Hi there I am new to these forums, I am 29 years old and had a medical abortion 1 week ago. I was fine with the decsion I thought at first but when I was passing the tissue I actually passed the fetus and saw the baby I could of had. This was the most devistaing thing i have ever seen and felt in my life. At that moment I felt a peice of my heart die, I took this little inncoent being and put him ( it was a boy) in a beautiful hand crafted wooden ring box and burried him at my husbands father grave. I asked god for forgivness and asked my husbands father to lookover his little soul. I am devistated and I been having the most diffficult time dealing with this. this is my second abortion when I was 17 my now husband and I were too young to raise a child and decided to have a surgical abortion. I was too devistaed after that one but I was okay soon after knowing that I had in deed made the right decison because I was not even out of high school and I was on the birth control pill at that time. My husband and I have two wonderful children and I thank gos everyday for them. After having my son I suffered from post partum depression I did not realize that this is what was happening to me for months once my son was around 3 or so months I seemed to be better and I went on with life. My husband started a new job which brought him out of town for months at a time and dealing with two children on my own and suffering with deopression was difficult until once day I seemed to snap and decided to talk to the doctor I was put on antidepressnats. things were good and my husbands job brough him home where he did not have to leave at all anymore. He wanted another child I was back and forth on the subjet and was feeling scared be cause of the signs of postpartum depression and I never wanted to feel that way again. My husband pushed and pushed and I was trying to be a good wife and did not tell him exsactly what I was feeling big mistake. Any how I did get preganant and I was not happy at all I felt I did not want the baby I did not even want to tell my children I made sure that I took care of myself and I even started prenatal vitimins. I had an ultra sound and seen the little heart beat, i still did not feel anything I reduced my dose of antidepressnats as I did not know at the time it was infact okay to take while you were pregnant so this effected me very much as I was feeling trapped and I was worried that I could not cope with an another child that I had to be a good mother to ones I have. Well I decided to have the abortion and I was 8 weeks I was still okay with everything I diid the procedure with the medical abortion. After going in to the follow up my leveles did not come down enough and I had to repeat the procedure and this is when I saw the little angle. And now I feel like I have made the biggest mistake of my intire life. My husband thinks I has a miscarriage as I could not tell him I did not want to hurt him and I know he would not have let me go through with it. Well now I know I want another child, and I know I can be a good mother to three children, I feel like I owe it to my husband he is a great father and big help. I am going to wait a bit and make sure I am good and healthy and this is what I do indeed want. I was confused and I will have to life with this guilt for the rest of my life. I am not sure how to cope I am just going through the motions of daily life and longing for that little baby that was once inside me. I am hoping someone can relate to my story and can share with me as I have no one eles to talk to about this. This is my story please do not respond if you have negative things to say as I could not feel any worse than I do now. Swanny
Hi there
I just went through the same thing as you, but mine story is a little bit different. I'm 20, I had a medical abortion 2 months a go and I never wanted to have the abortion but my boyfriend basically told me I had to or he would leave me. The pregnancy was unexpected because I was on birth control. So stupid me had the abortion, and I regret it so much, I have been trying to get pregnant again for a month now, I haven't gotten my period this month and I took two pregnancy tests and they were both negative, so I'm thinking my period is just really late about three weeks late. My boyfriend thinks I'm on birth control, but I'm not. Is this right? I'm going to leave him once I'm pregnant, and not tell him I am. I know is not just his fault it was mine too for going through with it.
I know exactly how u feel, I didn't see my baby but I did she a really big blood clog that came out of me I knew he/she was in there but I couldn't deal with it if I saw my baby. I give u props for dealing with that. I have so much guilt, you wouldn't even believe and I have remorse towards my boyfriend that I just want to leave him.
I also have asked God for forgiveness, but I truly don't deserve it.
I just went through the same thing as you, but mine story is a little bit different. I'm 20, I had a medical abortion 2 months a go and I never wanted to have the abortion but my boyfriend basically told me I had to or he would leave me. The pregnancy was unexpected because I was on birth control. So stupid me had the abortion, and I regret it so much, I have been trying to get pregnant again for a month now, I haven't gotten my period this month and I took two pregnancy tests and they were both negative, so I'm thinking my period is just really late about three weeks late. My boyfriend thinks I'm on birth control, but I'm not. Is this right? I'm going to leave him once I'm pregnant, and not tell him I am. I know is not just his fault it was mine too for going through with it.
I know exactly how u feel, I didn't see my baby but I did she a really big blood clog that came out of me I knew he/she was in there but I couldn't deal with it if I saw my baby. I give u props for dealing with that. I have so much guilt, you wouldn't even believe and I have remorse towards my boyfriend that I just want to leave him.
I also have asked God for forgiveness, but I truly don't deserve it.
I went trought the same thing. I don't want to go into details. But I was an emotional mess before and after my abortion. I regret it deeply, and ask God for forgiveness all the time. This is the worse thing I have done in my life. At least my boyfriend knows about the abortion. I feel bad that you don't have anyone to tell as it can help you with the pain. My boyfriend is there for me. But I'm here to tell you that you are not alone and your pain is my pain. Wish you the best and that God will give you the child you now want. I want another chance to be a mother too as I don't have any children but I can tell you that the love I felt for my unborned baby was the purest love I ever felt. I pray that God gives us another chance. God knows our pain. He is there for us.
Dear Swanny,
I am truly touched and saddened by your experience. I am 31 weeks pregnant and cannot imagine the pain, etc. that you must be feeling. Although I've never been through an abortion, I want you to know that I feel a deep connection with your story because you and I both know how it feels to have a person growing inside of you, and that experience makes us like sisters.
Sometimes it seems impossible that God would still love us or forgive us because of the mistakes we've made. There was a time in my life when I couldn't bare to think of the idea that God would forgive me for something terrible I had done. But eventually I came to realize that his love is so big for us that even the biggest mistake is small to him. And his arms are open wide to take hold of us and comfort us. Everything we feel, he feels. Every time I remember the past and feel pain, he feels my pain too. There is no one that understands like him. Don't be afraid of him. He wants to bring healing. He wants to take our mourning and turn it into dancing. I know it might sound crazy, but that's why I have come to love God so much myself...because his nature defies our logic in the best way imaginable. Your baby is in his hands forever. So cry out to God and he will hear you. He LOVES you. He ACCEPTS you, just as you are. When we're broken, that's when he can pick us up and put us back together. If we never felt broken, we would never need him.
I am so sorry, again, for what you are going through right now. I know how it feels to feel trapped and not know where to turn. That's why I had to write to you and tell you that I found a place to turn--God is WITH you right now. So tell him everything. And keep on telling him.
With much love and sympathy,
becky1414
I am truly touched and saddened by your experience. I am 31 weeks pregnant and cannot imagine the pain, etc. that you must be feeling. Although I've never been through an abortion, I want you to know that I feel a deep connection with your story because you and I both know how it feels to have a person growing inside of you, and that experience makes us like sisters.
Sometimes it seems impossible that God would still love us or forgive us because of the mistakes we've made. There was a time in my life when I couldn't bare to think of the idea that God would forgive me for something terrible I had done. But eventually I came to realize that his love is so big for us that even the biggest mistake is small to him. And his arms are open wide to take hold of us and comfort us. Everything we feel, he feels. Every time I remember the past and feel pain, he feels my pain too. There is no one that understands like him. Don't be afraid of him. He wants to bring healing. He wants to take our mourning and turn it into dancing. I know it might sound crazy, but that's why I have come to love God so much myself...because his nature defies our logic in the best way imaginable. Your baby is in his hands forever. So cry out to God and he will hear you. He LOVES you. He ACCEPTS you, just as you are. When we're broken, that's when he can pick us up and put us back together. If we never felt broken, we would never need him.
I am so sorry, again, for what you are going through right now. I know how it feels to feel trapped and not know where to turn. That's why I had to write to you and tell you that I found a place to turn--God is WITH you right now. So tell him everything. And keep on telling him.
With much love and sympathy,
becky1414
ALL OF YOU HAVE POSTED SOME REALLY GREAT THINGS. SO MANY OF US SHARE THE SAME STORY, ABORTION AND THEN THE LONGING TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD. THIS IS MY STORY. I FOUND OUT IN MAY THAT I WAS PREGNANT. THIS WAS THE SHOCK OF MY LIFE BECAUSE MY HUSBAND COULDN'T HAVE CHILDREN. I HAVE THREE FROM A PREVIOUS MARRIAGE. ONE DAY WE WATCHED A TV SHOW ABOUT BIRTH AND BECAME SADDENED .I SAW TEARS IN MY HUSBANDS EYES AS HE TOLD ME WE COULD NEVER EXPERIENCE THAT. WHEN I SHOWED HIM THE TEST HE DID NOT BELIEVE ME. WE WENT TO THE DOCTOR TO CONFIRM AND HE WAS SO HAPPY. BUT REALITY SET IN. I'M BACK IN SCHOOL AND HE IS WAS SO WRAPPED UP IN HIS BUSINESS. THIS WAS NOT THE RIGHT TIME. WE DECIDED ON AN ABORTION,OUR WORST MISTAKE. WE WENT TO CHURCH THE NEXT SUNDAY AND I COULD HAVE SWORN THE PASTER KNEW WHAT WE HAD DONE BECAUSE THE TEACHING THAT DAY WAS GODS TIME NOT OURS. HE TALKED ABOUT HOW GOD BLESSES US AND THEN WE SAY WE ARE NOT READY. DON'T YOU KNOW I WANTED TO CRAWL UNDER THE PEW! I JUST SAT THERE AND LET THE TEARS ROLL WHILE MY HUSBAND HELD ME CLOSE. WE BOTH KNEW THAT WAS OUR STORY. NOW IT IS JULY AND I WANTED A CHILD WITH MY HUSBAND BADLY. I KEEP TELLING MYSELF I CAN'T BRING THAT CHILD BACK, JUST LET IT GO, BUT IT'S SO HARD. FOR TWO YEARS I HAVE NOT USED B-CONTROL AND DIDN'T GET PREGNANT UNTIL THIS TIME. I AM NOT USING IT NOW BECAUSE I FEEL THAT IF WE ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE A CHILD WE WILL, IF NOT THEN IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN. I SHOULD HAVE MY PERIOD BY THE 14 OF JULY. I HOPE WE ARE BLESSED WITH ANOTHER CHANCE.
Dear Becky1414,
You have helped me today, more than you will ever know. i have gone through this sin 1 yr, 3 months ago. the pain has always been there, everyday, every minute of the day but this week, the pain has become daggers every millisecond of the day. i don't think i am worthy of life if i have killed my very own child. i can't cope. Every site that i go onto is constantly telling me that i am a sinner and i deserve wat i feel. yes, i do agree. i have been praying to god for a sign of forgiveness since yesterday and i think that by reading your post i have found a small light of hope. i have never spoken to anyone about this and my husband and i r not talking because of a huge argument because of this, well we never did talk about it. i think he too feels the pain but can hide it well and focus on the present than dwell on mistakes. so thank you from the bottom of my heart. i have saved your precious words and plan to read it everyday. somehow i think it is because of you that my 2 other kids will have a mother for longer. THANK YOU
You have helped me today, more than you will ever know. i have gone through this sin 1 yr, 3 months ago. the pain has always been there, everyday, every minute of the day but this week, the pain has become daggers every millisecond of the day. i don't think i am worthy of life if i have killed my very own child. i can't cope. Every site that i go onto is constantly telling me that i am a sinner and i deserve wat i feel. yes, i do agree. i have been praying to god for a sign of forgiveness since yesterday and i think that by reading your post i have found a small light of hope. i have never spoken to anyone about this and my husband and i r not talking because of a huge argument because of this, well we never did talk about it. i think he too feels the pain but can hide it well and focus on the present than dwell on mistakes. so thank you from the bottom of my heart. i have saved your precious words and plan to read it everyday. somehow i think it is because of you that my 2 other kids will have a mother for longer. THANK YOU
To minimize the effect of the hormonal changes and those of stress, it is important to maintain a balance between the mind and the body.
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This coming Saturday will be one year to the day after my abortion. I, unlike the rest of you however, am so glad I did it. It was unfortunate that it had to happen, however I am glad that I was given a second chance. A child changes your life forever, and at the age of 20, I was hardly ready for that, on top of the fact that I don't want children in general. People say abortion is terrible, I disagree. I think it is a sad situation, however I think the world would be far better off if there weren't such a negative view placed on them.
I understand the pain you all have. Even as someone who will never regret my decision for as long as I live, I still feel sadness. This past week I fly off the hinge at the smallest things and I just feel like crying all the time.
I don't know why I decided to comment, I never do on these things. I think its just to say, that its ok, what we've done. I know it seems like we've done terrible things, and I have the good fortune of being highly atheist, so I don't worry about what "god" thinks. I know what I did was right, and I believe what you all did was ok too. Who can say whether or not the pain will ever go away, I feel like every year it will get better and better. But please, don't bother your conscience with things you can't undo. Whether or not you were too busy or too young, you had a valid reason to not have that child.
Life is too short to be held down with such heavy burdens. If you are sad you did it, learn the lesson, don't carry the weight of the action. I know these are just words from a stranger, but I truly hope they help.
You were all given a second chance. Go forth and do wonderful things with the time you've been given, and don't dwell on the past. I hope you all find peace soon.
With love.
I understand the pain you all have. Even as someone who will never regret my decision for as long as I live, I still feel sadness. This past week I fly off the hinge at the smallest things and I just feel like crying all the time.
I don't know why I decided to comment, I never do on these things. I think its just to say, that its ok, what we've done. I know it seems like we've done terrible things, and I have the good fortune of being highly atheist, so I don't worry about what "god" thinks. I know what I did was right, and I believe what you all did was ok too. Who can say whether or not the pain will ever go away, I feel like every year it will get better and better. But please, don't bother your conscience with things you can't undo. Whether or not you were too busy or too young, you had a valid reason to not have that child.
Life is too short to be held down with such heavy burdens. If you are sad you did it, learn the lesson, don't carry the weight of the action. I know these are just words from a stranger, but I truly hope they help.
You were all given a second chance. Go forth and do wonderful things with the time you've been given, and don't dwell on the past. I hope you all find peace soon.
With love.
Dear Swanny: Please visit ***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed as a group of people who you will find extremely helpful with all of this.
hey little lady. my name is kendra. i to just recently found out im pregnant. i am going through alot, im tired, week, and sad. and very emotinal. i decided im not going to keep the baby, i know thst sounds wrong, im trying to just look at the fact that if we as humans can wear make up, drive cars, drink alcahol, and all that is changing what is natural, than why can we not make a decision like that. i hope i dont regret the decision. i hope that it will make me stronger, i hope that when i do have a baby, it will be at the right time, and life will be beautiful from there out. im 21. i could giv up fun, for as i already do, i chase my ex of 6 years, lol on the daily. i love him so much, but it may may just not be his, so we together made a decision to wait, incase it isnt, and next time we will kno for sure, i will never put myself in that posistion again, ive learned alot already, and im only 5 weeks along, found out 4 days ago, so i kno in the end it will make me stronger, and make me a better mom for my next baby. and i think that you should not feal quilty, at all. god gave us our mistakes, we are gonna make them, but AS LONG AS YOU LEARNED FROM IT, THAN IT HAS SERVED A PURPOSE. girl stay strong, and i promis i will to. as long as you can forgive yourself so can the universe, and so can god. smiles and hugs from a girl who knows how you feel ;)
Hello everyone, I am 22 years old and I just found out 3 weeks ago that I am pregnant. I have a soon to be 4 year old daughter whom I love very much. I am not with her father, however, do still have extremely stong lingering love and feelings for him. Being a single mom is very hard and I face many challenges to provide for her. I am in a new relationship and have been in one for the past 2 years with a man from Dom Rep., He has no children but has made it clear that he wants them badly. I have suffered from sever Post Partum Psychosis with my last pregnancy and it was extremely hard to deal and cope with. I am still overwhelmed by feelings of guilt from the episodes and regret that I can't recall enjoying the moments when my newborn was so peaceful and innocent. It was extremely difficult for me to become pregant with my daughter and the same with this pregnancy. We kind of have been trying, I even was scared and asked GOD why I was so infertile and prayed for a chance to get pregnant again. The moment that I found out weeks ago, I was overwhelmed with feelings of panic, discust, sadness, confusion, doubt, and I have been having lingering thoughts of abortion since the posotive tests. I feel extremely guilty because I thought that this is what I wanted, I asked GOD for this and now I am asking him to take it back....I feel that if I have the baby I will never have the opportunity to mend the relationship(which is pretty close to destroyed) with my daughters father again. I also question my boyfriends divine love for my child even my love for him. He is constantly talking about, "when his baby comes" and I feel like it will be hurting my precious daughter who is so wonderful! I have seen the heartbeat two times in an ultra sound and have even been saddened by a miscarriage scare in the hospital, but still I am considering the termination. I feel so guilt ridden because poor babies dont ask to be born and I feel like someones life is at my finger tips. However, I don't see myself with this man in the future and I can't imagine what type of life my children will have. At this point I have an apointment for an abortion for when he leaves on vacation to his country, by this time I will be 8 weeks along.I will have to tell him I had a miscarriage and I am deeply saddened and any advise would be greatly appreciated..I am not sure what I will do at this point.
Above all, trust your instincts as a mother. You can do this! Your feelings for the father of your daughter are good and natural, because of the power of sex to bond us to others and of course the power of new life to do likewise. Since the father of the child you are currently carrying is from the Dominican Republic, it is entirely possible that cultural differences about family and relationships are getting in the way and that's why he seems to be possessive by referring to 'his' child. All that can be worked out, just as your very honest worry about being a single mother with two children can also be worked out. See how strong you are! Do not let men who want to satisfy their desire for uncommitted sexual release make more problems for you. Now that you are pregnant you may feel as if an abortion will bring back your former life, but the real and life-giving answer to your physical and emotional health and future fertility is to give birth to your child. You mentioned asking God for this child, and now asking him to take it back. God will also give you the strength to handle this pregnancy and living with a new child in your life. And your daughter will be blessed to have a sibling. I pray that he also sends a man into your life that is worthy of you.
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Thank you for your compassionate response and prayer. I am struggling with what I fear the future holds, and I am having an inner battle within myself. Having children with different men was not exactly what I had planned for my life, I even question my self as a mother now....I keep trying to prepare myself mentally to go through with the procedure, but there is still regret before I do it. I feel very disconnected from the pregancy in general. I have absolutely not one relative or even friend that supports my decision making regarding keeping the pregnancy, not one except my boyfriend. Before I became pregnant this time, I never had an opinion on abortion, I was just happy that I never had to face that decision. But now, I find myself considering something that I know in my heart I will live with forever. If God truly did answer my prayers and this is meant for me and my daughter, I wish I could embrace this with joy and fullfillment rather then the negative feelings haunting me and this pregnancy.
"This too shall pass". Have you ever heard that phrase? Your feelings will change, but resolve with your will to take good care of yourself now. Don't forget that abortion is harmful to you. You are putting yourself at risk by going in there. You are feeling overwhelmed right now, but take each difficulty one by one. Some things you can deal with later, such as how your life is turning out compared to how you hoped it would be just a few years earlier, in high school, perhaps. Trust in your maternal instinct. You are longing for someone to protect you and your baby, your father, or a husband, but it is not impossible to get through this. Let your father know that a Catholic priest is asking him to take care of his little girl and grandchild, soon to be born, but already his grandchild. The disconnect you are feeling from your pregnancy is a natural coping mechanism, something too painful to face all at once. You are grieving the loss of innocence, but all is not lost. "This too shall pass."
Do the following statements have meaning for you? "Now that I'm not alone, I'm not afraid anymore." "I thought my life was over. Now I have a new start." These are testimonies from people helped by crisis pregnancy centers, such as ***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
Finally, here is a quote from a book I am reading now for my ministry with women who regret their abortions:
"Who could think that a new life nurtured inside the body as one flesh could be severed from that body and ended without causing lifelong grief and yearning?" You are already a mother to your unborn child. Giving birth to this child is the beginning of your own new life.
Do the following statements have meaning for you? "Now that I'm not alone, I'm not afraid anymore." "I thought my life was over. Now I have a new start." These are testimonies from people helped by crisis pregnancy centers, such as ***edited by moderator*** web addresses not allowed
Finally, here is a quote from a book I am reading now for my ministry with women who regret their abortions:
"Who could think that a new life nurtured inside the body as one flesh could be severed from that body and ended without causing lifelong grief and yearning?" You are already a mother to your unborn child. Giving birth to this child is the beginning of your own new life.
I guess what I'm trying to say is: cancel the abortion; book an ultrasound, bond with your baby, and allow a pregnancy help center to help you get to your due date.