everlasting gay guilt

hello.

i've been having some issues with feeling guilt about being gay for 14 years. i am 27 now. mainly after ejaculation. i masturbate to gay porn or fantazise about being with a man, but when it's over i feel guilty. it eventually goes back to being aroused by men later on. i've had sex with a number of women and have fantasized about women for sometime, until a few years ago. now, it feels like i am pushing myself through it. it may be in my head, but i'm not sure. i still am attracted to women, but less of it is sexual. even when i had sex with women i was always apprehensive to go through with it, and never felt fully satisfied. honestly, i feel more satisfied when i am fantasizing to men, but afterwards i go straight back to "knowing that i am straight" and that "this can't be true" and "this isn't me". maybe it's not, but i know my attraction to men never seems to fade no matter how much i try to prove to myself otherwise. i'm a little confused about why i am feeling guilt. i am so confused and finally mustered up enough courage to even approach a message board. all help would be appreciated. thank you so much.

ps. i don't know if the guilt stems from having a dominant, macho male father or feeling less like a man being a musician with a huge interest in rock and roll. thanks.