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My sister in law, age 50, passed away suddenly just before Thanksgiving.  My nephew, age 13, starting sleeping in with my brother to accomodate house guests for the funeral and here we are 2 1/2 months later and he is still sleeping with him. I have spoken to him about this and told him that I think it is just wrong to have him still in the bed with him.  My brother says that he wouldn't be able to sleep if his son was not in there. So he's not doing it for my nephew he's doing it for himself.  How do I get him to let go and let his 13 year old son sleep in his own room?


Hi Rainna

My sympathy over the loss you and your family has had.

Your brother and his son could both need the support and comfort they give each other by sleeping together after such at difficult loss of a mom and wife the staying close to each other can be very comforting.

There is no set time on how long the grieving process takes and everyone goes through it differently.

I would think your bother and your nephew would both benefit from bereavement counselling and they can gradually work on sleeping in their own rooms.

As you said your brother is doing this for his benefit and comfort but your nephew could very well need this as well, talking with about the still sleeping with his dad should be done careful and not approached as this is not a normal thing.

This boy has lost his mom and that is so much for a 13 year old to deal with and even grasp that at such a young age all his has of his mom is memories.

There are bereavement groups in most areas and if not one on one counselling is always an option as well.

Please try to look at this, not as they are doing something wrong but more along the lines of two people that need support and understanding.

For your brother he has lost his wife and there so many things that have to be weighing on him like how can I support and raise my family alone.

Your nephew has lost his mom and he is probably still devastated by this and has many fears that he needs to be able to talk about.

We still live in a world that believes guys need to be strong and can cope on their own if I could suggest something it would be find out if there are any bereavement support groups in your area for adults and youth also check into one on one counselling.

Do all you can including taking them there and make it that all they need to do is agree to go and hopefully they will give this a try and start the healing process for both of them.



Thank you for your reply.