I'm 21 and this is my 3rd pregnancy but my 2nd time going fully through with my pregnancy. I got pregnant 3 months after my first child was born. I was in a cruel relationship with my baby's father he didn't let me proceed with my pregnancy he said the next baby was going to have no dad and he was going to take away my first baby from me cause he had access to the system then and was able to so I had an abortion I regret to this day going to the clinic I always been against abortion. Well we on till after my son turned one then I finally left him. Me leaving him and actually getting brave for leaving after all the threats and ass beatings I did get from him he was mad and named me "baby killer" this hurts me knowin what I did was something I wouldn't have did if he wasn't in my ear. Now that I'm with somebody else my son is now 2 going on 3 I love my son hes the only baby I want I'm pregnant right now and I find it hard to accept the baby cause my 2nd baby couldn't see life I feel like I'm unfair for aborting it. I have no contact what so ever with my sons dad but the last name he called me was baby killer and I'm pregnant with my little girl that I want to love as much as I love my son but its hard I'm always depressed n just want to take my son n be with our baby in heaven I cry every December 18th since 2011 idk what to do I have a hard time talking to my partner cause I cry once I speak about anything that goes through my head I bottle up too much it Dont even make sense when I actually have strength to talk. My jaw hurts this moment cause I'm holding Ina cry. I just want to leave the earth already.
Hang in there because you are showing the signs of trauma from abuse and the experience of an unwanted abortion. You were told lies and the truth is that you are are very good mother. The risk of a second abortion is not your heart's desire but a symptom from the abusive relationship that can be healed. You can honor the memory of your aborted child by taking care of yourself and your new child who is already a beautiful human being and your vey own flesh and blood.