did i have a miscarriage?

ok. I'm glad you're ok. Sorry, forgot not everyone has the leisure to put their feet up for a couple of days.

Think of it in terms of flu: you've taken quite a hit, emotionally and physically, and really need to rebuild your body's strength, sugar levels, fluid levels etc.

Treat yourself to pizza and coke, juice or melon, take a couple of vitamin pills for good measure.

I take it you're not advertising the incident to your parents, or friends, but now might time to start thinking about getting some emotional support - you've been incredibly strong, but you're not supposed to be a martyr on this- talking, discussing, understanding, reflecting, these are how we grow, and put things into perspective.

One thing that's very clear is that right now, you haven't got much of an emotional support network - I'm not talking girlfriends and margaritas - I'm talking a couple of people that you can rely on for their discetion, their understanding, and their ability to offer their own thoughts, if sought. Life is going to throw you a lot of ups and downs, it's stressful, even if you're riding high, surrounded by friends and family. On your own, it can be too much, and while I'm glad to have been able to chat with you, it's neither appropriate nor really feasible for me to be part of that network, though if I'm here - or if not, message me - then I will always try to offer the best advice I can.

Maybe try to find a class or group that you enjoy, as an activity, and that increases your well being - examples include tai chi, meditation, something designed to increases your sense of being in touch with who you are, what you care about, and how you're being.

You've really been through a lot - I'm proud of the way you've handled yourself, with dignity, and strength, and (un)common sense.

right thank you. i have been kind of blaming myself for everything but i guess im starting to see it from a different point of view. tomorrow im just gonna relax and treat myself bcuz ill feel better after that. thank you again

There's only one thing to 'blame' yourself for, and there's only about another billion teenagers in history that have done it, which is to have sex and get pregnant - as we believe happened, followed by a miscarriage. If you can find anyone ever, since the dawn of time, who hasn't made a mistake, write to the Guinness Book of Records.

There's a really profound point here, and you've barely got started in life to start appreciating it, but it really is not what happens, but how you handle yourself through what happens, and whether you learn. To drive too fast, get caught out on black ice in winter, crash and wreck the car is a mistake: but if you've never encountered black ice before, and lack that experience, you weren't really driving too fast, as much as driving in conditions you weren't aware you didn't understand: what we don't know we don't know is truly where expansion occurs.

Before this happened, before you had sex at all, what did you really know about life, sex, the risks, the responsibilities, what could happen and how to handle it? You could read a book, listen to your friends, but you've gone through one of the most profound, emotional experiences women have: pregnancy and miscarriage - and the others of course are pregnancy to term, birth; - and pregnancy and termination, abortion; after that it's really about handling life, whereas pregnancy is a far more uncertain emotional rollercoaster.

That's not to say that being a mother isn't emotional - far from it - but there's really only one door available: continuing to be a mother.

Pregnancy, its risks, its possible outcomes throws a lot more doors wide open, because of the uncertainty.

You've handled it well. Cut yourself some slack. Maybe find a book or two, novels even, that describe others' experiences - see what you relate to, and what was different for you.

And please don't scare me again! If I'd imagined you might possibly go out to work, I'd have been rather more forthright about doctor first, work later! I'm glad you're ok. Take care.

i was worried and when im worried i try and keep busy. thats the only reason i went to work.

Hey, what are you doing up - it's 5am and I should be sleeping, but I thought at least everybody else in the UK was sensible and in bed!

Well, you're not alone in that: my favourite is Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses, waiting for her sister to come home after stealing her date - she's up all night (funnily enough) waiting, and polishes every surface, vacuums, does everything to avoid sitting still and fidgeting.

The trick is to sit still and not fidget, but that's not a matter of 'suppressing' the fidgeting, but exploring. Breathing, is very important: not just the obvious, but as an act of meditation. Also, having a partner, not a sex partner per se - you've done that bit - but again, I'm struck by how much easier it would be for you if you could find a support network: sitting across from someone in a meditation, tai-chi, group. Even treating yourself to some healing - reiki, deep tissue massage, acupuncture. Hell, even just a spa day, but why do I get the impression you're not much of a spa day kind of girl?

You're really taking on stuff now that would be challenging for women of thirty or more: and it's not that we get smarter - by the time we're 25 our brains are essentially mature, stable; but having handled many little crises, the bigger crises seem a bit more manageable. You're taking a crash course in life. What's surprising is how the race survived when the main breeding was done at your age - but then, if it was normal, it was normal.

I'm going to retire - maybe (bed, not work, though you'd be hard pressed to tell the difference beween me 'retired' and me 'working').

If any glowing balls of reassurance come floating by, I'll be sure to send one over.

If you're staying up, can't sleep - start googling reiki, new age - see what's out there. I'd really love to see you get the support you deserve, but it's not something I can push, only suggest.

Hell of a day, huh? Glad you're ok.

thanks for all the help and i lovve 27 dresses

Awesome, isn't it? She's hot - smart, sexy, funny - my generation it was Julia Roberts, Michelle Pfeiffer - before that Grace Kelly.

I really think she has something, the more-than-just-a-pretty-face - sophistication, even, in an age where that doesn't really count.

And I love the bar scene - the ice maiden finally lets down her hair to David Bowie (the song, not the guy! Even I know what David Bowie looks like!)

Very cool film. (and the scene in the restaurant, and the remote control? priceless!)

Good stuff, and glad, as always. Take care.

this is the first time since that ive not been busy rushing around or alseep. i havent been able to stop crying for past two hours and i feel sort of emptyness in me. is this normal or am i just weird?

With a great deal of affection, I would say both. Chill, you're normal, honest. Your body and emotions have finally caught up. It's a form of shock, in a way. When you're in crisis, your brain and body are totally absorbed in the situation, and your higher emotions, you might say, are put on hold - fight or flight is the order of the day, if you've heart that phrase: the primitive part of the human brain has an override switch, that means that whatever you're doing, a loud noise, sudden movement, will get your attention to make sure you don't become 'prey' - hence the phrase 'prey to our fears', because there are very few natural predators for humans left - only disease really - and our fears.

Any one of the issues you've face would be a natural and emotional issue to deal with, and you've been in crisis since you first realised your were possibly (and now, in retrospect almost certainly) pregnant.

- pregnancy (normal)
- pregnancy (young)
- pregnancy (unattached, single mother)
- pregnancy (unwanted)
- pregnancy (unsupported)
- pregnancy (fear of retribution)
- miscarriage (normal)
- miscarriage (young)
- miscarriage (side effects)
- miscarriage (hospital)
- miscarriage (unsupported)

You could write an essay or book on each of those topics: the stress of pregnancy, even when it's wanted, and the additional stresses noted: young, unattached, unwanted, unsupported, and afraid of how your family would take it. Then, while you're still dealing with that, you go into miscarriage, with a similar list of exacerbating features - the side effect, dizziness etc; the hospital visit, the lack of support (beyond a 'voice' in the night - well, I'm glad I'm here, but my comment stands) : we really need to encourage you to find that emotional support system to turn to - may even be appropriate to have 'another' type of conversation in a moment: because you do have an emotional support system, and frankly, in all our posts, I'd be astonished if I hadn't mentioned it - your soul, your spirit, your heart.

Imagine the saddest, most shocking movie you've ever seen, or the ones that get your heart, or the ones that make you cry your eyes out - what are they about? Most often, loss, grief, being alone, scared - you've experienced all these things and you're still standing, still writing - I'm glad to say, seriously, because as long as you're writing, I know you're ok, in command of your thoughts, able to operate and respond. I'd much rather hear you admit to an issue, and call for help, or support, than find out weeks later you've had x difficulty because you didn't know who to turn to.

My options are limited, partly by choice, partly by the nature of the communication, but at least if you're talking, we can advise.

If you feel good, feel happy, and are up and about - that's cool - we're not a social network site, but I am glad you posted, because that reaction is entirely normal.

Bear in mind also that even if it were 'only' the situation, it would be normal, but in fact there is also the fact that a lot of hormones are running through your body because of this, not to mention the fact that being young, you've still got all those hormones racing also, so this is really riding the rapids. You'll be so blase when you're friends are in their twenties, bawling their eyes out, that you'll either find them batty daffy girls, or be a rock for them to lean on - either way, while this hasn't exactly been the ideal way of being introduced to sex, its consequences, and its after effects, I would point out to you (and any other readers) that here in the UK, you're now of sexual majority, so at least - from here on out - you're learning as is your right.

It's a bit like finding the key's to dad's Ferrari (of course he has a Ferrari, doesn't everyone), deciding you're old enough to drive, how hard can it be, and careering off on your first wild ride: you're off the road, over a cliff, bouncing down the steepest hill, careering left and right, scared out of your wits, but somehow the car and you survive: it's totalled of course, but you're ok. It's not the ideal first driving lesson, but how scary can any driving lesson be after that?

And speaking of which, I think you may want to re-consider the issue with your parents - not as a must, but as food for thought. If that was you in that car, for real, and not pregnancy at all, would they be there for you? Would they get mad but really be glad you're all right? You may want to consider whether they could or would be there for you - I don't have that answer, and you've raised the issue of your dad getting angry, enough to scare you - only you can say what's right for you, but I raise it again, only because you've been through a lot, and at some point - I mean hell, you're telling me they haven't noticed a damn thing? - tears, fainting, hospital visits, emotional roller coaster, detachment (from them) - ???

And re-consider doesn't mean change your mind - it means meditate on it, re-check your thinking. If you're clear about the issue, you're clear, and the reconsideration is complete - I'm still going to hope you find that emotional support network, someone to turn to in reality, not a ghost in the machine (I Robot - I'm a pretty sophisticated AI routine, wouldn't you say?)

Anyway, you're tired, but apparently awake: ditto, though not so tired; you're normal, go figure. And you've been through a lot.

Emotion is how you re-connect with your soul, if you like, hell it is your soul - true or not, it is your humanity.

You're fine - crying, breathing, talking, whatever you do - trust your heart.

Take care.

i told my best friend bcuz i felt like i needed to tell someone and i feel a bit better now.

Brilliant. Well done.

i would tell my dad except he is kinda mad at hospitals and would be quite mad i went to one. he hates the idea of me going to anyone for help. but i kinda feel a bit better and im a bit more happier. yay.

Glad to hear it. There's a certain safety and level of detachment, in having made it through the crisis now, and realising you've been able to handle it. Not recommended, to go it alone, but you had your reasons, and I appreciate that. Only you can know if it's right to share and discuss with them. With both of us being here, in the UK, I can point out that there has been at least one case to the best of my recollection where a young girl (your age, I believe) won the right to confidentialy against her parents, to the law seems willing to protect your privacy in the matter, if you choose not to disclose. You may want to check that out.

On the other hand, it's a rare parent indeed who genuinely feels no compassion, love, or responsibility for their own child, and - barring certain fundamental communities, which I have to point out, have a record of the most shocking cruelty, including - I'm sorry, I shan't even say it - basically: you know your community, and your safety is paramount. If that is not an issue, then at some point, you may want to have a conversation with them, let them know you're all right, and let them process it for themselves. It's your call.

I'm not quite sure how someone can be mad at hospitals, unless they had either a bad experience, or again it's a religious issue, back to my concern, but there you go.

If you're heading back up, feeling better, and speaking with your friend - who I trust, has very tightly sealed lips on your behalf - then you may want to recover your strength both physically and emotionally before you take on another challege, viz: full disclosure!

Whatever you decide, you've been strong, I'm glad your heading back up, and have kept in communication, and are now chatting with your friend. Difficult to get support if you don't talk! (and I'm definitely the pot calling the kettle black, on that one - still, much easier to advise than to do in general!)

And while, in passing, you're now of legal majority here in the UK, as far as sex is concerned, I do hope you'll take your time to recover, process this, and approach things a little bit slowly, from here on out. There's a lot of joy to be had, in finding the right partner, both emotionally and physically, so I hope go a little easier, and things work out for you!

my dad has took quite a few drugs in the past and i think its messed up his head a bit. he thinks that if you see a doctor or nurse then they will just waste your time basically. hes the same about everyone really. and he can talk about nonsense for ages. its just easyer not to talk to him.

Well, you're in the no man's land of sexual majority (16, UK) so you have a lot of rights as to what you do and how you live your life in that regard, and still being under 18 for being an adult in law, at which point you're life becomes your own in every respect.

Do what seems right, ask help when and where you need it, and decide who to share your experiences with as you see fit.

You're pretty much out of the situation now, clearly thinking rationally about your choices and options, so from here on out, it's going to be down to you. You've been through a lot, it's been a pleasure talking with you, and we're always here, one way or another (even if I'm no longer active - there's only so many 'am I pregnant' posts you can answer before you figure the world has, and will always have, a lot of pregnant teenagers - you can reach me by leaving a message, which will get redirected to my normal email).

It's been a pleasure, you're cool; chat, don't chat, it's your call.

On with life!