Hi. I am 19 years old and just recently I have started questioning my sexuality. I have always been attracted to guys, have always crushed on guys. I haven't ever been in a relationship, much less dated. I am always nervous around guys. Naked guys have never turned me on however. It's women in porn that turn me on. Is it normal though?
But one day all of a sudden I started questioning if I was a lesbian. And since then I can't even look at girls without feeling weird and disgusting and nervous. This scares me because I am not supposed feel nervous around girls and it's never made me feel weird before. It's like I am finally seeing girls around me. But it's not even in a romantic or sexual sense. It's like I am noticing girls exist without any sexual or romantic context to it. is it normal? Everytime I look at a girl I get uncomfortable. I can't understand why that is?
I don't want to be with a girl in the romantic sense. I can imagine myself with a girl romantically but it doesn't feel comfortable. It's feels unnatural and weird. I don't want to be anything other than straight. I am not homophobic but personally when it Involves me, I am not comfortable with it. Having said that imagining myself with a guy also scares me. That could be because I haven't ever dated. I really need help figuring this out. If there is anyone out there reading this please help me.
P.S. My family is very conservative about all this. They would never be okay with it. I would never be okay with it either. Again it's not wrong, but I just won't be personally ok with it.