I'm not aware of any mental illness with myself or my prospective but I just need support.I know a woman now about a year and a couple of months and have built up a pretty good friedship with her.I met her the natural way and always got to carry her home from dancing on a Tuesday night because she doesn't drive and now she has also joined a group that I'm involved in.So around the middle of October I got an invite to a wedding and I could bring a guest so I texted Trish (The prospective date) and a couple of days later she got back to me and said she would be my guest.So before the wedding I brought her home from dancing another night and I managed to start talking about my relationships and she shared her story.She was six months out of a six year long relationship and said even tho it was painful that this time it was over for her as far as she was concerned.Anyway I brought her to the wedding and we had a lovely night and I brought her home.Just as I pulled up the car I said"Trish I was thinking about a proper date but I know your position etc."Well as could be guessed the answer was no because she was raw and I know what its like myself so I didn't judge her.She was sober too by the way but anyway a I was leaving her I gave her a hug and said thanks for the beautiful night but she INITIATED a kiss and I obliged but afterwards we just decided to forget about it for the moment as she s a bit confused about her feelings.By the way we're 32 nd 33.She did say that she would date me but just not at the moment as her head was not in the right place.Well anyway that's two months ago now and up to now things have been pretty okay.It has been looking like that in time we would be together.Se finds me funny and spontaneous, full of energy etc but I know that she feels a bit low herself deep down.She spoke to me about it.She doesn't drink etc at least not a lot and feels she's a bore etc.I comforted her etc and told her she wasn't.Anyway over the Xmas we never met up and all the cotact via emails, texts etc has been initiated by me.I haven't any reason to suspect rejection by her emails or texts just that the fact that I'm initiating all the contact makes me feel a bit insecure.I'm not blaming her for her actions.Love is a complicated game and I know we all make mistakes with it.I was at a meeting last niht with Trish and I found that vibe that I was trying too hard and maybe making her feel pressured.Well at least she did approach me when I was talking to some other guy and we had some bit of conversation.I'm glad I got the chance to at least converse with her on some level.I just feel now that I gotta let her do the chasing for a change and it scares me that she wont because I really do have feelings for her.I do understand where she's probably at cos I know what break ups are like too and her one was after 6 years.Mine only 6 months.I worry that if we don't be an item that I wont be able to talk to her anymore.I just feel so confused and stuck in one position.Can anyone advise me?
Thanks very much for understanding my position Josh.Other people just tell me straightaway to move on and I don't think they even read my whole story.I will take on ur advice Josh but u c for me what Im beginning to find is that the harder I try and the less I get back the more physically and emotionally harder it gets for me to even be a good friend to her in that like I could go up and be all nice to her and my voice might show my nervousness and also my part anger.And I don't wanna say that Im angry with her.Im just angry with the situation Im in b ecause as u sed I'm STUCK.And we all make mistakes when we're pining after a loved one but I just really do have developed feelings for Trish and not knowing whats happening is als making it hard for me to know how to react.Im really glad that u are encouraging me not to give up because believe me I don't wanna give up on her but I have really tried to find her interests and our differences(Opposites attract a little) and I try to encourage her to show me some of her dramas etc but she just doesn't tke up on it.I really do send emails that make her laugh etc but Josh ur on about two days etc contact.I'm talkn a couple of weeks man.I guess really what I do is I give back what I receive.If her emails are short with me in that no smiley etc I will do the same.At the moment u c I reckon her own confidence in herself isn't good and if I just abadon her now I could be losing out on my dream girl.She has even sed to me "Im a bore etc.I'm not on fb and all this rubbish."I don't know what her last relationship did to her.I told her of course she wasn't a bore and all that.I also don't mean to be an as****e here but I'm a pretty god catch.Good lookin fun etc spontaneous u no and its hard for me to undersdtand that she wouldn't be interested when I got a pretty god choice of women.So now how do u read it?hat Im worried about u c is that if I chase her too hard when shes pining over her ex is that Ill get too attatched and shell go back to him or someon else and Ill drive her away.I guess what I could do is at gatherings etc let her approach me more but when she does be more than welcoming to her and make her feel really fun and part of us.Thanks Josh o much.
Your right Josh.I do love this woman and I texted her today after 2 weeks.Got about 5 or 6 neutral texts with maybe a small bit of banter but you know what if there's one thing today has taught me its that I would rather fight for a woman and lose that be a f*****g "play it safe" wimp and lose. If I'm afraid that a woman will give out at me for pursuing her what good am I to her in the first place.It feels much better to earn her than have her handed to you.
Hey BalOlu thank you for your support and feedback and I have looked at it too.Now I don't wanna bash anyone here.I appreciate all support and in fact would like to help others in my situation too.
However I think that I gotta be realistic here.At the present time is it really fair to push this woman into a relationship when she's just over 6 months out of a 6 year relationship? And also what am I after?I would like to date this woman and "Maybe" have a serious relationship.I don't think any of the two of us are gonna know if what we have is gonna blossom into a relationship until we have a few dates.
As for respect I think that when I was in this woman's position I don't think that I would have appreciated anyone else forcing black and white decisions on me when I was in a state of emotional confusion but I do know where you are coming from BalOlu.It does feel frustrating and awquard sometimes and yes it feels like I am losing my self respect when I don't know where it is going but I think the best way that I can protect myself from that is to not be afraid to make an effort myself with this woman in small ways yet,maybe put a time frame on how long I am going to pursue this and also get out and about and keep my eyes open for who else maybe around.I have established some boundaries myself too at the moment to protect myself.Keep it coming guys.I appreciate all of you.
Also in fairness to this woman I think she has made a considerable stride herself in moving a long way away from her ex so soon after the break up.That shows to me that she is pretty strong and that maybe she deserves a chance but yes BalOlu I would definitely say she is an introvert.I know she is shy and it takes a bit of effort for her to talk to other people.She has even said it to me on afew occasions.
"I'm such a bore.I'm not on fb etc" which as we all know is just rubbish.In fairness it is me that always makes her laugh etc but I reckon that maybe her emotions are dulled at the moment because of the pain she's in.Life is hard for her and its hard for her to be herself.She does have gifts and talents of course like mine but I really like her and its not a "Championing the underdog" thing either.There is a yin yang between us and also some nice similarities.
Anytime buddy and I appreciate your support.
Tonight was absolutely amazing.I still cat believe how it went.Was at a quiz with our club and of course Trish turned up.When I was coming tonight I thought my nerves would be rattling me and whatnot but no none of that.Wound up on the same team as Trish and had some great fun all of us and so naturally aswell.I brought two little toy whistles to give to Trish as a kinda late xmas present because she does play the tin whistle.I gave them to her in front of the others at the table and didnt feel one bit awquard about it and we all found it a bit of fun.I just asked her was she dancing Tues night and she sed more than likely.I just cant believe it was so natural.