Im 16 and i have smoked weed for almost 3 years. in those three years i have only been clean for more then a week, 2 or 3 times, and never by choice. I think i am at the point where i need weed to be normal (obviously) and i am getting fed up with it. it is finals week and i decided to quit (slow down) so instead of smoking 6 or 7 times a day i only smoked like 1 or 2 times when i got home, and not in the morning anymore. I have severely cut back on my weed smoke intake, and its starting to make me feel... really weird. I used to be very happy and outgoing, now i dont give a sh*t about anything. anything i think about ends with the thought "whatever" or "who cares", and i cared, last week when i was stoned. ill be sitting in class, and really suddenly out of no where my neck will start to hurt, like when you want to cry or when you take to much morphine. I am really tired all the time but i cant sleep, im tired, but im wide awake. I want to see what happens when i go clean, if theres no difference its back to the leprechaun salad. When my friends talk to me alls i can think about is all the reasons i hate them. i want to stop for a while, but why? im curious too see what happens but i have no real incentive. when i eat i can only chew, but its hard to make myself swallow, food is unappealing, and i love food. ill be sitting in class with a short sleeve t shirt on and sweat will run down my arm to my elbow. today i got a pit stain through two shirts, and i never had a problem with sweat before. ive tried 4 different kinds of deodorant/antiperspirant and in the time its taken me to type this at least 5 beads of sweat have run down both my arms. im 6 foot, 150 pounds. i shouldn't sweat like this. i thought i had dark circles under my eyse from lack of sleep, but i started sleeping well 8+ hours a night and i still have rings. i even started using vita-k circle remover, and i still have them. any tips on how to quit would be nice, or at least how to deal with my intense sadness and un-comfort.
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Believe it or not I went through almost the exact same thing. I got into a really vicious mental cycle every time I quit where I was quite upset and able to justify returning to my status quo. If you're half as intelligent as you seem the best possible thing for you to do is learn a little bit about being self aware and how our brain rationalizes and lies to us. I'm 21 now, clean for 2 years, and looking back the only thing that stopped me was myself. You need weed to be normal because your willpower is letting it be a norm for you. It's not, but I can't convince you. Good luck struggling against yourself and just remember that you really are fighting your own consciousness here. I know you hear it about everything but it does get easier; if you're strong enough to know what you want to be like you will start to just want it.
Focus on your goal, focus on the things you like about it, they're there; you just have to keep that in your mind every time your body argues and your brain says "So what? Who cares?" You care. Posting here shows me you want to stop as bad as I did.
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