Making Family Bonding Time Work Even When You're Busy

"There simply aren't enough hours in a day," you may hear a busy parent say — or you may have said it yourself. Acknowledging the fact that you have more obligations than you can reasonably cover in a day isn't going to change anything, though, and a certain amount of prioritizing is probably inevitable for busy, working parents. How do you prioritize?

I admit that I struggle sometimes. Between working, homeschooling, keeping the house semi-organized, getting meals on the table, socializing and other stuff, something's got to give. If I'm not careful, it's that positive bonding time with my kids. You know, that time you spend with your kids just because — not because you are driving them to activities, getting them to do chores, or helping them learn.

Let's Start With You

Let's start with you, using the basic idea that people who feel good about themselves and their lives are better parents. If you're stressed out and perpetually teetering on the edge of burn-out, connecting with your kids is going to be hard. Even if you do make time for fun and bonding, your mind is going to be elsewhere. 

Engaging in things that matter to you, and things you enjoy, will give you more energy and make you a nicer person to be around. Now, spending time with your kids may be the very thing that makes that happen for you. Chances are there are also other things you'd love to be doing, but aren't.

They may include:

• Proper intellectual stimulation
• Hobbies like playing music, fixing your car, attending a book club
• Having your spiritual needs met through a house of worship or home worship
• Being active in the community, helping others
• Seeing your relatives and friends on a regular basis

Clearly, these are all things that take up time. So should you allow yourself to do things that you might classify as non-essentials? Well, you may actually find that meeting your own needs makes you both more productive and a better parent. If that's the case, it's easy to conclude that making time for yourself is worthwhile, even if you're not strictly doing it for yourself.

Have Dinner Together

Everyone needs to eat. Making sure you eat together pays off. Research shows that children who eat dinner with their family regularly perform better at school, have better self-esteem, and are more resilient. You may be surprised to hear that these kids also have a lower risk of obesity, becoming teen parents, depression, and developing eating disorders. There are, then, solid scientific reasons to commit to eating dinner with your kids — every day if possible, as often as you can if not. 

See Also: Getting Fit With Your Kids

Family dinners can create an island in time, a ritual you can all rely on. To make the best of this experience, set aside a specific time for dinner in advance and prepare healthy home-cooked meals. Turn off your devices or at least place them far away from the dinner table. Then, talk. Giving everyone the chance to talk about their day and feelings is an obvious step. Some families also talk about current affairs or set a specific topic to discuss. This is a nice chance to share your views about important topics such as politics, theology, social matters or things like pop culture and dating. 

Making Time For Your Kids

Have An Open Door Policy

A what? I came across the following on the internet a while back: "If you don't take time to listen to the small stuff when they're small, they won't share the big stuff when they're big — because to them, it was all big stuff." That makes sense, doesn't it? Yes, it can be quite irritating to listen to your five-year-old as he retells a story Master Splinter told the Ninja Turtles while you're trying to write an article (this has totally happened to me), or to your 12-year-old's rendition of "Let It Go" (again!) while you're preparing for a meeting. If you can, though, do it anyway.

And if you really don't have time, don't push your child away and never return to the topic. Instead, tell them you'll come back to it as soon as you have time, and then do. "I really have to finish this now, but we'll talk about it at dinner" is a good thing to say, as long as you really do bring the topic up when you can.

Schedule Fun Time Ahead

Do you find that "big" things like going to the cinema, the ice-skating rink, or doing that nature walk just don't happen if you don't plan ahead? Then do plan ahead. Tell yourself that you're going to schedule fun time every Sunday, every third Friday of the month, or twice a month, for instance, depending on your budget and time restrictions.

My elementary-aged kids like drawing together with special supplies, doing artistic workshops, going to the cinema, going to playgrounds they especially like with friends, visiting a relative who lives further away, or going to the mall for ice cream. Yours may enjoy working out together, going to a concert, having a bunch of friends over on a certain day, or something completely different. Planning ahead also allows you to explore new possibilities. Look around on the web to see what's going on in your neighborhood. It doesn't have to be expensive — to your kids, all that matters is that you're taking the time to have fun together. 

More Ideas

Hug your kids daily, if they enjoy hugs. Make them their favorite packed lunch. Focus on the positive, and ignore the whining where possible — don't spend more time criticizing your kids than genuinely appreciating them. Chores definitely need to be done anyway, so why not turn them into fun too? Put on loud music and dance together as you clean. Hold weekly or monthly family meetings where everyone can voice their ideas and talk about what's important to them. For younger kids, don't underestimate the power of a soothing bedtime routine. For older kids, make sure you listen without adding judgments. Finally, don't take your stresses out on your kids. 

See Also: Conflict And Neglect Changes Kids' Brains And Affects Health Through Adulthood

Oops. That probably deserves an award for the most un-paragraphy paragraph ever. You get the idea, though. It's the little things that enable you to connect with your kids despite an overly-packed life. That mish-mash of little things builds up into a big picture, a big picture in which you are a parent who makes time even if there isn't any.