I'm a girl. I feel that there is something wrong with me. Every time I get into a relationship (boyfriend-girlfriend thing) I don't like to be affectionate. Say...I really like a boy, and I've had a crush on them, I finally get them to like me back too, and then I feel horrible because they start to want to make out with me because they love me. They start to hang out with me more, and we get to know each other, but I feel as though I'm guilty when I think about doing affectionate things with them. I don't feel guilty about holding him or touching him, just bigger things like making out and more sexual stuff.
I just recently made out with the guy I've liked for over a year now, and I really like him, but whenever I make out with him or think about eventually doing more sexual things with him, I feel sick, and I want to stop hanging out with him. And I've done that before with someone else. I always regret doing that, and I still like them afterwards... I just don't get it!!!!
Am I asexual?-( I don't want a sexual relationship, I just want a best friend sort of relationship, but with small things like holding hands, or cuddling)
Am I just not ready? (I'm 17, and I think I'd be ready to make out by now)
Do I not like this person- (I'm not "in love" with them?)
Or is it that I can't get close to someone sexually because I've been sexually abused? (By a cousin.. not sex)(I've never told anyone before except for my best friend, and I can't say anything to my parents now, because it happened a really long time ago. I was 8 or 9)
I'm really really confused and I'm getting depressed because I want to go somewhere with this guy, but I can't because I feel horrible about doing anything sexually - besides holding hands, or cuddling.
I really like him, but I know that eventually, he will want to do more than just cuddle, kiss, or hold hands.
I just recently made out with the guy I've liked for over a year now, and I really like him, but whenever I make out with him or think about eventually doing more sexual things with him, I feel sick, and I want to stop hanging out with him. And I've done that before with someone else. I always regret doing that, and I still like them afterwards... I just don't get it!!!!
Am I asexual?-( I don't want a sexual relationship, I just want a best friend sort of relationship, but with small things like holding hands, or cuddling)
Am I just not ready? (I'm 17, and I think I'd be ready to make out by now)
Do I not like this person- (I'm not "in love" with them?)
Or is it that I can't get close to someone sexually because I've been sexually abused? (By a cousin.. not sex)(I've never told anyone before except for my best friend, and I can't say anything to my parents now, because it happened a really long time ago. I was 8 or 9)
I'm really really confused and I'm getting depressed because I want to go somewhere with this guy, but I can't because I feel horrible about doing anything sexually - besides holding hands, or cuddling.
I really like him, but I know that eventually, he will want to do more than just cuddle, kiss, or hold hands.
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Cuddling and holding hands sounds like a relationship in progress. Many guys think that there will be more. It's hard to get a guy to understand that you just want to hold his hand or kiss him and cuddle him without wanting any thing else. If you contine to "bait and trap" these guys without following thru, you may get a rep as a tease. I am not telling you to have sex, not by any means, i am just saying that you should back off for now. Maybe there is something underlying from when you were molested, and know that it is NEVER to late to tell someone in authority that you were sexually abused.
You know what you want from these guys, but they don't. There are many guys out there who will be happy with just a kiss and a cuddle, but there are many more that won't.
Could be you are not ready for a relationship at all, and certainly not ready for sex.
If this continues, i would hate to see you get into a situation where the guy just won't take no for an answer.
If your in a semi relationship at this point and you know that he will want to take it further, you need to put it out to him how your feeling. It's up to him to hang around or to split. Maybe he will understand and help you with it, maybe he will take it slow and give you the chance to want to go a little further.
I was a teenager myself once upon a time, and if you didn't give up the booty, it was "see ya" accompanied by some nasty name calling.
Give it a rest for now, who says you have to have a boyfriend anyway. Maybe a little counseling could help you get thru your past a little, but try not to let your past affect your future. Many people live in the past and just can't get away from it. Your young enough to push thru it.
You know what you want from these guys, but they don't. There are many guys out there who will be happy with just a kiss and a cuddle, but there are many more that won't.
Could be you are not ready for a relationship at all, and certainly not ready for sex.
If this continues, i would hate to see you get into a situation where the guy just won't take no for an answer.
If your in a semi relationship at this point and you know that he will want to take it further, you need to put it out to him how your feeling. It's up to him to hang around or to split. Maybe he will understand and help you with it, maybe he will take it slow and give you the chance to want to go a little further.
I was a teenager myself once upon a time, and if you didn't give up the booty, it was "see ya" accompanied by some nasty name calling.
Give it a rest for now, who says you have to have a boyfriend anyway. Maybe a little counseling could help you get thru your past a little, but try not to let your past affect your future. Many people live in the past and just can't get away from it. Your young enough to push thru it.
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I too was mollested by a cousin and had a hard time with the physicalities of relationships.
I agree that it's never too late to tell your parents. I told mine a good 6 years after it happened, and it was strange. It depends on your parents, and how they are as to whether you should tell them or not. If you love your parents, and respect them, and think they have your best interests in mind, then it is a good idea to tell them.
As far as your problems with boyfriends. I too had a boyfriend who, when I knew we were going to make out, made me physically ill. What did I do? I pushed on... and continued doing so until I pushed myself to the point where two years later - I had sex with him. What I should have done was different completley..
If you care about this guy - if you like him, tell him what happened to you and tell him that you'd like to take things slow. Then its his decision. If he becomes a jerk about it - toss him. If he is supportive of your feelings then he's a keeper. Just let your guys know that you don't feel comfortable with really close things such as that because of what happened to you, and that you like the snuggling, and kissing, and all of that but things that are beyond that (heavy petting, etc) are hard for you to do without feeling nervous. Tell them you want to take it slow. A good guy won't pressure you, he'll take it as slow as you want it to be taken. A bad guy will not be okay with however slow is right for you. That's the guy you know you need to ditch.
You aren't ready for sex obviously. But with someone patient, and willing to let you set your own pace, you should be in no time.
I agree that it's never too late to tell your parents. I told mine a good 6 years after it happened, and it was strange. It depends on your parents, and how they are as to whether you should tell them or not. If you love your parents, and respect them, and think they have your best interests in mind, then it is a good idea to tell them.
As far as your problems with boyfriends. I too had a boyfriend who, when I knew we were going to make out, made me physically ill. What did I do? I pushed on... and continued doing so until I pushed myself to the point where two years later - I had sex with him. What I should have done was different completley..
If you care about this guy - if you like him, tell him what happened to you and tell him that you'd like to take things slow. Then its his decision. If he becomes a jerk about it - toss him. If he is supportive of your feelings then he's a keeper. Just let your guys know that you don't feel comfortable with really close things such as that because of what happened to you, and that you like the snuggling, and kissing, and all of that but things that are beyond that (heavy petting, etc) are hard for you to do without feeling nervous. Tell them you want to take it slow. A good guy won't pressure you, he'll take it as slow as you want it to be taken. A bad guy will not be okay with however slow is right for you. That's the guy you know you need to ditch.
You aren't ready for sex obviously. But with someone patient, and willing to let you set your own pace, you should be in no time.
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