I neve thought I wasn't straight until a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't tell you exactly how the train of thought started, just that it did. Growing up I used to play pretend a lot. As I got older I continued to do it (pretended I was in a different scenario or what my life was going to or could be like). In these scenarios, I was always dating a boy. However, I didn't have a lot of crushes on real people i knew or celebrities. I did read a lot of romance novels and got aroused at the sex parts. I loved TV couples to the extremes. Now, I'm not feeling any of that. I'm 19 years old, never had a boyfriend and I've only been kissed twice (both in clus with strangers) and I didn't feel anything down there or in my heart. I know that for a kiss to matter it should be intimate but it's still freaks me out that I didn't feel anything. I remember having 2 weird lesbian waking dreams. They were with people I hated and I discounted them until I started to obsess about my sexuality. A month ago I went in birth control for the first time and it kinda messed me up. I got more obsessive and super emotional (crying all the time). Around that time I also started to question what I was doing in university and figured out I was lonely. Then the lesbian thing started. Now I'm trying to test myself. I think about kissing a boy and then a girl to see my reaction. Thinking about having sex and testing my reaction. Looking at past crushes and seeing how I feel. When I think about guys I don't think I feel anything. When I read a book I don't feel the same things. I think I feel a slight tingle down there when I think about kissing girls. Now I'm worried I'm gay and can't stop thinking about it. I check for reactions, try to decide if I want to be with a girl or a guy. The thought doesn't disgust me but I start to feel really anxious. I know my family would still love me and so would my friends but the idea of coming out makes me feel super anxious. I hate the thought of being judged. I don't remember ever seeing a girl and wanting to date her or kiss her. I've never been that boy crazy either. I don't really want to be gay. I want to be normal and straight. My mom told me I'm obsessing and the hormone imbalance started this. But I'm worried its always been there and I just suppressed. Help me!