Hello I'm a mother to a beautiful 11 year old girl. She has recently started puberty and has had her first period both my and my husband have had multiple conversations with her to help her be prepared for growing up and have always told her it's okay to have questions of course there has been plenty. A couple of months ago we approached the subject of masturbating and what it means how to be safe and hygienic and to do it in private. Recently however there has been a few incidents where she has come home from being out at school or been out with friends playing and she has been pulling her leggings down and rubbing herself through her knickers we have had conversations about this with her and she stops and then goes to her room. Last night she began doing this again sitting in the sofa next to her brother who is the same age and this time her knocker were a lighter colour and became quite visibly wet we told her to stop but instead of stopping she took her leggings off and kept rubbing herself through her knickers all the way to her room where she quite loudly finished her activities. I don't know what to do any advice or guidance would be extremely appreciated thanks Lynn.
A few years ago when my now 15 year old daughter was 8 she would do something similar.
We did exactly what you are doing with your daughter and we even tried redirecting her but she would still do it. I planned a day to ourselves one day and at the start of the day I explained what she was doing was perfectly normal and okay to do however just to keep it private. I came up with a way for her to do it and created a schedule when she could have alone time starting with a chart and a little door sign she could put on her door (Amazon is just awesome).
I hate telling people how to parent as you don’t know what their personal situations are. So my advice would be plan a chart or reminder charts where she can work with you and allow her time to explore herself.
Obviously doing what she did next to her brother will have caused questions from him so allow time to spend with your son and help him understand the changes she’s going through as well as the changes he’s expecting and experiencing.
The most important thing to do is to help her regulate her feelings and emotions. During your planned day and when your talking about what she’s doing with her give her a big cuddle and in a soft tone gently tell her she’s safe she’s accepted and that’s she’s loved unconditionally.
You could also offer to help her understand her body’s way of doing things and if she has any questions at all she can ask you.
We also for my daughter put a question box in her room so if she was too embarrassed to ask me in person she could right it down and at the end of the week I would see if there was any questions and I would write my answer below the question and put them back.
I hope all goes well and you’re doing amazing don’t ever let anyone ever tell you differently.
Take care.