After Abortion, alot of emotional pain, want baby back!

i never thought i would ever want an abortion, but now at almost 10 weeks I am so depressed. Me and the babys father were together for almost a year. He lied the whole time. He was doing drugs and just being disrespectful and didn't treat me like he loved me or cared about me but he would always say it. We broke up in November. He started acting crazy and scary. In the end of November he talked to me over the phone and we met up at a store to talk. He kept telling me that he changed and etc etc. I told him unless things were TOTALLY different I wouldn't be around him at all. For 2 and a half weeks he seemed like he changed then he would start smoking if we argued etc. He had quit before we got back together. I didn't want to be with someone who smokes.
Sigh, so he pretended he had changed but I didn't trust him all the way because there were little signs that he was probably using drugs again. He denied it. One day he was in the bathroom and I had a feeling suddenly that he's doing something in there. I look under the door and notice he's facing the wrong way on the toilet. I unlock the door with my finger nail and bust in catch him about to snort some heroin. I told him to leave. That was early January. Since then we have been broken up but he claimed he was going to change again and said he found the stuff while he was cleaning his car and that he was sad and was going to do it. I know he's still lying and hes in denial. Well, on Jan20th or near that time I told him I never wanted to see him again (he showed up acting weird adn paranoid and was being rude I could tell he was on drugs). I was serious about wanting him out of my life alltogether.
The following week my overlooked symptoms started to become noticeable. I didn't think I was pregnant. I thought something was reallly wrong with my health. I was worried. Having little pains in my lower stomach (uterus) and no period. Then I remembered how I had been having indigestion every day. I took 3 home preg tests that weekend. all positive. i told him that sunday.
I am very depressed. I feel sad for my baby that his or her dad will either not be there because he is using drugs and lying and acting weird, or that he will be around and only put the baby through tough times in life like my drug using father put me through. It's hard to be happy or excited because I feel so sorry for what my baby will go through when brought into this world. I got pregnant when me and him had gotten back together (around the time he had changed his life and stopped doing drugs etc). I'm so scared that I'll be alone for pains and hard times. I need support. I feel so alone because I can't stop crying. I keep telling my baby I'm so sorry. Normally I would never think of an abortion, but I don't know what to do. A couple people at church told me I can talk to them if I need someone but I don't know them well and I'm beyond sad. I don't want to seem crazy by crying so hysterically. But I know it's not safe to keep this sadness to myself. I start wishing that I was dead or that my ex (the baby dad) would die in a wreck or that I'd miscarry. I don't want to miscarry. I want the baby to be healthy but I also want things to be better. I'm so sad and so alone.
I tried to call my mom the other day but she never returned my calls. I don't know who to cry to, who to talk to because I am extremely depressed and need a hug and to cry so loudly.
The dad is excited about the baby, but he isn't honest about his drug use. The day after I told him, I found drugs in his car and was so hurt. That shows he's not serious and that he doesn't care about the baby. I told him if I find anything he's not going to be around me or have anything to do with the kid except child support. but then i wont have anyone there adn the baby wont have a dad around.

At the same time I'd rather my baby not have a dad around than have one around whos going to do drugs adn make things not safe for us and put him or her through so much heart ache through life. It's hard to be excited or happy but I know I need to be for my baby. I just hope in a couple months I don't decide to have an abortion because i am so overwhelmed. I know I'll probably kill myself if I do that to my baby. i wish my mom would call me and be helpful and be excited and help me realize this journey to a precious life for my baby. I'm so sorry for my baby to have to go through this. I wanted to be married before ever getting pregnant. I wanted to have a great family for my baby; father and mother who love eachother and him or her. two people who live good lives and will treat a child wonderfully and both love God and follow him. I was shocked to get pregnant and I'm having mixed feelings. I never thought it would happen til later on in my life. I wish I could have a hug from someone who understands. I need someone to comfort me. I don't know what to do.

hey

i am in a similar situation right now. 5 wks frm pregannacy n me and my husband r thinkin of aborting as we have been married just for a yr n i stiill have to go back to school

can u plz advice me something..im goin crazy..about makin a decision

I had an abortion the Saturday before last. I know in reality I am not ready money-wise to have a baby. But then again, who really ever is? I was 8 weeks along with twins. I have wanted twins all my life. I thought I wasn't ready, and my bf said he wasn't ready. So I went ahead with the procedure and now I can't live with myself. I want my babies back so bad! I can't talk to him about it, because I just don't feel comfortable, so I figured sharing my story on here might help.
I cry everytime I see the infant dept at Wal-mart for christsake. It seems like everytime I turn on the radio there is a song on about babies...I can't stand this. I would do anything to have them back. I want to see their faces, and hold their little hands. I secretly went out and bought little blankets for them...
I did this for my bf...although he didn't really pressure me to do it. I knew that was what he wanted...and they were 1/2 his. I just wish I would have actually talked to him, and let him know what I was feeling. Maybe I would still have my babies that way.

It seems to me that every poster is saying they regretted having an abortion. So what is that telling you? Abortion should be illegal and people who do abort babies should be charged with murder, because a fetus is a living human being. Like it or not, that's the way it is.

It seems to me that every poster is saying they regretted having an abortion. So what is that telling you? Abortion should be illegal and people who do abort babies should be charged with murder, because a fetus is a living human being. Like it or not, that's the way it is.

Im 19 I had a termination when i was 18 i was around 8 weeks gone, I broke up with my boyfriend as soon as i found out i was pregnant because i was so scared of the whole situation just wanted to escape everything I had been with him for over 6 years. So I went to the hospital for an internal scan where the doctor was obviously against abortion he streated me like dirt because i was so young he lied to me for around 5 weeks telling me he couldnt see anything on the screen although the tests where positive. My mum came with me everytime and eventually she decided to complain and ask for someone else to do the scan because she could see something on the screen that showed i was pregnant.
Anyway so eventually it all happend It was the most horrible and disgusting situation i have ever been in the entire time i was having contractions all i kept thinking was how much i regretted it i was being sick constantly and couldnt stop crying.
Im still not over the whole situation I want a baby so much that i imagine that i am pregnant to the point where i had a hysterical pregnancy recently.

What has helped me which i suggest to all of you girls is as much as i wish i could turn back the clocks and do it all differently is I went to see a really good psychic who could see what i had been through she told me it was a little girl and wether shes right or not I dont care because it has helped me. I then bought a star off a website and named it after what i would have called the little girl and every night before i go to sleep i look up into the sky and say good night.

It hasnt healed the pain but it has made me feel a whole lot better.

Im sorry for the way you are all feeling all i can say is i completely know how you feel please smile :-)

im 17 i got pregnant right before my 17th birthday.. at the time my bf and i didnt have much but we did have alot to have a baby.. he was so happy but my mother forced me into abortion when i was almost 7 weeks. it was the saddest thing i ever had to do.. probably ever will be.. i been on birth control since.. the closer it gets to the due date i had.. the more depressed i get. i missed 13 birth conrtol pills last month.. im finding myself trying to get pregnant also.. as of right now.. i might be.. i know.. shame on me for being selfish. i wont be for my baby thow in the future.

i fell pregnant when i was 15 i only got my abortion 8 months ago and i still cry myself to sleep everynight when i see babies i jus tear up and i always think that should be me.I felt like i was a bit pushed into it because me mother didn even have the money and me sister only had a baby and she always said to me look how she struggles, im convinced i was goin to have a baby boy and i had a name picked out to,he would of been a gorgeous baby boy! i miss him so much i think abou it everyday.I still feel like im pregnant and that hes never goin to go. Its comin up to my due date and things are hittin me really hard why did i have to do it:(
i would never wish this upon anyone because its so hard to let go, i wish i could jus go back in time and take it all back..

i was 11 weeks one week from the cut off line of this choice i know my mom would of not agreed but she would of been more up sit to know whos baby it was 1st baby 1st abortion. i was moody to my bf the hole 11 weeks and every thing made me sick. he always said if i was knocked up to have an abotion cuz he dont want and cant have any more. im 20 years old i want this one deep in side but i dint want to have one on my own when i was in the doctors room and getting to see my baby for the 1st time with the syonagram i wanted to just go home and tell my bf a was further along then i was so that he thought i was to late to have an abortion. when the doctor left to get the room ready for the abortion i wanted to set there and cry i have to make the biggest choice not on beasd on what i want to do but what would be best on my boy friend and my family. i went threw with the abotion i was so scared of what my family thought that i had had my 1st abotion. ill always wonder what my 1st child would look like. if it was boy/gurl. and what its name would be. i still have the 1st apointment and the due date paper and the 1st picture of it sure it was a bean but it was my bean and i miss it. my mum and younger sis who to day is 18 years old both started having kids at aget 16. mother had me and my sis have her son whos 10 months now. but i know if i would of kept my baby every one would of been up set why they are like that to me have no idea. the abortion was full of physical pain and mental pain its been one week since i aborted this mission................

I am 19 years old and have been in a relationship with my partner for 3 years we have one child who is 14 months iv just found out im 6 weeks pregnant and he wants me to have an abortion and if i dont he will leave me. i really disagree with abortions unless your in a bad circumstance which were not. and i dont wanna loose him or this baby i really dont now what to do. im scared to have an abortion as i will find it to hard but i dont wanna loose my partner and take my daughter away from her dad

To the girl above me, Sweetie Im not being mean but you certainly need to go get help or your gonna end up hurting yourself beyond repair. I am 22 I had an abortion about 6 months ago. I have a 2 year old son. The story is crazy. I mistakingly got pregnant by my ex boyfriend. We were only together about 2 months (Which is strange cuz it was the same way with my sons dad) Anyways..He was the extremely jealous type and after he punch a huge hole in his closet door in front of my son (Mad cuz I was going to spend time with my sister & nephew) I packed my bags and told him to go to hell except not that nice and I didnt look back. About a week went by and then I got a UTI..Something I only had once ever in my life and that was when I found out I was pregnant with my son so I made my dr do a pregnancy test and it said negative!! I thought what a huge relief! Not long after that I had what I thought was a period but it was really light and lasted 2 days. After talking to a co-worker I decided I would do another test. I bought one right then and something told me as I was walking in that I was pregnant and no matter what I wasnt gonna keep the baby because 1st I couldnt afford to take care of another one alone and 2nd I didnt have room to put another baby 3rd..Maybe this is selfish of me and if it is I dont really care but I didnt wanna have another baby so I wouldnt have to stop splurging on girfts for my son. I took the test and it said positive and naturally I came out in tears! I have never cried so hard at work before!! My boss man was amazing about it though. He is like a father to me so he pulled me aside and told me this is just something you have to do. Dont think about it like your killing your baby think about it like its meant to be. I struggled with those words for 2 weeks and finally I borrowed the money from my sister and brother in law. They drove me 150 miles away to get it done and of course the first thing we see when we pull in is a protestor. The man kept saying "come let me speak to you young mother" he might have said that about 3 times and my brother in law was out of the car on the side walk in his face telling him to shut the F*** up that this was none of his business and it was a hard enough decision. I broke down but as soon as those doors opened I got up went in done my paperwork, blood test, and ultra sound. I was 8 weeks along. I got the twilight gas which did nothing for the pain of the procedure but as soon as it was over and I was in the little recovery room I felt the hugest weight leave my shoulders! I have not spilled one single tear since that day. My way of thinking is to think yes it was meant for me to abort my baby or else God wouldnt have gave me that decision. I dont feel guilty. I look at it like it was something I had to do something I use to think I could never do but something that made me a hell of a lot stronger than I was a year ago. In my heart I think it was a girl and probably my only shot to ever have a girl but in the future I dont care what I get as long as its happy and healthy. I never told anyone but my bosses a few co-workers my one sister and brother in law and of course my mom. The dad would have flipped sh*t if he ever found out but then again who cares cuz it was my decision..He cant even support himself and back then he didnt even have a job at all!! I hope my way of thinking about this will help out someone else!! I know how all of you feel! I felt horrible guilt up until the day of but then my brain worked differently lol.

i am 17 right now. Just turned 17 actually. I got pregnant febuary 2009 with my boyfriend of 4 years. We were on and off. We got back together and had sex for the first time. I found out i was pregnant about 3 weeks after because i missed my period. Me and my friend got a pregnancy test and went into the subway bathroom. When i saw the two little lines i crashed. I was 15 and pregnant. I called my boyfriend and told him. All he said to me was "wanna get high?" i just walked away. After that we never talked again. I tried. I needed support from him but i never got it. I told my mom and she was devistated. Her 15 year old daughter who she though was a virgin was pregnant. We talked about it and what i should do i didn't want to have an abortions till my brother said something to make up my mind he said "dont think of it as killing it, think of it as saving it for a better time when you can take care of it and it will have a mom AND a dad" thats what made me make up my mind. April 15 i had my abortion. I was about 7 weeks pregnant. The procedure took about 3 min. After it was all done all i could do was cry and cry. It is November 24 2010 this is the month my baby would have been born. This month i would have had a 2 year old child. To this day i still think boy or girl, would he or she be beautiful, would i have been happy with that child, would my boyfriend still be around. But i know he wouldnt be. He still hasnt asked what i did he doesnt even know if he has a child in this world. But he ran off to BC and got married. It is hardest for me when i see babies or i think about what i would have this month. What i did to my baby. He or she didnt have a choice i took its life and its not fair. I stopped a beating heart a life form. My little baby. But at the same time if i had it, i would not be graduating this year, i would not have my loving and supporting boyfriend of 9 months right now. My life would be diffrent if i did have it, but i dont know if it would be better. I cry alot about it. And i just really needed to talk to SOMEONE about this because i have no one to talk to that can understand the emotional pain i am going through. Someone who can talk about the same pain.

wow its like everyone is going through the same i had abrotion on the 5 of april i still cry my husband didnt want the baby iam teeling him iam on the pill but iam not i just want to get preganant again i hurt so bad inside...

It's been a year since I gave up my baby. It feels like it happened a few hours ago... the pain never leaves you. I want a baby so bad because I honestly believe I would have been truly happy in my heart more than anything. I'm free now to live my life but my heart is held captive by that dreadful day. I walk around everyday loving someone with my whole life, someone i never got to physically see and know...but I felt. I was never so happy in my whole life like the 9 weeks that i was pregnant. Now, I gained the world and physical freedom but my spirit and heart are in a world of debris within me. My heart bleeds.... I wanted my baby so badly but I put other people before my child and now I'm paying the price.

hi

i recently had an abortion im 20 and over in aus with on a working holiday my boyfriend lives here who ive been with for a year and we decided to get an abortion as they is no way we could afford it i have only recently got a job n is goin to uni next year but i have found myself just wanting to cry all the time now n deeply upset. i was told i was having twins on the day as was 7weeks n dint have a ultrasound before hand i lookedon the creen n now all i see is the picture i know i couldnt look after them as be my first and im still so young but finding it very hard to not think of about them and how it would be to have them it doesnt help that we've not told anyone n went to my partners work party 2days later n had to meet hes work mate pregnant partner and also one of them had a lil baby n just seem to see babys everywher. i know we made our decision  but was just wondering if anyone had any tips on how to get over this