Can someone help. I'm at my wits end, I love my husband so much, but his anger is starting to become a problem. He has always had a short fuse with me, he has never hit me, but sometimes I feel frightened that he might just flip over the edge and lash out at me. Only the other night when we were out with my family he got really angry and punched the glass door on the way out of the pub, the glass broke. The only reason he did this was that when he was ready to leave I was still talking to someone and he had to wait a few minutes for me. Then when my brother confronted him, he wanted to fight with him. He says it was my fault but can't remember why he did it. I have an 8 month old child and don't want him growing up with an angry father, I didn't so don't want this for my child. We have a lot of money problems and don't know how to get a handle on them and I fear this is why my husband gets so angry. The one thing I do notice about him is that he never takes his anger out on any of his own family, they think he is a saint. I've said this to him before, but he brushes it off. I'm embarrassed to talk to any of my family about him. I don't have many friends cause I'm afraid to bring anyone to my house in case he shows his anger in front of them. I've asked him to get help but he doesn't think he needs it and just keeps blaming me. I'm becoming very low and don't want this for my child either.
Has anyone gone through this who has come out the other side without staying in an unhappy relationship and without the marriage breaking up.
Has anyone gone through this who has come out the other side without staying in an unhappy relationship and without the marriage breaking up.
If you want to stay in your marriage, have him become a gentle loving supportive husband, hold down a nice job and make everything nice, then go read a fairy tale - or why bother? To paraphrase Pirates of the Caribbean, you're in one - or a nightmare.
If you haven't figured out by now that you picked a bad choice of mate, I don't know what else it's going to take.
There are so many women in your position, it's scary - and what's really scary is, they all seem to feel so inimidated and powerles: that's part of why it works for him. Watch Sleeping with the Enemy, with Julia Roberts. Excellent tips on dealing with abusive husbands.
Other than that, nothing's going to change until you change. You want sympathy, you have it, but it isn't going to change anything.
Only you can do that. And no, it isn't something he needs to agree to - he's already made his point. It's time you starte making yours: your quality of life is yours to decide, and if he isn't providing what you dreamed of, then sort it out.
You are strong enough, you just don't believe you are, or you're disinclined to change what works - difficult as it might be to consider that you get something out of your situation - for the uncertainty of dealing with life entirely on your own.
You can spend the rest of your life in counselling, therapy, soul-searching, hiding: or you can take your life (and child's life) in your hands. Do a Sarah Connor. Do a Julia Roberts. Stay and make his life miserable. Become a dominatrix. You cannot really make it much worse, and the moment he touches you, you have him for assault, so you finally made your decision anyway.
You want someone to protect you from your bad choices? Ain't gonna happen. It doesn't for any of us, and we all made bad choices at one time or another. The question is, are you willing to follow it with a good choice? That's up to you.
If you haven't figured out by now that you picked a bad choice of mate, I don't know what else it's going to take.
There are so many women in your position, it's scary - and what's really scary is, they all seem to feel so inimidated and powerles: that's part of why it works for him. Watch Sleeping with the Enemy, with Julia Roberts. Excellent tips on dealing with abusive husbands.
Other than that, nothing's going to change until you change. You want sympathy, you have it, but it isn't going to change anything.
Only you can do that. And no, it isn't something he needs to agree to - he's already made his point. It's time you starte making yours: your quality of life is yours to decide, and if he isn't providing what you dreamed of, then sort it out.
You are strong enough, you just don't believe you are, or you're disinclined to change what works - difficult as it might be to consider that you get something out of your situation - for the uncertainty of dealing with life entirely on your own.
You can spend the rest of your life in counselling, therapy, soul-searching, hiding: or you can take your life (and child's life) in your hands. Do a Sarah Connor. Do a Julia Roberts. Stay and make his life miserable. Become a dominatrix. You cannot really make it much worse, and the moment he touches you, you have him for assault, so you finally made your decision anyway.
You want someone to protect you from your bad choices? Ain't gonna happen. It doesn't for any of us, and we all made bad choices at one time or another. The question is, are you willing to follow it with a good choice? That's up to you.
I have this quote from The Pirates of the Caribbean in my head right away when I read this post. He is making you feel like you are something that you are not.
I bet that you are really kind and lovely person, but he just won't let you be yourself because he has some anger problem that is your problem as well.
It is a bit hard to give you an advice, to tell you what you should do because I really don't know what makes person angry in your case. Sometimes, guys can be so angry but also they won't let you to leave them because of this. It can be a problem.
Try this - be his support, try to explain that you understand him and that you are willing to help him always - no matter what. If he starts to humiliate you again, run! Run as fast as you can!
Hi im not a registered member but would like to reply to your message.I have also been thru the same situation as you and dont have many freinds, I only have freinds that i work with. My husband is exactly the same as your,s only he has hit me many times.We are still together but i have taken control of my life now because he had another woman while i was at work.I worked hard to take him for a holiday only to find out that he had another woman.I feel so alone like you but hey be strong your life is your child dont give up take control of your life and if money is your problem then try working from home.I have two part time jobs and i love it and i also have 4 children to take care of and i know ny husbaand does not like them.They are my grandchildren.His life is beer tv and what ever else he wants to do.He will leave me again but i dont mind im happy with my Grandchildren and they are all i ce about.Life is to short to worry about wht our men do ,we can fight back and show them where they went wrong.We are not at fault.My husbandalways got mad but unbeknown to me he waas having an affaie so now i dont let him ge to me.Take care of your baby they are or life.I hope this will help you a little be trong and just becareful I m Julie
julie really needs to be applauded for her stand,may be many might think she is losing her identity etc etc.......but tell u its not easy what she is doing........husbands have and are justified with their anger and affairs........its tough and though u want to break-up u carry on for the sake of your children and may be your old parents........it really takes lot of courage and patience to take a stand like julie........u have given a solution to soooooo many women in this world for their sorrows
I have same thisng going on in my life. What ever i do i am wrong. He does everything good. always mad always scream if i say anything. He has scream so many times infront of my friends and family. And one more thing he says always that i flirt with people. oneday he has cut off my dress. because i was looking beautiful. He always said to me i am educated and you are not. That is why you do all this things. He is very angry man. But he is nice with other. People and his family thinks he is a saint. He told me you need to do Councelling. I want to go but he said he doesn't have time. there is so many more things about him. Thanks
my husband left me lonely and hit me and ridiculized at my with our neighbors he thing taking all the privacy coments and bad words and being agressive outside with me make him more man but is but i think he is just scared im the kind of people that never has have problems out of the normal life but when i meet my husband my life change of being a reservated and educated and secure and happy that always laugh a lot to a people sad insecured and for the coments of my husband pushing my screaming at me makes no can keep my privacy or being reserved he maikes the ridiculous in front of everyone i try to hard for telling at him that is not correct but he just do it like if he were gaining a trofy or something like that and at the end i am very sad but i really feel shame for him... because after all the hit all the psicological abuse i am more painful for him for him no to can understand what he is doing and that do not whant to try fir have a better life i just feel shame for him.
I know there has to be happy ending stories, there just has to be. Mine is not. I've stayed in the marriage for 22 years, the man is angry, mean, vengeful, and insulting. I don't know why I've stayed, money, kids, security. I don't know. I waited so long that at 52 I don't know where I would go or do. If you feel your husband is someone you can talk and reason with than do so. My husband is unreachable other than by his many girlfriends. Am I crazy, I must be.
dear huryandinain, I know how you feel, i was married for 47 years when i found out my Husband had a mistress for 27 years along with other woman, I divorced him and 3 years later married again at the age of 70, at first everything was lovely he was kind , caring everything i wanted until 8 months ago, he has a terrible temper and i am always waiting on him to loose his temper, my health has gone from bad to worse. every time he looses it he says sorry please give me another chance. he is getting help but its not working. I am afraid to live on my own as i can't cope with been lonely, i am now nearly 73 and don.t know what to do. I have a lovely family but they are working most day's and have children to look after. anyone have any idea what i should do.i am so scared, he does not touch me but looses his temper at the slightest thing and cannot sit easy always has to be doing something and leaves a terrible mess every where. thank you.
sorry but you are wrong, i got my Husband to go to a doctor and councelling, he is doing much better and i am hopefull he will be back to the man i married 3 years ago. I am 73 and he is 65.
Going through this now and suspect cheating is the cause for my husbands actions and the fact our business is booming that we opened 2 yrs ago.