After Abortion, alot of emotional pain, want baby back!

I am also going through the same situation.I am also thinking why I did this.

i cant beleive i let others nag me into abortion at 20 weeks i cant cope with it all im totally suicidal i gave birth and have picturees galore of my child it was 3 days ago but i was allowed in hospital to hold him tight untill the following day i want him back so badly ill never forgive myself he was gorgeous and now the ppain is horrendous i wont ever get over this

things are no easier im lost going gp tomorrow but how can he stop this pain

i know how you feel im 24 and i didnt have an abortion because i couldn't have one due to medical problems so i gave my son up for adoption 3 years ago as i got very ill and i couldnt look after him but now i regret it as my illness is under control but i cant turn back time and every time i see a child on tv i just start crying and i feel my life is over i dont leave the house i dont talk to people i just stay on my own because i feel so much guilt even though i know he is well looked after i know he should be with me. i havent been to the doctor about this because i dont want to be put on tablets and not feel how i feel because i know i deserve to feel this way for giving up my baby its my punishment.

im lost love i can comepltely sympathise ive got to lay my child to rest on 16th dreading it i want him with me so much its the worst unbearablle pain ive ever experienced at least he is still alive and one day he may well find you ill never have that chance :'( i hope you are ok just wish i could get over this pain but i know i must live with it forever i hope and pry the lord will forgive me and allow me to be with my precious son one day

I feel your pain. I had an abortion that i didn't want 8 months ago. My boyfriend wouldn't let me speak my piece on it. I worked at a strip club i hate dancing and everything about it and i think the men that go in those places are womanizing pigs. My boyfriend had little income at the time and i felt as though i was stuck working at that stupid club and i never felt like being there unless i was high or drunk, I still do it one day a week i finally found a normal under the table job my options are limited b/c i don't have custody of my child and i should so i refuse to pay somebody else to take care of my child when my child should be living with me. When i found out i was pregnant i was happy and i really cut down on everything even when i was in the stupid club b/c i knew when i started to show i would be forced to quit and i didn't care. I hate stripping and i would rather be happy mom then the person i am now. I don't like who i am. I have no desire to stop getting trashed though until my child is returned home or i get pregnant again. You can tell me i need rehab til your blue in the face but i don't care about getting clean until one of the two or both happen. .I suffer from severe PTSD but i was so happy pregnant i started weaning off narcotic meds to where i didn't need them. Of course to go to work i would need a little something because who in their right mind wants to be a stripper. I don't but life roadblocks forced me down the path i was told i " don't have a choice" but to dance and whoever made it so people like me have to do that needs to realize the lives they ruin. Then the awful a word came into his mouth and i told him i didn't want to do that. I was happy being pregnant and looking forward to getting " laid off" from that job i hated when i started showing. But he kept nagging me about it and forced me to go there for the stupid ultrasound when i should have went for a regular obgyn ultrasound like i wanted. I told the lady at the clinic i didn't want to have an abortion. I put the wrong information on the papers like made up SS# different first and last name. I didn't schedule the procedure. I went home and he asked when the appointment was i was 9 weeks and i didn't care to schedule the appointment. He got mad and called the clinic and made me schedule the appointment for August 19th. I had a weekend to do in jail because i had gotten in trouble the week before the appointment and i didn't want to go to that appointment so bad that i was acting up in jail and hoping the jail would keep me until i was too far along to abort. But no they let me out the only time in life i hoped to stay in jail. The days before the appointment i was upset. I wanted to get in the car and drive. The appointment day came i was so angry and sad. I got high off of pills before i went in bc i didn't want to do it and i was high and the staff noticed that i was high and i stated i had to be high to do it because i didn't want to do it and they didn't have my right information. I wonder if i can sue. The butcher who did it told me i shouldn't have taken those meds with the anestesia and i could die. I didn't care i hoped i did die with my baby. After the procedure i cried. I ripped the birth control script up and threw it in the trash. I felt dead inside. I got home and popped a bunch of anxiety pills and i had a friend take me to get heroin. I didn't want to feel emotions I went on like this for weeks. I returned to work at the stupid club. I got real ignorant with any guy that tried to not tip me and i just felt like killing some of the broads i worked with. I felt really good one night when i made a girl feel so low about herself. She tried to prevent me from getting money. I have been very angry lately. When i don't like somebody i enjoy beating on them or taking their confidence away. I stopped with the hard drugs but i need narcotic medication every day so i don't end up in prison for hurting somebody. I get really mad when i get my period every month. I have not had custody of my other child in over two years and that kills me. Please pray for me to get pregnant and get my child back. Things in custody court are favorable for me but who knows when but when i do i can be the woman i am supposed to be not this lost soul. Right now i'm not living i'm surving. No psychiatiric help is needed because a therapist can't change the things in my life i am unhappy about. A therapist or nobody can convince me to get sober I don't want to. I will when my child comes home and or get pregnant. Whichever comes first please pray for me people to get pregnant. I've been trying ever since the abortion and it's not happening. I am meant to be a mommy not the living dead.

the thing is you dont need to get pregnant hun you need to get sober first what if u get pregnant then find out your dying due to damaging your body seriously it wont make things better i went through wanting another i still do ive got to bury my son next week ill never get over it cant see a way out but killing yourself while trying for another wont help at all get fit and healthy and hopefully when the next pregnancy happens you will be around long enough to enjoy it dont take any offence to what ive said i mean no harm xx

at.least.u.had.a.chance.of.making.a.decision!!I.was.FORCED.to.have.an.abortion.last.Thursday.by.my.parents.and.the.baby's.father!
I.can't.get.over.it...I.can't.sleep...I.don't.feel.like.getting.out.of.the.house....I.don't.feel.that.I'd.be.comfortable.around.other.people's.kids.......and.I.cry.every.single.night.all.by.myself... :'(
Please.smile,you.have.two.beautiful.kids...Thank.god.for.that!n.God.bless.them:)

I honestly thought there was something wrong with me for feeling these feelings, but reading that im not alone and a lot of people feels this way after abortion has helped me understand and realise why i feel like this.

I wish I never had an abortion cause now I'm wondering what my child would look like today or if it was a girl or boy. Now I want to get pregnant and scared that I may not be able to if I try. My bf I don't think is ready but I am. Am I wrong for wanting to try just to see if I can still my babies?

You have to forgive yourself, a human was in your body and you were there there to protect them and nurture them until they come out of your uterus into this ugly world. Instead of protecting you terminated their lives. All you can do now is pray for salvation and also pray for your unborn child since they were'nt baptized they will be in pulgatory. I don't think having another baby would make you feel better, I think convincing women to not terminate their child would really help.

 

I'm sorry you all feel this way, it's only natural you feel guilty after killing someone.

People go to jail for murder and sometimes get executed, I'm no one to judge, but how is it ok to abort helpless babies and it's not ok to kill another human being?? Both are murderers.

 

 

i feel exactly the same as u ,i jus want to save my bbe and it is toooo late , i cant stop thinking about him or her, my life has stopped and i hate it, im heartbroken ,

well i buried my son the 16th its broken my heart :'(

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I had a medical abortion 6 days ago, I miscarried at home. I didn't want to do it and I cancelled an earlier appointment as I had bonded already. I panicked and did it at the last minute. I was 8 weeks and 4 days pregnant and the cut off is 9 weeks. I didn't want to have a surgical abortion as I wanted to know the remains were safe and cremate them. I was told the baby had "buds" possibly developing for limbs. I was also told it would be in a sac and I wouldn't see anything. I had a rush of blood and then this tiny perfect baby with arms legs five fingers and five toes and a sweet little face just dropped out of me. I realized in that second I just made the biggest mistake of my life. Every reason I had became insignificant when I saw my baby curled up in my hand. I had dreamt of having this experience 2 weeks earlier and disregarded it as anxiety when it was prophesy. It was exactly the same in the dream apart from the surroundings. The fetus fell out and I reached out for it and woke in tears. Why didn't I listen to myself and trust myself more? My reasons were having  post traumatic stress disorder  and a history of pre eclampsia plus a very unstable unhealthy relationship. I nearly bled to death having my daughter and I wanted to also protect her from me being in a bad relationship and set her an example of a strong mother. I thought if I kept the baby people would judge me and I might not be able to cope. None of that matters now and there is nothing I can do to take it back. She was a girl and I called her Evie May. Right now she is in a tiny cotton box upstairs. I cut a peice of my daughters baby gro into a blanket and tucked her in. Now I cannot bring myself to bury the box. I  don't know what to do. I feel so much grief and regret like I will never be complete without my baby. I am so lost. The dad wanted me to keep her and I feel his resentment and I had to watch him cry and hold her tiny body when I told him what I had done.
I know I had a lot of reasons but I just can't get past how much I hate myself right now. I want to tell my daughter she had a sibling and for her to bury the box with me but she is 8. I could maybe cope if I miscarried naturally but could never tell her what I did. She is desperate for a brother or sister and I can hardly look her in the eye.

I did this 2 days before her birthday and the same time I was in labour with her 8 years earlier. I want to tell people I have lost a baby but I feel I have no right to grieve as I actually did this all by myself.
I had the same procedure many years ago and never felt regret.I felt guilt but not regret. I didn't love the man and it was  a sac of blood that I buried in my garden out of respect. I felt weepy for many months but never regretted what I had done although I felt loss I never wanted to reverse what I had done.


This time I bonded, I loved that child and I love the father which makes it more painful. I would say to any women considering this that no one can know what is right but you but if you have bonded and are feeling maternal and your reasons are money/practical related these things can go out of the window and be slammed into perspective when you have an abortion.

I have not stopped pining for my baby since Friday ad I ache in my womb every time I see a baby or a pregnant woman.

Be prepared to see that baby and live with your decision because I know now I was not prepared and I cannot live with it now. I feel like the biggest id**t.

Ironically my mental health was a big concern, I wanted to start therapy and move on from the damaging events of my past but I damaged myself more than anything in the process and now feel completely broken and full of panic dread anxiety and grief.

Hi everyone.  I am in my late 30s and feel the same way, so it can happen at any age.  Remember you are human.  Many of us forget all the new feelings of confusion and pressure we felt at the time.  Soemtimes it is from the father of the baby, and then he leaves anyway, which makes us feel double loss.  We just want to jump back in time and undo it, but how could we have known how miserable we were going to feel?   There is a wonderful nonjudgmental site where people talk about their post abortion issues - pass.org.

anyway, in time it hurts less even if you can't possibly believe it will.  here is what i did.  i made a goals list of things i had to do, both for now and for someday.  although i can't make up for what i did, i pledged to put as much love into the world as possible.  i also had little thing s to do right away - mend relationships with people, etc.  it was a big order considering i was so devastated and numb and grieving, so sometimes just getting through a day was a big accomplishment.  it took over a year to start to feel a little like myself again.  i also saw a therapist and got on lexapro which helped take away the hole insideso at least i could function a bit. 

what i did was selfish but again, i am no perfect. 

those of you who feel like the baby was a boy or girl, realize that you have no idea what could have been . i thought for sure my newest baby was a boy...and it's a girl.  it's possible you would have had a miscarriage.  try not to beat yourself up or feel you are being punished.  believe me, i've been there.  instead, pledge to take the love you ave for your baby and keep spreading it too.  i still have my sad days, but i am able to breathe again, because what else can i do?

I eventually went on to have two wonderful babies and for that i am extremely lucky.