I got divorced from my first marriage in 2009. I was heart broken for years after that. I had always suffered from depression and panic attacks and took all sorts of medication until one day few years back I threw all my medication in a thrash can and started doing just fine without them. The only thing I needed to drag myself out of bed for work and to concentrate on work and motivate myself was clonazepam. I remarried mid-August this year and all the depression, loss of interest and panic attacks seems to have come back. I fell sick once beginning of August right before marriage, and I fell sick (high fever) twice after two months into the marriage. One time it was an urinary tract infection. So I wasn't able to go to work for about two months. But even after my recovery I couldn't bring myself to go to work anymore. I just felt I couldn't. I kind of already hated my job, but not so much as to quit it. But now I have quit my job from a very renowned organization (very good pay too) and except for weekends when my hubby is at home, I cannot drag myself out of bed before 5pm (and that is also because I have to). I feel miserable about quitting my job and now having to depend on my husband. I also feel I am a disappointed for him. He had married this strong, independent, working woman and now I am this sad, weak, lazy thing. I feel I failed miserably to live up to his expectations. Although he keeps reassuring me that it's fine and I can take my time to feel like myself again.

When I was marrying him I didn't love him. But I think I started becoming weak and vulnerable after I started developing feelings for him. He is an incredible man, one of the nicest people I have known. He would do anything to make me happy. But what has happened to me? Does love release weird hormones? Is it having to leave my own house and my mother and my comfort zone? Is this an adjustment period I am going through? I do remember developing feelings for someone once in 2014 and the same thing had happened, I couldn't get out of bed and was fired from my job for being irregular. But that was a one-sided love. But my hubby loves me too and I trust him with all my heart. And yet getting up from bed in the morning to go someplace seems impossible. Except for when hubby is with me, I can manage. I am also a little more cheerful on weekends when he is home or after he gets back home. But there is still a part of me that feels sad.

What should I do now? I know going back to work would be the best thing to do to feel better about myself and to keep myself busy BUT I JUST CANNOT SEEM TO BE ABLE TO DO IT! Clonazepam used to work miracles but it doesn't seem to work anymore. Should I see a therapist? Should we go on a honeymoon (I know I will be happy during the honeymoon but I will just end up feeling more depressed after we come back)? I just need to stop feeling sad all the time, be able to drag myself out of bed and feel interested in things.