More Commonsense Life Hacks

Some of the following life hacks seem supremely obvious, but aren't.

5. Learn how to predict a punch in the face.

In a situation in which a fist fight is destined to break out, your opponent may jut out his (or her) jaw just before swinging in a way to break yours. The jutting jaw is a primal sign of territoriality. It's the sort of thing that is triggered by the limbic system, the "reptilian brain." It's not something that the person doing the swinging thinks about, but it's something a calmer person can use as a signal to duck.

6. If you are about to get punched in the mouth, remember, you have teeth.

Gentle readers who are very seldom involved in fist fights are advised that you can in fact bite the hand that hits you. Let's hope you have no real need for this information.

7. Don't run away from an angry dog.

Especially if you are old and a bit on the fat and juicy side like me, don't run away from angry dogs. A dog that simply wants you to keep your distance will bark in a continuous tone and probably will prick its ears. It's wise to to stay back. If a dog charges you, don't accommodate its prey instinct by running. Dogs instinctively chase their prey. If you don't want to be that prey, don't run. You probably couldn't outrun the dog, anyway.

Don't smile at an angry dog, because showing your teeth could be interpreted as aggression. Do take higher ground to show your dominance, but be aware that a determined dog may simply follow you to your perch on a car or in a tree. If all else fails, wave an article of clothing at the dog to distract its attention away from your tender, available flesh. If the dog has bitten you, don't pull that part of your body away from it. Let it think it has won.

8. If you choose to get high or drunk, don't get high or drunk with strangers.

Engage in these activities only with trusted friends. You are vulnerable to police information, theft, assault, and worse when you are intellectually disabled around people you do not know. And even if your mother never told you to avoid hiring freelance sex workers in foreign countries, it's still a good idea. More than one patron has woken up the next morning pantsless, lacking wallet and passport, the possessor of a new, exotic infection.

READ Are You An Impulsive, Reckless Drunk? You Probably Suffer From A Gene Mutation

9. Don’t feed wild animals.

And as a corollary, don’t separate young animals from their mothers. Feeding wild animals, for example, bears, encourages them to come back looking for more. When the next visitor doesn’t have food to offer them, the next visitor may become the meal the wild animal seeks.

Don’t rescue baby animals you are not prepared to raise. Your scent can imprint the animal so that its mother rejects it, and without your constant help, it will die.

10. Even if there isn’t a sign warning you of danger, don’t assume a location is safe.

Every year in Costa Rica dozens of tourists get minor burns by venturing to close to beautiful blue lakes of sulfuric acid (which would dissolve you instantly if you plunged in) or fascinating plumes of gaseous sulfur where there are no warning signs. Although the doctor who treats you will probably not refer to you as “estúpido,” at least not to your face, you will gain no sympathy for not exercising the good sense to turn around when you starting feeling your face burning. Turn around, don’t become a headline about the tourist who jumped into the boiling lake of acid.