Using A Surrogate Mother To Carry Your Baby: Is Gestational Surrogacy For You?

Would you love to become a parent, but have you come to the conclusion that surrogacy and adoption are your only options? Here, we'll tackle some of the questions surrounding surrogacy. These questions should help kick-start your thinking process, and will bring you a step closer to deciding whether surrogacy is the right path to parenthood for you.

Surrogacy: Why And How?

A surrogate mother is someone who carries a baby for another person, usually because that person (called the "intended parent" in modern surrogacy jargon) is not physically able to get and stay pregnant themselves. The practice of surrogacy has existed throughout much of history, but modern technology has created two distinct types of surrogacy: "traditional surrogacy" and "gestational surrogacy".

Traditional surrogacy is a situation in which a woman becomes pregnant with her own biological child with the intention of surrendering it to the intended parent or intended parents after birth. Sperm from the intended father is usually used to create the pregnancy. Though this form of surrogacy is increasingly rare, women who act as traditional surrogates now tend to be referred to as "gestational carriers and egg donors".

Gestational surrogates can, like traditional surrogates, be divided into two categories. A gestational surrogate may take the "job" of carrying another person's baby on for altruistic or commercial reasons.

People may use surrogate mothers because:

• A woman has uterine abnormalities that make pregnancy impossible, or may have had a hysterectomy.
• Male gay couples who do not have a uterus of their own at their disposal will need a gestational carrier to be pregnant for them. Single men who want to become fathers may be in the same position.
• A woman may have be have medical problems that would make pregnancy life-threatening for her and/or the baby.

How Much Does Surrogacy Cost?

The costs of surrogacy vary greatly, depending on where you live, where your surrogate mother lives, and whether a commercial surrogate or a loved-one is carrying your baby. In general, people pursuing parenthood with the help of a gestational surrogate mother can expect the following expenses:

• IVF: egg retrieval, embryo transfer, and medications (Lupron for the mother or egg donor, Lupron, Estrogen and Progesterone for your surrogate).
• The surrogacy contract and associated lawyer's fees.
• Psychological evaluations and STD testing for everyone, general health checkups for the surrogate.
• Perhaps counseling for the surrogate.
• Compensation for lost wages, childcare during prenatal and IVF appointments, travel expenses, household help costs if your surrogate needs help due to bed rest, and maternity clothes.
• Life insurance for the surrogate, for the duration of her pregnancy.
• Legal fees to formalize the baby's birth and get the right parents on the birth certificate. 
• The surrogate's fee, where allowed and agreed.
• Agency fees, for those using a surrogacy agency.
• Travel costs for you and the baby, especially relevant if your surrogate is in another country.

See Also: Genetic Screening Of Eggs Could Increase IVF Success

Starting Your Quest To Find The Right Surrogate Mother

While thinking about who your ideal surrogate mother is is a tempting starting point once you are strongly considering pursuing parenthood through surrogacy, there is a lot to be said for starting with legal research in that first exploratory stage. Being familiar with your local laws and the laws of other relevant jurisdictions will make your search for a surrogate mom take on more practical dimensions.

Is surrogacy legal where you live? If it is, is commercial surrogacy permitted, can surrogacy take place on a compensation-only basis, or is it restricted to situations in which friends or relatives act as a surrogate? If commercial surrogacy is not allowed where you live, is using commercial surrogates in other jurisdictions permitted or not? All of these are good points to research by yourself initially. Once you know what the possibilities are where you live, you can consult a lawyer and start looking for the right surrogate mother. 

Friends Or Relatives As Surrogates

To some people, a good friend or relative being their surrogate appears to be the ideal situation. It certainly comes with many benefits. They include already knowing the person and their lifestyle well when you go into the surrogacy journey, being able to be part of the pregnancy, and being able to tell your child exactly in whose tummy they grew later on. This type of surrogacy can be a mutually fulfilling experience for all parties, and it may even bring you and the person who acts as a surrogate closer together. 

There are also some potential disadvantages, however.  If you or your surrogate regret having gone this way, your relationship may be damaged forever. Because you already know the person well, you may also believe legal agreements are less necessary. This is not the case, so do not fall into that trap. If the pregnancy does not proceed as planned, the situation can become very complicated very fast.

Though this type of agreement can work beautifully, it is something all parties should take very seriously. All angles should be considered.

Commercial Surrogates

In the case of commercial surrogacy, someone you don't know is going to be responsible for one of the most important things that will ever happen in your life. The potential for disagreement is huge, and you have to come to an understanding with someone that has just entered your life. Questions that need to be addressed include:

• The lifestyle of the surrogate: are you happy with their nutrition, health, and lifestyle? Are you sure drugs, alcohol, and cigarettes will not be used during the pregnancy?
• Do you agree about difficult issues such as prenatal screening, selective reduction, abortion in case of chromosomal abnormalities, abortion if the mother's health is at risk, and childbirth?
• Has the surrogate undergone a psychological screening? This is compulsory in many jurisdictions. Even where it isn't, all parties should be very sure that they are very comfortable with the emotional aspects of surrogacy. Counseling and screening help in this process.
• How will the surrogate keep you informed during the pregnancy?
• Have you agreed on compensation?

Surrogacy agencies can make these issues easier to deal with. Selecting a surrogate through an agency can certainly make the process easier, but it does not necessarily mean everything is taken care of. You can and should have your own lawyer on board, and that lawyer should be very familiar with the legalities of surrogacy in all involved jurisdictions.

In general, you want your surrogate to be over 21 years old, to already have had her own children, and to have passed a psychological evaluation. You should always sign a surrogacy contract detailing your exact agreement, of which the obligation to surrender the baby to you, the intended parent, is a huge part. For obvious reasons, commercial surrogacy in jurisdictions where it is illegal is always a bad idea.

See Also: Complications Of Pregnancy You May Not Know About

A Note About Overseas Surrogates

Commercial surrogacy overseas in countries like India and Thailand, or the US for non-Americans, is a growing global trade. This can and does regularly lead to wonderful outcomes. It also means you are dealing with international legal issues. Keep this in mind and tread with caution before you proceed. Ask yourself questions such as:

• Is surrogacy legal and regulated in all jurisdictions involved? What is the legal way to ensure everyone's rights are protected?
• Is the surrogate working in ethical conditions and engaging in gestational surrogacy out of her own free will?
• Is it possible that your surrogate will refuse to surrender the baby, and what would happen if that did happen?
• Can you control aspects of the pregnancy that are important to you, such as ensuring no drug use?
• What legal mechanism will you use to pass your citizenship onto your child? This is very important: couples have been stuck in the countries where their surrogates gave birth, unable to obtain passports for their children. Work this out before you even start looking into specific surrogates and do not create legal nightmares. 

While surrogacy represents a fairly complex legal issue that does pose challenges, the information provided here is not meant to put you off.