Abortion, Marriage, Children, postpartum depression, Pregnancy & Abortion

I guess I just do want something to tell me what the right thing is. I want to believe that I can do this and that I am strong enough to. I know that if I have an abortion I will live with that pain forever. I also know that if I keep the baby I will live with that decision which can also bring some great long term pain to my life. I guess Im just overwhelmed with FEARR!!! I am scared that I will die if I go through with another Labor. The mother instinct in me wants for to take care of myself and my children, but I am afraid what will happen to my daughter if I am not well after the pregnancy. For example, I will have to have another C section, which, I have learned increases risks for complications when already having one in the past. I also learned that I am 20-50% more likely to have Post Partum again. I don't know if that is something that I am truly ready to deal with. I am scared for my daughters well being if this happens most of all. I feel like if I listen to my feelings, I have absolutely no grasp on reality, I have lost all contact with my realistic thinking and problem solving.

I have spoke with my placement agency as well as my employer. I am at risk of loosing my position permanently and will not be receiving any type of compensation for the maternity leave. UNfortunately this is one of the downfalls of working for an agency. I just don't see how this is going to work for me,my child, or A NEW BABY. Life takes 20 steps forward and 40 back it seems. I don't want to sound negative and I am trying to see the light, I really am. I want to set a good example for my kids, I dont want them to miss out on things because of my poor decisions. I will own this decision and I fear that no matter what I will have great regret and sorrow. I am also afraid of that the world, family, friends, will think of me if I have another child. To different men. I guess I should have thought about that before. I have seen the turmoil and destruction that broken relationships and familys go through. I have come from one. And my life has turned out to be filled with countless disappointments and despair. I don;t pitty myself for that I accept it but I just don't want to keep the cycle going. I have already started to feel disconnected from this pregnancy from day one. I have done a lot of reading which has led to advise that this type of feeling is a coping mechanism and that it is extremely normal for a woman in this circumstance. I have also read that the hormone that caused my Post Partum Depression is very alive and active in my system now. And that women who face abotions also expierience Post Partum Depression due to the same rapid increase then sudden fall of Hormones in the pregnancy. Every scenario leads to mourning a loss. I have seen the heartbeat of this ultrasound. Please don't be startled by this, but I felt no connection. I am aware that there is something trying to reproduce inside of me and I want to embrace life and its challenge in a positive way but at this point I'm not well. I function, but I am half there all the time. I don't find comfort in really talking to anyone beacause it just makes me feel ok for the moment and then that moment is gone and I am alone with myself again. I feel like the right thing to do for all persons involved is have the abortion. But, I just don't know if I am strong enough to carry that burden forever. I feel my life slipping away, I wish I could be one of those miracle stories that everything is just wonderful in the end and everyone is happy but the reality is life as I new it is over forever and I am just having an excrutiating time dealing with that.

When a person feels alone and abandoned and invisible to the world, abortion presents its own "logic" by way of keeping the baby and your life hidden and private. The baby won't see the light of day and you will avoid financial poverty, and since you feel as if you have no one and nowhere to turn for help, an abortion will mean that you can continue surviving through your own devices, and no one ever has to know. But this "logic" is a lie. It's not true that abortion will relieve you of the oppressive burden you feel. Financial poverty needs a different solution than abortion. You have shown me in these writings that you have a lot of intellectual information, and yet the disconnect remains, not only with your child but with your own goodness and worth. You are steeling your nerves for the impact of the abortion, telling yourself you have no other choice, but trust me when I say that there is another way. You refer to your pregnancy as "I am aware that there is something trying to reproduce inside of me." Please remember that this is your child, you've contributed your part to this miracle, and she is not as in those movies about aliens where something foreign takes over a human body, not some alien spawn. If you saw the ultrasound in an abortion clinic then that environment would be biased to the reality of your child, the child's beauty and innocence, and your own instinct as a mother. The baby is already a baby in the first trimester. Abortion is not the lesser of two evils compared with poverty, it is much worse. If you click on my profile you will see how to contact me and then we can get some good and caring people into your life. And allow this new child within you a role to play in saving you from the pit of despair.

I had dreamed last night with my grandmother, she was also there with my other deceased. Grandfather She didn't talk to me and He was dancing with me. I guess I will have to navigate through this giving up all controls. Being a believer in GOD in this world is so trying. If it wasn't for my inner spirit constantly reminding me that I know abortion is wrong then I probably could have avoided all of this confusion. I feel like the world teaches us that when people discipline themselves and make mature concious decisions they are rewarded. We have then been given the free will to make them and take responsibility for them. But, on who and what's terms can good decision making be defined? Is it on GOD's terms? If so, what are they? Why is abortion an option for so many women that go on to live happy, healthy lives....Where is the line between what we control and what GOD controls? If we have been TRUSTED BY god that he gives us the power to make these major decisions, why can't he also give us the power to believe that what we are doing, no matter what is right? I feel like up until this point in my life, I have never had sucha a hard time "keeping the faith", maybe it stems from lack of confidence and trust in myself. This disconnect that I am feeling reminds me greatly of the PPD I expierienced before. It's a TERRIBLE feeling. I feel like I have already have it. I will and do however have to refuse to loose against my turmoil because if I don't win then it will. It is something that is very exhausting. PPD feels like a constant WAR within ones body and mind.(Not exactly a very christian feelin either). If I go through with this this time I am more alone than before. My body can't seem to recognize whats happening as a blessing which I entirely regret, It overwhelmingly feels like an invador. I'm sorry if this is disturbing, its only my reality at this point. My daughter is the most amazing, wonderful, sweet child that I have ever met. I am sure that is because she is mine but I am truly convinced that there is something so special about her. Maybe it is in the evil ones plan to try and keep these amazing gifts from GOD by entering the world through my depression. Maybe the reason that they have been put here is because thier purpose is so grand that at any cost he will try to stop it. The thing keeping me going at this point is that if I am being tempted that much then it is sure for a good reason. I hope that somewhere in this strength shall arise and anything done in GOD's name will prevail. I am not saying that I even have a decision I guess I am just thinking.

Don't forget, you've already made the decision to abort this child, unless you've canceled the appointment. Based, on what you have just said, if you asked me, "give me one good reason not to abort my child," I would say "because it is not your jurisdiction." We use our free will in our area of jurisdiction, but only God has authority to make life and death decisions. You have a very important insight of theology as it relates to human life: "if I am being tempted that much then it is sure for a good reason." There is a spiritual warfare for our souls and the lives of our children, but we also have great spiritual protection and strength from God. Some day I hope to talk with you in greater detail about this, but for now let me just say that God has made the world for us and he rejoices every time a new human being is conceived. As one author put it, our job is "to collaborate with God in the generation and education of new lives." Christianity speaks of "responsible parenthood" as opposed to "planned parenthood" because responsible parenthood means that God creates human life and we have been entrusted by him with this child. When you ask "on who and what's terms can good decision making be defined", you have a very good question, which raises the topic of the "objective moral order established by God" and you very rightly understand that "a right conscience is a faithful interpreter." (Pope Paul VI, Of Human Life) He also writes with regard to being pregnant that we "are not free to proceed completely at will, as if we could determine in a wholly autonomous way the honest path to follow, but must conform to the creative intention of God." In your anguish, you might be disappointed that I'm giving more "Church" than "therapy", but when you write about "giving up control" I hope this explanation is helpful. You are not giving up control of the area of your life that you have jurisdiction over, just acknowledging what is outside of your competency to decide. Going ahead with the abortion will be the ultimate in giving up control over your life. When you say "Why is abortion an option for so many women that go on to live happy, healthy lives", believe me when I say that this is definitely not true. In fact, in the United States, Supreme Justice Kennedy has asked the public to prove whether or not abortion harms women by submitting their life stories to him, and that project is revealing the truth about abortion. Your dream about your grandparents is a powerful reminder that we are not alone in this world, that there were generations before us, and we bring a new generation into this world. Mary, the Mother of Jesus, said "yes" to the new life within her, and your unborn child already has the same great dignity of being a human being created in the image and likeness of God. As do you.

I think that my children will be as healthy as, I am. I am going to keep the baby because reality is that it is a baby, an innocent baby, even at 8 weeks old in my womb. I will work towards defeating this depression. I will accept that I am not alone and that I have been blessed with a unique small family. Your responses have moved something in me today....

I was reading some other things with which to encourage you, and what I found is that in any honest pre-abortion screening, you would be told that the PPD would not make you a candidate for abortion: Depression is "a contra-indication for abortion". In other words, such difficulties are "are worsened by abortion." Here is a verse from the Bible, one that I hope helps you focus on the fact that there is life after pregnancy, after having this child, who is your way out of this predicament, and is the best thing you can do for your daughter.

"Many are the afflictions of the just; but out of them all will the Lord deliver them." (Psalm 34)

I have never spoken about this to anyone but I feel like maybe someone could relate to me. I was 17 when I got pregnant and in a private Christian school and my father was mayor of our city and was so afraid of what everyone would think on me and decided to have a abortion. A few months later got pregnant again. :( and had another abortion. I was so afraid of people judging me and as my (step father that has raised me most of my life) was up for his second term for mayor, and being in a abusive relationship I decided it was the best thing to have another abortion. Well years went by and I'm 25 and engaged and had my son at 24 and he snow 10 months and I look at him everyday with love and I can't seem to understand why i would kill two babies that I could of had. I seem to try to escape the feeling and seem so angry at my fiancé that had two children when he was 18 and I now see that Im mad cause he had his kids and I didn't and it makes me angry at his kids. Which may sound weird, but I never show angry towards his kids but in my heart I feel it, I'm confused and always have had a strong heart and love the lord I just am trying to come to the fact of why I did something so stupid and wish I could take it back:( it never seemed to effect me untell I had my own child?

You have spoken about so much here! First, about circumstances in your life leading to abortion, and then a second abortion, which happens very often because of unresolved trauma from the first one. A person tries to minimize the impact for years, thinking they are strong enough to carry on with life, until an event overwhelms your defense mechanisms, such as the birth of your first live baby, or comparing your situation to one that was handled differently, and you begin to regret the abortions. Anger is related to grief, and you are ready to grieve the loss of your children.  Grieve the loss of your children and the anger will change.  Then you will also be able to tell your fiance, which will need to be done for the sake of your marriage. Dr. Theresa Burke with Rachel's Vineyard has a grief ministry that you are ready for. On the retreat for psychological and spiritual healing after abortion, when you tell your story as you are doing here, though in greater depth and with guidance to go deeper, you will find insight, healing, and hope. In her book, she says things that will help you see that what you are feeling has an explanation: "Most abort out of a fear that carrying their unplanned pregnancy to term will deprive them of a wanted relationship, the approval of others, their education, a career, or some other desired goal....studies comparing aborting women to women who carry unplanned pregnancies to term reveal that aborting women are more likely to have higher levels of subsequent depression, anxiety, and alcohol abuse."

hi Swanny i know how u feel i just ha one to about a week ago i have a 4 year old son and just got out of an abusive relationship with my sons father and then i though i meet a good man but after a year he started to show abusive things and i ended up preganant by him soi had a abortion and it was the hardest thing to do but im in no prediction to raise two children on my own i just hope i find a good man like u and have my baby i had to give bak to god u will be ok and u will be in my pryers and thank u for ur story so i know im not alone out there take care of your self and u will have that baby when the time is right your friend Tiffany

Dear Swanny: your “post-partum depression” following the birth of your child was actually grief over your first aborted child. And now your desire for another child following the second abortion is a longing for a replacement child to make up for the one lost to abortion. You have a great need for healing, starting with the first abortion. It will take so much energy to keep hiding the medical abortion from your husband that you really need this healing for the sake of your health and your relationship. Please allow yourself to grieve the loss of both children. The due date of your little boy's birth will be very hard for you but there are ways to find healing, and you need the help of others. Healing programs do exist.

i know this was an old post but im going through some what the same thing only i have a 10 month old baby and already had an abortion about 6 months ago and now im pregnant again by the same man and dont know what to do. i had postpartum depression so bad with my son im scared to have another baby but i want another one my postpartum depression was so bad i still refuse to be alone with my son i keep thinking of ways i could carry and birth another child but fear seems to be making my up my mind and leaning towards abortion but my heart wants another child as i watch my baby start growing more and more and im only 19 im currently still 5 weeks pregnant i dont know

Thank you so very much for showing how seriously you are treating the life of this new child developing within you. If I may encourage you in the great dignity that you possess as a pregnant mother, already a mother to this your very own child. This is also your pregnancy. Abortion harms you, too. Pregnancy means two things: you are pregnant, and you are pregnant with a human child, your child. As dark and repulsive as the thought might be that you might experience post-partum depression for a second time, be reassured in your ability to avoid the experience of abortion for a second time. You have the strength inside you. When people tell you to abort it is usually because they are finding excuses for their own involvement with abortion. You are young and your future might seem uncertain but your true healing and the real hope for your own life rests with nurturing yourself during this pregnancy, taking good care of yourself and allowing the child of your pregnancy to be born. At five weeks your baby is already his or her own person, unique and alive, developing within his mother whom he loves with his very life. By the way, there is help so that you don't need to feel alone and abandoned to face this by yourself. You are not alone. Keep in touch.

Hi. just wanted to say i am still pregnant turns out i wasn't 5 weeks we thought i was having a miscarriage and the thought of having a miscarriage was heart breaking and then i still even if i was wanted a abortion after 3 sonos they finally found the baby and a heart beat i was overwhelmed with the thought of still being pregnant i made a appointment for a abortion thia coming friday and everything felt fine until i get closer to that date. my mother is supposed to go with me but still keeps trying to tell me ways i could do it and get through it because she had post partum depression with my sister so bad she never wanted another one that when she got pregnant with me she scheduled a appointment for a abortion and didn't go through with it and didn't have depression with me everything is so hard with my first abortion there wasn't even a thought of carrying it and i don't regret however with this one its different because i have seen that my depression went away and i did again feel Normal after some time. very confused

Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts and feelings. Please be sure to cancel your abortion appointment. There is help for such depressions. I can see how much you love your child after the close call with thinking you were losing her to miscarriage. God bless your mother but there is no connection between her experience and yours. The realization that you were almost aborted must indeed be very confusing but gives you the unique first-hand experience from the point of view of the child. You were that child at risk and now you have the power to protect another child, your very own child and your mother's grandchild from such a possibility. Remember that you do not have to carry this burden alone, not that the child of your pregnancy is a burden, because she isn't but the emotional burden you are sharing. By allowing yourself to complete this pregnancy, you will also be protecting your own health for years to come. This child of your pregnancy is the very key to your own hope for the future no matter how small she is right now. She is like a very valuable diamond or pearl.

Dear Sisters / Mothers, For Heaven's sake :
Unless the mother's health/life is in risk, abortion should not be done , that should be the rule because if any abortion is done , it will make the soul of the foetus stick with the mother.
If abortion has been done, it is better to ask for forgiveness from god and ask God to send the foetus to heaven.
That is essential to be free .
The above are true because the foetus / the born one should not be killed without its own fault. Babies are treated equal to God till the age of 5. Hope this helps !