Depersonalization and permanent anxiety after smoking weed!

Hey all, really glad i found this website. I myself have smoked weed since the age of around 15-16, now im 25. Ive been through phases/loops where i want to stop because i think its doing me no good. but then ill go out the next day and just buy some more, then life is nice again., i often throw all my smoking equipment out in a vien effort to stop,, but ill always find something to make a quick bong out of, or ill just buy some cigs and rizla and make a big joint.. Im now at the stage in my life where all the people i know, all my friends, and bascily everyone in my age range, who does not smoke, they all seem to be moving on with life,, they all have a nice social life, girlfriends, and all live away from home. I WANT THIS! but i feel weed is really holding me back. One problem, is my 2 main friends, we started to smoke together at the same time, and we have become like brothers,, but now i want to stop and move on,, but my 2 friends Love smoking still and are on it 24/7, i want to break away from this but because we have so much history together its hard to stop seeing them as often... I feel that i have lost aspects to my personality and i was once very sporty and also very creative etc etc.. now i cant be botherd doing anything that i used to do, that i used to enjoy, I want to, but just cant bring myself to do it.

What i want to know is when i stop (hopefully i can) Will i get my old life back, will i get my personality back and my outgoing/creative brain. or will i be stuck feeling like ive lost most of, me.

(sorry if this is a repost, not sure if the first one worked)
Hey all, really glad i found this website. I myself have smoked weed since the age of around 15-16, now im 25. Ive been through phases/loops where i want to stop because i think its doing me no good. but then ill go out the next day and just buy some more, then life is nice again., i often throw all my smoking equipment out in a vien effort to stop,, but ill always find something to make a quick bong out of, or ill just buy some cigs and rizla and make a big joint.. Im now at the stage in my life where all the people i know, all my friends, and bascily everyone in my age range, who does not smoke, they all seem to be moving on with life,, they all have a nice social life, girlfriends, and all live away from home. I WANT THIS! but i feel weed is really holding me back. One problem, is my 2 main friends, we started to smoke together at the same time, and we have become like brothers,, but now i want to stop and move on,, but my 2 friends Love smoking still and are on it 24/7, i want to break away from this but because we have so much history together its hard to stop seeing them as often... I feel that i have lost aspects to my personality and i was once very sporty and also very creative etc etc.. now i cant be botherd doing anything that i used to do, that i used to enjoy, I want to, but just cant bring myself to do it.

What i want to know is when i stop (hopefully i can) Will i get my old life back, will i get my personality back and my outgoing/creative brain. or will i be stuck feeling like ive lost most of, me.

oh, i should also mention that for the best part of my weed smoking life, i spent a lot of time binge drinking at the same time.

iv had similar experiences when i smoke. even if i smoked one small pipe,id get this strange feeling for hours. im not sure how to describe it,its kinda like a disconnection of my brain and my body. this started over a year ago. iv lost my entire personality and my ability to communicate with people,i often cant understand simple sentences,feels like theres a block in my brain somewhere. i also cant experiece emotions,i treat my loved ones like strangers and panic in any social situation. is this DP disorder?

SavagesXss -



I'll give you my advices..from experience on this(weed) that affected my life for last two yrs. First, I'm a hardcore smoker (speed hundreds a months), I know smoking make us escape from reality and guess what? time fly. The bad things is you don't know how it will hits you when you triggered a panic attack (It happened to me) and its hell. If you've a guilty side, telling you to go accomplish something then do it before it's too late(time gone, it will never come back). If you worry about the friendship? then forget it..( Just imagine yourself 30yrs old from now) ..you get the picture??. I have exactly have the same friends, but when i stopped smoking(after my panic attack), they just disappear..like nothing happened. I've isolated myself from society because of anxiety attack and now I'm better. To summerize my advices ...



Just do it - hang out with different group -- friendship isn't based on drug lol -...



response back in couples months and let me know how you doin'.. and trust me you will be different person ...good luck on your journey ...



X1

Where to start....where to start with this thread. Well....I got stoned tonight and from the many posts I saw on here I see that I am probably the minority...granted no desire to read through 7 pages of personal accounts of panic attacking. I mean seriously this is no lie I never smoke pot, hard to believe I guess for some but I can't do this stuff for a couple of reasons, which I can talk about later in this. However, the fact remains that outside of tonight it was maybe last year I smoked with friends. My wife is a non-smoker and when I mean non I mean she never tried it ever....which just shocked me when I met her - we just assume everyone at one point at least tried this substance. Anyway, I digress - I might be a tad pedantic for this mini speech.

I went out with friends here in Huntington Beach and had a nice dinner and then a smoke then a movie more specifically The Hangover. Had an absolutely great time laughed so hard and my wife who ate 2 cookies my buddy made laughed as hard as me I suspect, even though she admits that it doesn't effect her one bit....right. So anyway after the movie ends and the laughing subsides...that is when the tears start...naw just fing around. What happens is some seriously deep thought, that is I suspect if this isn't a full time habit the intended effect to take place. In fact many years back a friend of mine Matt a hard core stoner said after one of my general observations he wished he had my perspective as I guess he remembered when he started what it was like. That was my reaction again tonight - wide eyed - reflective - wanting to look at things through another perspective. That is what happened after the movie, to a point where it made me search for this type of reaction on the net.

Instead I stumbled onto panic attacks and people talking about how this is somehow rivaling the grips that hard core narcotics have on addicts. Fine I suspect if you feel that way you feel that way, it just reminds me of that scene in the NA meeting with Bob Saget in Half Baked. So, that being said why did I type this, my answer is that I really couldn't smoke this more than 1-2 times a year seriously. I just like to be able to function faster with quicker reactions and colder more analytical view of my present environment. So, being like this for hours in another state of mind, not good for fast or analytical and I think that is a good thing as our pressure cookers need that release as well. But the introspection of this drug on me really shook me up and made me aware or realize some things obvious to others but not to me facts. It honestly will help me be a better person, in fact I have a freaking tab opened with ideas on how to be a better person. I mean that is kind of weird but I guess in a good way, better person as long as I don't turn into that creepy annoying too happy guy.

I guess if I asked now is my experience bad I might get some harsh reactions, maybe some even saying I am belittling a bitter struggle they are having. I also may have some people who would applaud my very recreational stance and ability to not crave. The truth is I think I feel great in the limited time I have left on this buzz that was started 3-4 hours back. I laughed, I thought hard, and I was reminded why I shouldn't ever do this more than super rare. How my friends function effectively on this 7 days a week is baffling to say the least. But the short answer also is that I feel good and it hurts no one and for that reason anyone disapproving would be moot for me to care.

Just thought I would share some random observations of a person who is inordinately recreational with the drug and experiencing in my opinion the desired effect of the drug. If it helps someone out cool.....other than that take it as musings - good luck to those quitting and releasing a personal demon. To those who feel ashamed to do it once in a while, don't I am here to be that voice enjoy and don't abuse anything be it drugs or religion or food.

I will be turning 24 in sept so that whould mean that i have been smoking pot for about 6 years now, untill just recently.I have been having headachs in the middle of my forhead along with numbness to the face and fatiuge of my left arm, this has been ongoing for about 2 months, i went to the doctor and he put me on beta blockers mostly used for heart problems but he seems to think they are migrains and the pills should somehow help, theses symptoms have really been freaking me out because i have a friend that has had 6 strokes in his life the first one he had was at age 19, but since i have been on the pills my headachs have gone away, but the numbness and fatigue is still there, and now when i smoke pot, even just one puff i get so high and i feel like i am going to die, my heart rate wont climb because of the beta blockers but it's just so intence all i want to do is let myself pass away so i close my eyes and fall into sleep, but here i am alive, you wont die from smoking pot, it truly is a mirical plant like i said i have been smoking it on average 3 times a day for about 6 years it's helpd me through depresson and pain and just overall sad times, In my opinion the pot you smoked wasnt lased if it was your friend would of had to spend alot of money on it. i know the feeling you felt and have felt it many times in my life, it is just really intense anxioty, you may have these werid palpations in our heart for a while after, but nothing to be concerned about, go see your doctor he will tell you the same, and that will help you feel better just hearing him tell you that. if you or anyone else has any questions just email me.

i know exactly how you feel its been a couple of weeks since ive smoked and it wsnt my forst time but i never got high . but the last time i did & it was my first time getting high . i feel not normal like i used to ... like now i just feel like im not here like if im not real or as if im just having a bad dream & im actually maybe laying down in bed in a coma or something ...... i feel very bad . & when i lay down and im talking on the fone i get paranoid because somewhat it comes back again & i feel like im just talking not knowing what im saying .... please help me ?!?!?! is there any medication ? or do i need to go to a docter !pleasee help me :-(

This is the right attitude! I've been bothered a lot by this nuiscence and today I was feeling down and anxious.. Went to the gym,, didn't feel 100% great... but i felt better... and that's the bottom line... positive attitude, exercise, and focusing on what's in your life rather than something that doesn't exist and that you can't prove is the right way to do it... I don't know why this drug is soooo glamorized... That's why i try to let a lot of my friends wanting to try it that it could have negative effects... Anyways...



The part of your brain responsible for the BS your going through now is the amygdala... just a little bit of anxiety triggers derealization and depersonalization.. more and more trigger dilated pupils, faster heartrate, panic attacks, and so on... With this small amount of anxiety depending on you the person, is responsible for the way you feel... So it's up to you to change the level of activity taking place in your amygdala... Try your hardest to eat a little better, and get more sleep, and exercise in the early or late afternoon... Whenever you feel these racing thoughts and feeling of being down, try and work it out in your head instead of putting it off. Give those thoughts space in your head and know that they're just thoughts.. nO matter how loud they may yell in your head, they're only thoughts.. and feeling like c**p during the day and down also is result of all the anxiety in your brain... It will take a while depending on the person to level this anxiety out. I for example still have a slightly heavier, faster heartbeat at night.. and i feel down and anxious throughout the days... some days good some bad... but my advice is to be patient... know your in this state for a temporary amount of time.. and when you look back on it.. you're gonna wonder.. What the hell was wrong with me? lol who the hell was that person always anxious?! and another hint::: STOP RESEARCHING!!! i hate researching cuz it only brings in info. i really don't wanna know... these people who've been going through this for almost decades are research maniacs and most likely sit on their asses all day worrying... well don't be that!!! you made a mistake... try not to dwell on it... you smoked marijuana!?! woopty dooo! dont do it again thinking it will be better because if it caused this hard-ache.. how is it gonna end it??!!! if you wanna get back to your old life try not to do it again.. i was fine after pot... but when i smoked a cigarette.. i guess my body reacted to the smoke in my lungs and panicked.. ever since then it was hell.. the ganja didnt do this to you.. your constant worrying is... it's a substance just like caffeine.. it's your choice to be above the influence or under it... and one more thing:: try to hang around people with the right attitude and the right ideas lol dont hang with people who do that sh*t.. it will only make things worse in the long run... i'm up late.. drinking a soda... and even though i said not to?! lol i still am... but just try your best to be patient... life throws a lot of things at your way.. this is one of them..

i smoked for the second time yeterday and it was the same effect it was crazy and i was out of it..but today i feel like c**p im like still out of it and feel depressed i didnt want to do anything with anyone and all i wanted to do was lay on my bed and think?idk what it is will i get over it?

I smoked weed often, and then one day (february 11th, 2009) I had a really bad trip.
It was so weird. I remember it so clearly. It's the only day I can remember very well..
Due to the fact that my memory is pretty much f*cked.
I am still in this dream-like state.
I honestly don't think that I will be able to get over this, even if I'm fully 'cured'.
It has taken so much of my life away.
I can't remember the good days. Nor do I remember the bad days, which is okay.
I remember everything from when an anxiety attack starts, until it ends.
I keep wondering what was going through my head the day after I the bad trip.
Maybe I was fully out of it? How were people looking at me? What were they thinking? Etc.

I'm doing as much as possible to lift my mood.
I've exercised. I've taken paxil (My stupid doctor wont prescribed me anything else just because it didn't work for me, and made me worse. Anti-depressants supposively make dissosiative disorders worse. She should have given me a benzo of some sort..). And I'm currently taking supplements, because I've given up on the whole prescription thing until I see what a psychiatrist says about it on the seventh of august.. Why bother taking a pill that will make me more numb than I already am, right? I'm trying to make more friends so I'm out more. I'm trying to be more confident, and be okay with myself. Etc.

I don't know what I do, I'm missing out on my own life ! I'm only fifteen and I want to remember my teenage years.

alright the only reason im even on this site is because i was hoping to find people that have gone through what I currently am going through with my girl mary jane..

Alright I started smokin weed sophmore year of highschool as a "weekend warrier" (haha) n by senior year i was smokin erveryday, multiple times a day. the summer after i graduated high school i was 18 and continued to smoke heavily. I actually refused to smoke anything but the best weed pretty much all summmer.

I always concidered myself a social smoking. My best freinds were the guys that I would smoke with daily and just kick it with. I even was actually more talkative when i was high the when i was not.

I attended college and continued to smoke heavily. By mid-way through my freshman year of college I would smoke an average of 6 blunts a day of just regular weed, which is definitly a pretty heavy amount n I pretty much felt the same kind of social attitude towards smoking and again I would smoke daily with my best freinds n had absoultly no anxiety issues what so ever.

Towards the end of my freshman year was when I began to notice a complete change in my marijuana use. I noticed that If i even hit ONE blunt just a couple times I would experience a high that i was incapable of even enjoying because I was literally become to high and get absoulty paranoid even if I was surrounded by the guys that I would normally smoke with on a regular basis.

I decided to start smoking less and less and now I barely even smoke at all, maybe once or twice a week I will hit a blunt/joint/bowl once or twice and get absoulty stoned. The other day I tried to split a whole blunt with one of my friends just like i've done a million times in the past and I got absoulty so paraonied and disfunctional that it just pissed me the hell off.

I used to absolutly LOVE weed and how it made me feel, but now everytime i smoke I experience a high that I am not even able to enjoy because I am so high that I am not even able to act like my normal self.

I made the decision to try and quit smoking weed. I trurly think that being a heavy smoker for 4 years has finally caught up with me and my mental capacity is just unable to handle it anymore.

The fact that I have expereinced with other drugs may have some sort of factor in this but it really frusterats me that I cant just light up a blunt and kick it with my boys like i used to be able to.

If anybody has any kind of solutions or suggestions for me please respond

THe only explanation I can have for this is the fact that I have a rediculus amount of THC in my system and everytime I ,even just one hit, the THC that has been built up in my system just comes out with extreme force and I am no longer able to handle it for some odd reason.

hello.
i am going through what you are all going through. the feeling that i had was what am i doing in this world...who my friends will be in the future and why am i on this earth and should i just kill myself now.
i have quit for 1-2 months now i am only 16 and it was the worst thing i have ever done. i use to smoke every day and it was great. i didnt think that this would happen to me, it really scared me. i am trying to over come this but it is hard. some nights i feel like i wanna kill myself but i just go to sleep.
my life was great but now its not. i want my life to get better and i know what you all are going through.
good luck every 1. stay strong dont let ur mind concure you. just remember in a few months everything will be the same again.

im 16 and use to smoke weed. i felt like the world was not real and i wanted to kill myself . i am feeling the recovery of my life after around 2 months im thinking less about who i will be in the future and stuff. good luck guys im tired so cant get into this more

First off, I'd like to say it's extremely comforting reading these stories. It's truly uncanny how similar my feelings of depersonalization and derealization are to some of the personal accounts on this thread. The thoughts of feeling you're living a dream while you're body is in a coma? I made that analogy up in my head and I've seen it listed more than once on here... Strange. I've recently taken up smoking, become a relatively heavy toker within the past year. However, after suffering a pretty scary panic attack, I quit almost cold turkey. I didn't crave it very often, but sadly, this is when the heavy dp/dr set in. I truly felt as if I was living a dream. I was stressed, depressed, anxious, and constantly lost in my thoughts. I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't focus. I was apathetic and was rarely truly happy with myself. These feelings lasted over two months... And now, having not smoked for over three months, I can happily say that I'm noticing slight progression. However, I still get dp/dr feelings rather often. I'd say I'm learning to accept and deal with it better, at least. The feelings are particularly strong while driving/looking in the mirror (this was also mentioned in the thread, which made me feel good). I was curious how people suffering from this stressful situation feel about friends/loved ones? The disorder has made me view people in different lights, often negatively. Friends and people I've been close with seem to feel less close. And, to add, my libido has been practically nonexistent. Does anyone else feel a heavy decreased sex drive associated with this anxiety and dp/dr? Thanks, hang in there guys, you've certainly given me hope.

benzz I'm really glad that you're feeling a little better reading about all these. I think that your libido does go down with depression so that's normal as well. When you start to get out of it, your libido does get better. What do you think?