Unfortunatly my abortion wasnt comfertable or how i whanted it to happen and ended up being a traumatic experience wich i am now finding it hard to cope with.
Me and my fiancee travelled two hours from were we live to a Marie Stopes clinic in buckhurts for me to take my second lot of pills. I was not given the option to stay at the clinic and knowingly had to face and uncomfertable journy home. within 20 minits of being in the car i was violenty sick after taking my pain killers so they wernt going to work and i couldnt take anymore.for half an hour i was doubled up in pain in the car going along moterways ages away from my home. After half an hour we had to pull into a petrol station coz i urgently needed to sit up and i had realy awfull dioreah. I saw in the toilet for another 20 minits under and awfull blue light. I was alone and in alot of pain. and eventualy was able to walk out were people were waiting to use it. walking to the car i nearly passed our from the pain and had to face the rest of the jeorney home.
After this experience ive been left feeling dirty and embarissed, It didnt feel as natural and peacefull as it could have been and since then my partners support has become less helpfull and no one els seems to be able to help me in anyway. Since the abortion ive found myself wouding up upset due to the fact i whanted the baby but could not afford it. i know i did the right thing but i cant help feeling guilty and like something is missing. Even though it wasnt a develloped baby i worry about if it felt anything or were it is now and i feel the need to say sorry. and its tearing me up inside
So i find myself here just looking for some friendly words
I had an abortion on august 17
I could barely handle the stress before and after the Operation I had a surgical abortion I was roughly 11 weeks by then
My boyfriend and I had barely been dating that long I got prevent by him the first day I met him don't judge me on please
When he found out it was the baby or him. I have no job no place of my own I barely have an education and I'm only 19
The stress was equally difficult with my mom and friends offering to help me with baby stuff
But I did not want my child to grow up without its father that would kill me having a part of the man I loved and raising it by myself
I gave in 4 weeks after I found out it was my mom's birthday the day I did it
I have been a emotional disaster since it happened by I'm stronger each day
My boyfriend has been a great support but I worry my deposit shot I was given immediately after my surgery didn't work and I could be once again pregnant and if it were to happen again I could never get rid of another baby so easily not two times which would end my relationship and make me go through the same thing I would have if I chose to keep my first child well I am here to chat if you need it
Willow