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Verbal abusive husband what should I do?

By Guest | 4 posts, last post
Kate Smith answered this What Should You Do When You Find Yourself In A Physically And Emotionally Abusive Relationship?
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Guest

My Husband and I have been married just over a year. He can be the sweetest loving affectioniate person, but when he takes things I say the wrong way or if he gets anoyed with me he very quickly starts cussing at me telling me off over and over. He has a history of his Father being abusive to his Mother. He finially reconized a few months ago that he has issues and then read a work book on the topic. (This is after he pushed me down on our bed screaming in my face) I thought things were getting better and we have this rule of no cussing in the house to keep things on a better level so he won't be so tempted to escalate the situation with me. I don't know what to do. I'm in my late 30's and would like to start a family and we have been trying (here and there) but I start to wonder if he is the right person for me. Tonight he didn't seem to get that what he did with the cussing at me over and over to the point I curled up in a ball in the bathroom sobing, he wasn't remorseful. He likes to try to make a point with me that I need to understand what I did wrong to upset him. No one knows this goes on my Parents I think know something was going on a few months ago but I act like nothing is wrong (and usually things are ok) I can't talk to any of my friends about it. Help

lty_patt28104

You don't need to start a family with anyone who abuses in anyway shape or form. It all depends on how much you are willing to take from him. when he yells and screams at you and you do nothing but cry he sees that you aren't going to do anything about it. If i was in your situation i would tell him to pack his bags and get out. if he didn't leave then i would. YOU are not his mother, there for you don't need to put up with the c**p that his father put his mother through regardless of how much you love him. By leaving him, you are opening up his eyes and showing him that his behavior WILL NOT be tollerated anylonger. you then might be able to come upon a compromise with him that if he get's help you will come back but ONLY if he does that. would you want him yelling at your baby like that because it wouldn't stop crying while he was trying to sleep or something along those lines? I hope not
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spudryan102182

I have been married for 32 years. All that time I thought I could change him. I had 2 daughters who now say they had miserable childhoods and I should have left my husband. As they would have rather struggled in a one parent family than be subjected to what happened. I thought I was doing the best thing as I came from a broken home and never considered divorce. I am now 50 and my children limit access to my granchildren becuase of my husband and he is still verbally and at times physically abusive. They never get better.
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AlwaysMyFault

Honey, I have been in a 12 year marriage that sounds a lot like yours. I keep waiting and waiting for him to change, for him to see, for him to stop but he just keeps getting worse. I have spent the worst 6 months of my life with him. He blames me for everything, for his anger, he says I push his buttons. He is so eat up with anger that I don't know what keeps him from hurting me. He goes on a rampage hitting the doors, walls, etc. Last night got bad, he was standing withint inches of my face screaming so loud and spitting in my face from screaming that I slapped him as hard as I could. Then he keeps screaming that I hit him I hit him I hit him, but keeps over and over getting in my face inches away and screaming at me and I keep slapping him. Finally he said if I slapped him one more time he was calling the cops. I mean why does he provoke me within inches of my face to get me too and then act like I am out of control. YES, I was wrong but I don't know what else to do anymore. I am at the end of my rope with him because it is always my fault, no matter what it is ME ME ME.

I hate to tell you dear, but unless he changes please don't bring children into the picture. It's not fair to them.
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Guest

I know this is an old post.I hope you have left him, if not I beg you to leave immediately and try to stay with family members for emotional support or if you can afford it get your own place or move in with roommates.You will regret it if you do not leave while you do not yet have children and you are still young.He needs to get counseling for his anger and if you stay you are just enabling him to never seek help to change.You need to also get a good counselor who can give you emotional support and learn how to not allow him or anyone disrespect you like that and never allow him or anyone to yell ,scream ,curse at you and bring you down.This will cause your body to stress out and eventually start breaking down.I tell you all this because I been there and lived that hell for 15 years until I had the courage to divorce him.I raised two children in that environment and it was hell for them and ruined their entire childhood causing a lot of emotional pain for them .What happens is that little boys who grow up having a male role model like that starts to abuse women and will treat women like that when they become adults and become abusive and little girls who see their mom taking that abuse will think its ok and allow men to treat them like that and possibly marry someone like that thinking that this is normal of how men should treat women since this is the way she has seen her mom put up with that and so she feels that this is ok have a man to treat her like that.Please leave and get counseling and work on yourself and move on with your life.Remember you can never change anyone only God can.Pray for him and move on.I beg you.I have been there and deeply regret that it took me 15 years to get him out and divorce him.Watch Marriage Today online with Jimmy Evans and you will learn not to allow yourself to be abused.You can even write to Jimmy and his wife Karen or call them.They are christian marriage counselors.You can also watch them on Daystar or on TBN christian channel .Hope this helps!!!

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