulfilling. If I think I'm going to have a problem getting/keeping an erection I am.
With more experience I think your levels of anxiety will decrease and your performance will increase. This is natural.
Enjoy and good luck!
Hey Martin,
It's been awhile but I've been watching/reading from afar.
I noticed in one of your new posts that your sexual encounter was with a woman that was 20 years older than you. Can I ask why you are not trying to get with girls your own age, a year or two younger or older? I would think that would boost your confidence up then with someone twice your age. Was it for the experience or lack of any other willing females? Now that you have been with this woman exploring and this coming from a woman that young men have asked to 'tutor' them in the ways of a woman's vagina, it is time to move on to the younger woman. You have the ability as you got an erection and maintained 3 times - that's amazing, any woman wants that in a male, I want that and I am happily married. Take that knowledge and apply it to a younger woman and you will be amazed. Try it and see.
Sorry to cut in and bug you again - I just like giving the female perspective as you know.
@Medic-Dan
Thank you once again for your input.
It's so encouraging for me reading your words.
I really do hope anxiety will decrease and performance will increase.
Nevertheless, it's hard for me to forget about the odds of not having a proper erection when I'm in those situations. I'd love to know how to control that, how to overcome those thoughts and how not to think about it at all.
@LizardQueen420
A woman's perspective is always of great help, and never a way of bugging someone :)
As for your questions... There is not one single answer.
For instance, I did fell in that cliché of mature women as tutors. I confirmed it's no big deal. And I feel like one of my oldest fantasies finally fell apart. Given the chance, I'd choose a girl of my same age, or even a little younger / older. Twenty years is too much.
I met her at this dating site. A social network, that is. We were chatting for a few weeks, even had cyber sex via web cam. And then happened what happened.
Are there girls any younger? Of course. But well, I assume that I have certain prejudices towards them, and maybe it's time to re-think them.
I mean...
Younger girls would expect a high degree of experience from an older guy. I don't have such thing yet.
Younger girls lack of the patience and "nurturing instinct" an older woman does have. So, if things go wrong (i.e., if I don't achive an erection) they would reject me without contemplations nor tact. They'd even take a poor performance in bed as reason to dump me, or as a bad sign -you know: "No second chance for this guy".
Younger girls tend to confuse love and sexual desire, so it's hard to leave perfectly clear that one is interested in nothing more than just sex. Mature women maybe have a clearer point of view, so they take sex for what it is. By the way, that's what's happening to me: I don't want to get emotionally attached to anyone, I just want to have fun and experiment with my body in order to find out what I do like and what I do not, and also to learn more about myself. I'm not interested at all in a relationship. How do you state that from the beggining, if you're in front of a young girl in her twenties? I don't mean to underestimate anybody.
The thing is... With this woman I was, I learnt that maybe there is nothing so special in mature woman. They're not sex teachers or sex tutors. No way. And I'm even starting to feel more atracted than before to younger girls (between 18 and 30 that's it).
What I really want in the short run, aside from a healty and active sexual life, is to get rid off all the prejudices and grudges I bear towards younger girls. I don't want a few bad experiences from the past to condition my present and my future. And those experiences have a lot to do with mind games and being dump for not being able to achieve a decent erection.
Now I gotta go, but I'd love to keep this discussion going on. It would be of great help if I get to open myself with you at least.
I absolutely love your explanation and thank you for being so thorough about it too. I am happy it is because you are trying to know you better and that is one way. You are honest about not wanting a relationship right now, great. BUT, you are lumping all younger girls in one category - they are not ALL like that, there was once me out there and I had to find myself and I tried ALL AGES OF MEN, I never once laughed at a guy or put him down due to his lack of experience but I do know girls out there like that. Unfortunately, one place to try would be the bar. Get happy (not drunk) and look for a similar girl and go from there. My word of advice.
Anyways, have a great day. And, good luck! You are doing great.
I'm back again. One more thing, LQ. I'm well aware that I've been lumping all girls in the same category all this time. And since I'm aware of that, I want to change it. I'm not happy with having that kind of attitude. I want to prove myself wrong. And even if I don't get into a serios relationship, now I start knowing that, at least regarding sex, it's important to have a connection with the other person. Not in a romatic sense, of course. I mean something like that "chimestry" that no one can put into words. And that's more likely to happen, I guess, with someone of your same generation. Someone who's in the same frecuency. Thank you and will be reading each other :)
PS: I know it's hard to change your morals overnight, but every once in a while I have my doubts... Is it that wrong to "practice" with escorts?
Hi Martin,
Regarding your erection, just realize that sometimes your body isn't ready AND IT HAPPENS. You just need to accept that. Being tired, or not feeling well, all can impact your performance. If it happens, do something else and focus on her. You're not a robot.
It goes along with what Lizard said earlier. The majority of women will never laugh at a guy or put them down. I would expect you to say the same that you'd never laugh at a women or put them down either. Respect, trust, and love go a long way towards reducing anxiety.
While not addressed to me, there is a BIG difference between "practicing with escorts" and making love. Once you find true love I think you'll understand how much more relaxed you are and your performance will improve. You're basically just using these women for sex with no emotional attachment. It's cold and for them, mechanical.
Find yourself a girlfriend. Go out with your friends, have some fun, meet people. Don't rule out meeting someone at church or sporting events too. You don't need alcohol to have a good time.
Good luck.
It's ok, M-D. Feel free (you or anybody else) to answer. I'm talking to everyone who reads.
I mentioned having sex with escorts as a way of "practice" (actually, sex with an escort is more a way of enjoying sex without involving feelings, although I wouldn't dare to say that there are no feelings involved at all, yet you know what I mean) because one of my great worries is -and sorry for my language- not being able to "find the hole". Being with an escort, maybe, it's a way to learn about female anathomy in person and not through an erotic video. I mean, it's a way to learn, maybe, about the female body without being attached (and without going to medicine school, haha). In that case, borrowing LQ240's words, I do consider escorts as tutors.
And, of course, it's always way too more nice and fulfilling to have a meaningful relationship with somebody. But you can't force that, and in the meantime, until that person shows up, why should I avoid having fun?
Well put! You will find your someone special when and where you least expect it, that's what happened to me. Any other circumstances and I would have never given him a second look but the right place and time and PRESTO, it's like magic.
I think that you searching on dating sites, single meets, tutorials with escorts or the girl next door - are not only great at teaching you about the other sex BUT (like I've said before) GREAT CONFIDENCE BOOSTERS! Everyone needs to feel special and everyone needs to be loved.