Breaking up with alcoholic boyfriend... abusive...needing support

Sounds like what am going threw. I can't kick him out I have told because he has lived in my apt for 4 years. I am on the lease not him. I cry all the time. He just says oh not feeling well? He also talked me into getting Social security early. So now its all about dying and fixed income...and we need each 0ther blah blah.......he is waiting for his mother to die so he can get money I hate him!
He goes on binges and blames everybody
So on ...

Hi,so I went online wondering if there’s anyon to talk with about my situation which is almost identical to your own.
I have to let this man go,I know it & also know I can do better but something keeps me here.I love him dearly when he is sober,we are the best of friends with so much potential for a great relationship.The verbal abuse is horrific when he’s drunk & recently it’s became physical yet I always feel a sense of guilt & responsibility for his actions.
At such a low point right now I would appreciate any contact from anyone who’s in or been in a similar situation

X

Why would you feel bad for calling the police? He brought ALL OF THIS down on himself. I went through the exact same thing for 5 years with every kind of abuse including domestic violence etc. and finally ended up realizing, “None of this is my fault!” And I’m not carrying someone else’s load and being responsible for their actions. I’m responsible for MY decisions and mine alone. Move on with your life, you deserve better then having someone wipe his a%* with your life, feelings and him not caring. Stop enabling him! I have done all of this recently so I know how you felt, I’m sorry you met him, stop looking back and move on with your life.

He didn’t damage you for life, unless you choose to stay damaged. I went through all of this for years, every kind of abuse imaginable: he hit me. Spit on me. Took me hostage, broke both my arms, cheated on me frequently, gave me an std, gas lighted me daily, stole my life’s savings, damaged my self esteem and his family is the same as him. They lied for him, covered up his affairs and frequently gave his phone number out to their women friends that liked him. He threatens to kill me. I was raising his 4 young children, he started abusing them and I would push them behind me to shield them from the abuse. He’d throw them out on the street in a strange city when I was at work. The 4 year old was found wondering the streets of Alaska at 2 am after I left him. So I went back to him 100 times to save them. Etc. I was suicidal and told him. His reaction? “Just don’t kill yourself when the kids are home” then he went to his man cave to smoke a cigarette. Yes I left him for good and recovered. I chose not to stay broken, because that would mean he still had control over me. Hell no. Now you need to get up, heal...heal... heal...., and get on with your life. If I can do it, anyone can!

I too can not understand the pain and loss I feel about leaving my abusive alcoholic ex, I miss the sober man

Thank you for writing this post. It really resonated with me. I for some reason don't feel as alone.

I hope I’m not too late and you see this.
You’re not alone. I am in the same situation.

4 years with my partner and throughout that whole time he’s been emotionally and verbally abusive when smashed; I am thankful he’s only become physically abusive a few times.
He’s told me he wishes I were dead; that he hates me; that he was better off without me; that I am a liability for him because, at the time, I was struggling to find employment. These are just to name a few.

He flirts with other women whilst drunk; I’m not talking about, say, complimenting a girl or something like that. I mean, invading a random girls personal space, touching her hair, her ass, her arm...whatever he can grab. He does this in front of me; he thinks it’s hilarious. I’ve come back from the bathroom in the club a couple of times to find him grinding against girls. When I finally come up to him, he just smirks at me. I end up telling the girl that he’s actually my partner and they look at him in disgust (I’m assuming cause he attempted a lot more than just grinding).

Apparently he’s got the hots for my best friend. She’s just a gorgeous person, inside and out. He’s told me a few times that he wishes he met her first. One night he was so drunk that he looked at me, eyes pointing in two different directions, and told me I looked like my best friend at that present time and that I’d never looked more beautiful...

And then, of course, when I finally start to break and cry to myself, it’s my own fault he drinks that much. That me asking him to stop drinking makes him want to drink more. Oh, and that I’m the one with a problem; that I’m crazy.

I’m actually starting to believe it.

When he finally passes out, I treasure the moments of silence. Treasure the moments of not hearing his hateful words being thrown at me. I’m now happiest when I’m asleep, tbh. Dreams are better than reality.

And then, of course, the next morning he’s constantly apologising, begging me not to leave him. Telling me he’ll never drink again.
And then he comes home after work and cracks another beer, and the cycle starts again.

Why do I stay? Because I cling to the memories where he isn’t drunk and is actually a devoted and loving partner. When he’s sober (When he gets home from work for about an hour), I have MY partner back. Not the drunken as****e he becomes. Plus, ya know, severely low self esteem, severely extreme depression and severely extreme anxiety doesn’t help.

You are not alone, and through this board I now realise that neither am I.

This really spoke to me. Just broke up with an alcoholic narcissist of 5 yrs and the worst part is how they always act like the victim and turn everything against you. Make you feel crazy. But I'm out! And so excited for my future and I know now I'll never go back. I understand that he couldn't see the pain he caused me, and more then that, didn't care. We all deserve better then that

I too left my alcoholic narcissistic boyfriend of almost 5 years. It was only getting worse. Leaving someone you love is the hardest thing to do, but he couldn't love me back. I was in the relationship alone, there was no point to continue. I value myself way too much to stay with an addict and abuser. Even though it hurts, this was the best decision I made for myself.

Please gain some strength and leave. I had to go to therapy weekly to finally be able to leave. It only gets worse hun. Trust me. You deserve so much better than that. My last straw was when my drunk ex tried to force me to get naked in front of his teenage son. Of course I didnt and went completely off! A week later I moved out into my own apartment, threatened to file a restraining order against him and haven't seen or talked to him since. Something so foul is going to happen that even low self esteem, depression etc can't hold you back from staying in that misery. God bless you. I hope you finally find the peace you deserve.

I am currently in a relationship with an alcoholic, he claims that I push him to drink from all the stress I cause him. Today we were playing corn hole (a beanbag toss game) and I just laughed at how he was tossing it and he got angry and said I shouldn’t make jokes about my significant other and said there’s a lot of things I do he could make fun of me for, he gets sooo angry over the littlest things. I was laughing because it was cute and funny not because I’m destroying or trying to tear down his manhood.. he always blames little things like that on why he needs to drink to calm down and then he drinks and becomes physically abusive.
It’s tearing me apart because I love him sooo much, he’s only the second guy I’ve been with sexually and he’s only the first one to successfully please me in every way. I’ve noticed though that he’s verbally and emotionally abusive all the time, he controls me from the beginning I should’ve ran but I didn’t because in my last relationship I walked all over the guy and felt with this one I’d let him take charge and put me in my place because I thought I needed it and wanted it, but he took my life away from me. I’m not longer on social media, I have a new number and no friends numbers anymore and he moved us to another state so I barely see my family now too.. and I have my dog back home who we were supposed to go get along with his cat to bring down to our new home yet he’s complaining already about how much he doesn’t want my dog and trying to basically get me to choose him over her also, a flipping dog!! He’s so controlling and now the alcoholism has just pushed me over the edge. Today after he had the drinks he completely avoided me and tried to lie about even drinking, I should’ve kept a distance then and thrown the pillows out to him like he asked but I didn’t I just went back in the room and watched my tv shows but when I got up to get my food he went in the room and laid down and took over the tv and I found open on his computer screen a ton of pictures of ex girls he told me he deleted off his phone but he had backed up, and I went in the room a little angry I admit and I tried to snatch the remote from him and he got violent immediately snatching me by my hair and breaking holes in walls. This isn’t the first time and I know it won’t be the last yet I don’t want to leave him.. he does everything for me, I don’t work and I know that’s probably why I feel this way.. he’s turned me into his little f**k puppet and I’m honestly trapped because it feels so good :( how do I get out? I know it’s what I need to do yet I keep rationalizing on why I should stay and give him more chances, and I shouldn’t.

Wow this me I need support and strength to leave