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Dear cats,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two cats in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but kitty sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cats butt or lick your own. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

The email I promised in that other thread...

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:LOL:

Make sure Molly reads this today, it should cheer her up.
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HA!!! that KILLZ me!!!!
thanks pfff!
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That is great, I am going to print that one out and read it to the Fluffer.
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I am reminded of why I have a dog.

And the fact that Cat dander is my Kryptonite.
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read it and :LOL: !!! Thanks!
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Thank you, thank you, thank you. I read it to my cats who were not impressed in the least. The dogs paid attention...especially to the food part.
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:LOL::LOL::LOL:

I have only one cat, but I can still relate to most of this because it seems like there are two! Especially the "move" part. All she does is turn around!
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