yes, my husband is also alcoholic he starts drinking from early morning 6:00 actually he lost the power to listen and think, now the situation is like he wants money for drinking and he is always after how to make money for the next drink...the situation is getting worse everyday...he started stealing, borrowing money and even threatening me for money....I have made thousands of compromise with his behavior of cheating me for money..now I am getting separated...I am tried of helping him to get rid of alcoholism for the past 8 years. I think its better to have your own life than help others recover their life!
I have been living with my husband's problem for years (since 12/4/91-his 1st DUI at the age of 21). I now know that it will not stop no matter what I say or do. He makes all the promises each time but it never changes. I am in no way accepting of it, just the opposite. I foreworn him when we are invited to things where there will be alcohol present that I think you will not be able to handle this situation without drinking and I ask him if he agrees. He usually states "I am a responsible adult and do not have to drink". Well he still says that as he is half way drunk and still thinks that I am stupid enough to believe him when he says that he has not had anything to drink. Usually we end up fighting and I either leave or walk out or ignore him. This past weekend we were in another state for his brother's wedding and asked him yet again do you think you can handle this wedding and being around the alcohol. He stated the above again. Well he made a total fool of himself in front of his family who thought I was always too hard on him and thought I was ridiculous for not letting him drink alot when I was around him. Now they know the real deal and I feel very vindicated. They had to keep watch on him so he would not ruin his brother's wedding. I just left the reception, went back to the hotel and let his family deal with it. I have hoped, loved and accepted for the last time. After awhile of dealing with the lies and denial you become numb. I feel as if I am starting to dislike this person and maybe even have started to hate him. He is a really decent human being when not drinking but when he does drink usually 2-3 times a year he drinks to the point of no return. He has had many DUI's and ruined many weddings and special events for me and others. His family was in denial but they certainly are not anymore. His mother was very upset that I left him at the wedding but I do not care she can take care of him now. I have a 9 month old to look after and do not want him to grow up to see his father self destruct. My advice to anyone contemplating a relationship with someone they think might drink a little too much, run for the hills and don't stop because you cannot change that person! I wish I had.
my mom is alcoholic...and my whole family is suffering because of it./..my dad is also worried...are there any pills that we could give her to improver her situation...as wer i live they don hav ne aa meetings or rehabs!
I've been with the man I love and care very much for almost 4 years. We recently just got married and most of time, when he is not drinking EXCESSIVELY we are pretty happy with each other.
My husband is a psychotherapist, which I think why it's so difficult for him not to drink, due to stress from work, and also his knowledge and awareness of his own drinking problem. He is 42 and still really loves to go to parties and listen to live music at local bars and come home early in the morning. yes it sounds harmless but first year I couldn't take it, it was very annoying and mentally unhealthy for me to be around him, waiting for him to get home worried if he is unconcious somewhere. We have talked, calmly discussed, fought about his behavior countless times. Until recently his friends started to notice that he has changed a little from drinking excessively almost everyday to 3-4 days a week. When I talk to him when he is sober, he is fully aware of his problem then when i get upset he will say that he needs to deal with this alone and i cannot help him. that makes me feel hurt and sad everytime he says things like that. but then again a few weeks later fall in to the same pattern.
Lately he feels a lump in his left front side near the intestant. He is overall a healthy man who eats healthy and exercises. his father is dying of cancer but that somehow doesnt give him any idea to change his drinking habit.
I dont want to leave him now. I am a teacher so I know how one can be support and have a positive influence in another person's life, and how powerful it will be if the outcome is a success. I know I cant change him and I probably wont leave him just because i think that wont solve the problem for him or for me. I see the light at the end of the tunnel but idont know how to show him the directions.
what would be best for me to do?
My husband is a psychotherapist, which I think why it's so difficult for him not to drink, due to stress from work, and also his knowledge and awareness of his own drinking problem. He is 42 and still really loves to go to parties and listen to live music at local bars and come home early in the morning. yes it sounds harmless but first year I couldn't take it, it was very annoying and mentally unhealthy for me to be around him, waiting for him to get home worried if he is unconcious somewhere. We have talked, calmly discussed, fought about his behavior countless times. Until recently his friends started to notice that he has changed a little from drinking excessively almost everyday to 3-4 days a week. When I talk to him when he is sober, he is fully aware of his problem then when i get upset he will say that he needs to deal with this alone and i cannot help him. that makes me feel hurt and sad everytime he says things like that. but then again a few weeks later fall in to the same pattern.
Lately he feels a lump in his left front side near the intestant. He is overall a healthy man who eats healthy and exercises. his father is dying of cancer but that somehow doesnt give him any idea to change his drinking habit.
I dont want to leave him now. I am a teacher so I know how one can be support and have a positive influence in another person's life, and how powerful it will be if the outcome is a success. I know I cant change him and I probably wont leave him just because i think that wont solve the problem for him or for me. I see the light at the end of the tunnel but idont know how to show him the directions.
what would be best for me to do?
Hi All,
I was looking for something else on the web and my attention was drawn to these posts.....
Ladies, I know ho difficult it could be to deal with an alcoholic - spouse or parent or any loved one.
My husband has been an alcoholic for over 20 years - he is yet alive. For most years of our married life, just like you, I fought, I begged, I yelled, I screamed, I loved and I hated - but nothing changed. An alcoholic is an alcoholic is an alcoholic. One desperate fine day I surrendered myself and my husband into the hands of the Lord. I have two children, lived in fear for most of their growing up years not knowing what will happen to them, to me and most importantly to him. We are a family of 4 all dependent on him. I gave up on my husband mentally and prayed and prayed and prayed for him. f course, his drinking increased more and more, he was hospitalised several times for detox, we lost money left, right and centre. He got into other habits, strip bars, prostitutes, flirting at bars and yet came home t me to be forgiven. Every morning I woke up deciding to forgive and love and every night I went to bed forgiving and loving and praying.
Six months ago, he collapsed and was rush into hospital. A battery of tests were one on him and he was diagnosed for Leukemia Stage IV.
That day and today its been 6 months and he has not touched a drop of beer, a drop of alcohol. I prayed to take away the drnking problem, he sure did take it away. Nobody said there are no crosses - we all have crosses to carry and we must carry them with love. He took away one cross but gave me another - the cross of his cancer. Its a new problem and a big one but with this, he also gave me the grace to carry the cross with courage, and cheerfully.
My kids have grown up through years of his drinking, now they are on their own and my husband has realised how much time he has lost, how much money he has lost, and the growingup years of the kids that he has lost. I yet continue to pray for him. He has come to a deep experience of the Lord's love in our love and the Lord's forgiveness in our forgiveness.
Alcoholism my friends is not just an addiction, its a bondage that is broken - you got to cut through the grip of eveil with the power of prayer and you can do that only when you hold on steadfastly to your faith.
What more can I say?
There are no more morning fights, evening fights, fear of physical or verbal abuse, no more swearing and cursing, no more beer cans to pick up and throw away - no more bottles to empty and throw, no more broken glass pieces to clean up but there is the cross of cancer to carry - I do not know for how long but carry it I must and I will with the help of the Lord.
I pray for you all suffering that God may give you the grace to carry your crosses and the means to sustain through these tough times.
Do try AA if they listen which my husband never went to, do try Rehab programmes again which my husband never went to, do try detox programmes and other support programmes, I know all will fail, but the Lord will guide you and take the problem away. Love even when it hurts, forgive even when you can't and yours will be the crown and reward of patience.
God Bless you all!
I was looking for something else on the web and my attention was drawn to these posts.....
Ladies, I know ho difficult it could be to deal with an alcoholic - spouse or parent or any loved one.
My husband has been an alcoholic for over 20 years - he is yet alive. For most years of our married life, just like you, I fought, I begged, I yelled, I screamed, I loved and I hated - but nothing changed. An alcoholic is an alcoholic is an alcoholic. One desperate fine day I surrendered myself and my husband into the hands of the Lord. I have two children, lived in fear for most of their growing up years not knowing what will happen to them, to me and most importantly to him. We are a family of 4 all dependent on him. I gave up on my husband mentally and prayed and prayed and prayed for him. f course, his drinking increased more and more, he was hospitalised several times for detox, we lost money left, right and centre. He got into other habits, strip bars, prostitutes, flirting at bars and yet came home t me to be forgiven. Every morning I woke up deciding to forgive and love and every night I went to bed forgiving and loving and praying.
Six months ago, he collapsed and was rush into hospital. A battery of tests were one on him and he was diagnosed for Leukemia Stage IV.
That day and today its been 6 months and he has not touched a drop of beer, a drop of alcohol. I prayed to take away the drnking problem, he sure did take it away. Nobody said there are no crosses - we all have crosses to carry and we must carry them with love. He took away one cross but gave me another - the cross of his cancer. Its a new problem and a big one but with this, he also gave me the grace to carry the cross with courage, and cheerfully.
My kids have grown up through years of his drinking, now they are on their own and my husband has realised how much time he has lost, how much money he has lost, and the growingup years of the kids that he has lost. I yet continue to pray for him. He has come to a deep experience of the Lord's love in our love and the Lord's forgiveness in our forgiveness.
Alcoholism my friends is not just an addiction, its a bondage that is broken - you got to cut through the grip of eveil with the power of prayer and you can do that only when you hold on steadfastly to your faith.
What more can I say?
There are no more morning fights, evening fights, fear of physical or verbal abuse, no more swearing and cursing, no more beer cans to pick up and throw away - no more bottles to empty and throw, no more broken glass pieces to clean up but there is the cross of cancer to carry - I do not know for how long but carry it I must and I will with the help of the Lord.
I pray for you all suffering that God may give you the grace to carry your crosses and the means to sustain through these tough times.
Do try AA if they listen which my husband never went to, do try Rehab programmes again which my husband never went to, do try detox programmes and other support programmes, I know all will fail, but the Lord will guide you and take the problem away. Love even when it hurts, forgive even when you can't and yours will be the crown and reward of patience.
God Bless you all!
I have bee married to my present husband for almost 8 years, when he is drinking he is a terrible person, he is always trying to drive around with the grand kids and seem sto think that it is okay to stay at home an drink till there is no more and then he will go to sleep and get up and then head to the store for some more. I have asked, prayed, pleaded, begged and he always gives me the same answer at least I'm at home. Not a good answer, then he calls every 5 minutes if I'm out and I am the one that is always getting accused of something, There are times when he will not go to work just to set at home and drink all day, where do I go from here?
I've lived with my violent alcoholic grandfather for my whole life. My mom would tell me to lock myself and my sister in the room and don't come out. I would hear people screaming and things falling to the ground. I'm 20 years old and he still drinks with his liver problem. He still beats up my grandmother from time to time. I don't know what to do. My grandmother tells me to leave his alcohol alone and let him drink. I really do wish he would die because I'm sick of it already.
I have lived with an alcoholic for 21 years. My husband has had 3 dui's and now has no license. He lost his job, not directly from drinking but I think it didn't help. He is usually a great person when not drinking, but when he does we all run for our safe corners. We have 2 boys 19 & 14. Their friends have had to learn that when "dad" is asleep(passed out) leave him alone because when he wakes up he looks for something to argue or complain about. He threatens us with all manner of things, from kicking out our kids to killing me. He recently (Dec 07) had a bad accident and suffered a traumatic brain injury. He obviously didn't drink the 3 months he was in the hospital, but on the way home from the hospital the first thing he asked for was a beer. He says he knows he needs to quit, but he never does anything to start his journey. I have told him endlessly that I would be there when he wanted to quit, alas I have no need to be there. I guess it will happen when it should, if it doesn't kill him first. I just leave him alone and let him do his thing. Eventually he sleeps and I have peace.
Hello my husband is very mean after he drinks i have been with him for over 13 years i am 30 years old and i have 4 kids with him yes he was always like this drunk and crazy when we where kids it seemed ok my mother was a drinker and my sister drinks and brother so this was not new for me.Things with my husband has gotten bad see he is white and im black and are kids are mixed he gets drunk and he is the sweetest guy then the next day is a living hell he blames me for his drinking he calls me n****r and bit***s and cunts it really hurt me it last all day by the end of the day i cant hold my head up i feel so tired and its hard for me to do anything like take a shower clean even take care of really important things i have tried to be calm with him but nothing works its like he picks at me until he finds a senstive spot and never stop picking at it there is much much more but i want to stay strong but how ?after his hang over hes back to normal.
You took the words right out of my mouth!! I am white, my husband is black, and when he drinks, its hell on earth for me!! He picks and picks at me too "cracker b*tch" blah blah blah...What do you do??
My hubby and I have been married for 8 yrs almost now and I thought he would want a better life now not more beer....he has to have beer every day or it's like living with a PMS woman 24/7. He gets very bitchy if he does not drink. I have tried everything not to complain about the alcohol but it's so hard. We have 2 boys 4 & 2 and I know they see his drinking. Our 4 yr old said look dad I'm gunna drink this when I'm older (picking up beer cans) I freaked out!!! I am so fed up I have no idea what to do???? I have tried to be supportive doesnt work, so I be nice and still doesnt work he always needs his beer...I feel like I live with a 4 & 2 and 16 yr old. He thinks because he does help with the kids more than maybe other men do that his alcohol is not affecting anyone of us but it is!!! how do I make him see the "light" or hit bottom? I cant take this anymore, but for financial reason i cannot move out....Please help!
Thanks.
Thanks.
I have been married 20 years and we have two children 18 and 12. I'm a non drinker, non smoker and I do not allow these items in my home, I'm the anti-enabler! Im a very strong person, educated and hardworking.
Although I'm a christian and do not take marriage lightly; I'm beginning to question if I have made the right choices all of these years. I'm tired of all of the broken promises. I think of what we could have had and how we would not be in the financial bind we are in if were not for him. I'm more hurt now for my children who are now old enough to express their own views to their father. You would think this would have an effect. My son so desperatly wants his father to be a real dad; a sober dad, someone he can count on.
I thank God for my christian friends for without them there would have been times that we would not have had food. My husband would rather pocket his earnings and spend it on himself and not his family. With the down turn in the economy 20% reduction in pay and now weeks off without pay I can no longer pay all of our bills. Of couse once again he has lost his job. I've lost track how may jobs he has had over the years. I can identify with everyone going through this same situation. I really wish there was a simple answer.
I pray to God nightly to resolve the situation. I thought we were close, he actually professed that he wanted help; then tonight I came home from work only to find him drunk once again.
Although I'm a christian and do not take marriage lightly; I'm beginning to question if I have made the right choices all of these years. I'm tired of all of the broken promises. I think of what we could have had and how we would not be in the financial bind we are in if were not for him. I'm more hurt now for my children who are now old enough to express their own views to their father. You would think this would have an effect. My son so desperatly wants his father to be a real dad; a sober dad, someone he can count on.
I thank God for my christian friends for without them there would have been times that we would not have had food. My husband would rather pocket his earnings and spend it on himself and not his family. With the down turn in the economy 20% reduction in pay and now weeks off without pay I can no longer pay all of our bills. Of couse once again he has lost his job. I've lost track how may jobs he has had over the years. I can identify with everyone going through this same situation. I really wish there was a simple answer.
I pray to God nightly to resolve the situation. I thought we were close, he actually professed that he wanted help; then tonight I came home from work only to find him drunk once again.
Hello All,
I am in the same situation, I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years, When I first met him he was sober for 8 years, I never been with an alcoholic before. The first time he drank a beer he wanted another then another by the time the night was over he drank an 18 pack. The next morning he was shaking I had ask him what was wrong he told me that his body wanted more, I did not know that can happen,which I have never been with an alcoholic, That was 6 years ago. I wish he can stop, but some whishes never come true. He has had 3 DUI's and went to jail for 4 months when he came out he promised me that he will change he was not going to drink. The day he came out he went to the store and bought a 12 pack. I was so upset I could not think stright we got in a huge arguement. After a month after me bitching he got a job,but due to drinking he got fired. And now we need to get out of our rental house because we can't afford it anymore. I have no idea what to do. He is at home rifht now just drinking away. I pray every day hoping it will change. I tell myself I should leave him and let him deal with his own problems, but I love him very much. What should I do? Please help I cry everyday hopong he will change. I just pray one day he will realize that the alcohol is killing our realationship.
I am in the same situation, I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years, When I first met him he was sober for 8 years, I never been with an alcoholic before. The first time he drank a beer he wanted another then another by the time the night was over he drank an 18 pack. The next morning he was shaking I had ask him what was wrong he told me that his body wanted more, I did not know that can happen,which I have never been with an alcoholic, That was 6 years ago. I wish he can stop, but some whishes never come true. He has had 3 DUI's and went to jail for 4 months when he came out he promised me that he will change he was not going to drink. The day he came out he went to the store and bought a 12 pack. I was so upset I could not think stright we got in a huge arguement. After a month after me bitching he got a job,but due to drinking he got fired. And now we need to get out of our rental house because we can't afford it anymore. I have no idea what to do. He is at home rifht now just drinking away. I pray every day hoping it will change. I tell myself I should leave him and let him deal with his own problems, but I love him very much. What should I do? Please help I cry everyday hopong he will change. I just pray one day he will realize that the alcohol is killing our realationship.
hello everyone!
my name is nicole. i have 4 kids, a 7 yr old., 5 yr old., 4 yr old., 2 yr old., & my husband is an alcoholic. he was arrested recently cause i called the police on him for shoving my head thru a bedroom door, he was drunk. that was 3 weeks ago. he promised our 4 kids after they were begging him to stop drinking he would never drink again. well last night he broke that promise & was drinking with his friends outside our apartment. he go into a fight with 1 of them. ive always been loyal to him & never ever cheated on him but he loves calling me a b***h & a w****, especially infront of his friends. in the past i would fight back but lately ive just been taking everything from the hits to the name calling to the insults, i mean everything. i feel so worthless & i can feel my health declining. he hasnt worked since january, it is now august going into september. im the only 1 working paying for all the bills & having to take care of the kids. its almost like im just keeping him around as a babysitter. dont get me wrong i do love him, its just been 6 years too long & i dont know how much more i can take. he keeps saying the reason he drinks is cause this is his only way of remembering his mother, she passed away in 2001 of cancer. the thing is i really dont believe that for the simple fact that he says himself he was drunk, too drunk to go see her in the hospital the day she passed. im truly lost, i dont know what to do any more. my hours are being cut at work & i cant pay all the bills. we are on the brink of being evicted.
my name is nicole. i have 4 kids, a 7 yr old., 5 yr old., 4 yr old., 2 yr old., & my husband is an alcoholic. he was arrested recently cause i called the police on him for shoving my head thru a bedroom door, he was drunk. that was 3 weeks ago. he promised our 4 kids after they were begging him to stop drinking he would never drink again. well last night he broke that promise & was drinking with his friends outside our apartment. he go into a fight with 1 of them. ive always been loyal to him & never ever cheated on him but he loves calling me a b***h & a w****, especially infront of his friends. in the past i would fight back but lately ive just been taking everything from the hits to the name calling to the insults, i mean everything. i feel so worthless & i can feel my health declining. he hasnt worked since january, it is now august going into september. im the only 1 working paying for all the bills & having to take care of the kids. its almost like im just keeping him around as a babysitter. dont get me wrong i do love him, its just been 6 years too long & i dont know how much more i can take. he keeps saying the reason he drinks is cause this is his only way of remembering his mother, she passed away in 2001 of cancer. the thing is i really dont believe that for the simple fact that he says himself he was drunk, too drunk to go see her in the hospital the day she passed. im truly lost, i dont know what to do any more. my hours are being cut at work & i cant pay all the bills. we are on the brink of being evicted.
My husband is a full blown alcoholic and I'm hating every minute of being his enabler. He drinks every day from morning until pass-out time. We can't do anything as a couple unless it entails something to do with drinking.
Several years ago, we went out to dinner. I wasn't aware my husband had been drinking all day when we ordered two before dinner drinks. After those two very light and otherwise casual social drinks, my husband was so drunk that he had to stagger through the dining area of the restaurant and I had to drive us home. Other than that time, unless it's social time at the bar, we don't go anywhere. We usually don't go anywhere now at all since my husband's alcoholism is getting so advanced.
I retired early and had a pension when my husband met me. I'm only in my early 50s now as is my husband. He decided to quit his job of over 20 years over 2 1/2 years ago. He has no interest in finding another job even though I've threatened to leave him. Of the two job interviews he has attended over the last 2 years.....on one of them he was so stinking hung over and most likely still drunk, and on the other he came home bragging how he told that interviewer how screwed up of a place they were hiring for. My husband also has the option to go to school for almost 4 full years and be paid quite well for it but he has no interest in it.
My husband is really a nice guy....doesn't threaten me, doesn't call me names too often, I don't think he's ever cheated on me.
Still, he won't get a job, he won't quit his all day long beer drinking, and he's doing nothing financially to enhance our life. He's leaving that part up to me apparently.
What should I do? What would you do?
Several years ago, we went out to dinner. I wasn't aware my husband had been drinking all day when we ordered two before dinner drinks. After those two very light and otherwise casual social drinks, my husband was so drunk that he had to stagger through the dining area of the restaurant and I had to drive us home. Other than that time, unless it's social time at the bar, we don't go anywhere. We usually don't go anywhere now at all since my husband's alcoholism is getting so advanced.
I retired early and had a pension when my husband met me. I'm only in my early 50s now as is my husband. He decided to quit his job of over 20 years over 2 1/2 years ago. He has no interest in finding another job even though I've threatened to leave him. Of the two job interviews he has attended over the last 2 years.....on one of them he was so stinking hung over and most likely still drunk, and on the other he came home bragging how he told that interviewer how screwed up of a place they were hiring for. My husband also has the option to go to school for almost 4 full years and be paid quite well for it but he has no interest in it.
My husband is really a nice guy....doesn't threaten me, doesn't call me names too often, I don't think he's ever cheated on me.
Still, he won't get a job, he won't quit his all day long beer drinking, and he's doing nothing financially to enhance our life. He's leaving that part up to me apparently.
What should I do? What would you do?