Dealing With Mental Illness In A Loved One: What Do You Need To Know?

"We don't get to have a 'normal' family life and it took a lot to get over the disappointment. Still, with medication and therapy, my husband is doing really well."

"Having a professional to consult with so it's not all on your shoulders is key."

"When she forgets to take her medication and the symptoms return, it's hard."

"We all know he's like a bomb waiting to go off, since 'there's nothing wrong with him' and he isn't taking medication."

These snapshots of life as a support person to someone with mental illness are brief, but telling. Having a mental illness — as roughly 54 million people in the US alone do, in any given year — is hard. Caring for, or just caring about, a close friend or relative with mental health issues as diverse as severe depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, and post-traumatic stress disorder can be every bit as taxing. You'll want to do right by your loved one, to be there for them, but staying "sane" during the process may prove to be quite a challenge. Just how do you cope?

Acknowledging Your Feelings

Society, we all know, still attaches a huge stigma to mental illness — despite the fact that it is every bit as real as physical illness, and that it can have a huge impact on both the people suffering from mental illness and their loved ones. As a support person, someone who cares deeply for your friend or relative, you're going to want to be there for them. You are going to want to be non-judgmental in a sea of judgment. That may not prove to be easy, and you may find yourself having all kinds of feelings you wish you didn't have. 

It's OK to wish you didn't have to worry about your loved one all the time, to wish they were not affected by their disorder, and to wish your life was normal. As you acknowledge your feelings, do remember that nobody chooses to have a mental illness.

Reaching Out For Support

People affected by mental illness need support, and you are a key part of your loved one's support system. As you provide care and support, it is completely normal to be overwhelmed by the situation. Support people need support, too. Joining a support group for people whose relatives and close friends have mental illness can provide a safe haven in your life. Within support groups, you will hopefully find that you are able to discuss your feelings and your struggles openly with people who understand what you are going through.

Going to counseling with a licensed therapist is another step you will want to consider taking. Not only will you be able to vent safely in therapy sessions, you may also gain invaluable tips on how to deal with the symptoms of your loved one's mental illness from a good therapist. Indeed, caring for or supporting someone affected by mental illness can induce mental illness: long-term support people may end up with depression, anxiety, and even post-traumatic stress disorder. Knowing that you are at risk, seeking counseling is a very wise thing to do.

READ How To Help A Depressed Person Who Doesn't Want Help

Depending on the nature of your loved one's mental illness, you will probably want to keep the fact that you are seeking help for yourself private. 

Being There For A Friend Or Relative With Mental Illness

Don't Take It Personally, And Don't Reason

People who have a mental illness may well behave in ways that hurt your feelings. Many people who have a mental illness are surprised, shocked and appalled about their own behavior, either while it's ongoing, or afterwards when the episode dies down or they begin taking medications (again). On occasion, support people will want to or need to withdraw, for their own safety and sanity. If you decide to be there throughout the hard times, do remember that the symptoms your relative or friend is displaying are caused by their mental illness rather than their personality. Do not take the behavior personally. Above all else, do not attempt to reason someone suffering from delusions out of them. Other people who have taken this path before you know that it leads to pain.

Expect Judgment

Some people are going to be judgmental of people with mental illness. If you are a close relative, perhaps a spouse, parent, or child of someone with a mental illness, some of that judgment may transfer to you. Employers may not be understanding if you need to take time off to care for your loved one, neighbors may make particularly hurtful comments, and some friends may distance themselves from you altogether. This isn't nice, but it can happen. It's yet another reason why building your own support network is so tremendously important.

Seek Time Away

As a support person, you may — will? — feel trapped at times. You are going to be emotionally affected by your loved one's symptoms and the act of caring for them. Though taking time away may induce guilt, remember that you are not going to be able to act as an effective support person if you are burned out, anxious, or depressed as a result of pouring all your energy into being there for your loved one. Therefore, take time out. Allow yourself to do the things that make you feel happy and sane. Allow yourself to work out, engage in hobbies, spend time away from your loved one, and recuperate. When you come back, you will have renewed energy and will be able to do more for your loved one. 

READ Memory Processing Styles Could Affect PTSD Risk

Living With Mental Illness Together

Having a mental illness is never going to be easy, and the same goes for supporting someone else who has one. One of the things that's so hard about having a mental illness is that people tend to see you as less-than-competent. While a mental illness can indeed mess with a person's ability to make good decisions, this isn't always the case by any stretch of the imagination. If your loved one isn't currently in a state of mind that interferes with their judgment, don't treat them as an object of care, but as a person. When we talked about the importance of a support system, we left out one important source of support: the person with mental illness themselves. This especially holds true if your loved one with mental illness is, in fact, your spouse. Talk about your feelings together, and find support in each other.